From Far & Wide, From High & Low Vol 27
100 titles from my video library...a real mixed bag.
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- DirectorBrett RatnerStarsDwayne JohnsonJohn HurtIan McShaneHaving endured his legendary twelve labors, Hercules, the Greek demigod, has his life as a sword-for-hire tested when the King of Thrace and his daughter seek his aid in defeating a tyrannical warlord.Hollywood producer/director extraordinaire Brett Ratner was at the top of his profession when he made HERCULES. He brokered a half a billion dollar production deal with Warner Brothers based on a string of hits including the RUSH HOUR series before his entire career was derailed by credible accusations of sexually inappropriate behaviour. This Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson action pic based on a Radical Comic book by Steve Moore would be his swan song before joining the sexual blacklist. Moore who died shortly before its' release never received a dime for his work by the way and wanted his name removed from the credits. Ratner dedicated the movie to him posthumously instead but he would have rather got the cash. Johnson (as HERCULES) on the other hand was paid 12 million and is worth every penny! The former WWE superstar has become a force to be reconned with at the box office thanks to hits like JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND and his presence almost certainly helped push this one into the black. Renny Harlin's THE LEGEND OF HERCULES was a box office catastrophe only a few months earlier remember but it didn't have nearly the star power or dazzling CG as this MGM release. In addition to HERCULES the demi-gods' band of adventurers (Ian JOHN WYCK CHAPTER 4 McShane, Rufus GODS OF EGYPT Sewell, Tobias ATLANTIC CROSSING Santelmann, Ingrid WESTWORLD Bolso Berdal, Reece THE OUTPOST Ritchie & Aksel THE CLOVERFIELD PARADOX Hennie) are hired by a desperate king (John ALIEN Hurt) to train his rag tag army into a force to be reconned with. Too late do the heroic mercenaries realize they are pawns in a trap set by the ruler of Athens (James AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY: ASYLUM Fiennes) Writers Ryan HOUSE OF THE DRAGON Candal & Evan THE UNHOLY Spiliotopoulos may have captured the flavour of the comic but their take on Greek mythology is underwhelming. Even the 12 labours are cheekily revealed to be PR stunts concocted by the group to attract business. The smirky Dwayne BLACK ADAM Johnson exudes charisma like a good son of Zeus should but I do wish his wardrobe was less cloth and more loin. Hundreds of digital artists worked their fingers to the bone on this empty-headed but furiously paced fantasy. Hundreds of stuntmen, probably, too. The battle sequences are choreographed to within an inch of their unnaturally graceful lives. They didn't feel violent when watched but they are amazing to view for the sheer spectacle on proud display. The production design is superlative even if the script isn't anything special. I thought the similar WRATH OF THE TITANS and THE IMMORTALS were slightly superior but didn't hate this hipster update of stale, old material.
- DirectorNick LyonStarsJohn HenniganChristian OliverMarcus ShirockWhen a young man's bride is kidnapped by an evil king, he turns to Hercules for help. The fallen hero has been living in exile, banished for killing his family, but the young man's courage inspires Hercules. Together, they fight to rescue the bride and reclaim the honor of Hercules.WWE Superstar John Morrison (using the name Hennigan at the insistence of Vince McMahon no doubt!) took top billing despite his co-starring role as HERCULES in this unexpectedly watchable sword and sandal rip off. I HATE The Asylum! Their whole studio is a DOG! And yet I can't dismiss HERCULES REBORN as much as I really expected to be able to. John Morrison is as bad as HERCULES as he was as SINBAD in SINBAD AND THE WAR OF THE FURIES. Both performances rank among the worst the genre has to offer At least he looks hot while making my brain hurt. The son of Zeus has fallen on hard times after being drug-induced to kill his family and is now living as a wino. Arius (Christian SAVED BY THE BELL: THE NEW CLASS Oliver) needs to stage an intervention to win back the hand of the beautiful princess (Christina BATWOMAN Wolfe) who has been taken as a sex slave! Gay porn star Brad GAY CREEPS #2 Benton (aka: Dylan Vox) is the equally hot Nkos who not only has the weepy heroin chained to his cot but was responsible for poisoning the demi-god years earlier causing his family's death. Clearly this mockbuster was designed to syphon the box office away from Dwayne Johnson's 2014 hit HERCULES. It was directed by Nicky Lyons who also made the slightly tolerable SPECIES: THE AWAKENING a few years back for cable TV. Jose FIGHT CLUB 2 Montesinos and Jim CONFESSIONS OF AN ADULT FILM STAR: HIDDEN DESIRES Hemphill loosely scripted this time wasting, thrill-less adventure which doesn't even have the decency to throw in a cheap CG dragon to spruce things up! What makes HERCULES REBORN almost likeable is the solid production design of Boujaman Rassourance. He made a few classy TV documentaries about ancient civilizations and the Christian era and his experience saves this from being total garbage. 4 out of 10 which may be the highest I've ever rated a video from The Asylum.
- DirectorPietro FrancisciStarsSteve ReevesSylva KoscinaFabrizio MioniThe muscular Hercules performs his Labors, sails with the Argonauts, and romances the fair Iole.
- DirectorPietro FrancisciMario BavaStarsSteve ReevesSylva KoscinaGabriele AntoniniWhile negotiating peace between two brothers contesting the throne of Thebes, an amnesiac Hercules is seduced by the evil Queen Omphale.
- DirectorVittorio CottafaviStarsMark ForestBroderick CrawfordGaby AndréA warrior returning home to his country must battle giant bats, three-headed dogs and a vicious dragon to save his wife, and his people, from the machinations of an evil ruler.A.I.P. were looking to follow up their minor 1959 hit GOLIATH AGAINST THE BARBARIANS with a sequel so purchased the rights to THE REVENGE OF HERCULES. It was rewritten, badly redubbed and re-edited to include a brief, stop motion animation sequence of a dragon before being dumped onto the drive in circuit under the deceptive title; GOLIATH AND THE DRAGON. Mark GOLIATH AND THE SINS OF BABYLON Parks plays Maciste...billed as Hercules...redubbed as Emilius by American International for release as 'GOLIATH...'. Forest was an imposing hero during his too brief stint as a peplum action star under any name you'd care to give him. I liked Academy Award winner Broderick WON TON TON THE DOG WHO SAVED HOLLYWOOD Crawford as the tyrant who pits Goliath against his brother (Sandro TIGERS OF TERROR Moretti) in an effort to swindle his kingdom away but he was oddly voiced over by another English speaking actor for the North American version. Fredrika THE WOMEN PRISONERS OF DEVIL'S ISLAND Ranchi played the woman who came between the bodybuilders while I watched with semi rapt attention. The razzies list GOLIATH AND THE DRAGON as one of the 100 most enjoyable bad movies ever made and you can understand why. Director Vittorio HERCULES CONQUERS ATLANTIS Cottafari worked mostly for Italian adventure television series and this looks like it has a comparable budget. That's why the studio hired Wah Chang (an Oscar calibre artist soon to be known for his contributions to the original STAR TREK) to slip in some decent fx. Academy Award winner Carlo E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL Rambaldi provided the make effects but some guy you never heard of before or since (mis)handled the charmless and awful SFX. Those terrible visuals include a guy in bat-monster pajamas wrestling with Forest. I may have watched that with semi rapt attention too but it's not something Roger Ebert would have recommended. Production designer Franco HERCULES IN A HAUNTED WORLD Lolli & wardrobe head Giolia FIVE DOLLS FOR A AUGUST MOON Mafai deserve some credit whereas the top billed writers (Nicto HERCULES CONQUERS ATLANTIS Ferrari & Marcello VENUS MEETS THE SON OF HERCULES Baldi) do not. Usually I defer to the original cut but that cheesy dragon's the star of this show.
- DirectorVittorio CottafaviStarsReg ParkFay SpainEttore ManniStrong yet sleepy Hercules discovers that the Queen of Atlantis is plotting to take over the world with superhuman warriors.Reg HERCULES: PRISONER OF EVIL Parks made his Peplum debut with this ambitious sword and sandal adventure playing Ercole in the Italian dubbed edition. If at all possible stick with the Euro-cut and not the English dub which is often unintentionally ludicrous. Ecole and his son (Luciano GOLIATH AND THE BARBARIANS Marin) are lured on an adventure to the dangerous land of Atlantis. The evil Queen of the Atlantean kingdom (Fay JOHNNY GUITAR Spain) has vowed to sacrifice her lovely daughter (Laura CRIME DOES NOT PAY Efrikian) rather than see her palace tumble into the sea. Hercules and his pal (Ettore HERCULES AND THE MASKED RIDER Manni) rescue the princess from a shape-shifting god named Proteus but the real threat is an army of blond warriors created via their exposure to the radioactive drops of blood the queen has stored above her throne. The congealed drops of blood belong to their God; Uranus and he has a deal to allow the queen to rule the world so long as she provides the prerequisite number of sacrifices. Neither of the female leads are especially good and Parks isn't much fun as the muscular lead. The special effects and visuals were produced by horror icon Mario Bava. Looking at them today they approximate the work being done in George Pal films like WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE. These are not as polished but the comparison I think is fair. For 60 year old B-movie effects you won't be unimpressed. The professional cinematography provided throughout by Carlo DEATH RIDES A HORSE Carlini elevates this film to a degree especially those visuals. On the US posters they described the filming process for HERCULES AND THE CONQUEST OF ATANTIS as something called Super-Technirama 70! I don't know what that's exactly supposed to mean but there is a lot a visual flare on display if you can get your hands on a decent print. Vittorio HANSEL AND GRETEL Cottafavi directed this brawny, hot-mess based on his own script which was padded by Sandro HERCULES IN THE HANTED WORLD Continenza. Duccio COLOSSUS AND THE AMAZON QUEEN Tessasi & Nicolo GOLIATH AND THE DRAGON Ferrari. Below average but rarely dull.
- DirectorMario BavaStarsReg ParkChristopher LeeLeonora RuffoHercules must journey into Hades itself to retrieve the magic stone that will free his love from the powers of darkness.Reg Park was visually striking as Hercules but displayed little talent as an actor. He played the part in 5 non sequitur peplum adventures beginning with HERCULES CONQUERS ATLANTIS where he 1st met writer/director Mario Bava. Bava was a regular behind the scenes of Italian cinema for decades before scoring a directorial credit for the 1960 horror classic BLACK SUNDAY. He was an fx artist on that one. He also designed the special effects for the genre spawning original HERCULES from 1958. Many of the crew carried over from the 1961 pic Parks & Bava collaborated on and filming took place on those existing sets (now subbing for the underworld ruled by King Loci) to cut costs. The iconic Christopher Lee who shot to horror stardom as DRACULA (and would star in Bava's controversial THE WHIP AND THE BODY 2 years later) plays the villainous lord of Hades with his tongue in cheek and carries those scenes with Parks. Hercules has also been given two comic relief side kicks (George HERCULES AND THE PRINCESS OF TROY Ardisson & Franco UNCLE WAS A VAMPIRE Giacodini) to help lighten his flat performance. The 3 heroes journey to hell seeking the radiant Deiamira (Leanora GOLIATH AND THE DRAGON Ruffo) who's being held prisoner by Lico and his army of the dead. HERCULES AT THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH (as this genuine cult item is sometimes known) isn't even close to Bavas' best work yet stands head and shoulders above the sword and sandal films from the era. Bava fills the air with gothic horror and romance. He is at the top of his game as a cinematographer, visual effects artist, writer and director. He's held back by a hopelessly inadequate budget but still manages to infuse this fantasy with gorgeous hairstyles, costumes, matte backgrounds and evocative lighting throughout. The film is breathtakingly beautiful and far richer in atmophere than fans of this disreputable genre are accustomed to seeing. The B movie script was outlined by Sandra VENUS MEETS THE SON OF HERCULES Contzinza, Duccio SAMPSON AND THE 7 MIRACLES Tessari and Franchesco Prosperi. Prosperi and Bava would go on to write the giallo classic THE GIRL WHO KNEW TOO MUCH in '65.
- DirectorGianfranco ParoliniStarsBrad HarrisLuisella BoniMara BerniIn a tyrannical kingdom there is an evil ruler and a queen who lusts after Hercules who is attracted to a handmaiden. A rebellion overthrows the ruler.Pound for muscular pound Brad GOLIATH AGAINST THE GIANTS Harris measures up nicely to the part of Hercules and even manages to ooze some much needed charisma for this lesser peplum outing from writer/director Gian YETI: THE WONDER OF THE 20TH CENTURY Pardoni. Our hero is drawn into a humanitarian crisis playing out in a community overrun by slavers. When the demi god's only friend (Alan HERCULES AND THE TREASURE OF THE INCAS Steele) is murdered by the despot (Serge SEVEN DEATHS IN THE CAT'S EYE Gainsbourg) he leads a rebellion to free the people. FURY OF HERCULES was written by a half dozen folks including Giovanni KNIVES OF THE AVENGER Simonelli & Arpan HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN DeRisa and shot back-to-back with the bland 1961 adaptation of SAMPSON to cut costs. The American dialogue (including a dubbed Harris) wasn't terrible considering it was overseen by John ARGOMAN: THE FANTASTIC SUPERMAN Hart. This Italian B-movie was starved for talent (behind the scenes especially!) having been made in Croatia. Most of the production team were newbs or conversely at the tail end of their careers so the yarn is predictable and flatly presented. I'm giving this dramatic sword and sandal pic an extra star for Harris who made a slew of wonderfully cheesy movies including THE KING OF KONG ISLAND and Luigi Cozzi's HERCULES. The hall of fame award winning stuntman choreographed in addition to carrying the FURY OF HERCULES on his mighty shoulders step by ponderous step towards the finish line.
- DirectorAlberto De MartinoStarsDan VadisMarilù ToloPierre CressoyHercules defends a people against a race of giant warriors.Alberto de Martino made lots of bad movies over the years including THE ANTICHRIST, HOLOCAUST 2000 & PUMAMAN to give you a heads up. THE TRIUMPH OF HERCULES is easily as cheesy as his worst films but at the same time these Italian sword and sandal epics are a little bullet proof in this regard. You expect them to be a little terrible by nature of the subject matter. Writers Roberto ZORRO AND THE THREE MUSKETEERS Gianviti & Alessandro HERCULES AND THE BARBARIANS Ferrau's screenplay runs the gamut between cult and camp but somehow isn't much fun. That's what sets this grade Z peplum apart; it's not very entertaining no matter how silly it gets. Don THE SON OF HERCULES IN THE LAND OF DARKNESS Vadis is a handsome and graceful demi god who flashes his basket with the best of them. The son of Zeus is stripped of his superhuman strength thanks to the sly tricks of a duplicitous prince (Pierre HERCULES AND THE TREASURE OF THE INCAS Cressoy) and must get by on his dull mortal wits if he hopes to survive. The prince and princess (Murilu THE SON OF HERCULES AGAINST THE TERROR OF ROME Tolo) unleash a half dozen giants to terrorise the citizens and smite the legendary adventurer in the caverns below the city. The grungy 12 ft tall giants weren't much to look at by way of optical FX and the absence of production value across the boards holds this back. Slightly worse in the US dubbed edition that turned up in syndication later.
