- Crystal Allen: There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society... outside of a kennel. So long, ladies!
- Maggie: You know, the first man that can think up a good explanation how he can be in love with his wife and another woman is gonna win that prize they're always giving out in Sweden.
- Mrs. Moorehead: Well, cheer up, Mary; living alone has its compensations. Heaven knows it's marvelous being able to spread out in bed like a swastika.
- Exercise instructress: Mrs. Fowler you've hardly moved a muscle.
- Sylvia Fowler: Whose carcass is this, yours or mine?
- Exercise instructress: It's yours, but I'm paid to exercise it.
- Sylvia Fowler: You sound like a horse trainer.
- Exercise instructress: No, Mrs. Fowler, but you're getting warm.
- Exercise instructress: Arms flat. Crawl slowly up the wall...
- Sylvia Fowler: The way you say that makes me feel like vermin.
- Exercise instructress: That shouldn't be much effort. I mean, crawling up the wall.
- Crystal Allen: I'm having him dine at my place. It's about time he found out I was a home girl.
- Pat: A home girl? Get her! Why don't you borrow the quintuplets for the evening?
- Crystal Allen: Because I'm all the baby he wants, pet.
- Sylvia Fowler: [Holding up a bottle of Summer Rain perfume] A friend of ours, Mrs. Stephen Haines, simply dotes on this.
- Crystal Allen: Really!
- Sylvia Fowler: Her husband picked it out for her. Perhaps you sold it to him. Stephen Haines, the engineer?
- Crystal Allen: Oh, I'm afraid I don't remember. You see, we have so many men come in here.
- Sylvia Fowler: Awfully good-looking. Tall, fair, distinguished. I'm sure you wouldn't overlook him.
- Crystal Allen: I'm sorry, but when one's mind is on one's own business...
- Sylvia Fowler: Of course. And, as you say, you have so many men.
- Nancy Blake: You just can't bear Mary's happiness, can you, Sylvia? It gets you down.
- Sylvia Fowler: How ridiculous! Why should it?
- Nancy Blake: Because she's contented. Contented to be what she is.
- Sylvia Fowler: Which is what?
- Nancy Blake: A woman.
- Sylvia Fowler: Ah! And what are we?
- Nancy Blake: Females.
- Sylvia Fowler: Really. And what are you, pet?
- Nancy Blake: What nature abhors: I'm an old maid, a frozen asset.
- Mary Haines: May I suggest, if you're dressing to please Stephen, not that one. He doesn't like such obvious effects.
- Crystal Allen: Thanks for the tip. But when anything I wear doesn't please Stephen, I take it off.
- Sylvia Fowler: Mrs. Haines never listens to any of her friends...
- Exercise instructress: [under her breath] How does she avoid it?
- Sylvia Fowler: Well, heaven be praised, I'm on to my husband, I wouldn't trust him on Alcatraz, the mouse.
- Peggy Day: Sylvia, you oughtn't talk about him like that! Why, I think it's disloyal!
- Sylvia Fowler: Oh now, listen Peggy, do we know how the men talk about us when we're not around?
- Nancy Blake: I've heard rumours.
- Sylvia Fowler: Exactly... And uh... While we're on the subject, have either of you wondered whether the master of this maison might not be straying?
- Nancy Blake: I haven't.
- Sylvia Fowler: Well, for all you know Mary Haines may be living in a fool's paradise.
- Nancy Blake: You're so resourceful darling. I ought to go to you for plots.
- Sylvia Fowler: You ought to go to *someone*.
- Mary Haines: [about Slyvia and the model arguing] Oh it's just professional jealousy, they're really very good friends!
- Sylvia Fowler: Of course! She adores the Fowler family. Particularly my husband.
- Countess Tamara: Are you accusing me of flirting with Howard?
- Sylvia Fowler: No, my little pet, but of trying to! I'd like to see Howard bat an eye at another woman!
- Countess Tamara: Well I've seen him, and she's not bad either!
