Home Improvement (TV Series)

Pilot (1991)

Patricia Richardson: Jill Taylor

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jill Taylor : [discussing Jill's upcoming job interview]  Tim, do you ever listen to me? It was the last thing that I said in bed to you last night.

  Tim Taylor : No; I believe, if you recall, the last thing you said to me in bed last night was "NO!"

  Jill Taylor : [smirking]  You're thinking of tonight.

• Tim Taylor : This is *my* house, that is *my* dishwasher, and I will rewire it if I want to.

  Jill Taylor : No! You will not rewire it and screw it up like you did the blender. End of discussion.

  [Jill walks out] 

  Tim Taylor : What is your problem with the blender? It's the only blender on the block that can puree a brick!

• Tim Taylor : [wanting to go to a tool sale at Sears]  I'll be back in twenty minutes.

  Jill Taylor : Twenty minutes! Who are you kidding? You'll be down there drooling, fondling all the tools, your eyes bugging out. You don't even look at me like that.

  Tim Taylor : I would if you were two speeds and reversible.

• Jill Taylor : This is great! Now I've gotta take advice from a guy who prances around a TV studio, grunting like a baboon...

  Tim Taylor : What does that have to do with it?

  Jill Taylor : ...while Miss Binford Tool Girl flashes her big headlights.

  Tim Taylor : Lisa?

  Jill Taylor : [sarcastic]  No - Al!

• Jill Taylor : Tim!

  [Jill gets Tim's tape measure out of a drawer] 

  Jill Taylor : Walk out that door and this goes in the trash compactor.

  [Jill holds the tape measure over the compactor] 

  Tim Taylor : No! That's my Binford Power Tape with posi-toggle lock.

  Jill Taylor : Kiss it goodbye!

  [Jill drops it in and shuts the compactor] 

  Tim Taylor : Don't turn that thing on.

  Jill Taylor : Are you staying?

  Tim Taylor : Yes! God, you're mean to me.

  [Jill kisses him. Tim opens the trash compactor] 

  Tim Taylor : Aww, there's food boogers all over it!

• Jill Taylor : Tim! This job is important to me. Aren't you excited about me going back to work?

  Tim Taylor : Yeah, sure.

  Jill Taylor : [imitating him]  Yeah, sure. Could you maybe work up a little enthusiasm?

  Tim Taylor : I'm sorry, honey.

  [fake bravado] 

  Tim Taylor : Gosh, I'm excited that you won't be laying around the house, mooching off the boys and me!

  [Jill slaps his right butt cheek] 

  Tim Taylor : Oh! Do the other side.

  [Jill slaps his left butt cheek] 

  Tim Taylor : Oh, I'm your love slave!