- DirectorDomenico PaolellaStarsPeter LupusHelga LinéMario PetriHercules fights to free the people of Babylon from an evil sorceress.Handsome Peter Lupus made a handful of sword and sandal adventures before finding stardom on MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE. Here the brawny actor plays the legendary hero sent to free a Babylonian queen from slavery. The well behaved script holds no surprises and was prepared jointly by director Damenico WOMEN PRISONERS OF DEVIL'S ISLAND Paolella & writer Luciano PERSEUS AGAINST THE MONSTERS Martino. Augusto HERCULES ATTACKS! Tiezzi and Fortunato SAMSON AND THE SLAVE QUEEN Misiano have managed their resources wisely. HERCULES AND THE TYRANTS OF BABYLON looks like it cost much more to make than it ever did. There's more political intrigue than chest flexing but the actors are clearly enjoying themselves. Helga HORROR RISES FROM THE TOMB Line & Mario HERCULES CONQUERS ATLANTIS Petrie co-starred in this dramatic peplum which has nothing much to offer; nothing to set it apart. Below average.
- DirectorAlbert BandStarsGordon ScottPaul StevensMart HulswitThe mighty Hercules battles a sea monster to save the legendary city of Troy.HERCULES VERSUS THE SEA MONSTER (aka: HERCULES AND THE PRINCESS OF TROY) was an unsold pilot episode for an Italian HERCULES tv show. Gordon TARZAN: THE MAGNIFICENT Scott starred as the son of Zeus who would be travelling from one exotic locale to another with his friends Paul BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES Stevens and Mart ISLAND OF THE LOST Hulswit had the show made it to air. This entertaining and colorful peplum guest stars Diana PEYTON PLACE Hyland as the Princess of Troy who will be sacrificed to a demon from the ocean floor unless HERCULES can save the day. Albert GHOULIES II Band directed this cheesy Avco/Embassy release based on a script by Ugo BORA! BORA! Liberatore and Larry TORA! TORA! TORA! Forrester. I'm giving this passable TV movie an extra star for that wonderfully inventive sea dragon that had me smiling ear to ear just like a boy watching for the 1st time nearly 60 years ago.
- DirectorMaurizio LucidiStarsReg ParkGia SandriGiovanni CianfrigliaReg Park returns to his antics of old as the man of iron in HERCULES THE AVENGER. The Son of Jove undertakes another journey into the nether realms battling zombies and monsters in order to rescue his son, allowing goddess Gia an opportunity to place her own slacker son in Hercules' sandals. There's something for everyone: ghouls, dragons, sweating men and girls in skimpy outfits.Reg HERCULES: PRISONER OF EVIL Parks starred in this recycled supernatural peplum which is built around borrowed footage from his 1961 films HERCULES IN A HAUNTED WORLD and HERCULES CONQUERS ATLANTIS. HERCULES journeys to the spooky center of the earth looking for the endangered life of his son but while away is replaced by an evil doppleganger. Steve Reeves' former body double Giovanni CASTLE OF BLOOD Gianifriglia plays the antagonist with flamboyance but he's not in Parks league as a stage presence and poses even less a threat than the A CHRISTMAS CAROL-esque ghostly haunts. Gli THE INVINCIBLE GLADIATORS Invincibili played the queen who foolishly beds the toxic impostor to the detriment of her kingdom. Writer Lorenzo NUDE GIRL MURDERED IN THE PARK Palli and director Maurizio IT CAN BE DONE, AMIGO! Lucidi got a boost from cinematographer Giorgio BLACK SUNDAY Giovanni and fx artist Emilio BLOOD AND BLACK LACE Trani who helped make the new footage blend with the material lifted from Mario Bava's 1961 sword and sandal cult classic. Not terrible considering how much of it came out of an A.I.P. Editing room.
- DirectorGiacomo GentilomoStarsSergio CianiJany ClairAnna Maria PolaniHercules is summoned to oppose the evil Queen Samara, who has allied herself with aliens and is sacrificing her own people in a bid to awaken a moon goddess.This French/Italian coproduction features Alan HERCULES UNCHAINED Steel (aka: Sergio Ciani) as Maciste, a heroic mercenary in ancient Rome called to the mountainous region of Samara where a monstrous tribe of stone-headed men has arisen to enslave mankind. Queen Samara (Jacy HERCULES ATTACKS Clair) has cut a deal with the subterranean creatures to sacrifice the village children in exchange for world domination. Delia JEKYLL D'Alberto plays the princess in need of rescue. MACISTE AND THE QUEEN OF SAMARA (or HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN as it was known to US audiences) is a shabby-looking peplum hindered by the terrible special effects work of the inexperienced Ugo ATOM AGE VAMPIRE Amadoro. The Chromoscope colors don't pop the way they should although the problem may be washed out public domain prints floating around. The lackluster script was provided by Arpad THE FURY OF HERCULES DeRiso, Giovani CAESAR THE CONQUEROR Scolaro, Angelo ZORRO THE FOX Sargermano and director Giacomo GOLIATH AND THE VAMPIRES Gentiloro who retired soon after. That mystery science thing I detest poked fun at this harmless sword and sandal 'epic' which was really intended for kids. It's probably not something kids would enjoy today and certainly nothing I'd recommend but if you're a genre addict it's on your playlist.
- DirectorLuigi CozziStarsLou FerrignoBrad HarrisSybil DanningThe story of the Greek mythological figure, updated in this '80s version.Luigi Cozzi wrote/directed this genuine cult classic sandwiched between STARCRASH, ALIEN CONTAMINATION & SINBAD OF THE SEVEN SEAS. Lou THE DEATH OF THE INCREDIBLE HULK Ferrigno certainly had the body to play the strongest man in the universe however he is a lousy actor imo & the fact he was badly dubbed makes his terrible performance worse! The herc survives his Moses-like childhood to rise as a champion of men despite the machinations of the gods. HERCULES was clearly influenced by the under-rated Ray Harryhausen fantasy CLASH OF THE TITANS from 1981. Obscure fx artist Armando THE BLACK CAT Valcaudio even crafted a few minutes of the herkiest, jerkiest stop-motion since the silent era!...he made mechanical centaurs etc to battle our hero. It is hilariously bad yet not entirely without charm. This Italian B-movie is loaded start to finish with practical effects & opticals but they're all a disgrace compared to low budget fare like Roger Cormans' BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS. Goffedo COMIN' AT YA! Unger & Germano YETI: THE WONDER OF THE 20TH CENTURY Natali applied those shockingly cheap effects with such mindless enthusiasm you can't help admire their effort. Cozzie who also produced HERCULES under the name Lewis Coates hired world class film composer Pino THE HOWLING Donaggio (a favorite of Brian de Palma) to score his DOG and the end results are worth every dime he was paid. The opulent soundtrack elevates this drek even at times when it's showing tinted edits of 20 year old peplum stock footage to pad the run time. Scream queen Sybil HOWLING II: YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF Danning, Brad THE FURY OF HERCULES Harris, Mirela TENEBREA de Angelo & William THE SINISTER EYES OF DR. ORLOFF co-starred in this campy sword & sandal epoch that turned a profit for US distributor Cannon films. Followed by a sequel: HERCULES II which recycled over an hour of footage from the original!
- DirectorLuigi CozziStarsLou FerrignoMilly CarlucciSonia VivianiHercules searches for the Seven Thunderbolts of Zeus, which have been stolen by renegade gods.Lou THE INCREDIBLE HULK Ferrigno took top billing in this campy, more-of-the-same sequel to Luigi STARCRASH Cozzi's 1983 video rental. By more of the same I mean over an HOUR's worth of footage from that DOG has been recycled for this DOG and to make matters worse what little new material was cut in is also laced with stock footage! Rumor has it that The Cannon Group hired Cozzi to shoot additional material for THE TEN MAGNIFICENT GLADIATORS but were so impressed with the result they had him fashion a HERCULES sequel instead. Scenes from THE ADVENTURES OF HERCULES would be cut into Cozzi's 2016 video THE BLOOD OF MILIES MOON. Nice to see he's still up to his old tricks. A dubbed Lou Ferrigno plays the demi-god who's been sent to Earth to retrieve 7 stolen thunderbolts. Zeus' (Claudio AVALANCHE EXPRESS Cassinelli) magic bolts are in the magic hands of King Midas' (William KUNG FU BROTHERS IN THE WILD WEST Berger) evil allies. If HERCULES can't get them back the moon will hurtle out of orbit destroying the universe! The opening credits are almost TEN MINUTES LONG and vaguely resemble the title sequence for SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE without the trails of glitter. The music is unusually strong for such a pitiful VHS rental. The always professional Pino THE HOWLING Donaggio wrote the score back in '83 but found it's way back 2 years later still feeling out of place and awkwardly inserted. Joe FELLINI'S SATYRICON Natheson & Giovanni ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA Gorridan were but 2 of the unsung heroes of Italian special effects who contributed to the eccentric and surreal visuals. Some of it's wonderfully cheesy but no matter how ridiculously bad it gets at times they keep throwing them at you so you're never actually bored. I was giving this DOG an extra star for the occasionally charming FX but knocked it off when I saw Lou's wife Carla in the cast as Athena. During the Obama era a fake news attack was launched against legendary human rights leader Dr. Bill Cosby featuring a number of racist character assassins falsely blowing rape whistles. Carla, who was a pornstar & paid Playboy 'hostess' in the 60s signed a sponsorship contract with Gloria Allred in 2014 to vilify Cosby in the press. Lou himself has mostly refused to comment on the accusation other to say: "I don't need the publicity". Carla joined other 'Cosby survivors' in a metoo lynching organized by the Clinton delegate Allred as she tried to shake down America's Dad for 100 million to 'make it go away'. Carla's story is that Cosby kissed her once on the mouth at a party in 1967. I felt bad for every genuine survivor Carla was stealing money and attention from. She came across like a hysterical villager from a Mel Brooks comedy finding out a new sheriff's in town. She also claimed she was warned by her husband to never tell as Bill Cosby was a powerful man who could destroy their careers. Yeah, right! In the 1960s Dr. Bill Cosby was taking the backdoor into hotels because the front door was reserved for Ferrignos. I think Carla is a racist ho-bag selling sniffs of her rancid 50 year old playboy underwear to tmz to make her ends meet. I'd never look at this again cuz she's in it.
- DirectorRenny HarlinStarsKellan LutzGaia WeissScott AdkinsThe origin story of the mythical Greek hero. Betrayed by his stepfather, the King, and exiled and sold into slavery because of a forbidden love, Hercules must use his formidable powers to fight his way back to his rightful kingdom.
- StarsPaul TelferElizabeth PerkinsSean AstinA chronicle of the life of the Greek hero who after killing his three sons must perform five labors to repent.Hallmark has made a number of respectable mini-series in recent years while HERCULES isn't among their very best it's certainly worth a look. The writer delves deep into classic mythology while exploring the history of son of Zeus from birth to his marriage to Deianeira (Leelee THE WICKER MAN Sobieski) following the completion of 5 tasks assigned by a prophet (Kim THE AMITYVILLE CURSE Coates). Charles Edward Pogue produced a handful of engaging scripts during his decades in Hollywood...surprisingly few considering the calibre of his work. Fans know of him for PSYCHO III, THE FLY, DOA and the sword and sorcery action pic KULL THE CONQUEROR but not by name. This would be his last filmed work. Paul YOUNG ALEXANDER THE GREAT Telfer may not fill that toga as spectacularly as Steve Reeves or Lou Ferrigno but I still wouldn't kick him out of bed or off my tv screen. He looks better than the ok cg effects. They're not as good as you'd expect to see during any given episode of HERCULES: THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS nor have they aged well but you won't hate them. Actors Rob THE THORN BIRDS 2: THE MISSING YEARS Taylor, Rachael MAN-THING Taylor & pro wrestler Tyler HALLOWEEN Mane smooth over the occasionally spotty fx with a strong acting assist. This perfectly watchable film was flavorlessly directed by Roger Young who I only know for the low budget horror video DRACULA'S CURSE but I promise HERCULES is much better than that!
- DirectorJoe GiannoneStarsGaylen RossTony NunziataHarriet BassA legendary psychopathic murderer stalks a summer camp.Some online rag I've never heard of ranked MADMAN 25TH on their list of best 100 slasher movies. WHY?! This was mostly made by nobody you've heard of before or since and is as generic as THE BURNING, FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 or any of the cheap HATCHET pics from Anchor Bay. It's a small step above the backyard CAMP BLOOD mockbusters lingering around today. A group of attractive camp counselors new to the woods awaken the disfigured MADMAN Marz who stalks them relentlessly ala Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees. The only face I recognized was final girl Gaylen Ross who had a starring role in the 1978 zombie classic; DAWN OF THE DEAD. The gore hounds will be satisfied with by the gashings and snappings while others will pass the time waiting for a glimpse of side boob. I was mostly passively entertained. Written/Directed by Joe Giannone who assisted on the 1979 TV movie; THE CLONUS HORROR. Below average even within the genre.
- DirectorKinji FukasakuStarsMasao KusakariTsunehiko WataseIsao NatsuyagiAfter a virus devastates the global human population, survivors in Antarctica desperately try to find a cure and save the human race.VIRUS: DAY OF RESSURECTION was a late entry in the 1970s disaster movie craze released about the time the genre was imploding with BOMBS like BEYOND THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE and WHEN TIME RAN OUT plummeting to the bottom of the box office. It was a risky production for a Japanese studio to undertake with a budget of 16 million making it their most expensive film at the time. It was based on a novel by Sakyo Komatsu who's other best-seller 'Japan Sinks' was the basis for 1974 hit THE SINKING OF JAPAN (drastically re-edited as TIDAL WAVE by Roger Corman for US audiences) and adapted to the screen by Koji WICKED PRIEST 4: KILLER PRIEST COMES BACK Takada & Kinji TORA! TORA! TORA! Fusasaku. Writer/director Fusasaku is responsible for a number of great movies over the decades including MESSAGE FROM SPACE and 2000's BATTLE ROYAL and is a favorite of Quentin Tarantino so throw some popcorn in the microwave because at 156 minutes you're going to need it! A germ called mm88 is released from a bio lab killing every vertebre on earth with the exception of 900 people living at a research station in Antarctica where it's too cold for the virus to reproduce. ULTRAMAN star Masao Kusakari leads the huge international cast as a scientist who believes the worst is yet to come when the US and Russian nukes are activated by a pending earthquake registering 9 on the Richter scale! He and a military intelligence officer (Bo BEYOND THE DOOR III Svenson) head for Washington hoping to prevent nuclear armageddon and to save the antidote which has been found. But will they be too late? Despite the multi-million dollar pricetag on this disaster epic this is not a spectacle like Irwin Allen's THE TOWERING INFERNO or EARTHQUAKE. VIRUS is loaded with stock footage of riots, military exorcises and atomic blasts leaving little for the small effects crew to actually do. Michael METEOR Minor and David HUMONGUS Trifunarich handled sparse but believable effects leaving the large cast to carry the dramatic weight. Sonny THE STREET FIGHTER'S REVENGE Chiba, Chris FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES Wiggins, Olivia PSYCHO IV: THE BEGINNING Hussey, Robert SUPERMAN III Vaughn and Glen HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME Ford etc all are in top form and more than capable of delivering the cliched and sentimental material with a straight face. I'm a fan of end of the world movies so am rating this generously with a 6/10. Also, did I mention this was shot in my hometown of Halifax, Nova Scotia? It's an introspective piece mostly with our heroes coming to terms with the fall of civilization and if you can forgive the endless junk science propelling their plight I think you'll find this overlong disaster pic engaging. Beware of the shortened US cuts which slash the run time by nearly an hour!
