- The Joker: [points a gun at Deadshot] You! New guy! I don't like people touching my stuff!
- [Deadshot just walks forward and touches his forehead to the barrel]
- Deadshot: Go ahead. You're out of bullets.
- The Joker: I am not!
- Deadshot: You are. You're going to pull the trigger, and when nothing happens, I'm going to punch you in the throat and bash your brains out. Three... two... one...
- The Joker: Hold on, stop counting for a second! I know there are bullets...
- [fires the gun into the air]
- The Joker: See?
- [Deadshot punches the Joker, who grabs Harley and tumbles down the laundry chute with her]
- Captain Boomerang: Mate... you just out-crazied The Joker!
- The Riddler: Riddle me this: what belongs to you, but others use it more than you do?
- Amanda Waller: Your name.
- The Riddler: Huh...? You've heard that one.
- Amanda Waller: No, I have Google. Like the rest of the world.
- Killer Frost: The Joker has a dirty bomb? That gives me the chills.
- Captain Boomerang: Ice puns? Really?
- Amanda Waller: What can I say? I break a lot of eggs to make an omelet.
- Batman: And because you're such a messy cook, the Riddler managed to escape.
- Harley Quinn: [on the Joker] I'm fine. We're done. He's a jerk. Whatever.
- Killer Frost: [sarcasm] Well, I'm convinced.
- G.C.P.D. Commissioner James Gordon: We've got it under control, Batman, you can...
- [sees Batman is gone]
- G.C.P.D. Commissioner James Gordon: ...and I'm talking to myself. Again.
- [last lines]
- [Amanda notices a line of sight on her chest]
- Amanda Waller: Motherf...
- Deadshot: [aiming at her with a gun] Bang.
- [Deadshot finds Harley in his bed]
- Deadshot: What do you want?
- Harley Quinn: I got an itch I thought you could help me scratch, cowboy...
- [Angry, Deadshot throws her down on the bed and pins her arms above her head]
- Harley Quinn: WHOO! Good start!
- Deadshot: Oh, what the hell...
- [He starts making out with Harley. She wraps her legs around him and they both tumble off the bed with a crash...]
- Harley Quinn: Yahtzee!
- Amanda Waller: You going to write a blog and expose us? That's checkmate, Batman.
- Batman: I am warning you.
- [Harley tries to break into the Joker's cell]
- The Joker: [taps his cell walls] Sorry, hun. Bulletproof.
- Harley Quinn: Even better, puddin'.
- [She fires through an air hole of the cell. Joker ducks as the bullet ricochets wildly around the walls]
- Harley Quinn: [to Captain Boomerang] Go wave your boomer-Wang at the shark guy!
- King Shark: [Aggressively] Do it and I'll bite it off!
- [On a helicopter, Batman and the Joker fight. Harley tries to fly the plane]
- The Joker: You know she's going to kill us, right?
- [Deadshot shows he can throw darts better than Captain Boomerang]
- Captain Boomerang: Lucky shot.
- Deadshot: Right. Let's see *you* do it.
- [Captain Boomerang throws a dart at the board, but it ricochets around the room and then flies at Deadshot's head... who just catches it]
- Captain Boomerang: Sorry, mate. Looks like that one took a bad bounce.
- [Deadshot punches Captain Boomerang]
- Deadshot: Let's call it even... mate.
- [all the criminals Waller assembled see each other]
- Harley Quinn: AW CRAP! Not this again!
- Captain Boomerang: [to Deadshot] You too? It's like a bloody recurring nightmare.
- Harley Quinn: [to Batman, about the Joker] Sure, he slaps me around a lot. But you're the one who's always hurting me!
- S.C.U. Officer: [cornering Killer Frost and the Riddler] This is the Special Crimes Unit! Surrender and return to your cells!
- S.C.U. Officer: [Frost gives him the finger] Light them up!