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Reviews
Coneheads (1993)
Ah, memories. We will enjoy them.
This is my favorite sci-fi comedy of all-time. The premise is completely outrageous, that a family of extra-terrestrials could be accepted into our society so easily. The humor alternates between being obvious and subtle, leaving some of the funniest bits unnoticed to those devoting less than their full attention. Great performances from the entire cast, with tons of cameos from top comics and past SNL & Second City Television alumni. The climax on the planet Remulak contains special effects worthy of any modern big-budget sci-fi film. There's also some great old-fashioned stop-motion animation of a creature called a Garthok. It's a relatively short film, only 87 minutes and moves at a nice pace. Fans of the original Saturday Night Live of the 1970's, will get the most enjoyment from this movie. Say "Lactate extract of hooved mammal"..."Cheese!"
The Long Ships (1964)
Under-rated colorful epic.
Big budget spectacle produced by Irwin Allen may possibly be his best film. The casting is great, although Richard Widmark appears to be out of place. It's a rare treat to see this many fantasy genre cast-members in the same film...Russ Tamblyn (George Pal films), Lionel Jeffries ("First Men In the Moon"), Clifford Evans (Hammer films) and Edward Judd. Great art direction, sets and costumes give this film some nice atmosphere.
The Long Ships (1964)
Under-rated colorful epic.
Big budget spectacle produced by Irwin Allen may possibly be his best film. The casting is great, although Richard Widmark appears to be out of place. It's a rare treat to see this many fantasy genre cast-members in the same film...Russ Tamblyn (George Pal films), Lionel Jeffries ("First Men In the Moon"), Clifford Evans (Hammer films) and Edward Judd. Great art direction, sets and costumes give this film some nice atmosphere.
Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Less than impressed
Oh joy, another remake
a dark, humorless remake with too many deliberately hostile characters. Modern day filmmakers are apparently bereft of any imagination. Instead of taking a chance on an untried concept, or adapting an old novel for the first time, they would rather recreate everything ever made
King Kong, The Time Machine, Planet of the Apes, Lost in Space, Godzilla, Dracula...etc. A remake of War of the Worlds is in production, as if we haven't already seen that with "Independence Day". Now we have a rehash of Battlestar Galactica, not that there isn't room for improvement on the original. The new production does a fair job of updating the social issues, but remember that the humans in this film are not from Earth, much less from our own time-period. The characters act too contemporary and similar to our own society, which is one aspect I hoped they would ovoid repeating in the remake. Some of the actors can be seen wearing standard office clothing such as a tie, dress shirt and slacks. One of the most significant changes from the original story is that some of the Cylons appear to be perfectly human. Whoa! If ever there was an over used sci-fi cliché, this is it! Let's set the way-back machine for 1953 and watch "It Came from Outer Space" and "Invaders from Mars", the first films to pioneer this concept. How about "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and "I Married a Monster from Outer Space"? Yes, dozens of movies have used this tired cliché, right up to the remake of "The Thing" and the Terminator movies. So when a character in "Battlestar" says "The Cylons look just like us. You realize what this means? They could be anywhere, anyone." I had to laugh. Here they are trying to update a story and make it fresh, yet they take an over used plot contrivance and make it more derivative than it already was. Don't forget that the original Battlestar was rushed into production based on the success of the first Star Wars movie, all in the noble cause of ratings and profits. The best aspect of this remake is obviously the computer-generated special effects. While I thought the f/x were very good, I don't like the MTV style shaky-cam shots designed to give the appearance of a hand held camera. It's used excessively and is no substitute for good composition and visual direction. There were also inconsistencies with the laws of physics, such as cameras shaking with the vibration of the (audible) explosions (in the vacuum of outer space) and the Cylon missiles with vapor trails. Then we have the cliché of a quick escape with the use of instantaneous faster-than-light space travel. (Which physicists still say is impossible.) While we're talking about clichés, there's a line that reads `Get ready for some chop' (in outer space?) which is straight out of `Aliens'. The most interesting aspect of the rewritten story is the blonde Cylon bimbo, but in the end I feel it was just a deliberate attempt to spice it up and sell this tired story with sex. After sitting through every minute of this extravaganza, I feel it was a fair production, but not enough to inspire me to ever see it again. I rate it a 6 out of 10, with kudos to the special effects team, but a raspberry to the scriptwriters and producers.