- DirectorMichael BayStarsMark WahlbergDwayne JohnsonAnthony MackieA trio of bodybuilders in Florida get caught up in an extortion ring and a kidnapping scheme that goes terribly wrong.
- DirectorStephen SommersStarsDennis QuaidChanning TatumMarlon WayansAn elite military unit comprised of special operatives known as G.I. Joe, operating out of The Pit, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer.
- DirectorJon M. ChuStarsDwayne JohnsonChanning TatumAdrianne PalickiThe G.I. Joes are not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardize their very existence.
- CreatorCole HaddonStarsJonathan Rhys MeyersJessica De GouwThomas KretschmannDracula travels to London, with dark plans for revenge against those who ruined his life centuries earlier. However, his plan is complicated when he falls in love with a woman who seems to be a reincarnation of his dead wife.Universal is synonymous with DRACULA and has been since they struck gold with Todd Browning's 1931 adaption starring Bela Lugosi. VAN HELSING, Frank Langella's DRACULA, DRACULA UNTOLD etc, I am a fan of the Universal Monsters brand. 100%. Couldn't help feeling let down by this hoity-toity re-imagining from BBC/America scribe Cole Hadden. It feels too much like a dreary English drah-ma and not enough like DRACULA. What sold me on the blu ray was the name Daniel Knauf listed as an executive producer. He made a fine impression for his work on the cult HBO series CARNIVALE. The 10 episodes that made it to air look gorgeous and has an awesome cast led by the completely miscast Jonathan THE TUDORS Rhys-Meyer as 'Alexander Grayson' (DRACULA) & Nonso JACK RYAN: SHADOW RECRUIT Anozie as his right hand man Renfield. They should have renamed him something catchy like Alucard or Dr Acula if they weren't comfortable with the source material. Grayson is the vengeful monster brought back to life in Victorian England living as an inventor at Carfax Manor (not Abbey which triggers us towards the similar looking DOWNTOWN ABBeY). What? They're ashamed of that too? Seriously, they don't even list Bram Stoker in the credits as having created the characters. Probably that's best because he wouldn't have been thrilled with the casting of a black actor as Renfield. Love Stoker! Have 3 of his books on my shelf but if you've never had the pleasure the man was a racist! It was a different time and place in history so you take that into consideration but also please understand that given the racism at the time how unlikely Anozie is as Renfield. It feels like woke casting and it didn't work for me in a show drenched in period detail. He didn't look comfortable either in the role and had no rapport with the vampire. There's a love triangle between Jonathan (Oliver THE INVISIBLE MAN Jackson Cohen), Jessica PENNYWORTH De Gouw & Alex that has no passion despite how many Hungarian opera houses they haughtily attend. There are secret cartels and sinister business dealings aplenty but they were as under written as Lucy (Katie SUPERGIRL McGrath or awkwardly rebooted and unrecognizable like Van Helsing (Thomas PENNY DREADFUL: CITY OF ANGELS Kretschmann). I'm giving this beautiful show an extra star for Gabor Kriszelly whose art direction proved just as invaluable on the 2002 Italian mini series DRACULA. Audiences tuned out in droves while this tried to decide if it wanted to be more like DARK SHADOWS, PENNY DREADFUL or that embarrassing 1997 version of THE HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN. It was the latter, I'm afraid. Unimpressive in the extreme.
- DirectorJohn Llewellyn MoxeyStarsPatricia JesselDennis LotisChristopher LeeA young college student arrives in a sleepy Massachusetts town to research witchcraft; during her stay at an eerie inn, she discovers a startling secret about the town and its inhabitants.HORROR HOTEL (aka: THE CITY OF THE DEAD) was an early low budget horror pic from John THE NIGHT STALKER Lewellyn Moxey which had the distinction of being the 1st film released by Hammer rival Amicus. The B&W shocker was originally written as an hour long pilot for an unproduced anthology series set to star Boris Karloff but was recast and expanded to feature length by mystery novelist George CIRCUS OF HORRORS Baxt & Milton AT THE EARTH'S CORE Subotsky who provided the screenplay. Christopher THE HORROR OF DRACULA Lee plays a professor who encourages his student to research her paper on witchcraft in his hometown near Salem. Pat (Bretta TARZAN THE MAGNIFICENT St. John) arrives to find the fog shrouded community in the hands of an evil coven and the living marked for human sacrifice. This is a rather evocative flick thanks to a convincing cast of British actors you've never heard of. I'm not sure they're good enough to pass for American but they are authentically creepy. Patricia MODEL FOR MURDER Jessel plays the vengeful reincarnation of a with burnt as the stake centuries before. Desmond TROG Dickinson does some terrific work here as cinematographer while Cliff THE LOST CONTINENT Richardson capably produced the frugal special effects. Predictable but passable.
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsTom CruiseJon VoightEmmanuelle BéartAn American agent, under false suspicion of disloyalty, must discover and expose the real spy without the help of his organization.MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE is based on the classic spy series of the same name that ran between 1966-1973 and again from 1988-1990 for a total of 9 seasons and was produced by Tom TOP GUN: MAVERICK Cruise and his business partner Paula Wagoner for Paramount who owned the rights. What they had at the time the pic was in development was a lousy script by the writing team of Gloria Katz & Willard Huyck who were responsible for the 1986 box office disaster HOWARD THE DUCK. That would not do so while Oscar winning director Brian CARRIE de Palma scrambled to design some grandiose set pieces a crack team of writers were assembled to build the script around the stunt work which was underway. Steven SCHINDLER'S LIST Zaillian, Robert CHINATOWN Towne and lastly David Koepp who had worked with both star and director before on WAR OF THE WORLDS and CARLITO'S WAY dug in. I think they made an exciting movie and the perfect vehicle for Tom Cruise who has spun its' success into a formidable franchise rivalling THE FAST & THE FURIOUS in popularity. On the downside it's nothing like the MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE anyone remembers! The original (created by Bruce Geller) was about a stealth team working together not demolition experts knifing each other in the back which is what this feels more like. It's all very entertaining but dissimilar to the format Geller intended. Poor Ethan Hunt gets betrayed more than Donald Trump but with heroes clinging to bullet trains, helicopters spiraling down tunnels & giant aquariums shattering everywhere who's gonna know or care? This film was designed to move at a breakneck pace and does. It was also filmed largely in Prague to get the most of that 80 million dollar budget. The trade off is that you're stuck with the citizens of that nation as supporting cast and there's not a recognizable face in the bunch. Top billed Jon MIDNIGHT COWBOY Voight, Vanessa WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE? Redgrave, Jack GODZILLA Reno and Ving CASUALTIES OF WAR Rhames round out the cast with only Rhames brought back for the numerous sequels...5 as of 2018 with MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE DEAD RECKONING PART ONE & TWO set for release in 2023-2024.
- DirectorJohn WooStarsTom CruiseDougray ScottThandiwe NewtonIMF agent Ethan Hunt is sent to Sydney to find and destroy a genetically modified disease called "Chimera".
- DirectorJ.J. AbramsStarsTom CruiseMichelle MonaghanVing RhamesIMF agent Ethan Hunt comes into conflict with a dangerous and sadistic arms dealer who threatens his life and his fiancée in response.
- DirectorBrad BirdStarsTom CruiseJeremy RennerSimon PeggThe IMF is shut down when it's implicated in the bombing of the Kremlin, causing Ethan Hunt and his new team to go rogue to clear their organization's name.
- DirectorSimon WestStarsAngelina JolieJon VoightIain GlenVideo game adventurer Lara Croft comes to life in a movie where she races against time and villains to recover powerful ancient artifacts.
- DirectorJonathan LiebesmanStarsMegan FoxWill ArnettWilliam FichtnerWhen a kingpin threatens New York City, a group of mutated turtle warriors must emerge from the shadows to protect their home.TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES began it's unholy assault on popular culture back in the early 80s as a ridiculous comic book created by Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman. The concept spun off enough plastic merchandise to warrant hit animated Saturday morning cartoon series and eventually even video games & feature films. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES is a reboot of the 1990-1992 film trilogy and follows the 2007 animated feature TMNT. 4 genetically modified turtles and a rat are released by a child into the sewers following an arson at the Sachs lab. As an adult their rescuer (Megan TRANSFORMERS: THE FALL OF MAN Fox) is shocked to discover the 'lab rats' are now CG rendered superheroes who live secretly below New York city like C.H.U.D. The teenagers were voice acted by a bunch of 35-45 year old men none of whom singularly or apart could entice me to buy a movie ticket. They are; Johnny THE DUKES OF HAZZARD Knoxville as Leonardo, Alan TITANS Ritchison as Raphael, Jeremy MALIBU RESCUE 2: THE NEXT WAVE Howard as Donatelo & Noel LIGHTNING!: BOLTS OF DESTRUCTION Fisher as Michelangelo. They act nothing like turtles despite their slickly applied CG motion captures. They do act like cartoon ninjas thanks to their martial arts training at the rat hands of Splinter (another vocal performance provided by Tony SPY KIDS 3: GAME OVER Shalhoub). The turtles takes to the streets and skyscrapers battling an industrialist (William THE LONE RANGER Fichtner as Sachs) and a metal Samaraii with EDWARD SCISSORHANDS named Shredder (Tohoru BIGFOOT: THE UNFORGETTABLE ENCOUNTERS Masamune). Will JONAH HEX Arnett and that toxic hag from THE VIEW Whoopie Goldberg round out the human cast although the real star of this show is Industrial Light and Magic who also handled the bombastic visuals for the similar HOWARD THE DUCK. These high end animations ate about as much of the rumoured 120 million dollar budget ad the advertising blitz this fast paced adventure generated. Despite the overwhelming negative response from critics TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES took in 400 million at the international box office and was followed by the even noisier TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS in 2016. Director John WRATH OF THE TITANS Liebesman earned a Golden Raspberry nomination for this cluttered superhero pic as did writers Evan TOMB RAIDER Daugherty, Josh MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: GHOST PROTOCAL Applebaum & Andre G.I. JOE III Nemec. The film was also nominated in the categories of Worst Picture and Worst Sequel but only nabbed one win for Fox as Worst Actress.
- DirectorKenneth BranaghStarsChris PineKevin CostnerKeira KnightleyJack Ryan, as a young covert C.I.A. analyst, uncovers a Russian plot to crash the U.S. economy with a terrorist attack.
- DirectorZack SnyderStarsGerard ButlerLena HeadeyDavid WenhamIn the ancient battle of Thermopylae, King Leonidas and 300 Spartans fight against Xerxes and his massive Persian army. They face insurmountable odds when they are betrayed by a Spartan reject.
- DirectorNoam MurroStarsSullivan StapletonEva GreenLena HeadeyGreek general Themistocles of Athens leads the naval charge against invading Persian forces led by mortal-turned-god Xerxes and Artemisia, vengeful commander of the Persian navy.
- DirectorSteven SpielbergStarsRoy ScheiderRobert ShawRichard DreyfussWhen a killer shark unleashes chaos on a beach community off Cape Cod, it's up to a local sheriff, a marine biologist, and an old seafarer to hunt the beast down.
- DirectorJeannot SzwarcStarsRoy ScheiderLorraine GaryMurray HamiltonPolice chief Brody must protect the citizens of Amity after a second monstrous shark begins terrorizing the waters.Longtime Universal director Jeannot SUPERGIRL Szwarc rarely ever got to shine although he shimmered a lot mainly on series like NIGHT GALLERY and GREY'S ANATOMY. JAWS 2 isn't his best work but it's probably his biggest success as a film-maker. A lot of the credit goes to John THE OMEN Williams for recreating the classic theme and the mechanical shark operators who clearly put some effort into their craft. Robert CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND Arborgast & returning shark wrangler Robert JAWS Mattey turned in some convincing shark fabrications. Chris Mueller created the clean visual effects. His name may not be well known but the other 3 films he worked on are; 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA, THIS ISLAND EARTH and the original CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON! Sure they were all from the 50s but whatever. I get the feeling a lot of Universal studio execs were at the trough when JAWS 2 went into production. The 1st pic cemented itself an an instant masterpiece and they carved its' sequel up among themselves. At one point Lorraine Gary's studio exec husband was pushing to have her confront the great white along side Chief Brody but that idea was thankfully nixed...until 1987s JAWS: THE REVENGE came along. By then her husband was the president of MCA/Universal and happily okayed the great white vs great wife angle.. For writers they brought back Carl CAVEMAN Gottlieb & Howard Sackler who also made the slightly water-logged GRAY LADY DOWN that same year. Roy ALL THAT JAZZ Scheider reluctantly agreed to return as the Chief of police who is once again met with suppression when he reports another shark is hunting the shore of Amity. The climactic scene involving stranded teens clinging to rafts ensures viewers are going to watch unseasoned actors struggle to scream on cue. That non-descript young cast was a disappointment and my least favorite part of the movie to sit through. JAWS 2 was a huge international hit and was for a time the top grossing sequel ever made. A lot of effort was made to ensure it was very good if not great. Disastrously followed by JAWS 3-D and released among a slew of imitators including PIRANHA, THE DEEP, BARACUDA, etc.
- DirectorJoe AlvesStarsDennis QuaidBess ArmstrongSimon MacCorkindaleA giant thirty-five-foot shark becomes trapped in a SeaWorld theme park and it's up to the sons of police chief Brody to rescue everyone.Joe Alves is a talented production designer who's worked with great directors including Steven Spielberg, John Carpenter & Walter Hill but he isn't one himself. This notorious DOG may have been his 1st and only foray into the field and he is TERRIBLE! As is the script by Richard DYING ROOM ONLY Matheson, Carl THE JERK, TOO Gotlieb & Guerdon TARANTULAS: THE DEADLY CARGO Trueblood. JAWS III (as it's sometimes called) plays like a shoddy rehash of THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US against some of the WORST 3-D effects since SPACEHUNTER: ADVENTURES IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE or COMIN' AT YA! Christopher SHARK ATTACK 2 Dusendschron was mostly responsible for the cheap & grainy look to the 3-D imaging although the make ups are nothing to sing about either. A great white shark invades an underwater amusement park searching for the sons of Chief Brody (Dennis G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA Quaid & John BEETOVEN'S CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE Putch) and their friends. The strong-ish supporting cast includes Bess DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE...TOGETHER AGAIN! Armstrong, Louis IRON EAGLES IV: ON THE ATTACK Gossett, Jr., Lea HOWARD THE DUCK Thompson & Simon MANIMAL MacCorkindale but nothing could save this slap in the face to the original. Easily one of the worst sequels ever made. Followed by JAWS: THE REVENGE which is a significant improvement despite all the fanboy hate in recent years. Based on characters created by best-selling author Peter Benchley.
