Mork & Mindy (TV Series)

Mork Goes Erk (1979)

Robin Williams: Mork

Quotes 

• Mindy McConnell : Mork, you've been acting awfully strange lately. I mean, more strange than usual.

  Mork : Oh, you've noticed.

  Mindy McConnell : Noticed! How could I help it? Like, yesterday you spent all day walking and talking backwards.

  Mork : Well, that's all behind me now!

• Mindy McConnell : Mork, why are you doing all these strange things?

  Mork : To cheer you up.

  Mindy McConnell : But I'm not sad.

  Mork : Well, you will be after you hear the news that I have to tell you.

  Mindy McConnell : What news?

  Mork : That I've got orders from Orson. I've been transferred to another planet and I'll never ever see you again.

  Mindy McConnell : [sitting down in shock]  What?

  Mork : [bravely]  Well. You've got to look at the good side. You're not losing an alien, you'll... you're gaining an empty room!

• Mork : You don't have to be sad on account of me.

  Mindy McConnell : How can I help it? You're being sent off to some remote corner of the universe. I don't even know where.

  Mork : It's not that far away. It's just the other side of the universe, and it's a Sigma 7 Galaxy. It's a troubled planet called Cirrhus.

• Mindy McConnell : Why would you want to leave here? Are you unhappy? Is it something I've done?

  Mork : Oh, no. It's something you have. Emotions.

  Mindy McConnell : That doesn't make sense.

  Mork : Oh, yes, it does. See, one day I'm going to have to leave the Earth, and it's going to hurt you very much. And I've only been here a few months, and look how you feel. Imagine what it would be like after ten years. The longer I stay, the harder it'll be for you.

  Mindy McConnell : Well, what about you?

  Mork : [he gives a fake little laugh and deepens his voice]  Me? The cosmic Charles Bronson?

• Franklin Delano Bickley : I was blaming it on you, but it's time I faced it. I've lost it.

  Mork : Well, we can form a posse and find it, if you want!

  Franklin Delano Bickley : [glares at him]  No, it's no use. They say your sympathy is the first thing to go. I used to be able to get tears out of a coat rack. Not anymore. Listen to this: "Your pet rabbit died / Poor little Muffet! / Your two choices are: / Eat it or stuff it."

  [Mork thinks a real rabbit has died] 

  Mork : Aw, that's sad!

• Mindy McConnell : Mr. Bickley, you're just going through a writer's slump. Mork is leaving for good!

  Franklin Delano Bickley : Look, sister, Little Muffet ain't coming back, either.

  Mork : Oh. None of us has a reason to be happy now.

  Franklin Delano Bickley : [helping himself to their drinks]  I'll drink to that.

  [Susan bursts through the door, all smiles] 

  Susan : Knock, knock, knock!

  [Her smile fades. Mork is slumped over, rubbing his ear. Mindy is slumped over, shading her eyes because of tears. Bickley is leaning on the counter, burying himself in a drink] 

  Susan : Well, what a group. Hear No Evil, See No Evil, and Feel No Pain. What's wrong with you people?

  Franklin Delano Bickley : I've lost my talent.

  Mindy McConnell : Mork is leaving.

  Mork : The rabbit died.

• Susan : You people have got to get ERK!

  Franklin Delano Bickley : You've been irking me since you came in.

  Susan : Mindy, listen. ERK would help you with your depression. And Mr. Bickley, you know, you could use some help with your drinking.

  Franklin Delano Bickley : I drink fine by myself.

  Susan : Oh, and Mork, I bet he could come up with something for you.

  Mork : Yeah. That sounds exciting. Come on, Mindy!

  [taking her hands and leaping up] 

  Mork : Let's not poop the party!

• Susan : This is Ellsworth!

  [Mork and Mindy stand up to shake hands, but Ellsworth ignores them] 

  Susan : Oh, Ellsworth, you know, we're so lucky to have a man like you, so unselfish - it's a special gift for...

  Ellsworth : [interrupting her with a huge smile]  Yes, excuse me, excuse me. Could you hold that thought just a moment?

  Susan : [almost swooning toward him]  Ohh, yes.

  [Ellsworth, checkbook in hand, starts counting how many people are attending] 

  Ellsworth : Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. Twenty bodies, twenty checks! Okay, we're all set.

  [He puts his checkbook in his pocket] 

  Ellsworth : Now, what were you saying?

  Mork : She was saying how nice it was that an unselfish man like you came all this way for a little thing like money!