- Chris: [to Rochelle] What's wrong? I thought you guys were going out.
- Rochelle: The sitter canceled and my anniversary is ruined. Other than that, everything is fine.
- Narrator: If this was a cartoon, you'd see a lightbulb appear above my head.
- Chris: I can watch Drew and Tonya, and you and Dad can still go out.
- Rochelle: Chris, this is not for a few hours. It'll be all night.
- Chris: Ma, I can handle it.
- Rochelle: Well, what if Drew gets a fever?
- Chris: I'll call a doctor.
- Rochelle: What if Tonya sets something on fire?
- Chris: I'll call the Fire Department.
- Rochelle: Somebody tries to break in?
- Chris: I'll call the police.
- Rochelle: What if you get attacked by ghosts?
- Chris: I'll call Ghostbusters.
- Greg Wuliger: [to Chris] Wow, I can't believe you're going to go to see "The Last Dragon" with Dickerson and his crew. You are so in there.
- Chris: No, Greg, I'm not. My parents aren't gonna let me see a midnight movie.
- Greg Wuliger: Then why'd you say yes?
- Chris: Because I didn't want to look like some punk who can't get out of the house past 9:00.
- Greg Wuliger: But since you are, what are you gonna tell them after you don't show up?
- Narrator: That I got sent to jail for killing my nerdy white friend?
- Announcer: And the award for "Best Kid Pretending Like He Gives A Damn About His Mother's Anniversary When He Really Wants To Get Out Of The House So He Can Sneak Out And Do Something He Doesn't Have Any Business Doing" goes to... Chris!