- DirectorJoseph SargentStarsLorraine GaryLance GuestMario Van PeeblesChief Brody's widow believes that her family is deliberately being targeted by another shark in search of revenge.I don't hate JAWS: THE REVENGE and neither should you! Critics jumped all over this unfairly maligned sequel mostly for stating it's premise via a memorable tag-line; 'This Time...It's Personal!'. They felt the concept of a shark seeking revenge was ridiculous. I saw one flying through outer space firing lasers from it's dorsal fin last week...on it's way back in time so shut up! The Brodies were stalked by a great white in three previous films. YES! It was personal! It was also probably personal that returning JAWS/JAWS 2 actress Lorraine Gary was cast as the widow Ellen Brody being that her husband was the president of MCA/Universal at the time. She evaporates on screen and has no chemistry with co-star Michael GOING IN STYLE Caine. He's an adventurer flying planes in Bahama who charms Miss Brody (far from her prime) after her son (Mitchell BACK TO HANNIBAL: THE RETURN OF TOM SAWYER & HUCKLEBERRY FINN Anderson) is eaten by a shark. Her other son (Lance HALLOWEEN II Guest) shares a boat with a charismatic business partner played by Mario AMERICAN WARSHIP Van Peebles. Unfortunately for them the shark has followed the grieving mother to finish her off. Coming off the infamous DOG which proceeded it JAWS: THE REVENGE feels like a step up for the franchise. The movie is arguably almost on par with JAWS 2. It may also have played better with a stronger actress in the lead. Peebles' character tested so positively with audiences his death during the finale was re-edited so that he survived. That didn't save this from being a BOMB. JAWS 3-D is the real black sheep of the family and it killed the franchise. This was thrown together with some spit and polish by a competent Universal back lot crew. Joseph COLOSSUS: THE FORBIN PROJECT Sargent matter-of-factly scripted for director Michael STRANGERS: THE STORY OF A MOTHER AND A DAUGHTER De Guzman but best-selling author Peter Benchley had his name stricken from the credits..
- DirectorEnzo G. CastellariStarsJames FranciscusVic MorrowMicaela PignatelliJames Franciscus tries to save hundreds of swimmers in a coastal resort after a Great White Shark starts terrorizing the area.
- DirectorBruno MatteiStarsDavid LutherGeorge Barnes Jr.Scott SilveriaA huge shark terrorizes a beach in Florida, and the locals try everything to kill it.
- DirectorFranklin J. SchaffnerStarsCharlton HestonRoddy McDowallKim HunterAn astronaut crew crash-lands on a planet where highly intelligent non-human ape species are dominant and humans are enslaved.
- DirectorTed PostStarsJames FranciscusKim HunterMaurice EvansThe sole survivor of an interplanetary rescue mission searches for the only survivor of the previous expedition. He discovers a planet ruled by apes and an underground city run by telepathic humans.20th Century Fox produced this lesser-than sequel to their 1968 sci-fi masterpiece; THE PLANET OF THE APES with the unexceptional Ted DIARY OF A TEENAGE HITCH-HIKER Post assigned to direct. Original 'APES' producer Mort Abrahams wrote the script with Paul Dehn who would continue to write for the franchise through BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES in 1973. Nothing they put to page even remotely resembles the source material Monkey Planet by Pierre Boulle, by the way. This story picks up where the 1st film ended and features a new astronaut (James THE CONCORDE AFFAIR '79 Fransiscus) stranded in the same future earth as Taylor. Charlton DYNASTY II: THE COLBYS Heston balked at the idea of doing a sequel but agreed to a pivotal cameo towards the final act as a favor to Arthur Jacobs for hiring him to do part 1. Brent hooks up with Taylor's ex Nova (Linda AIRPORT 1975 Harrison) but they're are soon waylaid by a subterranean race of atomic bomb worshipping mutants! The telepathic humanoids are itching to cleanse THE PLANET OF THE APES of simian rule using a doomsday rocket. Kim BAD RONALD Hunter returns as the sympathetic chimp Zira with a horribly miscast David PERRY MASON AND THE CASE OF THE LADY IN THE LAKE Watson filling in as Cornelius. Even under five pounds of make-up Roddy McDowall owned the part and was sorely missed from this instalment. Maurice TERROR IN THE WAX MUSEUM Evans chews some scenery as Dr. Zaius while James THE MAIN EVENT Gregory calls for war in the role of Ursus. John PLANET OF THE APES Chambers, David BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS Striepeke & Verne HELLO, DOLLY! Langdon did an awesome job on the ape transformations but at a glance you'll see extras sporting far less convincing rubber masks. A lot of the sets were handed down from the previous movie while others were redressed from previous 20th Century Fox productions like the HELLO, DOLLY! grand staircase which serves as the mutant gallery. The music was by Leonard THE RETURN OF MARCUS WELBY, M.D. Kassman and not the Oscar winner you might expect for a prestigious sequel to a genuine Hollywood classic. The studio cheaped out! No getting around it. L.B. THE RETURN OF CAPTAIN NEMO Abbott & Art VALLEY OF THE DOLLS Cruickshank ably managed the visual effects but they forgot to include the destruction of the planet towards the end credits! It wasn't in the budget apparently so the film ends on a black screen. How lame is that?! I'm knocking a star off for that anti-climactic ending which is light years away from the unforgettable shot of the ruined Statue of Liberty 2 years earlier. Despite the botched finale BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES cemented the brand as the #1 action/sci-fi franchise on the planet till STAR WARS came along. Followed immediately by the vastly superior ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE APES and a myriad of merchandising.
- DirectorDon TaylorStarsRoddy McDowallKim HunterBradford DillmanThe world is shocked by the appearance of three talking chimpanzees, who arrived mysteriously in a U.S. spacecraft. They become the toast of society, but one man believes them to be a threat to the human race.After the inferior sequel BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES stumbled a little ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE APES reignited the brand by flipping the concept the other way around. Paul MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS Dehn's satiric and incisive script focuses primarily on the return of a lost spaceship now occupied by talking monkeys from the future! Roddy THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE McDowall & Kim A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE Hunter are sensational as Cornelius & Zira who survived the destruction of THE PLANET OF THE APES but face certain death from our society just as the astronaut who's ship they jacked fell victim to theirs. The pair go from being media darlings to public enemy number one when it's discovered the couple are expecting. The evil Dr Hasslien (Victor THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS Braeden) understands time paradoxes like the one which occurs near the end of Tim Burton's unnecessarily maligned PLANET OF THE APES. He also knows that if they are allowed to live their species will WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES and rule till the detonation of a doomsday bomb sometime in the 3rd millennium. He decides to assassinate the family but a sympathetic pair of scientists played by Bradford PIRANHA Dillman & Natalie Trundell might be able to save them, with a little luck! Richardo DYNASTY II: THE COLBYS Montablan contributes no end to ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE APES iconic finale. This is easily director Don DAMIEN: OMEN II Taylor's best film despite further cost cutting by the studio. With only a handful of actors wearing ape drag the special effects team were able to shine. John Chambers was awarded an Oscar for their transformations and this is among the best work in the original franchise. 20th Century had more in the budget to put towards aspects of production design that were obviously lacking in the 1st sequel. Oscar winners Johnny JAWS Borgese, Joe THE TOWERING INFERNO Biroc and Jerry THE OMEN Goldsmith providing excellent fx, cinematography and music helping to push this solid film into the category of genuine science fiction classic. Highly recommended! Followed by CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES.
- DirectorJ. Lee ThompsonStarsRoddy McDowallDon MurrayRicardo MontalbanIn a futuristic world that has embraced ape slavery, Caesar, the son of the late simians Cornelius and Zira, surfaces after almost twenty years of hiding out from the authorities, and prepares for a slave revolt against humanity.
- DirectorJ. Lee ThompsonStarsRoddy McDowallClaude AkinsNatalie TrundyTen years after a worldwide series of ape revolutions and a brutal nuclear war among humans, Caesar must protect survivors of both species from an insidious human cult and a militant ape faction alike.
- CreatorAnthony WilsonStarsRoddy McDowallRon HarperJames NaughtonTwo astronauts and a sympathetic chimp friend are fugitives in a future Earth dominated by a civilization of humanoid apes.1973s' BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES fizzled at the box office so 20th Century Fox decided to sell the concept to CBS who recently scored high ratings airing the 1st 3 films. 14 episodes were ordered with Roddy THE FANTASTIC JOURNEY McDowall signed to star as a chimp named Galen who assists two human astronauts (Ron LAND OF THE LOST Harper & James THE COSBY MYSTERIES Naughton) evade General Urko (Mark STAR TREK Leonard) in the year 3085. The writers/directors were strictly Saturday morning TV mainstays and not once lived up to the brand or fan expectations. Naughton and Harper had the same chemistry that made STARSKY & HUTCH a hit not 6 months after this shows premature cancellation. Oscar nominee Lalo MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE Schifrin composed the score.. Credit also goes to Oscar winner Stan PUMPKINHEAD Winston, John JAWS Chamber, David JAWS: THE REVENGE Striepeke and Fred PLANET OF THE APES (2002) Blau for their terrific make-up Ape effects. Only 13 episodes ever made it to air as the show sank like a stone to the bottom of the ratings. In 1980 10 episodes of the show were cobbled together to form 5 tv movies for syndication which included an opening/closing with McDowall in Ape drag. It's during his final closing that Galen reveals the astronauts did find their way back home. Followed by the animated flop RETURN TO THE PLANET OF THE APES.
- CreatorDavid H. DePatieFriz FrelengStarsAustin StokerPhilippa HarrisHenry CordenWhile on a mission, three astronauts in their spaceship get caught in a time vortex. They return to Earth in the year 3979 A.D. and discover that intelligent apes are now the highest form of life.Following the unexpected collapse of the live action PLANET OF THE APES franchise with a short-lived 1974 series there was nowhere left to go but Saturday morning TV! Doug Wildey directed 13 episodes while Fritz Freeland & David DePatie scripted the multi-part story arcs which deviate hugely from the films. The three were involved with the classic LOONEY TOONS & PINK PANTHER shows but as independents peddling studio brands were also known for their flops which included GODZILLA/GODZOOKIE & MR. T. Of all their lousy cartoons this was among their best bad work. To make matters worse it was ugly as sin. Lead animator Bob Richardson also contributed to the trios other failures like THE BARKLEYS and Dr. DOOLITTLE. This abrupt departure from the previous format finds our world ruled by a technologically advanced civilization identical to the 1970 human era. It may sound closer to Pierre Boule's novel; MONKEY PLANET but is actually much more like that cheap PS2 videogame nobody wanted to play. In one concession to the films the characters of Nova & Brent briefly appear. Henry 'Fred Flintstone' Corden led the voice cast which also included Austin 3 FROM HELL Stoker. Tedious. I can't imagine even hardcore fans wanting to watch noisy, generic slop bucket of bargain basement animations which contributes nothing to the brand. 3 superior novelizations were released by Ballentine but even they're a garbagy 'Apes' merchandise tie in better left unread.
- DirectorKevin BurnsDavid ComtoisStarsRoddy McDowallMort AbrahamsCharlton HestonThe story behind the making of the 5 "Planet of the Apes" movies.Hollywood legend Roddy McDowall (who played such an important part of the PLANET OF THE APES popularity) hosted this fan-boy retrospective of the classic 20th Century Fox franchise. It was among the actors' final completed projects and aired on AMC as an Apes 30th Anniversary Tribute weeks before his death. The bonus disc is worth a watch; it's raw looking interview questions directed towards the all-knowing McDowall but the feature is a treasure trove for fans of the durable brand from it's beginning as a French novella to it's transformation into one of the top grossing films in the Disney (now, I guess,) catalogue. The long anticipated Tim Burton remake was years away still so it ends on a bummer; RETURN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES! The dedicated fanboy creators of this soft documentary (Kevin Burns, David Contaris & Brian Anthony) won't shut about it anyway. Mostly I found the 'making of...' material informative but not especially fresh. Roddy McDowall's interview isn't archived footage like so much of this geeky time killer proves to be and is def worth your time if you're a longtime brand aficionado. Others (most folks, in fact) probably couldn't care less.
- DirectorTim BurtonStarsMark WahlbergHelena Bonham CarterTim RothIn 2029, an Air Force astronaut crash-lands on a mysterious planet where evolved, talking apes dominate a race of primitive humans.I read Pierre Boulle's 1963 novella Monkey Planet back in the 70s when the multi media franchise it spawned exploded into popular culture with 20th Century Fox' sci-fi masterpiece THE PLANET OF THE APES. The French book tells the story of a human travelling near the speed of light to Soror; a world in orbit around Betelgeuse. There he finds a simian society similar to the earth he left behind. Persecuted, Ulyses and his new girlfriend Nova seek to escape THE PLANET OF THE APES with the help of sympathetic chimps Zira and Cornelius. The couple experience the time displacements one might expect travelling at the speed of light. By the time they return to Paris with their son Serius it's now the 25th century. As they depart their spaceship at the Eiffel tower to their horror they discover Earth is now ruled by apes. The 1968 film borrows from the novella in creating that unforgettable climax featuring a ruined statue of liberty indicating humanity had fallen just as mankind collapsed in the book on Soror. Tim Burton's PLANET OF THE APES decided to go big or go home. They could not do this movie without a mind-blowing ending of the magnitude of Charlton Heston's stark realization on the beach. They opted to mirror the ending of the story as it was intended...including the final TWILIGHT ZONE-esque slap in the face many of you don't know because you haven't read it. In the bookends to Boulle's story the adventure of Ulyses is read by a couple who find his journal cast into space like a note in a bottle thrown into the ocean. They just laugh because they're eventually revealed to be apes and as any good ape knows no human has ever existed above the level of a dumb animal...not on Soror and not on Earth either Heh! Heh! Heh! Using the solar sails Ulyses brought to Soror the apes travelled through a warp in space/time...further back than Ulyses due to the Hasslien Curve! As shot by Burton here, the time paradox built into the finale looked awesome! Heavily armed law enforcement in Oscar worthy ape make up race to the scene of the Lincoln Memorial where an astronaut (Mark PAIN AND GAIN Walberg) has crash landed his vehicle on it's return from the planet Ashlar. Instead of Lincoln, Leo finds a statue of Ashlar's simian ruler General Thade (Tim SHE-HULK: ATTORNEY AT LAW Roth) indicating the apes left Ashlar using the wreck of the human space craft Oberon which Leo (Walberg) once flew. I'm one of the few who thought the climax was exhilarating. Quantum physics are a real pain in the ass and I'm the kind of guy who hates algebra but trust me; screen writers William APOLLO 13 Broyler, Rick MIGHTY JOE YOUNG Rosenthal & Lawrence STAR TREK IV: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY Konner presented a fine articulation of what went down at the end of Monkey Planet imo. All 3 were given a kick in the pants at the Stinker Awards as was Burton who has been making me smile since PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE. No way Burton deserves anything but praise for this fabulous reimagining! A huge percentage of PLANET OF THE APES mammoth 120 million dollar budget was lavished on Oscar winning effects artist Rick KING KONG Baker's state of the art make ups and prosthetics. A gazillion craftsmen were hard at work at every level of design. Costumes, sound, music (frequent Burton composer Danny EDWARD SCISSORHANDS Elfman), cinematography etc, etc; everything is top of the line. George Lucas' Industrial Light and Magic who have provided FX for STAR WARS and the pending MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: DEAD RECONNING PART II were but some of the Oscar winning effects techs who made this under appreciated block buster the visual triumph I consider it to be. It's as stylish and distinctive as BATMAN RETURNS or MARS ATTACKS! imo so really; what's not to love? The tremendous cast also includes Helena Bonham FIGHT CLUB Carter as a sympathetic chimp who defies General Thade in helping her human friend find his way back to the stars. I already blew the ending so let me also spoil the beginning; Leo is thrown 3000 years into the future after falling through a time warp in 2029. He was trying to retrieve a pet monkey named Semos while working in an orbital lab called the Oberon. He finds himself stranded in an ape ruled civilization where humans are kept as slaves. Turns out the apes worship a God Leo recognizes as a monkey aboard the Oberon which was hurled through the same wormhole as himself but because of the curvature of time, it crash landed thousands of years before his arrival. The ruins of the Oberon are a forbidden zone so martial law is declared as Leo leads a human revolution to fight his way off the PLANET OF THE APES. Kris A STAR IS BORN Kristofferson, Lisa ED WOOD Marie, Michael Clarke THE GREEN MILE Duncan, David TWIN PEAKS Warner, Paul SAVING PRIVATE RYAN Giomatti and Taylor himself Charlton DYNASTY II: THE COLBYS Heston (cleverly recast as Dr. Zaius) filled the marquee magnificently. The actor last played the stranded astronaut in 1970s BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES so it was a treat to see him in one last truly great ape film so soon before his death. The announced sequel was cancelled despite a 350 million dollar haul at the box office. Seriously?! In adjusted dollars how much more is that than THE ETERNALS? Fan boy hate on the web contributed to the demise of the Burton branch of the franchise and probably a lot of bots too given how many critical review sites were bought and owned covertly by rival studios with global investments (netflix!). I rate this gorgeous reimagining 7/10 stars and rank it as the 3rd best film in the series after THE PLANET OF THE APES and ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE APES. It's challenging and takes you out of the Hollywood comfort zone you're used to but so will reading the book which Is also well worth a look. Followed by the popular reboot; RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES.
