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CrHunter
Reviews
Cradle 2 the Grave (2003)
Terrible
I'm a fan of martial movies. I've seen a lot of them, the best and the worst, and this one is a contender for worst Jet Li movie, possibly dethroning Black Mask (ie, HORRIBLE)
The starting premise is promising enough: DMX is a high class diamond thief, Jet Li is a taiwanese cop trying to recover some diamonds stolen by DMX. A bunch of bad guys get ahold of the diamonds, another bunch of bad guys gets ahold of DMX's daughter to coerce him into giving the diamonds, but that can't be done since they already were stolen from evil bunch A.
And so DMX and Jet Li team up to rescue the diamonds and the little girl. So, yeah, the plot is pretty bad, but I'm here to see high flying Kung Fu, not Wings Of Desire or something.
The movie is bad on pretty much every level. The plot degenerates into "save the world" bull***t. The acting sucks and the dialogues impossibly sappy, even kitsch. It's terrible. But I can shut these out of my mind, if the action is worth it.
IT SUCKS! Terribly! Jet Li mostly stands there and give a few kicks. That's sorta the best part, actually. He just stand there, one hand in his pocket, and nonchalently beat the fuck out of the flunkies - it looks cool, and you think "I can't wait for a fight where he'll have to get use *both* hands!". There are, I believe, two such occasions. One is "Jet Li versus 30 people" and the other the final fight between him and Dacascos. Both those fights are uninteresting, badly choregraphed and have too many quick cuts. Adding insult to injury, other, even less interesting parts of the movie happen simultaneously and are intersped with those fights.
Overall, an uninteresting, insipid movie on every level. To be avoided unless you're a 14 years old DMX fan. I give it an extra star for Mark Dacascos though. This movie convinced me that he could play an asian guy, something he'll need if he wants to pull off the Yellow Shade in the upcoming Bob Morane movie (The Adventurer)
The Mummy Returns (2001)
Not on par with the first
The original was dumb and entertaining. This one is dumber and less entertaining. It follows the classic sequel formulae: more effects, more action, more budget, and ten times as corny as the previous installment: it has to be something greater than just releasing some Mummy, destiny and the Gods have to kick in, else it's not grand enough a story. *sigh*
It does have a good point to it though. I think it's the first time there's a kid in a movie that I don't feel like kicking. Of course if I had been a character in the movie I'd kick him, but as the audience I found him to be rather entertaining and to actually really looks like a product of his surrounding
Apart from that there are about a dozen one liners and some action worth watching.
Kyûketsuki hantâ D (1985)
Far from the best there is
I mean, the animation is ... withstandable... the story superficial... plot twists inexistant... and the characters 2 dimensional
BUT it certainly gets lots of points for style. The hero's got kick-ass looks and badass attitude, and he's got a real cool sword...
Well, it's not enough to make it a good anime
But it's enough to make it worth watching!
The Art of War (2000)
Not a very good movie, but entertaining nonetheless
First of all: after seeing all those comments saying that it was ridiculous that the U.N. had its own MI-like team, there's something you've missed. It's a three people team paid under the table by diverting U.N. funding by a single person, and two persons are aware of it's existence. It's quite far from MI or any sort of government agency.
This said, let's move on to the movie. The plot was predictable and quite lame, the characters mostly uninteresting and the movie in general quite a mess. But if you take scenes on an individual basis, there are many that make the movie worth seeing, especially the end gunfight. Almost on the level with a Woo movie: although it wasn't as graceful as a Woo gunfighting ballet. The running chase scenes were much more interesting than the ones in The Matrix, although the directing gave more power to the scenes in the Matrix. And some other, less important scenes (like the breaking of the mirror in the hideout) are memorable. However, the hand to hand fight at the beginning of the movie was way too fast and frenetic to be really enjoyed.
Also I really liked their coding and ways of communicating.
All in all, I give it a 6, and although it will never be part of my collection, I still recommend seeing it if you're in need of muscled entertainment.
Mission: Impossible II (2000)
I was starting to get bored...
... and then the action started!
The plot is reminiscent of Goldeneye, the dialogue dumb, the plot twists inexistant (well, unexpected plot twists are inexistant... there are plot twists, but you can see them coming from miles). But with this I can cope. I was expecting an Hollywood John Woo movie, so I kept my expectation very low on everything but action. The thing is, the action takes a long time to come in...
And then the movie starts for real
Non-stop (sometimes ludicrous) action!