- Sylvia Fowler: Did you get her innuendo?
- Countess DeLave: This sweet thing is getting her first divorce too! She's a very dear friend of mine... What did you say your name was again darling?
- Miriam Aarons: Miriam Aarons.
- Countess DeLave: [Introducing Mary and Miriam] This is Mrs. Haines. You know, yanked the scalp off that Allen woman in the fitting room?
- Miriam Aarons: Oh yeah! Good for you! I was afraid you were a wet firecracker, sister. Shake!
- Miriam Aarons: [to Sylvia, about Sylvia's husband] I made him pay for what he wanted... you made him pay for what he didn't want.
- Sylvia Fowler: [to Miriam] Why you...!
- Crystal Allen: It will be out tomorrow, Mrs. Prowler.
- Sylvia Fowler: [Turns around and gives her the evils] FOWLER!
- Crystal Allen: [Smiling sarcastically] Oh I'm so sorry...
- [corrects herself]
- Crystal Allen: Mrs. Fowler.
- Sylvia Fowler: Oh, you remember the awful things they said about what's-her-name before she jumped out the window? There. You see? I can't even remember her name so who cares?
- Beautician at Sydneys #1: [to "Gillingswater"] You don't look a day over 35!
- [walks into room]
- Beautician at Sydneys #1: That old gasoline truck, she's 60 if she's a minute.
- Beautician at Sydneys #2: Who is she?
- Beautician at Sydneys #1: Gillingswater.
- Beautician at Sydneys #2: Oh, that old bag! One more permanent and she won't have a hair on her head.
- Beautician at Sydneys #1: [taking a puff out of her cigarette] She's got plenty on her arms baby!
- Olive: She sure does shed, don't she!
- Sylvia Fowler: You know I go to Sydney's for my hair. Oh, you ought to go, pet. I DESPISE whoever does yours.
- Sylvia Fowler: Is that anyway to talk to me, after all I've done for you?
- Crystal Allen: Aw, done what?
- Sylvia Fowler: You didn't know a soul when you married Steven. After all, it wasn't easy to put you over.
- Crystal Allen: And who said you put me over?
- Sylvia Fowler: I've gotten you into some of our very best homes.
- Crystal Allen: [in a Ritzy tone] Yes, for some of their very best insults!
- Exercise instructress: [instructing Mrs. Fowler in her exercises] Up, over. Up, down. Up, stretch! Up, together.
- Sylvia Fowler: No more up. This has got me down.
- Exercise instructress: Rest a moment and relax your diaphragm muscles.
- [under her breath]
- Exercise instructress: If you can.
- Edith Potter: [Wiping her hands on towel] Oh, cheap Chinese embroidery! You know, I'll bet Peggy gave her these...
- Sylvia Fowler: It wouldn't be so bad if only Mary's friends knew; we could keep our mouths shut.
- Edith Potter: I know plenty I'd never breathe about my friend's husbands.
- Sylvia Fowler: Oh, so do I!
- [They both turn around and look at each other]
- Edith Potter: Well, you know, I adore Mary!
- Sylvia Fowler: I worship her! We're not only cousins; she's my dearest friend in the world. After all, we were raised together!
- [Turns around quickly]
- Sylvia Fowler: Oh Edith, I forgot to tell you...
- [Whispers to Edith]
- Mary Haines: Break it up, girls! Break it up!
- Edith Potter: Darling!
- Mary Haines: Hello!
- Edith Potter: You're so slim, I could kill you.
- Mary Haines: You don't have to. The diet I'm on is pure poison.
- Little Mary Haines: I saw Mrs. Potter at the zoo that day.
- Mrs. Moorehead: Who was she visiting with? The snakes?
- Mary Haines: Oh, Mother!
- Little Mary Haines: As a matter of fact, she was!
- Countess DeLave: I never got a sou out of anybody except my first husband, Mr. Strauss. Oh he said the most touching thing in his will, I remember every word of it... He said "To my beloved wife Flora, I leave all my estate... To be administered by executors because she is an A-1 schlemiel."