- DirectorRupert WyattStarsJames FrancoAndy SerkisFreida PintoA substance designed to help the brain repair itself gives advanced intelligence to a chimpanzee who leads an ape uprising.MeToo besieged actor James SPIDER-MAN 3 Franco plays a chemical engineer for big pharma trying to develop a cure for his father's (John 3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN Lithgow) alzheimer's. He thinks he's done the trick as tests with monkeys enhance their ability to think. A chimp named Ceasar (Andy KING KONG Serkis) soon learns to speak and inject other apes on the down low. Meanwhile a deadly new pandemic has emerged that wipes out most humans & leaves the rest drooling idiots. Some guy I've never heard of scored the directing job; Rupert Wyatt. A Tumbler/Twitter exec named Peter Chernin appointed him for reasons unknown. Likewise Amanda Silver & Rick Jaffe (they made a B horror pic a decade earlier nobody liked called RELIC) sold this script to 20th Century Fox for Mark RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN Bomback to clean up. Peter Jackson's special effects company is the star of this show. They CGed the apes through motion capture and probably half the film really. Much too much time is spent in the attic where Ceasar is raised but towards the start of the apedemic there's a spectacular fight between the species on the Golden Gate bridge. It's a smallish uprising but exceptionally well done. Cool, I'd say. They all were nominated for Oscars but by this time folks had already seen Serkis as Kong and Gollum so it was not as cutting edge or important as it had been in 2002. It's terrific motion capture or I should say it was terrific but now it looks 10 years old and not nearly as sharp. Oh, the fall of man is super-duper cheap!...almost as bad as the fade to black that sadly capped BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES. They used a criss-crossing line chart over a map to depict the billions of lives lost. It was pitiful and exactly the reason they didn't deserve an academy award. I thought RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES was well acted but banal science fiction that lacked guts & imagination. Nothing about the plot felt fresh or innovative. The people who made it didn't even consider Pierre Boulle's novel Monkey Planet worth mentioning in the credits. I'm sure he's grateful. That sour grapes review thing I don't read loved it as did the fan-boys/fan-bots online. I didn't hate it but I doubt I'll ever look at it again. I found it to be contrived. Especially the pandemic. That felt faker than covid as scamdemics go. The evolutionary angle was the way to go. This wasn't convincing and it didn't get any more convincing as the sequels rolled out. It may be a technically better made movie than BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES but I'd watch the 73 pic over RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES each and every day of my life over this. 'RISE...' has no soul. Followed by two popular sequels with a 3rd announced for 2024.
- DirectorMatt ReevesStarsGary OldmanKeri RussellAndy SerkisThe fragile peace between apes and humans is threatened as mistrust and betrayal threaten to plunge both tribes into a war for dominance over the Earth.Matt THE PALLBEARER Reeves directed this 170 million dollar CG extravaganza for 20th Century Fox working from a polished screenplay by Mark Bomback who did that 2012 TOTAL RECALL remake everyone hated. The concepts were outlined by partners Amanda Silver & Rick Jaffe who made the so-so suspense shocker THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE back in 1992. The foundation set up in part one is that humanity has fallen because of a man made virus that makes people either dead or stupid and apes smart. Already I don't buy the premise. It has zero credibility! Evolution is fine by me. Can't wait? Okay; time travel will do but not the lamest of junk science. This is about as fresh as THE OMEGA MAN; another 1970s sci-fi hit starring THE PLANET OF THE APES Charlton Heston. A colony of humans led by Jason TERMINATOR: GENISYS Clarke (slowly sickening from apedemic) broker a deal with the smart & strong apes who rule the territory which contains the hydro-electrics San Francisco desperately needs. In exchange for helping Ceasar's wife (Judy HALLOWEEN ENDS Greer) the humans may have their power restored. An 'Aldo' among them (Toby FANTASTIC 4 Kebbell) tries to assassinate Ceasar, blaming the humans to instigate war. Everybody falls for everybody else's B.S. until the bland, forgettable truth is finally revealed. What else that's revealed in the final frames is that when power was restored a message was sent to an armed human camp who are on their way to throw the apes out of the woods or kill them. This still feels smallish in scope even though a decade has passed since RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. Andy KING KONG Serkis was the only main cast member invited back and if you want the truth I couldn't even tell you what color the actor's hair is IRL. I know him for motion captures mostly, cartoons...voicework. Peter Jacksons CG Studio once again filled the screen with animations that failed to take home the gold on awards night. Karin Kopnoval did some nice voice work as Maurice...if that was her. Who can tell, really? I only know her as a name in the credits like Serkis. I did recognize Keri STAR WARS EPISODE IX: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER Russell from that old WB series she did with Reeves; FELICITY. And Gary THE DARK KNIGHT RISES Oldman plays a human but who cares cuz they aren't coming back for the sequel anyway. Not even kidding. Towards the end Ceasar tells the human cast to clear out of San Francisco before the final battle begins. I miss the political subtext THE PLANET OF THE APES once simmered with. This is sterile, anticeptic, flavorless and without bite. I get no sense of the apes as a culture from watching this. They're as flatly written as their human counterparts and not nearly as alive! Followed by WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES which feature a fight for the woods outside of town. Shame on 20th Century Fox for failing to acknowledge Pierre Boulle's novel Monkey Planet in the credits. If it were a comic book instead of a classic novella they probably would have.
- DirectorMatt ReevesStarsAndy SerkisWoody HarrelsonSteve ZahnAfter the apes suffer unimaginable losses, Caesar wrestles with his darker instincts and begins his own mythic quest to avenge his kind.
- DirectorRobert FuestStarsPamela FranklinMichele DotriceSandor ElèsTwo young English women go on a cycling tour of the French countryside. When one of them goes missing, the other begins to search for her. But who can she trust?AND SOON THE DARKNESS is a simply crafted woman-in-peril suspense thriller from the UK. Terry DOCTOR WHO Nation & Brian THE AVENGERS Clemens co-authored this occasionally effective yarn about a tourist who's lost her travelling companion. All she knows for certain is that a young man (Sandor THE EVIL OF FRANKENSTEIN Elles) is prowling nearby and the community has been rocked by a recent rape/murder with the attacker roaming free! This is one of the better directorial efforts from Robert Fruest who genre addicts may remember for DR. PHIBES RISES AGAIN, THE DEVIL'S RAIN and REVENGE OF THE STEPFORD WIVES. You know at least you'll be mildly entertained. Minor 70s scream queen Pamala Franklin effortlessly carries the load offering just the right amounts of pluck and hysteria whenever required. She was equally as fine in Richard Matheson's THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE. It's above par despite the tiny budget. It's considered a classic in some circles but so is CAPTAIN CLEGG. Matheson wrote an ABC TV movie called DYING ROOM ONLY back in '73 that starred Chloris Leachman as a woman searching for her husband. Viewed within the context of ABC TV movies from the 70s it's fair to say DYING ROOM ONLY is a bit of a classic. In the context of 50 year old British suspense pics, yes; I'd slightly agree it's a classic. Mostly because of Clemens & Nation's reputation. The two who were frequent collaborators had a creative falling out soon after over rights to another 'classic'; THE SURVIVORS. Most of the cast and crew were employed on HE AVENGERS so made the transition to the big screen with ease although, it feels like a television film. Laurie IT'S ALIVE III: ISLAND OF THE ALIVE Johnson provided the lowkey score while Ian QUEEN KONG Wilson ably handled the cinematography...in COLOR! Clemens followed AND SOON THE DARKNESS with the Mia Farrow shocker SEE NO EVIL. The movies did well overseas so Clemens adapted the format to serve as template for his 1973 dramatic anthology show; THRILLER which ran for 6 seasons spanning 43 episodes. The fondly remembered program specialized in women-in-peril teleplays and tight budgets. Unexpectedly remade in 2010.
- DirectorMarcos EfronStarsAmber HeardOdette AnnableKarl UrbanA couple of American girls on a bike trip in a remote part of Argentina split, and one goes missing, the other must find her before her worst fears are realized.Disgraced 'MeToo Activist' Amber MACHETE KILLS Heard (who was ordered to make millions in restitution to her former husband/survivor Johnny Depp) gives the lousy performance you've come to expect if you caught her pitiful act on Court TV. Heard plays a woman in peril searching for her best friend who went missing after a sunbathe near a secluded town. The Agrentinian village has an unsavory history as she soon learns when an American (Karl THOR: RAGNAROK Urban) alerts her that he's searching for his girlfriend who has also gone missing. This dry-as-toast remake of the turgid UK thriller from 1970 was distributed by Anchor Bay. The disreputable video distributor has chosen a number of 'soft targets' in recent years to remake including I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME. The routine script from 1st time director Marcor Efron and Jennifer Z NATION Derwingston throws a little white slavery into the mix to keep current but it's a detail I could have lived without. The fondly remembered British film scripted by Brian Clemens & Terry Nation managed just fine without. Odette SUPERGIRL Anabelle has a thankless role as Heard's kidnapped friend. AND SOON THE DARKNESS doesn't wallow in the type of gratuitous violence or sexually violent imagery Anchor Bay prefers to force on its' audience which is a pleasant surprise but it's all too predictable and lacking genuine suspense or scares. Amber Heard as a 'victim' is a hard sell these days.
- DirectorPiero PierottiStarsSergio CianiMimmo PalmaraJosé GreciIn 16th century Spain, Don Francisco reluctantly betroths his daughter, Blanca, to the arrogant Don Ramiro in order to preserve the lands in the family estate. Then Don Juan, Don Francisco's nephew and Blanca's true love, returns from the war in Flanders. Don Juan dons a mask and joins with a gypsy band led by Estella to fight against the forces of Don Ramiro. In this effort he's aided by a bare-chested muscleman and also by Captain Blasco who works for Don Ramiro but whose sympathies lie elsewhere.Piero HERCULES AGAINST ROME Pierotti wrote and directed this 'off brand' peplum adventure with a scripting assist from Luciano HERCULES AGAINST THE BARBRIANS Martino, Arpad HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN DeRiso and Ernesto VENUS MEETS THE SON OF HERCULES Gastaldi. The folks at American International who dubbed the English cut identify the muscular gypsy amiably played by Sergio FURY OF HERCULES Ciani as the demi-god but he's really just a 16th century peasant who aids Don Juan (Mimmo HERCULES AND THE CAPTIVE WOMEN Palmare) in deposing an evil duke (Arturo HERCULES ATTACKS Dominci). Jose HERCULES AGAIST THE MONGELS Greci plays Don Juans' love interest is this very well cast, light hearted adventure that should satisfy sword and sandal genre addicts. The production values are certainly up to the task. Above average.
- DirectorDomenico PaolellaStarsMark ForestJosé GreciMaria Grazia SpinaThough Genghis Khan eventually sought peace with the West, his death in 1227 AD puts into power his three war-like sons: Sayan, Susdal, and Kin Khan. These sons quickly overrun the city of Tuleda and take prisoner Princess Bianca, though young Prince Alessio escapes. Hercules comes to the rescue of Bianca, winning her freedom in a tournament in exchange for becoming a slave himself. Forces from the West soon come to re-take Tuleda and Hercules -- freed from his bonds -- helps to dispatch Genghis Khan's three sons while again saving Bianca and reuniting her with her young brother.During his decade long stint as an actor specializing in Italian sword and sandal epics Mark Forrest appeared as the fabled hero Maciste 7 times! Other non-sequitur titles on his resume include SON OF SAMSON, MOLE MEN AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES, COLOSSUS OF THE ARENA, GOLIATH AND THE SINS OF BABYLON, MACISTE: GLADIATORE OF SPARTA and HERCULES AGAINST THE BARBARIANS. HERCULES AGAINST THE MONGOLS is one of the least entertaining in the informal Peplum franchise. To be fair the print I was watching was one that had been shamefully neglected. Usually I don't mind vintage films riddled with imperfections but this copy was especially bad! That said, this still isn't very good. I liked the chemistry between the hunky body builder and the actress who plays the damsel in distress (Jose ZORRO AND THE THREE MUSKATEERS Greci) best but the dubbing in the American cut is distracting. The lovers are torn apart after the death of Genghis Kahn when his sadistic sons (Ken HERCULES THE INVINCIBLE Clark, Howard FIVE DOLLS FOR AN AUGUST MOON Ross & Nadir HERCULES OF THE DESERT Moretti) begin carving up the kingdom. Maciste must fight his way out of slavery to free the princess. Loud, artless and unattractively staged.
