- The Coward (segment Operatsiya Y): Tell us, please, this action... or... to put it better... operation...
- The Booby (segment Operatsiya Y): Y. Operation Y.
- S.D. Petukhov, Warehouse Director (segment Operatsiya Y): Why Y? Why Y?
- The Booby (segment Operatsiya Y): So that no one could guess.
- S.D. Petukhov, Warehouse Director (segment Operatsiya Y): Idiot!
- Fedya (segment "Naparnik"): Look here, student... One should treat people gently now, and have a broader view of things. You think it's me who got fifteen days of work? No, it's us who got fifteen days. And for what purpose? For you to educate me... and for me to develop my conscience... Come on, spin your yarn about spaceships plowing... the Bolshoi Theatre. And I'll take a nap...
- Policeman (segment "Naparnik"): Dear alcoholics, hooligans and parasites... Where do you wish to work?
- Bus Passenger (segment "Naparnik"): Mister, let her sit. Stand up!
- Fedya (segment "Naparnik"): If I stand up, you'll lie down.
- Bus Passenger (segment "Naparnik"): Mister, these seats are reserved for children and invalids.
- Fedya (segment "Naparnik"): Is she a child or an invalid?
- Bus Passenger (segment "Naparnik"): She's an expecting mother.
- Fedya (segment "Naparnik"): And I'm an expecting father.
- Professor (segment "Navazhdeniye"): And why this? Do you celebrate something today?
- Dub (segment "Navazhdeniye"): To me... each examination... is a celebration, Professor.
- Fedya (segment "Naparnik"): Listen, have you had any accidents here?
- Shurik: No, none so far.
- Fedya (segment "Naparnik"): You'll have them.
- Shurik: Where was I?
- Lida (segment "Navazhdeniye"): About Pushkin.
- Shurik: Yes, Pushkin... What marvels there! A mermaid sitting...
- Lida (segment "Navazhdeniye"): Excuse me, what mermaid?
- Shurik: Lying... high in a tree...
- Lida (segment "Navazhdeniye"): I think you have overworked.
- Shurik: Does it ever happen to you? You come somewhere for the first time, but you feel as if you've already been here? Everything looks familiar, objects, smells, sounds... Does it ever happen to you?
- Lida (segment "Navazhdeniye"): No, never. I always remember where I've been, when and with whom.
- Shurik: And to me, I think, it happens. Even now I have a strange impression I was here before.
- Lida (segment "Navazhdeniye"): What do you mean, Shurik?
- Shurik: Yes, I've already seen all this. Look... I'm going... to open... this curtain, and behind it, there will be a crystal decanter. I was here before!
- Lida (segment "Navazhdeniye"): Shurik! It means you're a psychic!
- Fedya (segment "Naparnik"): Are you a Komsomol member, Shurik?
- Shurik: Yes, I am.
- Fedya (segment "Naparnik"): This is not one of our methods. What about humanism? Brotherhood? Can't you understand, Shurik, that as spaceships are plowing...
- Professor (segment "Navazhdeniye"): All right then... I'll give you 5 for your ingenuity, and for the subject I'll give you 'unsatisfactory'. Of course, the professor is a fool, but he's got the equipment. Do you copy? Do you read me?
- Shurik: No work is being done!
- Fedya (segment "Naparnik"): No work done, but time is ticking. Your work is counted in money, and mine in days.
- Construction director (segment "Naparnik"): As folk wisdom teaches us, little strokes fell great oaks! Work is done, time for fun! A cat in gloves catches no mice! Don't do today what you can... No, that's not it...