Jersey Girl (2004)
Ben Affleck: Ollie Trinke
Photos
Quotes
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Will Smith : What's your daughter's name?
Ollie : Gertrude.
Will Smith : Damn, why'd you do that, man?
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Ollie : Why don't you go get yourself a boyfriend?
Maya : Why don't you go get yourself a girlfriend?
Ollie : I spend all day working and spend all night with my kid.
Maya : So you would rather spend time with your daughter than get laid?
Ollie : Yeah.
Maya : That's sweet. I'm kind of crushing on you, Trinke.
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Ollie : "Cats" is the second-worst thing that ever happened to New York City.
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Ollie : Isn't that cute? It's 8:00 and you both get a bottle.
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Gertrude Steiney : [very pregnant Gertrude is getting ready for the VMAs] You try getting ready quickly when you look like this! I'm so fat and there's gonna be nothing but beautiful skinny girls there!
Ollie : That's because they're all coked-out whores, honey.
Gertrude Steiney : [crying] I wanna be a coked-out whore!
Gertrude Steiney : OK. You can be a coked-out whore. You can be a coked-out, coked-out whore.
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Ollie : [having been invited to the bar with Gertrude and Bart] No, that's OK, I'll stay here and do the dishes. I only cooked, why shouldn't I clean?
Bart : Suit yourself. Don't wash that pan, I got a nice layer of juice built up for the pork roll, and I don't want you scrubbing it off.
Ollie : That 'juice' is called grease, Dad. It's bad for you. It clogs your arteries.
Bart : It's called 'juice'. And it greases your father's insides so he can better swallow the shit his son feeds him twice a year, when he can be bothered to come to visit him.
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Ollie : Convincing a town to approve something that's already in their best interest, that's just delayed common sense!
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Ollie : George Michael is all about the ladies. "I want your sex". Does that sound like he's singing to a guy?
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[Gertie and Ollie are at a video store]
Gertie : You should be a dance teacher, like Johnny in "Dirty Dancing."
Ollie : l should? Should l say, ''Nobody puts Baby in a corner''?
Gertie : Oh, can we rent "Dirty Dancing" again?
Ollie : Ohh... "Dirty Dancing" ranks one notch below "Cats" in my book. Can you pick out something else?
Gertie : Can we rent this?
[gives Ollie the box to "Men in Black"]
Ollie : [while examining the movie] Absolutely not. Go pick out something from the children's section.
Gertie : All those movies suck!
Ollie : Watch your language!
[Ollie grabs a video from the adult video section]
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Will Smith : 'Ey, you Brickman?
Ollie : No. I'm just a guy who'd rather play in the dirt with his kid.
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Doctor #1 : [starts to tell Ollie the bad news] Ollie...
Ollie : lf l don't get to go in there right now... l swear to God!
Doctor #1 : Ollie... Ollie, calm down.
Ollie : Fuck you, calm down! OK? l got dragged out of there, l haven't got to see my baby!
Doctor #1 : Your baby is fine. She's healthy, she's normal.
Ollie : What's wrong with Gertie?
Doctor #1 : l need you to calm down before l...
Ollie : Look, l'm calm! OK?
[heaves an exasperated sigh]
Ollie : l'm calm.
Doctor #1 : We think Gertie had an aneurysm.
Ollie : ls she OK?
Doctor #1 : We lost her, Ollie. The strain of the contractions and the pushing caused the aneurysm to rupture. There are rarely symptoms for aneurysms...
Ollie : [the dialogue fades out as the song "That's How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart'' by Aimee Mann starts to play. Ollie breaks down and sinks to the floor, crying]
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Ollie : Look, you've got two minutes, and then we have to go, OK? Or I'm gonna leave.
Gertrude Steiney : Would you stop rushing me?
Ollie : I don't understand how somebody who had all day sitting around to get ready waits till 20 minutes before we have to leave!
Gertrude Steiney : You try getting anything accomplished with this big gut in your way!
Ollie : This is one of the few days of the year that I can be fired for being late!
Gertrude Steiney : Anytime that you wanna carry this baby, Ollie, you let me know! OK? I would be glad to go back to wearing regular dresses instead of this tent!
Ollie : The dress looks fine. It's gorgeous, OK? It's beautiful.
Gertrude Steiney : Yeah, until I'm standing next to Janet Jackson or Sheryl Crow. Then you'll see how not fine it looks.
Ollie : Gertie, I asked you, please, to use your own brush, OK? Can you just not use my brush?
Gertrude Steiney : Don't start.
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PR Exec #1 : Are you The Ollie Trinke? The one who used to work at Mandell Kirschner?
Ollie : Yes.
PR Exec #2 : Son a bitch!
PR Exec #1 : YES! I told you, Reynolds. Pay up.
PR Exec #2 : I got it.
Ollie : Am I missin' something?
PR Exec #2 : Nah, nah. He just bet me you were The Ollie Trinke, the one who the "Fresh Prince".
Ollie : They named it?
PR Exec #1 : Of course. Are you kidding? You're a legend, man! You did what every flack only dreams about doing.
Ollie : Which was what?
PR Exec #2 : You went apeshit! You trashed your client back to the Stone Age.
Ollie : Yeah.
PR Exec #1 : We bow to you, man.
PR Exec #2 : You're like a god around here.
PR Exec #1 : Yep, exactly.
Ollie : God enough to get a job.
PR Exec #1 : No.
[both executives laugh]
PR Exec #2 : What are you, insane?
PR Exec #1 : No chance, Trinke.