Wet Hot American Summer (2001)
Janeane Garofalo: Beth
Photos
Quotes
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Beth : McKinley, there are some lower campers stuck in the ropes course. I meant to tell you about that yesterday, but could you get to it now?
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Beth : The phone! The phone! Where's the *fucking* phone?
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Beth : Well guys, we've made it to the end of the summer in one piece, except for a few campers who are lepers.
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Susie : [angry that Beth has invited Steve to take part in the talent show] Beth, I may regret saying this, but how dare you usurp my authority as producer...
Ben : Hmph!
Susie : ...director-slash-choreographer of the talent show. I need you to know I have been busting my *balls*, woman! I am telling you, the musical numbers are a mess, my kids are a bunch of amateurs, and the last thing I need today is some diabetic freak prancing around on stage making my life a living *hell*!
Susie : [after a long pause and a glare from Beth] All right; I'll put him on last.
Beth : Good.
[Beth walks away]
Susie : [to Ben] Oh, she always wins!
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Beth : The following campers need to put their trunks out so the early bus to Boston can pick them up at 7:30 AM: Amanda Klein, Jessica Azaria, Ira... Stevenberg, Sol Zimmer... stein... uh, David... Ben Gurion...
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Gene : I wanna thank all of you for a terrific summer. Cooking for all you nice people has really helped me get over the fact that I fought in the Vietnam War. Have a great winter, I'm gonna go hump the fridge.
Beth : What?
Gene : [Gene pauses, then turns around confidently] Yes folks, it's true. I said I'm gonna go hump the fridge. What you may not know is that I also own a bottle of dick cream, I fondle my sweaters, and I often like to smear mud on my ass. You're probably asking yourselves, "Isn't he a weirdo, outcast, loose cannon?" Maybe. I don't think so. I wanna introduce you guys to someone. This is my friend.
[Gene holds out a can of vegetables]
Gene : I don't know who he is, but I do know this: At a time when I was trying to hide myself from myself, he was there to show me a new way. 'Cause I couldn't hide from him. And I can be proud of who I am. I put it to you, Camp Firewood, as we spend this last dinner together: Be proud of who you are! Look at me, Ma, I made it! I'm okay!
[the campers and faculty erupt into cheers]
Gene : Now if you don't mind, I have some unfinished business to attend to.
[Gary wheels out a refrigerator. Gene climbs on board and begins to gently hump it while the rest of the cafeteria applauds]