- DirectorEmimmo SalviStarsBella CortezIloosh KhoshabeLiliana ZagraA superhero battles lizard men and other monsters that are terrorizing the countryside.VULCAN: SON OF JUPITER is an atrocious DOG notable mostly for being the 1st peplum shot in Iraq. Iloosh HERCULES, SAMSON & ULYSSES Khoshabe filled the toga nicely but his acting skills left much to be desired. He's terrible but so is everyone else! Vuclan is kicked out of Olympus and left powerless to defend himself or his mortal love from the evil lizard men. Mars (Roger HERCULES AND THE PRINCESS OF TROY Brown) & Venus (Annie THE TWELVE HANDED MEN OF MARS Gorasshi) are also on Earth plotting the overthrow of Jupiter (Furio HERCULES OF THE DESERT Meniconi). The big question is; Will Neptune (Omero BUCKAROO, THE WINCHESTER DOES NOT FORGIVE Gargano) intervene? The usually hard done by Cameron DR. FRANKENSTEIN'S CASTLE OF FREAKS Mitchell appears briefly as PLUTO, who's jealousy of Vulcan leads to all this God-Awful (see what I did there?) nonsense. This B&W yard sale production of CLASH OF THE TITANS is bold-faced camp from start to finish. Everyone hams it up Shakespeare in the Park; even the extras being whipped! There's more sexuality inserted into this trash than you usually expect to see but who am I to complain? Gives you something else to look at other than gods prancing through atriums atop the smoke machine clouds or burlap sack lizard men creeping along papier mache caves! MANY of the behind the scenes people NEVER worked in the business again and for good reason...Look what they did! Roberto Parapetti clearly had no budget or talent to generate FX. The lightning bolts shot down from the heavens look like they were lifted from MIGHTY MOUSE cartoons. The overall look of the film fell to the production designer (Angelo de Amicis) who went in with zero experience and was never heard from again. The same can be said for Amborogio GOLDFACE: THE FANTASTIC SUPERMAN Molteni who contributed to the script but did nothing as an art director. Gino THE GIANTS OF METROLOPOLIS Stafford & Benito SINBAD AND THE SEVEN SARACENS Ilforte also got billing for the screenplay with top credit going to writer/director Emimmo THE SEVEN TASKS OF ALI BABI Salvi. This may have limited cult appeal but it'll still make you wince.
- DirectorSylvester StalloneStarsSylvester StalloneJason StathamJet LiA CIA operative hires a team of mercenaries to eliminate a Latin dictator and a renegade CIA agent.
- DirectorSimon WestStarsSylvester StalloneLiam HemsworthRandy CoutureMr. Church reunites the Expendables for what should be an easy paycheck, but when one of their men is murdered on the job, their quest for revenge puts them deep in enemy territory and up against an unexpected threat.
- DirectorPatrick HughesStarsSylvester StalloneJason StathamJet LiBarney augments his team with new blood for a personal battle: to take down Conrad Stonebanks, the Expendables co-founder and notorious arms trader who is hell bent on wiping out Barney and every single one of his associates.
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsHalle BerryPatrick WilsonJohn BradleyA mysterious force knocks the moon from its orbit and sends it hurtling on a collision course toward earth.
- DirectorBrian NowakStarsDominique SwainSalah BoudrarMichael BroderickWhen a meteor crashes into the moon and shifts its axis, Earth's gravity pulls the moon into the path of the planet. Now, a group of scientists must figure out how to stop the moon from hitting the earth before it's too late.METEOR MOON went into rapid production in some ASYLUM parking lot to capitalize on the buzz generated by Roland Emmerich's soon-to-be box office dud MOONFALL. The yet to be released film had a 150 million dollar price tag attached. This rock bottom rip off probably only cost 1/150th of that with literally 1000s squandered on ineffectual laptop CG. This story concerns a cometary impact that sends the moon hurtling towards earth. That sloppy bit of work provided by Sasha HANSEL & GRETEL Burrows & Brian JURASSIC DOMINATION Novak occupies about 3 seconds of screen time and is the big effect fyi. It sucks as does most of this ridiculous sci/fi junk science extravaganza. To pull the moon back into orbit a pair of squabbling brothers (Chris COLLISION MOON Bordeaux & Michael TOP GUNNER 2: DANGER ZONE Broderick) must launch a mini black hole in orbit driving a car thru space. Joe ROBOT APOCALYPSE Roche wrote this tedious garbage for 'director' Glenn ASTEROID-A-GEDDON Campbell. None of it's remotely funny no matter how stupid all of it is. It's like watching MOONFALL only made by people with extreme forms of autism. As much as I love disaster movies I'd never look at this again. Followed soon after by another cheap mockbuster designed to syphon the life's blood away from genuine artists; MOON CRASH in 2022.
- DirectorNoah LukeStarsJeremy LondonTyler ChristopherJamison JonesA global steel company is working with an aerospace partner to extract lunar material. When a drilling accident causes a giant piece of the moon to break off, it goes on a collision course with Earth.The Asylum really must have been banking of Roland Emmerich's MOONFALL to be a smash hit as they hired FIVE 'special effects artists' (Tammy WAR OF THE WORLDS: ANNIHILATION Klein, Wes DRACULA: THE OLDEST LIVING VAMPIRE Sargent, Neal APE VS MONSTER Sapata, Sasha TOP GUNNER: DANGER ZONE Burrows & Glenn TITANIC 666 Campbell) to work on this unimaginative mockbuster. You're lucky if this backyard studio coughs up a few grand for 1 visual effects person. I thought the blink-and-you-miss-them CG action shots looked dubious and the director (Noah ATTACK ON TITAN Lake) made the footage worse by adding shaky-cam to help hide their imperfections. As bad as it all is, it's still better than what The Asylum usually cons folks into watching. Those effects (briefly) depict a sizable chunk of moon breaking away due to lunar frakking. With only 12 hours before an apocalyptic impact the bland, generic cast must come up with a junk science solution. Pauline V.C. ANDREW'S HEAVEN Egan, Tyler GOD OF THUNDER Christopher & Jeremy THE TERMINATORS London didn't make much of an impression but the writers (Joe COLLISION EARTH Roche & Lauren PLANET DUNE Prichard) didn't give them anything to work with but the same tired cliches you've seen done better 100 times before. None of it's the least bit exciting or inventive and the reality tv sounding score was like nails on a chalk board throughout. Way below average even by the standards of SyFy original TV movies. This was the 2nd of mockbusters the poverty row studio launched to capitalize on the box office of the Emmerich disaster epic. The other was the equally abysmal METEOR MOON.
- DirectorTommy WirkolaStarsJeremy RennerGemma ArtertonPeter StormareBrother/sister duo Hansel and Gretel are professional witch-hunters who help innocent villagers. One day they stumble upon a case that could hold the key to their past.
- DirectorAnthony C. FerranteStarsBrent LydicJonathan NationStephanie GrecoIn this modern retelling of the classic horror tale, teen siblings are enslaved by a psychotic recluse within her gruesome house of horrors in the woods.
- DirectorBen DemareeStarsBrent LydicLili BarossAqueela ZollWhen Gretel falls under a dark spell and organizes a coven of witches, Hansel must find the courage to fight his twin sister and the sinister forces controlling her.
- DirectorMaximilian ElfeldtStarsArie ThompsonWilliam BaldwinNoel GugliemiIn the wake of a punishing alien invasion, the only hope a mother and her son have for survival lies in the discovery of an unthinkable truth.Mockbuster studio The Asylum's H.G. WELLS WAR OF THE WORLDS & WAR OF THE WORLDS 2: THE NEXT WAVE were top sellers in the wake of the Stephen Spielberg remake as was a SyFy original co-production called ALIEN ABDUCTION: THE WAR OF THE WORLDS HAS BEGUN. WAR OF THE WORLDS: ANNIHILATION has no connection to those other films except it was cranked out by the same poverty row thieves for about a hundred grand. William BACKDRAFT 2 Baldwin is the only name in the large, unappealing cast & he took 2nd billing to Arie DOCTOR DEATH Thompson. Earth is being invaded by the humanoid aliens from a distant, 2nd Earth in another galaxy. The screenplay is generic nonsense that has nothing whatsoever to do with the classic novel from 1897. This was the 1st & only feature for Conor Dowling whose bland video was named WAR OF THE WORLDS: ANNIHILATION to capitalize on a couple of legitimate adaptions which have been produced as mini-series in recent years. Maximilian AVENGERS GRIMM: TIME WARS Elfeldt phoned in this 10th rate rip off as director while a handful of The Asylum's 'usual suspects' (mis)handled the laptop-quality CG. Glenn METEOR MOON Campbell & Sasha BULLET TRAIN DOWN Barrow deserve the bad rep they have trying to pass their inferior effects work on the public. They have no more respect for their work that the folks they con into watching it. The global streaming service Tubi ponied up most of the cash for this substandard network exclusive.
- DirectorWilliam CrainStarsBernie CaseyRosalind CashMarie O'HenryWhen a black scientist develops a formula to regenerate dying liver cells and tests it on himself, it accidentally turns him into an albino monster with a lust for murdering prostitutes, pimps and drug dealers.DR. BLACK AND MR. HYDE is a blaxploitation retelling of Robert Lewis Stevenson's masterpiece THE STRANGE CASE OF DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE (less anything resembling classic literature). The director (William Crain) had gotten away with this sort of thing once before with the 1972 cult hit BLACULA but lightning did not strike twice. Blame the cliched script on producer Lawrence Woolner who fans may vaguely recall for MUTINY IN OUTER SPACE or THE TWILIGHT PEOPLE. Turns out the Doctor (a black actor not named Black) has been working on a cure for liver disease. Bernie CLEOPATRA JONES Casey's mom drank herself to death working in a bordello so he wants to find a cure. He also harbors a secret hatred for prostitutes! Rosalind THE OMEGA MAN Cash who plays his GF suspects the research is tied to a series of murders which has attracted a detective (Ji-Tu MANDINGO Cumbuka) to the hospital. It seems the injection the quack takes turns him stark raving white! This really should have been MUCH better than it is considering the talent involved! 4 time Oscar winner Stan PUMPKINHEAD Winston provided the low budget make up effects while Tak Fujimoto handled the cinematography. Fujimoto is a name known within the film world for his work on Terrence Malick's BADLANDS & THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS to name a few. Jimmie SHAFT IN AFRICA Pate composed the groovy 70s musical score. Somehow it's still a sub par viewing experience and just about the worst adaption of the novel put to film.
- CreatorLinda Bloodworth-ThomasonStarsBurt ReynoldsElizabeth AshleyMarilu HennerA former pro football player moves back to his Arkansas childhood hometown to coach the high school football team.EVENING SHADE was a minor hit for CBS who aired the critically acclaimed sitcom for 4 seasons until it's abrupt cancellation in 1994. This exceptionally well-cast show starred Burt DELIVERENCE Reynolds & Marilu TAXI Henner as a professional married couple with a handful of kids adjusting to life in Arkansas. Wood & Ava kids often got lost in the shuffle with so many fine veteran actors in the mix. You will recognize Jay Ferguson from the ABC hit ROSEANNE II: THE CONNERS. Ossie BUBBA HO-TEP Davis is endlessly engaging as shop-keep Ponder Blue and also narrates each episode's opening & closing sequences. Character actress Elizabeth THE TWO MRS. GRENVILLES Ashley & Hal Holbrook (The latter having left his part on DESIGNING WOMEN to play Henner's long-suffering father) have wonderfully written supporting roles. Linda Bloodworth-Thomason & her husband Henry Thomason (huge Clinton supporters at the time) created a handful of shows including FILTHY RICH & WOMAN OF THE HOUSE but only ever struck ratings gold with DESIGNING WOMEN and EVENING SHADE which ran concurrently on CBS. Their writing on this good-natured family friendly entertainment was quite endearing with Reynolds at his most charming and relaxed with his TV wife. Charles TO BE OR NOT TO BE Durning & Anne THREE'S COMPANY Wedgeworth were so popular frequent series director Reynolds attempted to spin them off with a season 3 pilot episode called HARLEN AND MERLEEN. Recent sources on the web claim the network pulled the plug after 4 years because of the high production costs directly attributed to the all-star cast but the fact is Burt Reynolds became embroiled in a PR nightmare IRL when he and his wife (Loni WKRP IN CINCINATTI Anderson) split. Their divorce was the stuff of Hollywood legend and made headlines around the world. Reynolds image was irreparably damaged and it was a complete 180 from the warm-hearted football coach/family man he played on TV. The show couldn't go on under the circumstances. In a bit of revisionist history Linda Bloodworth-Thompson claimed CBS exec Les Moonves blacklisted her pilots from being picked up derailing her career. I don't hear her husband complaining and I wonder why that is. They developed pilots together. Their last show on CBS was the under-performing HEART'S AFIRE. Their next show was the ratings catastrophe EMERIL. EMERIL was enough to kill anyone's career IMO. I'd also like to point out that DESIGNING WOMEN star Delta Burke accused Linda Bloodworth of abusive behavior about that time and made it known then and there. She didn't wait 2 decades. CYBILL Shephard made similar claims in recent years against Les while her co star Christine Baranski has not. Most people identify Cybill as a problematic star lol She spitefully got the series creator of her signature show fired for writing funny material for another actress. I have questions lol Whether Moonves is a swine isn't really for me to say. I did think the recent metooing of the network president was opportunistic in both cases I mentioned. EVENING SHADE was the Thomason's last great work.
- DirectorBill MelendezStarsPeter RobbinsPamelyn FerdinGlenn GilgerCharlie Brown makes his way to the national spelling bee finals.This was the 1st of 5 theatrical features based Charles M. Schultz' beloved comic strip PEANUTS which ran from 1950-2000. It was animated by small team led by Bill Melendez who was the only artist Schultz trusted with his iconic characters or screenplay. It was a long and fruitful business arrangement that yielded Melendez 2 Peabody awards for his exceptional work on the television specials A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS and WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED, CHARLIE BROWN?. This endlessly charming family friendly film was nominated for Best Score on Oscar night. Vince Guaraldi has also composed for live action blockbusters including CAST AWAY and GANGS OF NEW YORK but we listened to him mostly for his decades long contribution to the PEANUTS franchise. This appealing, crowd-pleaser finds Charlie Brown competing in a national spelling bee to prove he's just as good as everyone else even if he can't figure out how to fly a kite. This simple tale is brimming with honesty like Dickens or Shakespeare and resonates with humour half a century after it's record setting box office debut. Popular 60s child star Peter BLONDIE Robbins convinced us life would go on no matter what as Charlie Brown yet IRL offed himself in 2022 after battling schizophrenia & substance abuse. Pamelyn THE TOOLBOX MURDERS Ferdin played Charlies shrink slash football coach Lucy Van Pelt. Gay voice actress Sally Dryer who played Violet with the naturally curly hair also played Lucy later on television just as Melendez doubled up performing as Snoopy and Woodstock. Future Dreamworks president Christopher De Foria played Peppermint Patty while Glen Gilger only got to play Linus once more in IT WAS A SHORT SUMMER, CHARLIE BROWN that same year. Neither Andy 'Schroeder' Pforsich or Erin 'Sally' Sullivan returned to the brand which endures today. Followed by SNOOPY COME HOME (1972), RACE FOR YOUR LIFE, CHARLIE BROWN, BON VOYAGE, CHARLIE BROWN (AND DON'T COME BACK!) (1980) and 2015's THE PEANUTS MOVIE which took a quarter of a billion at the box office.