The Cheap Detective (1978)
Great film, far superior to "Murder By Death"
I just watched "The Cheap Detective" for the first time, and absolutely loved it. I think the script is far superior to "Murder By Death".
"The Cheap Detective" plays the laughs tongue-in-cheek, with subtle performances. By contrast, "Murder By Death" is too obvious in it's attempts to create an atmosphere of broad comedy, while lacking any clever dialogue. Watch the two films back-to-back and it's amazing they were both produced with the same director and Neil Simon's scripts. It's like the difference between a fine dinner, and fast food. A better analogy might be the difference between Warner Brothers and Hanna Barbera cartoons. If you like Bugs Bunny better than Scooby-Do, then `The Cheap Detective' is more like your cup of tea.
Want proof of a superior script? Check out the `memorable quotes' section of the IMDB for both films.
The Core (2003)
Stinkburger with Limburger Cheese
This is the worst science fiction film ever produced. The laws of physics have been rewritten to the extent that this can't even be classified as sci-fi, but instead is pure fantasy. The story's basic premise is that the Earth's magnetic core has stopped rotating, and it'll take nuclear bombs to restart it. First of all, the earth's core does rotate slightly faster than the rest of the planet. It takes about 120 years for the liquid portion of the core to make a complete rotation independent of the Earth's 24-hour spin. The magnetic field is produced by convection and circulation of the molten metals. So the basic premise of the film is seriously flawed from the beginning, but that's nothing compared with the liberties the script takes with natural science. Lets go over a few of the worst examples, shall we? If the earth's crust could be penetrated down to the liquid core, it would result in the creation of the world's largest volcano, and the ship would be ejected in the eruption. The ship is shown dodging mountain sized diamonds in the earth's core. I did my homework and discovered the melting point of diamonds is 6,900 degrees Fahrenheit, and the temperatures in the core reach near 10,000 degrees. This leaves a slew of plot holes open. First of all, the ship would have to be much stronger than diamond, which is the hardest known substance. Even if this could be achieved, the transfer of heat would vaporize the crew and the electronic instruments inside the craft, not to mention the atomic weapons. Speaking of nukes, if a 200-megaton bomb were detonated in the core, the shock waves would destroy the ship and the Earth would be decimated by catastrophic quakes. Even more absurd, the script has the craft travel the circumference of the core (minimum 4,700 miles) within a matter of hours, releasing and detonating several nukes. In order to enhance an atomic blast, a crewmember removes the atomic power source for the ship, which leaves them without the magic ray to bore through solid rock, but they are able to return to the surface anyway. Exposure to the radioactive fuel rods would have killed him and they could not have simply been added to an existing warhead. Here are just a few more ludicrous plot elements. An x-ray machine powerful enough to penetrate three feet of lead is operating continuously in the same room with two scientists, who would be killed instantly by the amount of radiation produced. The interior of the earth is not transparent as it is depicted, nor would there be a light source to see by. The crew has radio communications with the surface, which is impossible. The Golden Gate Bridge is destroyed by solar radiation, but the cars falling from the bridge are undamaged. Lightning causes the Coliseum in Rome to explode. The later two locations were used in Ray Harryhausen's films, and I'm almost willing to give them a nod for an inside joke. An early scene in `The Core', is an obvious homage to Hitchcock's `The Birds', and is very well done. The introduction of characters and the investigation into bizarre events is far more interesting than the actual mission. There's a three-month deadline to launch a manned craft to the core, and leap 300 years ahead in science. It starts out with a crash landing of a space shuttle in present day, but we've got particle beams that can melt through mountains in seconds. In one of the rare moments of deliberate humor, it's announced the indestructible ship is to be built from a substance called `unobtainium.' More humor would've helped, but it's all played rather straight and grim. It takes itself far too seriously, considering the ridiculous premise. Like many movies, the build-up is greater than the pay-off, and in this case it was like waiting to see people flap their arms and fly away. After you've seen it, you still don't believe it.
Man on the Moon (1999)
The joke is on you, Kaufman is alive and well.
