barnard46 Reviews

House on Haunted Hill (1999)

A tragic bore

[6/10 · 18 May 2000]

House on Haunted Hill suffers, like The Haunting, from putting the basis of its story upon a film that was as good as it was going to get. It has the usual loose characters of a horror film and although it starts well, the writers soon got bogged down in twists and hum-drum chases.

Unfortunately there is very little to recommend about this travesty unless you enjoy to watch the stars wander off individually for no apparent reason to their doom and the use of slashed up bodies to little effect.

In the end I would be surprised if you even cared about any of the characters and the ridiculous ending only serves to highlight the badness: sitting here now I can hardly remember any stand out scenes or even exciting action.

Mission to Mars (2000)

Absolute tripe

[1/10 · 4 May 2000]

This really is one of the most terrible films I have ever seen. Sure it's got the impressive effects but...that's it.

The story of the first trip to Mars goes terribly wrong, The Mummy style, leaving the film to set up a steal from Apollo 13. After that, if you're still awake (or even care), you must face the worst end to a film I have ever witnessed.

Alas I feel the actors involved will want to forget ever taking part in this film and I hope any future Red Planet films will take a better approach.

Bad.

Lake Placid (1999)

Disappointing

[4/10 · 4 May 2000]

After a great start, I found this film seriously lost both pace and excitement. Although there were some good set pieces, they failed to be truly original and left a lot to be desired.

The whole cast put in solid performances but Lake Placid suffers from a real lack of new ideas to add to a tired genre. It is quite amusing at times but you will probably find it to be a pretty forgettable Jaws-with-a-very-slight-difference film.

Boringly Average.

The Quick and the Dead (1995)

Good fun.

[7/10 · 13 April 2000]

The Quick and the Dead was a surprisingly good entry to director Sam Raimi's already excellent catalogue of comic book style films. Like the Evil Dead trilogy the tongue is certainly in cheek with a cast of many well known actors.

Sharon Stone may seem to have a confusing character at times but the gun slinging action always has you on the edge of your seat. A great film that is well shot (excuse the pun).

Mortal Kombat: Conquest (1998–1999)

A great conversion.

[17 February 2000]

Despite the disappointing beginnings, this series really picks up speed for a thrilling finale which certainly left me a bit stunned.

At the start of the series it seemed this was just another lame TV program which would be cancelled after five shows; the fight scenes and Taja were the only things which kept your interest while the stories tailed off half way through. However the more episodes you saw, more characters were added and as the acting improved, so did the plots.

By the end Conquest had made up for both the early episodes and the awful Annihilation. The only questions that remain are as to whether there will be another series and just why Taja was hardly ever involved in the fights after an impressive first bout.

As good as could be expected.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

Dreadful

[2/10 · 11 February 2000]

"The sequel to the box office smash" read the cover on the box. Well, that it may be but that is probably the only thing this travesty has in common with the original. Gone have the moderately good actors, and actress, and gone has the coherent plot which was faithful to the original arcade game. What is brought to the big screen is a complete mess which you get the impression is what was left on the cutting room floor. Scenes do not fit together properly, you are left wondering where on earth the characters are coming and going from, while the fight scenes seem to be based around someone getting hit and then flying back 15 feet through the air and then repeated until they choose not to get up again. Now, I am big fan of Mortal Kombat and felt this sequel put to shame the good work done by the original. Even if Christopher Lambert had returned for this one it probably still could not rise above mediocre.

In short: do not waste your time with this catastrophe.