- Carrie Mae: Do you guys know where the crapper is? I have to do a *very mysterious* thing in there...
- [whispers]
- Carrie Mae: drop some timber.
- Shelley: I don't think he likes me. He didn't fall for any of my tricks.
- Natalie: That's impossible. Your tricks always work.
- Shelley: I did sexy. I did other guys want me. I worked every angle in the book but, I don't know, he just stared.
- Natalie: What if Oliver is one of those guys who wants to have, like, a conversation with a girl before he hooks up with her.
- Shelley: He's gay?
- Carrie Mae: The only magic I ever did was try to figure out how to stay in college for nine years and not go back to my trailer park in Idaho.
- Tyler: So, are you a Zeta?
- Shelley: Oh! I wish.
- Tyler: Yeah. I do too 'cause Zeta would be my favorite hizzity hang.
- Natalie: Well, she is not a Zeta because she's our new hizzity house mother. She'll be hizzy-tizzy - - She'll be here all the time.
- Shelley: You're hiring me?
- [She hugs Natalie. The boys seem to like it and start making appreciative noises]
- Natalie: Why are they acting like that?
- Shelley: Boys just being boys. Thank goodness!
- Natalie: We could tie our shoes together, our tennis shoes, and we could throw them over telephone wires. Because I see that everywhere and it seems like people would have fun doing that. Like, how hard can you throw? You know what I mean? Like how - what are you -
- [stops herself]
- Natalie: [awkward pause]
- Shelley: Or we could go to a club.
- Natalie: This is Harmony.
- Shelley: [frog voice] Harmony.
- [Harmony looks disturbed]
- Natalie: And Carrie Mae.
- Shelley: [frog voice] Carrie Mae.
- Natalie: [points] And that's Joanne over there.
- Shelley: [frog voice] Joanne.
- [Joanne waves distributively]
- Natalie: What is that? Is it like a Yoda, type of thing, I mean it's cool, fun, but?
- Shelley: Oh, it's just this thing I do to remember people's names.
- [frog voice]
- Shelley: Natalie.
- Mona: [sarcastically] Wow, you hired the exorcist, that's great!
- Shelley: I'm an expert at parties and boys! I'm a bunny! Men write to me from prison, sometimes even in their own blood, which I think is theirs, but I don't know, I'm really nervous because I really want to help.
- Natalie: A-a bunny? You mean, like, centerfold?
- Shelley: Oh, bless your heart, no, just a few pictorials, like "Girls from the Midwest" and "Girls with GEDs."
- Shelley: Natalie, Colby was following you around like a puppy dog. Do you guys think you'll, you know...
- Natalie: No. I do not think, you know, THAT.
- Shelley: That? Natalie, are you a virgin?
- Natalie: No. Am I a virgin? No.
- Shelley: You're a virgin!
- [She says it a little too loudly and everyone in the quad stops in their tracks]
- Natalie: Shhh. It's like an amphitheater in here.
- Shelley: That's it. Oh my gosh. We have to have an Aztec party. We always wanted to have one at the mansion but we could never find a virgin to sacrifice.
- Mrs. Hagstrom: Don't mess with me. Don't mess with Phi Iota Mu.
- Shelley: Man! Someone needs a mani-pedi-massage combo PRONTO.
- Waiter #2: Hey, I know where I know you from. You were in Playboy! Girls with GEDs right?
- Shelley Darlingson: Oh, heck no! No! Those girls are all boobs and no brains. I'm too busy in a library reading books with dust on them. Oh please!
- Waiter #2: Sorry. My mistake then. Sorry.
- Natalie: [taking pictures of Harmony for their calendar] Keep doing that. Keep doing that. Make love to the camera.
- [laughs]
- Natalie: I saw that in Austin Powers.
- Shelley: Yeah. Work it. Think, really sexy witch. Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
- Harmony: A good witch.
- Shelley: I think you're a bad witch.
- Harmony: Oh!
- Shelley: Oh! I bet the house that falls on you is gonna be a sexy house.
- Natalie: Work it. Work it. You're like a supermodel, except more pregnant.