A lousy movie...a brilliant film...poorly directed with style...written ineptly, yet true to life...a terrific bio-pic about a mediocre comic. Kaufman's idea of comedy was based on contradictions and deceptions. When sticking to straight comedy he was amusing, but too often his goals were strictly a pursuit of controversy and publicity. Apparently the strategy worked to a certain extent, because he is so well remembered. Back in the days when he started his wrestling routine, I thought he had gone insane. The decision to scream obscenities on Letterman's show was clearly poor judgment, and most people (including myself) believed the performance was not an act. This was the only Jim Carrey film I haven't see in the theatre, because Kaufman lost his appeal after those shenanigans. I honestly think Carrey is the greatest comedic actor of our age, with the exception of this movie. The film is only fair, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone but staunch fans of Andy Kaufman.
Il pianeta degli uomini spenti (1961)
Some of my favorite cheese...
I happened to see this many times in the 1960's, at kiddie matinees in the theater. Imagine 50 cents for a triple feature every weekend, for years on end. There were a lot of dog films, but this one stood out with decent f/x and unique sound effects. It's one of the earliest space-operas depicting dog fighting ships in space, preceded only by the 1959 Toho production of "Battle In Outer Space". Say what you want about the bad voice dubbing and the unknown Italian cast. Films like this were not being produced in the U.S. during this period, due to lack of effects technology, and budget constraints. At the time, it was a bold attempt in a genre that was just beginning. Jaded modern viewers should see this in context within the history of fantasy films. Pure science fiction was rare during this period, and a treat for fans at the time. Claude Rains has some very good dialouge, as a cynical mathmatician guiding efforts to thwart alien invaders. The ships are well conceived, with the footage re-used in later films. Unfortunately, the editing is choppy and the video transfers that exist are very poor. It would be nice to see a widescreen restoration.
Reign of Fire (2002)
Predictable, derivative time waster.
Beautiful special effects, about three minutes worth, spread sparingly, one shot at a time. The rest of the movie is very low-budget, with a story line as sparse as the effects. The initial concept is great, but we never see the world ravaged by dragons. Instead, a narrative exposition sets the stage, without the visuals. All this would be acceptable, without major plot-holes. First of all, the dragon's motivation in killing people, is strictly to feed. Most of the humans killed are incinerated, not eaten. Where is the fuel supply for the military vehicles ? Dragons survived underground for 65 million years. Last but worst, thousands of dragons, only one male. Suspension of disbelief is essential for a film like this, but we're fresh out before the climax.
The Falcon in Hollywood (1944)
Quick twists and turns...
Fast paced mystery, surprisingly unpredictable. It's nice to see so many locations in Los Angeles of the mid 1940's. Much of the film gives you studio backlot scenes, and behind the camera context, within a Hollywood soundstage. Even so, the story draws you in, and the characters are believable. The film moves at a good pace, and keeps you guessing. Thoroughly enjoyable.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Visually stunning, but seriously flawed.
The best film version of this story so far, but hardly worthy of being called the best movie ever made. The deepest flaw in the film is pacing. While the first half moves at a nice clip, it slows to a crawl at midpoint. Almost nothing happens in the last 20 minutes, and then it abruptly ends, with the story left hanging in limbo. The film doesn't stand on it's own. It's entirely dependent on the next installment. All that aside, there are scenes I found irritating. The battle of the wizards was lame and repeditive, throwing each other to the ground. The scene with the giant troll is just a big blur, with the camera constantly thrashing back and forth. It seemed to be a deliberate attempt to ovoid focusing on the monster, which was a weak element. If you removed all the shots of the ring itself, you'd trim at least 30 minutes off the running time. Why repeat the same footage of the severed hand three times? This isn't advancing the story line. There seems to be a lot of padding, with no dialog. I firmly believe this should be heavily trimmed to 2 hours. Then you'd have a more entertaining film, that kids could sit through. Now, in your mind's eye, picture a slow camera push, on the ring in Frodo's hand. Now repeat that a dozen times or so....
Psycho (1998)
Stinkburger
The remake looks like a low budget TV movie, with none of the atmosphere of the original. The actors are badly miscast, and quite often perform as if they're just rehearsing. I can understand remaking a film shot for shot, as an interesting film exercise, but not using the script word for word. The only thing that makes this film tolerable, is the use of Bernard Herrman's original music score. This isn't art, it's a Zerox copy. Worse, it's a poor facsimile. If you copy the Mona Lisa, the original is still priceless, and all you have is a reproduction. I'd have more respect for this production if they tried to be different and unpredictable. This looks like amateur hour, when compared to Hitchcock's version. Enuf said, enuf time wasted on this flem.