- DirectorBill MelendezStarsChad WebberRobin KohnStephen SheaWhen Snoopy receives a letter from a girl named Lila, who's in a hospital, he goes on a journey with Woodstock to see her.
- DirectorJames GoldstoneStarsRobert ShawJames Earl JonesPeter BoyleA pirate and a hot-tempered noblewoman join forces to protect Jamaica from a tyrant.Elliott SATURN 3 Kastner & Jennings THE CONCORDE...AIRPORT '79 Lang over-produced this guilty pleasure which was probably the biggest pirate movie BOMB until CUTTHROAT ISLAND came along. This is unquestionably one of Jeffrey FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC Blooms' better scripts and was based on a wonderfully trashy outline by Paul MEMORIES OF MIDNIGHT: THE OTHER SIDE OF MIDNIGHT PART II Wheeler. If that doesn't whet your appetite James WHEN TIME RAN OUT... Goldstone directed with considerable style. Every frame of this multi-million dollar adventure is lavishly produced even if it doesn't strive for historical accuracy. Lord Durant (Peter BEYOND THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE Boyle delivering a scenery chewing performance!) finds his villainous rulership over Jamaica threatened when he crosses swords with buckaneer Ned Lynch. Robert AVALANCHE EXPESS Shaw is equally fine channelling Errol Flinn in this witty and ribald romp that captures the flavor of those swashbuckling serials some remember fondly from the 30s & 40s. A fierce willed noble woman (Genevieve MONSIGNOR Bujold) who becomes Durants' political prisoner pairs nicely with Shaw. The strong cast also includes James DR. STRANGELOVE OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB Earle Jones, Angellica SMASH Houston and a charismatic Beau THE FIFTH MUSKETEER Bridges as a hilariosly unlucky English soldier. I had a lot of fun watching this under-rated spectacular which boasts impressive visuals by artists like Bill AIRPORT '77 Taylor & Albert EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC Whitlock and striking cinematography by Phillip AIRPORT 1975 Lathrop. There's cat-fighting, cannon fodder and even a flesh-creeping relationship implied between the villain and a boyish looking lute player and never a dull moment imo. Recommended.
- DirectorEnzo G. CastellariStarsGiancarlo PreteFred WilliamsonGeorge EastmanTwo mercenaries help wandering caravans fight off an evil and aimless band of white-clad bikers after the nuclear holocaust.MAD MAX put the post apocalyptic/vehicular manslaughter genre on the map in a way that hasn't been seen since Roger Cormans' DEATH RACE 2000 but it wasn't until the white hot sequel; THE ROAD WARRIOR exploded across movie screens in 1981 that the inevitable tide of 10th rate knock offs went into production. THE NEW BARBARRIANS (aka: WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND) is one of the better rip-offs the genre has to offer but that didn't save it from being roasted on that detestable 'mystery science' thing I don't watch. Set in the year 2019 (after an atomic armageddon) an evil gang of oil bandits terrorize the nomadic survivors. Civilization's only hope is a mysterious hero named Scorpion (Giancarlo ESCAPE FROM THE BRONX Prete) and his frenemy Nadir (Fred BLACK COBRA IV: DETECTIVE MALONE Williamson). George 2019: AFTER THE FALL OF NEW YORK Eastman and Ennio 1990: THE BRONX WARRIOR Girolami are perfectly adequate in their under written villainous roles. Tito TENTACLES Carpi shared the screenplay with director Enzo THE LAST SHARK Castellari while Germano HERCULES (1983) Natali made do on a woefully lacking special effects budget. THE NEW BARBARIANS greatest shortfall is its' lack of vehicular mayhem. There's very little stunt work on display and all of it's forgettable including the flatly staged pyrotechnics. I wasn't bored watching which is always a plus but it could have used some love.
- DirectorAdam CowieStarsSofia LaceyAmanda-Jade TylerKate SandisonIt has been a year since the events of the first movie, and the survivors are about to reopen the camp. However, something sinister lurks, and all is not what it seems.WHY?! Did they not see THE AMITYVILLE SCARECROW? This mockbuster was shot in the U.K. for about 150 quid by nobody you've ever heard of for people you wouldn't care to know. Turns out the possessed house has been torn down and is now a cornfield inhabited by a pitiful looking scarecrow that'll sickle anyone who camps there. This is like watching time stand still! There lots of stolen establishing shots with flatly delivered dialogue dragging this down to a glacial pace. There's also no gore, suspense or sex to spice things up. THE AMITYVILLE SCARECROW II is devoid of any entertainment value as are the two dozen or so other unofficial sequels to A.I.P.'s campy 1979 hit THE AMITYVILLE HORROR floating around on disreputable streaming services.
- DirectorJackie KongStarsMartin LandauMarianne GordonBill OscoA mutated creature is wreaking havoc in a small town in Idaho. A police chief and a government scientist team up to save their rural town from its menace.Softcore producer Bill CAT FIGHT WRESTLING Osco produced and starred in this odd and repellant sci-fi/horror pic for his writer/director wife Jackie NIGHT PATROL Kong in her lackluster film debut. It's also her best work (such as it is), imo. A local boy who went missing near the radioactive dump seeks vengeance on the town in the form of a slimy mutant. John THE LAWNMOWER MAN 2: BEYOND CYBERSPACE Eggett & Mark JEKYLL & HYDE...TOGETHER AGAIN! Bossan designed the lanky cyclops which is kept in the dark for much of the time because it's quite ridiculous to look at in plain view. The effects are plentiful but ineffectual throughout. Robert BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO Ebinger deliberately contributed to the murk and gloom as cinematographer. No wonder this sat on the shelf for three years! If began filming as EASTER SUNDAY to capitalize on the slasher movie craze but briefly played the drive-in circuit instead while finally distributed as a rip-off of THE THING in 1983. Three Oscar winners went slumming with Martin TUCKER: A MAN AND HIS DREAM Landeau, Jose CYRANO DE BERGERAC Ferrer & Dorothy WRITTEN ON THE WIND Malone taking top billing alongside co-stars Ruth CHU CHU & THE PHILLY FLASH Buzzi & 'The Unknown Comic' Murray Langdon. I didn't hate it but as an entertainment it's on par with 1979s THE DARK or Luigi Cozzi's ALIEN CONTAMINATION and looks like it cost about half as much to make.
- DirectorEarl BartonStarsZalman KingBrenda FogartyCathy WorthingtonA teacher and her class of female students take a class trip to the desert. Their bus breaks down, and they find themselves terrorized by a gang of psycho bikers.TRIP WITH THE TEACHER is a hostage drama not unlike the campy 1963 Arch Hall Jr B movie classic THE SADIST starring erotic film maker Zalman King. King at the time was best known as an actor on the short lived ABC series THE YOUNG LAWYERS but went on to forge a name for himself behind the scenes with franchises like THE RED SHOE DIARIES, WILD ORCHID and 9 1/2 WEEKS. TRIP WITH TEACHER isn't nearly as filthy as his more recent work but you almost wish that it was because there's not a lot going on by way of either sex or violence. That's a serious drawback considering it's a Crown International release! Blame Earl JACQUELINE SUSANN'S VALLEY OF THE DOLLS Barton's overly-familiar script which tries to get by with side boob and bloodless murder. This feels more like a TV movie than grindhouse fare. The occasional cameraman dialled back the sexploitation and gore. BIG mistake. A psychotic biker and his one man gang kidnap 4 cat fighting schoolgirls and their teacher after their bus breaks down. Miss Kinney was drably acted by Brenda THE HAPPY HOOKER GOES TO WASHINGTON Fogarty. With the driver dead their only hope may be a heroic biker the girls befriend in the desert (the forgettable Robert QUEEN OF BLOOD Porter). Better than one might expect but never as good as one hopes.
- DirectorNorman J. WarrenStarsJohn NolanCarolyn CourageJames AubreyThe descendants of a witch hunting family and their close friends are stalked and killed by a mysterious entity.Norman Warren was an English film maker who is best known among cult film enthusiasts for a handful of low budget horror and science fiction pics. Warren's VHS rental reign of B movie terror may have ended with the tepid 1987 slasher BLOODY NEW YEAR but since his death there's been a push to re-evaluate his body of work which also includes SATAN'S SLAVE, PREY and the memorable ALIEN rip-off INSEMINOID. Like Wisconsin's own Bill THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION Rebane or Curtis THE KILLING KIND Harrington I'd agree Warrens' films deserve another look especially the ones distributed by the occasionally notorious Crown International. Pornographer David McGillvary threw this supernatural slasher together with the obscure husband and wife writing team of Les & Moira Young. The largely inexplicable & never fully explained mystery surrounds the curse of a witch placed on the descendants of those who burnt her at the stake. The heir of her executioner (John BATMAN BEGINS Nolan) has assembled the family to watch a horror movie about her unaware she's planning to murder every last one of them. Warren emulates infinitely better known directors like Mario BLACK SABBATH Bava, Dario SUSPERIA Argento & Lucio THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY Fulci but comes up short. I don't think he has the visceral impact of Bruno HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD Mattai in all honestly but he tries his best with bloody set pieces generously described as homage. And that's where TERROR succeeds. Even though you've seen these stranglings, stabbings and bashings done giallo style better dozens of times before they're plentifully distributed and unusually graphic. The makeup designs were from Robin Grantham who contributed FX for a number of much higher profile films like NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN, AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON and STAR WARS. Speaking of la force, Peter 'Chewbacca' Mayhew has a small role but stands out in the attractive but otherwise flavourless cast. A higher budget might have improved this curio but the script would still be problematic. Genre addicts will gravitate to this one because 45 year old British horror movies are a hard sell but this one's worth a bowl of popcorn. Double-featured with Crown Internationals' ZOLTAN: THE HOUND OF DRACULA.
- DirectorNorman J. WarrenStarsMichael GoughMartin PotterCandace GlendenningA woman traveling with her parents to her uncle's house crash near his house. Her parents die but she survives. She stays with her uncle, but it becomes clear that he and his son are planning something sinister for her.Norman Warren was an English film maker known for a handful of surprisingly audacious low budget genre pics including TERROR, PREY and the tasteless ALIEN rip off INSEMINOID. SATAN'S SLAVE is a disjointed tale of witchcraft set in a manor occupied by a wealthy older gentleman (Michael BATMAN RETURNS Gough) and his murderous son (Marty GUNPOWDER Potter). Into their sinister world of devil worship comes a distant relative (Candace TOWER OF EVIL Glenderring) unaware she's intended as a sacrifice. The story David FRIGHTMARE McGillvary wrote is pedestrian & muddled. Nobody in the cast makes much sense with the perplexing supernatural elements. The director compensates with some well executed gore peppered throughout. Nick LIFEFORCE Malley & Robyn RETURN TO OZ Grantham delivered the gruesome goods in the make up department. Their contributions breathed some much needed life into this routine giallo. John KING KONG LIVES! Scott composed the score for this cultish Crown International release.
- DirectorJoseph RubenStarsRobert CarradineJennifer AshleyMichael MullinsA group of carefree high school seniors are having the time of their lives, filled with sex, romance, and teen high jinks.Check out this cast; Robert JACKSON COUNTY JAIL Carradine, Jennifer TINTORERA: KING OF BLOODY WATERS Ashley, Diane THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION Hart, Cheryl LASERBLAST Smith, Bill BLUE SUNSHINE Adler, Lisa THE SAN PEDRO BEACH BUMS Reeves, Susan INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS Player & James MACON COUNTY JAIL Gammon!! Why aren't you watching?! THE POM POM GIRLS was a huge hit for Crown International featuring that out-of-sight cast scoring touchdowns and scoring later after the game with whoever they please whenever they please! These are rampaging, fun-loving sex weasels driving drunk and getting high sometimes before class even lets out! I didn't find it to be as vulgar as PORKY'S but it's close. It's also a much better movie! This was the 2nd directorial effort for Joseph Rubens following his much darker THE SISTER-IN-LAW which he co-wrote with Robert MALIBU BEACH Rosenthal. Rubens would go on to make many hugely entertaining films including MONEY TRAIN, THE STEPFATHER and SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY and no wonder why. He handles the cast like a pro and is aided immeasurably by George A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN Bowers in the editing room and Stephen THE BLUES BROTHERS Katz who served as director of photography. This well reviewed drive-in classic is a real crowd pleaser!
- DirectorLawrence BassoffStarsPatrick HouserChip McAllisterD.W. BrownThree rookie sailors who have just completed basic training are out on their first weekend pass. As they hit one bar after another, they soon forget everything the Navy ever taught them.Patrick HOT DOG: THE MOVIE Houser, Peter THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN Ellenstein, Chip HAMBURGER: THE MOTION PICTURE McAllistaire, & D.W. THE JOY OF SEX Brown starred in this laughless comedy about 4 horny sailors with a WEEKEND PASS in L.A.. Of course they'll be hitting every bar and strip club is sight looking for love in addition to pratfalls and slapstick. This was thrown together by film student Lawrence Bessoff who made this for as much as it cost to rent 4 sailor suits and a jeep. Mark Tenser served as writer/producer. The pair would reunite for the slightly better HUNK in 1987. WEEKEND PASS is rather tame. When one of these guys manages to score the inexperienced director yells 'cut' before they get to the good stuff. You know I'll knocking a star off for that! I may not want them...I may not need them...but I expect to see lots of tiddy in a Crown International release and this lowbrow flop failed to deliver! I don't think anyone was properly exploited and the teens who were the desired demographic stayed away in droves while waiting for the next MEATBALLS. Way too juvenile and puerile for my tastes. Disappointing.
- DirectorRobert F. SlatzerStarsRoss HagenDee DuffySharyn KinzieThe brother and fiancee of a dead policeman infiltrate a female-led biker gang to uncover his murderer.Cinematic masochists (such as myself) whole heartedly recommend THE HELLCATS as essential viewing. This DOG is widely considered one of the worst movies ever made; right up there with other belovedly bad Crown International releases like THEY SAVED HITLER'S BRAIN and THE CREEPING TERROR. Anthony NIGHT OF THE GHOULS Cordoza produced this genuine cult classic working from a story by writer/director Robert BIGFOOT Slatzer. The screenplay was credited to James THE THING WITH TWO HEADS Gordon White and John Huston's far less talented son Tom who gave the world THE CURSE OF THE SWAMP CREATURE and MARS NEEDS WOMEN. A drug running female gang named the BIKER BABES (the alternate title) get stupidly involved with the assassination of a detective. The dead cops' brother infiltrates the motorcycle club to find the killers. Ross DINOSAUR ISLAND Hagen was capable of better than this 10th rate EASY RIDER knockoff whereas his unappealing co-star (Dee THE AMBUSHERS Duffy) probably wasn't. They're annoying as a couple. The only name in the cast that really caught my eye was Sonny THE NAVY VERSUS THE NIGHT MONSTERS West who as a celebrity better known for the 16 years he spent in Graceland as part of the Memphis Mafia assigned to bodyguard The King Elvis Presley. His tell all expose infamously blew the whistle on Elvis' drug habit weeks before the legendary entertainer Lupe Valez'ed.
