- Chad: Hey, man. Who's Victor Crowley?
- Layton: Well, he's nothing. A local bogeyman story about a retarded maniac who haunts Honey Island. People just use it to keep kids away from the swamp.
- Chad: You mean like a Jason Voorhees or something?
- Layton: Something like that.
- Chad: When I was eight, I lived in this town called Glen Echo. Our ghost story is about this man named Leslie Vernon...
- Parker O'Neil: [Playing on the TV] We're so scared, it was terrifying. I'm never going skiing again.
- Marybeth: Please. I just want to bury my family. And if I can take out that monster with me, then all the better.
- Reverend Zombie: You can't kill him. He'll just be reborn. He's forced to return to the state he was when he was killed. You can't kill a ghost.
- Marybeth: Maybe I can't or maybe I can. But I'm going to bury that hatchet into his fucking face!
- Jenna: [on hearing Shapiro say: "Okay, when I say action, you girls drop the towels and start washing each other."] Yeah, no. Touch walking hepatitis over here? I'll pass.
- Misty: Well, at least I'm not a hermaphrodite.
- Jenna: Hermaphrodite! Big word of the day for you. What is a hermaphrodite, darling?
- Misty: Why would I tell you if I just said it?
- Jenna: You probably don't know what it is.
- Misty: Of course, I know what it is.
- Jenna: Well, why don't you go ahead? Why don't we do it on the count of 3, together? 1, 2, 3...
- Misty: A hermaphrodite is...
- Jenna: ...a person who has a penis and a vagina.
- Misty: Eww!
- Vernon: What's up?
- Marybeth: Hi.
- Vernon: I'm Vernon.
- Marybeth: Marybeth.
- Vernon: What you doing out here in this bullshit?
- Marybeth: I'm not looking for a date, I can tell you that much.
- Vernon: Ooh, no disrespect. I'm just trying to be friendly.
- Marybeth: I'm sorry. I'm just having a really bad day.
- Vernon: Well, what you need to do is turn that frown upside-down.
- [plays with Marybeth's face]
- Vernon: "Aw, thanks, Vernon. Make out with me." What? On this boat in front of all of these people? "Yeah."
- Bob: [smacks Vernon's hand] Don't.
- Vernon: [to Reverend Zombie, about Marybeth] What's up with that Blair Witch, man? I'd tap that, but she'd probably have cobwebs sealing it up. And even if I did hit that, a bunch of bats come flying out of it. Voodoo.