Daikyojû Gappa (1967)
Good production, intended as satire.
If the plot seems a bit derivative, it was meant to. This was Nikkatsu studios first and only monster flick. It was produced strictly to cash-in at the height of the genre. The writers knew it had all been done before, so they took those cliches, and satirized them. Like the greedy entrepreneur, responsible for drawing the monster's parents to look for their baby. I like the extra touches, like the mother carrying an octopus in her mouth, (while stomping buildings) to feed her young. The effect scenes were shot at Eiji Tsuburaya's newly formed independent studio, which was producing the first UltraMan series at the time. Surprisingly, this film holds up very well, passing the test of time. Besides, these monsters show up only in one film. How many kaiju can you say that about ? This is also one of the few Japanese movies commercially available on video, widescreen and subtitled. Two appendages up !!!
Gamera 2: Region shurai (1995)
Very impressive ! One of the best Kaiju Eiga ever !!
For years now, all I've had was the original Japanese language version, without subtitles, thinking this is the best giant monster film to ever come along. Now, after seeing it subtitled, I believe it's easily the best of the 3 new Gamera films. The situations involving people, are well integrated with the story, and kept in proximity to the action. Legion, the giant insect-like crustacean, is the best monster ever to come out of Japan. It's also one of the most articulated creatures ever designed. The icing on the eiga, is the great CGI effects, like the animated lasers Legion emits, and Gamera's fire-balls. Suspension of disbelief is not a problem. The most amazing thing is, that they were able to take what was ludicrous camp in the extreme, and succeeded in making it respectable art. You'll believe a giant prehistoric saber-toothed fire-breathing turtle, CAN fly !
Planeta bur (1962)
Fantastic sci-fi ! Great mood and atmosphere.
The russian language version is rare, but well worth seeing. If you're really curious, you can see the American version which was retitled "Voyage to the prehistoric planet" and released in 1966. Back in the early 1960s, when this film was made, the Soviets had focused thier space program on Venus. In fact, they were the first to send probes into the atmosphere, land successfully, and return pictures from the surface. It's no wonder they were inspired to produce an extravagant adventure, based on the promise of thier exploration. The story is basic and straight forward, about an expedition to the planet Venus, but the science is flawed. They encounter oceans, flooding rains, and animal life. When this film was produced, we were just beginning to discover the truth about Venus. A surface temperature at the melting point of lead. A poisinous atmospere, with crushing pressure hundreds of times as heavy as ours. No water, or oxygen, and sulfuric acid in the clouds. If you're lucky enough to run across this film, forget all that, suspend you disbelief, and enjoy this rare classic gem.
The Haunting (1999)
I enjoyed this film...and bought a copy...
I'm a BIG fan of the original movie, made in 1963. Nearly passed this over, because of bad reviews. The film-going public has become so jaded, most people wouldn't know a work of art, if it bit 'em ! ! The art direction and set designs in this film are INCREDIBLE ! The atmosphere is so thick, you need an aqua-lung to breathe ! Theres NO blood and guts...NO slasher in a mask.... and that seems to be a lot of people's complaints........................"not as good as "Halloween"... If you liked the original, imagine a version of the story with special effects worthy of Ray Harryhausen. The sets are extremely massive and exotic. Attention to detail is more intricate than the eye can take in. Visually, the film is a treat, and the soundtrack is terrific. Anyone who has seen the original will have to admit that the "spiral staircase" scene is a big improvement over the '63 version. I think the people who claim they weren't scared, are too guarded AND jaded to BE scared. If a good ghost story is your cup of tea, make some popcorn, turn down the lights, and hold on tight.
Invasion of the Star Creatures (1962)
Giant Carrot Men and Buxom Babes
I have fond memories of seeing this several times in the early 1970s. As of 1999, it's still unavailable on video. Most of it was shot at the Bronson Caves, which was used as a location for dozens of sci-fi movies in the '50s, and is still used today. The plot is derivative of all sci-fi from the 50s, but more amusing than many of it's predecessors. If you can enjoy "Fire Maidens From Outer Space" or "Missile to the Moon" you'll get a kick out of this.