Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)
Everybody Hates Doc's (2008)
Chris Rock: Narrator
Quotes
-
Julius : [after Rochelle finds a bra in Julius's sock drawer] I don't know anything about that bra. I've never seen that bra in my life?
Rochelle : So what was it doing in your sock drawer?
Julius : I have no idea.
Rochelle : Oh. Did a pair of your socks have a date last night and get lucky? Or maybe a pair of your socks thought it was a bra trapped inside sock's body! Or maybe you had a friend over and she put 'em there.
Julius : Even if I had a friend...
Narrator : Shut up.
Julius : And I was crazy enough to bring her over...
Narrator : Shut up.
Julius : Do you think I'd be crazy enough to put a bra in my sock drawer when I know you do the laundry?
Narrator : Would you shut up?
Rochelle : So you thought about this?
Narrator : I told your ass to shut up.
-
Narrator : Since having Stacy kidnapped was out of my price range, I decided to make my case with Doc.
Doc : What are you doing here, Chris? You don't work till tomorrow.
Chris : I came to talk to you about Stacy.
Drew : I love Stacy. She came by today and brought me a pie. And if she was 13, I'd probably have to take her from you, Doc.
Narrator : You'd have to get past R. Kelly first.
-
Greg Wuliger : [to Chris] Why don't you just quit? You can find another job.
Chris : Not like this one. I mean, I make decent money, it's close to my house and I can make my own hours. It's either Doc's or I start dealing crack.
Greg Wuliger : How come she's not with Doc anyways? Where is he?
Chris : He plays chess in the park on weekends.
Greg Wuliger : Just get her to go with him.
Chris : Thanks, Captain Obvious. How am I supposed to do that?
Greg Wuliger : I don't know, citizen. Captain Obvious only gives you the obvious solution. The rest is up to you.
Narrator : Kind of like Google.
-
Stacy : Mm, mm, mm. I should have known better.
Chris : Should have known better what?
Narrator : Known better than to listen to a sneaky 15-year-old.
Stacy : It is the same thing over and over again! And Stacy is tired of it! Stacy is not a fool. When Stacy smells smoke, Stacy doesn't stand around and wait for the fire! Stacy is leaving!
Narrator : Referring to yourself in the third person. It's not just for athletes anymore.
-
Narrator : I was like Cupid's retarded little brother. Damn, I'm good.
-
Narrator : Doc hadn't needed whiskey and tissues since Maceo Parker left James Brown's band.
-
Rochelle : Tonya, that's a nice necklace. Where'd you get it?
Tonya : Oh, this boy gave it to me.
Julius : Well, give it back. You're too young to be getting gifts from boys.
Rochelle : Julius, don't get carried away. It's just a plastic necklace.
Julius : Next, it'll be a plastic bracelet, then a plastic ring. I want this to stop at the neck.
Narrator : He said that till she turned 35.
-
Narrator : I got rid of Stacy, my job and Doc's will to live. Way to go, dummy.
-
Rochelle : Okay, Tonya, talk to me.
Tonya : W... well, I saw these boys paying attention to girls who wear bras, so I stole Tasha's because I wanted some of that attention, too.
Rochelle : Baby. Tonya, that's not the kind of attention that you want. You want boys to look at what's in your heart, not what's in your bra.
Narrator : In my sister's case, they were both empty.