And I must add that I've been very surprised with Tom Cruise's perfomance as an action hero. I wasn't expecting him at all to have a little Chow Yun Fat hidden in him.
Face/Off (1997)
It's all about the action
But then it's a John Woo film. His movies are heavy action mixed with a _fair_ plot and usually cool characters (Black Jack being the exception to all those elements). I mean, the plot WAS completely stupid, but it was overall original, and gave rise to so many unforgettable action sequences... that's what the movie's about.
Woo is the master of gunfights. Period.
Critter_Hunter
Mission to Mars (2000)
De Palma must be a Raelian
When I comment on a movie I usually see it like this: the movie was good, but that point could have been better, and this one was plain bad. But Mission to mars is so bad that I see it more like: this movie is real bad, but there are a few redeeming factors. These factors are: the sets and the special effects, especially the low grav situations, although they tended to become worse and worse as the movie neared its end. Then there's the original element in the classical rescue team story: there's actually something to be saved. And the third (spoiler) is the other original plot element; the extra terrestrials (or should I say Eloims?) are not aggressive. Duh.
But the worse thing about this movie is the lack of atmosphere. You never feel anything for anyone in the movie. There's no intensity. And the musical score is boring and overused. I'm not even talking about the loopholes in the plot and the fact that Jupiter has no moons in the holographic display of our solar system. Ah well...
To sum it all up: I found Supernova to be more entertaining. I had never felt the urge to leave the movie theater before the end of a movie until now. Heck, at times I was watching the floor and found it more interesting.
BTW, if you do not know what Raelians are, they are a sect. This sect follow Rael, who said that life was put on earth by aliens, the Eloims, and that they'd come to get the Raelians someday. Something like that. So if you've seen the movie, you know why I say De Palma is a Raelian. And if you haven't seen the movie, it's not worth seeing just to know.
I gave it a 1/10.
The Hurricane (1999)
not so good
The directing was quite good, Denzel Washington was excellent and the supporting cast just okay, but... well the story didn't touch me at all. It's cliché, and it looks like a Readers Digest's book of the month or something. It's a true story but it still remain a variation of an over-used story. And it's very difficult to believe it a true story, too: like, where do the canadians get their money? And what kind of attorney did Carter get in the first place? It was an next to impossible to lose case. A five years old trisomic child could see that the motive was a scam.
End of Days (1999)
Cool movie, but sucky story
First of all I'd like to clear something about the millennium: a millennium is the passing of a thousand years: because the number 0 did not exist in European culture at the time, the first year of our calendar is year 1. Thus, after 1000 years, we're on 1001, or 2001 and the millennium starts, not on January first 2000 but January first 2001. I say this because the mistake was made in the movie. Now, the real thing.
The movie was really cool and entertaining. I thought that it would be an atypical Shwartzennegger (or whatever he spells it) movie, with a few heavy action scene and the rest of the movie a theological thriller or something. Man was I wrong! The action is very near from non-stop, and what's more, its really good, altough there are maybe too much explosions in my taste. The direction and special effects are excellent (after seeing Satan in his true form, I can't wait to see the Balrog in Lord of the Rings!)
On the other side, the story sucked alot. First, the inversed number of the beast sounds more like an excuse to set the movie on the edge of the "millennium". Also , it is said at one point in the movie that Satan can only copulate with Christine because she was born at a time X, and that he could only possess Gabriel Byrne body, for the same reason. But he ends up possessing Arnold (its easier to spell this)! And the suicide of Arnold, altough it is very typical of movies featuring demons (like Fallen Angel or the devil's advocate) was far from necessary: five more second controlling himself and Satan would have lost and depart for another millennium. Also, it is quite unlikely that he'd have time to reproduce during this short amount of time (especially since steroids cause sterility).
But it's much fun to see, so I gave it a 7
Joan of Arc (1999)
Excellent direction, but weak Joan character
I think that the messenger had beautiful scenery, powerful imagery, and very interesting secondary character. Also, the inquisition part of the movie was very good. But I think that Joan's character was rather weak. She never seemed really sure of herself, and did not irradiate charisma. her character was very much like that of Leeloo in the 5th Element. And I think that a medieval woman, and a peasant as well, being received in the King's court and given an army, leading two hundred thousand soldiers in war must have had something special. The depiction of Joan as it is in the movie is unrealistic. She would have needed an aura, and a very strong will.
But still I think that its very good movie and worth seeing.