Recently I had the displeasure of renting "Joysticks" from my local video store and let me tell you, it is absolutely godawful!! I was reading my "Psychotronic Video Guide" when I came across this title. I read the synopsis, and being a fan of '80s nostalgia, I couldn't pass it up. Well I guess I better change my opinion on eighties movies. Don't get me wrong. I love a ton of them but this piece of crap shouldn't have been released. Joe Don Baker stars as a typical stuck-up father to a teenage daughter who spends most of her day at this seedy arcade. His ultimate goal in life is to shut the video game parlour down because nothing but filth inhabits this building. The characters are so stupid that it is unbearable to watch. I wanted to put myself in the director's head and ask myself, "WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING!!!!" This film is filled with fart jokes and unnecessary nudity. I'm no prude, but I was embarrassed for the cast and the studio after watching this crud.
Reviews
10 Reviews
Teaching Mrs. Tingle
(1999)
Extremely Boring (a bad quality for a teen film)
6 September 1999
Going into "Teaching Mr. Tingle", I had high hopes for it. For some reason I'm attracted to teen films. I don't think I've ever missed one. Well to put it nicely I wish I could have made this one the only one to miss. The film never picked up. About twenty five minutes into it, I was looking at my watch and struggling to sit still in my uncomfortable theatre seat. The characters, with the exception of Mirren, were horribly bland. Unfortunately I don't even know the name of the lead male actor, but you can tell I was bored stiff with him. Just your typical long haired "rebellious type". I won't give it away, but then ending is absolutely terrible. "Teaching Mrs. Tingle" struggles to find an identity. When I first read about "Killing Mrs. Tingle" I assumed it was a horror film. Then I watched an interview with Kevin Williamson and he said that it was a dark comedy. Well, it was neither. I didn't laugh once and I was never frightened. I don't know what to make of this film!! I don't care if Kevin Williamson wrote "Scream". These movies (especially his) are becoming bland and just plain dumb. He needs to find a new genre. I didn't mind "The Faculty" but I have to admit the dialogue was awful. I think "Scream 3" will be the final film of the Dimension Films teen series. Thank God!!!
Outside Providence
(1999)
Funny, but not hilarious
6 September 1999
"Outside Providence" will always be compared to "Something About Mary" because the Farelly Brothers produced "Providence" and Peter Farelly wrote the novel over ten years ago. I think that it is unfair to hear opinions such as, "Well, 'Something About Mary' was better!" and "This film has nothing on 'Mary'!" It will be pretty hard to top "Mary" and we can't expect this film to accomplish that feat. Don't get me wrong, "Providence" isn't horrible but it just isn't that funny. They changed the storyline of the movie when you compare it to the novel. The novel was extremely dark and funny but the good people at the MPAA would have slapped a NC-17 rating on it as fast as Chris Farley reaching for a bottle of whiskey. There are a few good chuckles here and there but it's not rolling in the aisles funny. There was too much teen pot smoking and drinking, a quality that is ever so slowly wearing itself out. No matter what teen film you see, with the exception of maybe that piece of crap "Teaching Mrs. Tingle", drugs and alcohol play a large role in them. I'm not a stuck up prude but after you see "Providence", you'll see what I mean.
Cop
(1988)
Woods is too much!!!
29 April 1999
If you are a big fan of James Wood's work than please go to your video store right now and rent this gem. You see I'm more into the performance side of a film, not the writing or story (even though it does help). Trust me, you've seen it all before. An over-the-top detective (Woods) gets caught up in a murder case which takes over his professional and private life. With the clues stacking up, Woods begins to believe that he is not only dealing with a murderer but a serial killer as well, who preys on females. This opinion on the matter doesn't sit well with his captain or coworkers, except one, a long time friend named Dutch. As the film moves along you begin to notice that Woods is a womanizer who usually ends up in bed with the witnesses. Everything Woods did made me laugh. I know this probably isn't "right" of me but he is just so FUNNY!! Even in a serious murder mystery such as this, I still can't help it. This film also contains one of the quickest endings I've seen in a long time. It's great!! Trust me though, I won't give it away. Thanks for reading.
Rollercoaster
(1977)
H.A.L. invades the fun park
29 April 1999
While at my favorite local video store I was checking out the disaster section when suddenly this box jumped out at me. Titled "Rollercoaster", this film just made me laugh just by reading the back. I had to rent it, and what a great choice it was!!! Just think of it like "Die Hard at the amusement park". A psycho (H.A.L. from 2001) places bombs on rollercoasters than tells the authorities where they are in order to extort money from them? The reason for the question mark is because I really don't know if that is his reason. They explained but I wasn't paying attention because I was just interested in the rollercoaster crashes. You see, they pulled it off beautifully. Combining stuntmen and stuntwomen along with artificial dummies they created an ultra-realistic disaster. They really only have one crash but it's worth the rent just for that. Okay back to the plot. The main character in this film is an amusement park ride inspector (LOL!!) played by George Segal who gets wrapped up in defeating this terrorist and his activities. The terrorist is just an everyday typical guy played by this jerk who sounds like H.A.L., hence the 2001 joke. I really didn't see his motivation or why he chose to rain his terror upon amusement parks but it doesn't matter because it's just too much fun. For those of you who love seventies movies of any kind, go out and rent this one tonight. Plus you'll see a young Helen Hunt playing Segal's daughter who gives her performance of a lifetime and Steve Guttenberg in probably his first role as an afro wearing authority figure (not sure what kind). Hilarious stuff. Thanks for reading.
