Home Improvement (TV Series)

This Joke's for You (1993)

Patricia Richardson: Jill Taylor

Photos 

Quotes 

• Wilson : Parents are the bone on which children sharpen their teeth. What I'm saying is that when a boy is young, he worships his father and in order for the boy to become a man, he's got to see his father as a fallible human being and stop seeing him as a god.

  [Later] 

  Tim : Where's Randy? I got to talk to him. I just found out I'm not God.

  Jill : Oh Tim, I'm so sorry.

  Tim : [to Randy]  I know what's going on here. You're at the point in your life where you have to clean your teeth on my bones.

• Tim : Listen, what do you think Nana called Mom when she was little?

  Mark : Jill?

  Tim : No, a name that might annoy her.

  Brad : Tim.

  Tim : Back off. Okay, when she was real little, Nana used to call her...

  Jill : [Over intercom]  Don't even think about it, Tim.

• Tim : Today is the day.

  Jill : That you come to your senses and realize we don't need an intercom?

  Tim : The day I come to my senses is a long way off.

• Tim : I can burp with the best of them. I can fling ear wax from thirty feet across the room.

  Jill : That's why I married you.

• Randy : Oh yeah, Dad, by the way I'm still getting the all-Spanish station through my intercom.

  Tim : Real funny. Don't quit your day job.

  Jill : That was real adult.

  Tim : Well he started it.

• Jill : Mom called me a nickname and she always called me this nickname. She said it when I was 14, we just moved to a new place and she said it right in front of all my new friends. I was so mad at her. The mean things I called her.

  Tim : Never mind what you called her, what did she call you?

  Jill : Oh right, like I'm really gonna tell you. You have to swear that you won't breathe a word of it to anyone.

  Tim : Cross my heart and hope to die. Hope a wrench hits me right in the eye.

  Jill : Jilly Dilly.

  [Tim laughs] 

  Jill : I don't want to hear that name in this house ever again.

  Tim : I may have to say it on Tool Time.

• Brad : I decided that if a girl is going to like me, she's going to like me for who I am.

  Jill : She dumped you, huh?

  Brad : Yep.