- [Sarcastically]
- Countess DeLave: Isn't that sweet?
- Miriam Aarons: [about Buck Winston] Well he could crack a coconut with those knees!... If he could get them together!
- Countess DeLave: But whither... Whither shall I fly?
- Miriam Aarons: To the arms our our pet cowboy, darling!
- Countess DeLave: [Gasps] Miriam Aarons!
- Miriam Aarons: Why, he's plum loco for you, countess! He likes you even better than his horse! And it's such a blasted big horse, too!
- Sylvia Fowler: [Showing her nails to Mary] Mary, how do you like that?
- Nancy Blake: Too, too adorable.
- Sylvia Fowler: Ah, you have no idea how it stays on... I get it at Sydney's. You should go, Mary. A wonderful new manicurist. Olga's her name; she's marvelous. Isn't that divine? Jungle Red!
- Nancy Blake: Looks like you've been tearing at somebody's throat!
- Sylvia Fowler: [Smacks her hand on the table] I'll be darned, Nancy, if I'll let you ride me anymore!
- Mary Haines: Oh Sylvia, Nancy's only trying to be clever, too.
- Sylvia Fowler: Well, she takes a crack at everything about me... Even my nails!
- Mary Haines: Well, I like them, I really do. Sydney's, Olga's, Jungle Red... I'll remember.
- Sylvia Fowler: [Last lines] Mary Haines, don't you have any pride?
- Mary Haines: No pride at all. That's a luxury a woman in love can't afford.
- Edith Potter: What are you going to write next, Nancy? Animal stories?
- Nancy Blake: [looking at Sylvia Fowler] I wouldn't have to go to Africa for that.
- Sylvia Fowler: [At the place Crystal Allen works] Well, here we are... Creeping up on her!
- Edith Potter: Darling do you think we ought to do this?
- Sylvia Fowler: Oh shut up!
- Edith Potter: [Spots lady] That's little Crystal!
- Sylvia Fowler: None other...
- Ugly saleswoman: [Turns around] May I serve you madam?
- Edith Potter: [Surprised] No, thank you!
- Sylvia Fowler: [Surprised] Just looking!
- [Walking away]
- Sylvia Fowler: Oh from the neck up I'd say no...
- [Spots other woman]
- Sylvia Fowler: Ah, how about baby?
- Edith Potter: Of course!
- [Walks over to her]
- Edith Potter: Mmmm... Couldn't be anyone else!
- [Hears other lady call her "Pat"]
- Sylvia Fowler: Pat?
- Edith Potter: I still don't know why he overlooked her.
- Sylvia Fowler: I do...
- [points to Crystal]
- Sylvia Fowler: Pipe.
- Child on train: Mommy, will daddy come to Reno?
- Lady on train: No, darling.
- Child on train: Mommy, where is daddy?
- Lady on train: I don't know and I don't care. In the future you'll please refer to him as "That heel"!
- Peggy Day: Oh, I wish I could make a little money writing the way you do!
- Nancy Blake: If you wrote the way I do, that's just what you'd make.
- Sylvia Fowler: You're not a very popular author, are you, dear?
- Nancy Blake: Not with you.
- Sylvia Fowler: I don't need to sit around and act glum. When I think of what I've sacrificed for Howard Fowler!
- Miriam Aarons: Such as what, Mrs. Fowler?
- Sylvia Fowler: [Looks at Miriam] I gave him my youth!
- Mary Haines: [Introduces them] This is the Countess DeLave... Mrs. Howard Fowler.
- Countess DeLave: [Same time] How do you do?
- Sylvia Fowler: [Same time] How do you do?
- Mary Haines: And Miriam Aarons.
- Miriam Aarons: How do you do?
- Sylvia Fowler: [Looks closely at Miriam's flat chest] How do *you* do?
- Miriam Aarons: You should have licked that girl where she licked you; in his arms. It's where you win in the first round and if I know men, it's still Custer's Last Stand.