The Rage: Carrie 2
(1999)
Varsity Rage!
29 March 1999
Remember when you first watched "Starship Troopers"? You kept saying to yourself "Come on, where are the FREAKIN' bugs? Where's the gore? When is this long episode of Beverly Hills 90210 going to be over?" Well I got the same impression on this film as I did with "Troopers". The first hour and a half is a long drawn out story about a picked on goth chick with telepathic powers. She occasionally used these powers for the first ninety minutes but you had to wait that hour and a half to REALLY see them used to her best ability. Between the opening credits and "the party" the jocks would pick on the geeks and so on and so on....... Trust me, you've seen it all before. All the males (except one) are sex-starved creeps who toy with females minds. Zachary Ty Bryan (Home Improvement) takes one of his first major film roles and throws it straight in the toilet. Rachel Lang however was superb as the teen with the powers. She had the great "Carrie" look to her.
Trust me though, it's not all that bad. There is some great gore at the end and a "I Know What You Did Last Summer" ending which had audience members jumping. Not bad at all, but you still have to sit through the first hour and a half!!! And it's a long hour and a half.
Trust me though, it's not all that bad. There is some great gore at the end and a "I Know What You Did Last Summer" ending which had audience members jumping. Not bad at all, but you still have to sit through the first hour and a half!!! And it's a long hour and a half.
Full Contact
(1992)
Outrageous villains
29 March 1999
Long ago I heard about an "ultimate Hong Kong action film" called "Full Contact". It starred Chow Yun Fat and was directed by Ringo Lam ("Maximum Risk") who is not as well known over here as other Hong Kong directors but with a good action script could be up there with John Woo and Tsui Hark. So while visiting a new video story in my area, low and behold there was a copy of it sitting there on the shelf calling to me. After watching it the first aspect of the film that struck me were the outrageous villains. There were three of them, a homosexual magician who could make guns appear out of nowhere, an over-the-top rock star looking guy that reminded me of a pro-wrestler, and a nymphomaniac female companion that........well let's just say she had problems keeping her clothes on. Chow Yun Fat plays a role fit for Stallone. It's got that '80s style "Cobra" look to it. He's kind of like an outlaw or desperado type, who must avenge his near death by the hands of the deadly trio. If you are a fan of any '80s action movie, then you'll love this. Keep your eyes open for the shootout at the end in the bar, with the bullet P.O.V. shots. Great stuff. **1/2 stars.
Edtv
(1999)
It's alright.........
28 March 1999
"ED TV" tells the story of a middle class man named Ed (McConaughey) who signs a contract with a producer (Degeneres) to have his whole life videotaped and shown live on television. Many people compare this film to "Truman Show" and although it has some similarities I don't agree with that whole-heartedly. Sure the plot has the same idea about it but the way Ron Howard approaches the subject is different then how Peter Weir approached it. Howard's film is more comical and satirical while "Truman Show" is more like a fantasy. "ED TV" has its clever moments and some funny lines (McConaughey's rise and shine bit on his first morning of taping is hilarious) but all in all, it doesn't win me over at the end. A scene where he falls on Elizabeth Hurley's cat left me groaning because of it's stupidity. The acting was up to par except Landau's performance as Ed's stepfather. This guy has to stop getting roles. He's overplayed. McConaughey was decent but the actor who really stole the show was Woody Harrelson. He might be an early pick for Oscar consideration. If you have two hours to kill and five bucks in your pocket it's worth seeing this film but don't go out of your way.
Wing Commander
(1999)
Wing Commander SUCKS!!!
21 March 1999
Recently I had the displeasure of viewing the totally rotten piece of film trash named "Wing Commander". Originally a video game, "Wing Commander" tells the story of a young space fighter pilot (Prinze Jr.) who..........you know what, WHO CARES!! In a nutshell this movie is "She's All That" meets "Star Wars". The CGI work that this movie depends on for excitement works in a way. Not as bad as I thought it would be. Good job Digital Anvil! But the animatronic effects are down there with the sewer rats. Absolutely awful! The villains look like metallic cats or something with these green Christmas tree lights for eyes. I'm going to quit now knowing that if I continue I will punch my computer screen in. Thanks for reading! By the way Lilliard is even worst than the metallic cats!
Rushmore
(1998)
Great Freaking Movie
21 March 1999
One cold winter night I was busy working at my theatre when suddenly a trailer popped up on the screen promoting "Rushmore", a movie that I heard had a lot of buzz running around it. I was hooked from the first time I saw the preview. Then in early February I had the pleasure of watching this great movie. The quirky characters, the great writing, and the wonderful acting all are responsible for this brilliant film. Bill Murray is great (shouldn't have been nominated though) but I do feel that the lead (Schwartman) should have gotten more press for his role. The one quality that I enjoyed in this film is the random characters. The little brown haired big eyed kid (just watch the swimming scene with Murray. You'll know who I mean) and Mr. Little Jeans both add curiousity and intrigue to this picture. If you want to see a touching story with great characters, see "Rushmore"!!! Also if you enjoyed this film, the writer of "Rushmore", Owen Wilson (Armageddon), stars along side his brother Luke Wilson (Home Fries) in "Bottle Rocket", directed by Wes Anderson.
Tell Your Friends