Sleuth (2007)
Michael Caine: Andrew Wyke
Photos
Quotes
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Milo Tindle : Maggie never told me you were... such a manipulator. She told me you were no good in bed, but she never told me you were such a manipulator.
Andrew Wyke : She told you I was no good in bed?
Milo Tindle : Oh, yes.
Andrew Wyke : She was joking. I'm wonderful in bed.
Milo Tindle : I must tell her.
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Andrew Wyke : I take a strictly moral position on all this. My wife is an adulteress. Actually, she should be stoned to death.
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Andrew Wyke : I understand you're fucking my wife.
Milo Tindle : That's right.
Andrew Wyke : Right... Yes, right. So, we've cleared that up.
Milo Tindle : We have.
Andrew Wyke : I thought you might have denied it.
Milo Tindle : Why would I deny it?
Andrew Wyke : Well, she is my wife.
Milo Tindle : Yes, but she's fucking me.
Andrew Wyke : Oh, she's fucking you too, huh? Well, I'll be buggered. Ha ha. Sorry.
Milo Tindle : Yes, it's mutual.
Andrew Wyke : You take turns?
Milo Tindle : We fuck each other. That's what people do.
Andrew Wyke : Yeah, yeah, yeah. I follow.
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Andrew Wyke : What sort of parts do you play?
Milo Tindle : Killers, mostly. Sex maniacs, perverts.
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Milo Tindle : Where's the ladder?
Andrew Wyke : What ladder?
Milo Tindle : The ladder! Where's it gone?
Andrew Wyke : It's not working. There was always a dodgy fuse on this. I'll phone the electrician in the morning.
Milo Tindle : In the morning? What about now?
Andrew Wyke : No, no, he'll be in bed. You know these country people, early to bed, early to rise. He's a nice chap, though. He's called Norman. Charming wife, Debbie. Three delightful kids. Oh, I just remembered. He's on vacation, he's taken the kids to Bermuda.
Milo Tindle : What? So I'm stuck up here for the rest of my life?
Andrew Wyke : Have patience. Stoicism is what's called for. Works wonders.
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Andrew Wyke : The shortest way to a man's heart, as I'm sure you know, is humiliation. It binds you together.
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[on Milo being an actor]
Andrew Wyke : Why have I never heard of you?
Milo Tindle : You will before long.
Andrew Wyke : Really?
Milo Tindle : In spades.
Andrew Wyke : That sounds threatening.
Milo Tindle : Does it?
Andrew Wyke : Doesn't it?
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Andrew Wyke : In this day and age, is marriage absolutely necessary? Isn't it a bit old-hat?
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Milo Tindle : You speak Dutch yourself, do you?
Andrew Wyke : Yes, how did you know? I have a Dutch uncle.
Milo Tindle : Can't see any Italian translations.
Andrew Wyke : [Implying a double entendre] No, they're a funny lot, the Italians. Culture isn't really their thing.
Milo Tindle : Their salami's good though.
Andrew Wyke : Oh, is it?
Milo Tindle : Italian salami? Best in the world.
Andrew Wyke : Did you bring any with you?
Milo Tindle : No, I left it at home.
Andrew Wyke : Oh, shame.
Milo Tindle : We're gonna have if for supper tonight, with a couple of bottles of Valpolicella.
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Andrew Wyke : So you're not well-known.
Detective Inspector Black : No, I'm a common-or-garden copper. Just catch sex criminals, perverts.
[sniff]
Detective Inspector Black : Homicidal maniacs.
Andrew Wyke : And what do you do with them when you catch them?
Detective Inspector Black : I generally cut their balls off.
[laugh]
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Detective Inspector Black : Do you want to know my opinion of the newspapers?
Andrew Wyke : What?
Detective Inspector Black : Journalists are a bunch of prick-teasing cocksuckers.
Andrew Wyke : No.
Detective Inspector Black : That's right.
Andrew Wyke : I'm sorry, but isn't that a contradiction in terms?
Andrew Wyke : Is it?
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Andrew Wyke : What's your background?
Milo Tindle : Me? Irish. Connemara. Spanish descent, by way of Uganda. My grandparents were slaves. My morther was a dark-eyed dusky beauty.
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Andrew Wyke : Faint heart never won fair lady
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Andrew Wyke : How did she describe him?
Milo Tindle : Remote. Cold. Malevolent. Spiteful. Arrogant. Ruthless. Jealous. Paranoid. Criminal tendencies. Mentally unsound.
Andrew Wyke : That's me, all right.
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[last lines]
Andrew Wyke : Goodbye, darling.
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[repeated line]
Andrew Wyke : I want to show you something.
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Andrew Wyke : A great branch broke off a big tree and - flew through the air, through the skylight - as you can see. Act of God.
Detective Inspector Black : Had it in for you, did he?
Andrew Wyke : Who?
Detective Inspector Black : God.
Andrew Wyke : Oh, yes, he's always been a vicious bastard.
Andrew Wyke : You know what God's trouble is?
Detective Inspector Black : What?
Andrew Wyke : He has no father. He has no family roots. He's rootless. Nowhere to hang his hat, poor bugger. I pity him.
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Andrew Wyke : Oh, never trust in love, chum. Love will kick you up the arse as soon as look at you.
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Andrew Wyke : Why should I give her a divorce if you're both walking away with 88 pounds?
Milo Tindle : She wants a legal settlement. She wants part of your estate.
Milo Tindle : Never trust in legal justice. You know what legal justice is? It's farting "Annie Laurie" through a keyhole.
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[first lines]
Andrew Wyke : Yes?
Milo Tindle : Andrew Wyke?
Andrew Wyke : That's right.
Milo Tindle : I'm Milo Tindle.