Tommy Cooper: Not Like That, Like This (2014 TV Movie)
David Threlfall: Tommy Cooper
Quotes
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Tommy Cooper : Me and my wife just got home and she says "I'm homesick." I said "You're already home." She says "I know I'm sick of it."
[Audience roar with laughter]
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Tom Junior : You raised me never to lie.
Tommy Cooper : Yeah, I know. I was joking.
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Miff Ferrie : You know your problem?
Tommy Cooper : Wrong agent?
Miff Ferrie : You've got the funnies. You exhaust yourself being funny off-stage. I mean, you should be boring, like all the others. I mean, look at Tony Hancock. Without an audience he was as funny as cancer.
Tommy Cooper : He killed himself, you moron. How's that making your point?
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Miff Ferrie : I am fed up covering up for your mistress. Buying hush-hush train tickets, organising passes.
Tommy Cooper : You should thank Mary. I wouldn't be running round the country earning you money if she wasn't by my side. I'd be out playing golf with Ronnie Corbett.
Miff Ferrie : [exasperated] There is a reason why monogamy works, Tommy. It's less tiring.
Tommy Cooper : I can't give up Mary, Miff. I love her.
Miff Ferrie : And what about Dove?
Tommy Cooper : You can love two women.
Miff Ferrie : Until you get caught!
Tommy Cooper : No, I mean it. I'm not proud of it. I'm ashamed, but it's true. Dove has been my life - put me on stage, made a man of me. If anyone hurts her or the family, I'll rip their head off.
Miff Ferrie : [wearily] Yeah, well that person's going to be you.