The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

Engagement (1997)

Gary Waldhorn: David Horton

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Quotes 

• [On hearing that Hugo is going out with Alice, David redrafts his will] 

  David Horton : Ah Hugo, I was just showing the vicar my new will.

  Hugo : Come on Papa, you're not that angry. It's like the time you tried to convince me you were Father Christmas. I saw through that and I can see through this.

  David Horton : Then you see wrong. If you continue to consort with that Tinker twerp, you will no longer be welcome in this house, you will no longer be my son, and as this will attests, you will have *nothing*.

  [Long pause] 

  Hugo : On the contrary sir. I shall have everything in the world that I desire.

  [Hands the will back to his father. Geraldine silently expresses delight at Hugo standing his ground] 

• Reverend Geraldine Granger : We're at a bit of a loss for items for the church newsletter. The best we have is a piece about David's missing watch which is actually rather a mystery.

  Jim : [pulls a watch from his pocket]  Here, is this it?

  David Horton : Oh, yes, thank you.

  Reverend Geraldine Granger : Great. Now our main story is "Hen lays rather large egg".

• David Horton : Can you tell me, is Kylie Minogue married?

  Geraldine : Er... no, I think the beauteous midget is still unattached. Why? Thinking she's the right woman for you eh, David?

  [laughs] 

  David Horton : No, not me - Hugo. You see, I've drawn up a list of all the women he fancies. One of them is bound to want him. According to Debrett, he's the 108th most eligible bachelor in this country. Look, there he is. Just under Dale Winton.

  Geraldine : Ah, interesting place to be. Can I have a look at that list? Posh Spice, Kate Moss, Anne Widdec... Hugo fancies *Anne Widdecombe*?

  David Horton : Well, he liked the way she took on Michael Howard.

  Geraldine : You've even got *me* on this list!