- DirectorGraham Meech-BurkestoneStarsMark SchneiderBob LoudenJohn ZendaTroubled teenager Scott aspires to be a professional drag race car driver. Scott makes several faltering attempts to break into the world of drag racing with the help of his affluent businessman father Jeff. Undaunted, Scott decides to spurn Jeff's advice by branching out on his own by going on the road as a gopher for a successful drag race car driver.BURNOUT's barely a movie. Mostly it's drag race footage produced locally in Tennessee before a bleacher load of cheering fans. None of it appealed to me but they looked like they were having fun. There's a writer (Martin Rosen) & director (Graham Meech Burkestone) listed in the credits but not a whole lot of genuine footage shot just for BURNOUT. I really have to credit the film editor over everyone. She did lousy work, by the way. I know these guys are local heroes but there's not a lot to be proud of watching these washed out 40 year old rallies. Ellen HOWLING II: YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF Murphy stitched together about 20 minutes worth of material featuring an obnoxious rich kid (Mark Schneider) working as a grease monkey on a pit crew to learn the business. This is a drag for sure and one of the least interesting films in the Crown International catalogue.
- DirectorJim WilsonStarsFloyd Reed Sr.Rusty SmithJim CatesDocumentary goes on the road with state fair daredevils.Vilmas Zsigmond who distinguished himself as the director of photography on Steven Spielberg's CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND and editor Phil KING KONG Tucker cobbled this documentary together under the supervision of the obscure director Jim Wilson who only ever made some horrible thing called BUCKSKIN. In the early 70s Evel Knievel was almost as big as Elvis and state fairs were flooded with stunt drivers looking to fill those bleachers with excited fans. They were more excited than I was watching these home-town heroes who's stuntwork has been surpassed in recent decades. A handful of of the performers would appear in 1977s unofficial sequel DEATH DRIVERS. Crown International distributed this niche documentary to a very small but appreciative crowd. I'm not one of them
- DirectorLee FrostStarsMichael StearnsRobert LottBarbara MillsA murderer escapes from a chain gang, forces his co-inmate to go along, and aggressively rapes the latter's girlfriend. The desperate duo next invades the home of an older farmer and his teenage wife.Lee Frost & Wes Bishop are legendary purveyors of Grade Z grindhouse rough movies well known to fans of the genre. Their catalogue of video nasties includes THE THING WITH TWO HEADS, LOVE CAMP NUMBER 7 and WEEKEND WITH THE BABYSITTER not to mention a slew of nudies throughout their prolific careers. CHAIN GANG WOMEN stars Michael BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES Stearns as a prisoner doing life for strangling a girl who wouldn't put out. He's partnered with a non-violent drug dealer (Richard KAMA SUTRA 71 Lott) on a prison work crew. The pair escape and make a break for the home of the dealers' GF. Linda THE SEXCAPADES OF DON DIEGO York enjoys a romp with her lover and tolerates the violent rape she's subjected to later by her boyfriend's bunk mate. The escapees next home invade a farm occupied by a pervy geezer (Ralph SUPERCHICK Cambell) & his 17 year old child bride (Barbara THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF SIEGFRIED Mills). The rapist quickly goes to work while her husband watches. The girl immediately offers a freebie to the druggie if the fugitives will help her escape the gross marriage. It's only a matter of time before karma catches up with the horrible lot of them. As tawdry as it is, CHAIN GANG WOMEN's still a little tedious despite all the sexploitation and bloodless violence. The bluegrass soundtrack loaded with fiddle playing and banjo picking helps pass the time till the depressing conclusion of this Crown International release.
- DirectorLee FrostStarsSondra CurrieTony YoungPhil HooverA lady cop infiltrates an all-female criminal gang.Lee Frost and Wes Bishop collaborated on dozens of pornographic movies and a colorful assortment of low budget exploitation pics including THE BLACK GESTAPO, CHAIN GANG WOMEN and THE THING WITH TWO HEADS. POLICEWOMEN is as polished as you'll likely ever to see from these guys. I credit producer Marilyn Tenser who began working at Crown International with 1971s POINT OF TERROR and remained with them until their final 2003 release MALIBU SPRING BREAK. POLICEWOMEN stars reliable character actress Sandra TEENAGE SEDUCTRESS Currie in her highest profile role. The other cop sent under cover to infiltrate an all-girl gang of smugglers was played by T.N.T. JACKSON herself Jeannie Bell who owns every scene she shares with the top billed Currie. A crusty old lady named Maude (who reminded me of the secret love child of Ruth Gordon and John Carradine) and her bodybuilding boy-toy (Phil THE INCREDIBLE TWO HEADED TRANSPLANT Hoover) are planning a stock footage gold heist with help of a yard full of bikini clad escaped convicts. Maude was played by Elizabeth Stuart in her only screen credit which is too bad as she channeled Shelley BLOODY MAMA Winters nicely. The cast spends most of their screen time stripping, kung fu fighting or dropping a whopping ton of offhand racial slurs. I wasn't bored for a second watching. Tony SUPERCHICK Young, Eileen METEOR Suki & Laurie DOCTOR DRACULA Rose flesh out the attractive cast while B movie mainstay Paul THE BOOGENS Hill capably handled cinematography. POLICEWOMEN isn't as relentlessly grindhouse rough as the writer/director's previous work but it's not exactly mainstream either so approach with caution.
- DirectorRobert AndersonStarsDebbie OsborneNancy IsonCheryl PowellShy young Cindy nervously explores her sexuality in the swingin' '60's, with the help of her step-sister Donna.CINDY AND DONNA is a softcore drama about a 15 year old school girl (Debbie THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF PINOCHIO Osborne) learning about adultery, alcoholism, lesbian sex, straight sex, masturbation, pornography, drugs and prostitution while hanging with her slightly older sister; Donna (Nancy THE STEWARDESS Ison) & their hot to trot friend Karen (Cheryl LUSTY NEIGHBOR Powell). Barry IT'S BLACK ENTERTAINMENT! Clark wrote this lurid trash for producer/director Robert Anderson who only ever got to exploit young porno stars in Crown International releases like THE YOUNG GRADUATES. Future world class film editor William THE TRUMAN SHOW Anderson (also a producer) cut this together like a pro. The ladies are stripper pole worthy, no question! The ending however doesn't look like his work. Without spoiling the finale, an unexpected tragedy occurs while the ladies handsy father is in Vegas. From that deathly scream the credits suddenly roll over a shot of Cindy flashing her crotch on a playground swing! That can't be his work! I took a star off for that pandering nonsense. Another famous film editor Tom Benko (he contributed to entire seasons of STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION and STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE) plays a horny beach boy. CINDY AND DONNA is not at all as hideous as many remember 70s porn being. Director of photography J. Barry Herron became quite well known for larger budget films like ORCA and you have him to thank for the high quality look to this sleazy grindhouse nudie.
- DirectorNoel NosseckStarsStella StevensStuart WhitmanGeorge DiCenzoGambling, Heists, Love and Intrigue - all part of this suspense-filled comedy about a female gang that plans a daring caper in the gambling capital of the world, Las Vegas.LAS VEGAS LADY is a passable B-movie caper that feels a lot like the series CHARLIE'S ANGEL'S which took off like a rocket 6 months later. Stella BODY CHEMISTRY 4: FULL EXPOSURE Stevens stars as the leader of a trio of beautiful thieves hired by a mystery man with a gravely voice to liberate half a million from a suite in the Circus Casino. The other women were played by the equally engaging Linda THE MILLION DOLLAR RIP OFF Struggs (a trapeze artist) & Lynn SOAP Moody (a magicians' assistant) who help the Lucky Lady rob a casino boss with a thing for slapping women around. George THE NINTH CONFIGURATION DiCenzo is a terrific villain who adds a lot of nuance to a role that would have felt heavier in less skilled hands. The cast is exceptional with my sole reservation being Stuart DEATH TRAP Whitman as the hotel guard who feels lucky tonight! There's lots of recognizable faces drifting by as the formulaic heist unfolds including Frank WKRP IN CINCINATTI Bonner and Stella's son Andrew NIGHT EYES IV: FATAL PASSION Stevens. If it feels like a good TV movie it's because it was written & directed by a couple of people known mostly for their work in that medium; Noel FULL EXPOSURE: THE SEX TAPE SCANDAL Nossack & Walter ALEXANDER: THE OTHER SIDE OF DAWN Dallenbach. The larger-than life cinematography of Stephen GODS AND MONSTERS Katz, the musical stylings of Oscar nominee Alvani AVENGER'S ENDGAME Silvestri and the talent on display from producer Joel TERMINATOR 3: THE RISE OF THE MACHINES Michaels (a man who gets the biggest bang for your box office buck) makes LAS VEGAS LADY not a chore to sit through even if you can spot the ending from a mile away. A minor hit from Crown International.
- DirectorMichael KeuschStarsFelicity WatermanChris LemmonNick MancusoA woman gets caught up in a smuggling case when her luggage is accidentally switched with an identical case.The always reliable and frequently under-rated Felicity Waterman starred as a tourist from Germany who finds her luggage mixed up with that of a jewel thief! That lady turns up dead so Lena goes on the run with a smitten cabbie amiably played by Jack Lemon's son Chris. Both likeable actors got a boost from appearing in the CBS hit KNOTS LANDING and shared a natural rapport. Early on LENA'S HOLIDAY segways into the realm of romantic comedy away from the the exploitive fair one almost expects from Crown International. This nicely cast adventure doesn't wallow in bloodshed or T&A and the scroll is loaded with recognizable faces including; Michael FOR PETE'S SAKE Sarrazin, Ray THE JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA (1997) Pearson, Liz GILMORE GIRLS Torres & Pat HAPPY DAYS Morita to name a few. The up tempo & romantic soundtrack was courtesy of Steve BUMBLEBEE Schiff and the unusually bright script was by writing partners Michael Keusch & Deborah Tilton who collaborated on the 1989 drama NIGHT CLUB for the B movie distributer. Crown International mainstays Marilyn GALAXINA Tenser & Brian DEATHROW GAMESHOW Smith pumped some production value into this one. It's a passable, mainstream rehash of Stanley Donen's CHARADE.
- DirectorEd ForsythStarsJoyce JillsonLouis QuinnThomas ReardonTara B. True is a flight attendant who makes a weekly swing through New York, Miami, and Los Angeles. In each city, she has a man: Edward, older and wealthy; Johnny, a beach bum with gambling debts; and, Davey, a rock musician on the cusp of success. Tara is a free spirit, faithful to each man in her own way, and so stunning that she dresses in a wig and ill-fitting uniform while she's working so men won't harass her constantly. The low-life whom Johnny is in debt to figures out a way to use Tara to help him execute a daring in-flight robbery. But will Tara stand by helplessly, or is superchick ready for action?Time to take a ride in the hump truck to crown town lol I love trashy Crown International releases and this is one of their most memorable if not their best. Joyce PEYTON PLACE Jillson starred as Tara B. True (aka: SUPERCHICK!) in this slight comedy from writer Gary STANLEY Crutcher & John THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF ROBIN HOOD Burrows. Director Ed THE RAMRODDER Forsythe slipped a little nudity into this playful romp but a lot less than we're used to seeing from a man who dabbled mostly in pornography before reaching the pinnacle of his mainstream fame in 1973 for SUPERCHICK. Tara wears a tidy black wig to work as a stewardess but when she hits the runway it's all flowing blonde hair, bikinis, short-shorts & tiddy cuz SUPERCHICK has a man in every port. She divides her sex life between multiple partners with carefree abandon. Timothy TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST Wayne-Brown, Tony TAGGART Young and John THE BLOOD OF DRACULA'S CASTLE Carradine all play potential sex partners but in the end Tara will have to decide which one of the men she wants in her bed...or all! It's strangely empowering for a sexploitation pic and even offers some cult appeal. It's not for everyone but if you grew up watching early 70s sit coms like THREE'S COMPANY or LOVE AMERICAN STYLE you probably won't hate it.
- DirectorBernard HirschensonStarsJill SenterAlan LongGini EastwoodSexy hippie chicks Carol and Maureen get more than they bargained for when they hitch a ride with groovy hippie dude Chuck in his nifty mobile bus home. The trio get lost in the Florida Everglades following a fierce rain storm and embark on a startling spiritual journey of self-discovery.PICK-UP was made by nobody you ever heard of before or since for about as much as it cost to rent the mobile home the 3 hippies become stranded in while travelling through the everglades. The young women and the delivery man smoke pot & have straight sex. It's nothing overtly softcore but heavy with nudity. On a serious plus-they're all attractive. The 3 commune with nature unaware they're about to experience a DELIVERENCE-style bad trip. The director doesn't quite manage to pull off the tricky ending but it's got more artistic merit than most grindhouse B movies. Crown International released this absorbing drama that I didn't like as much as most critics who were impressed with the surreal imagery and frank sexuality. Average.
- DirectorCesar GallardoStarsJohn EricsonKaren EricsonCrystin SinclaireWorld War II: Allied Command learns that in 60 days three Japanese generals and an admiral party at a bordello on a tiny Philippine island. It's fortified and hard to attack, so a creative, cynical major gets the assignment to figure something else. With the help of Paco, a Filipino guerrilla leader, the major devises a plan to put four women assassins among the prostitutes. He must recruit and train them, convince his general that an unarmed woman can best a man, and get them on the island. The rest is up to them. An imprisoned killer, a nurse with a fatal disease, a chippie on the lamb from the mob, and a Filipina whom the Japanese assaulted are his team. Can they do it?Cesar PRIVATE OMPONG AND THE SEXY DOZEN Gallardo wrote/directed THE DIRTY HALF DOZEN (aka: HUSTLER SQUAD) for producer Cirio S. Santiago who made scores of low budget movies in the Philippines for distributers like American International or New World Pictures. Santiago flooded VHS shelves in North America thanks to his decades long affiliation with Roger Corman and occasionally Crown International who released this sexploitation retelling of THE DIRTY DOZEN. Husband and wife acting team John SLAVE QUEEN OF BABYLON Ericson & Karen THE RETURN OF COUNT YORGA Ericson play a military officer and a prostitute recruited to assassinate a group of dignitaries scheduled to stop over at a bordello behind enemy lines. To take out the general (Bruno THE MAD DOCTOR OF BLOOD ISLAND Punzalon) and his allies a half dozen ladies are escorted into the promiscuous war zone to complete the sleazy mission. This drags for the 1st hour but picks up a little steam in the final reel but it's still too little too late. Below average. Try counting how many times the boom mike drops into view. Could make for a fun drinking game.
- DirectorJoseph RubenStarsJohn SavageWill MacMillanAnne SaxonRobert and Edward are brothers involved in a web of adultry and deceit. They share Edward's wife and his mistress and a mission to deliver a package of jewels across the Canadian border, but the mission turns out to be deadly.This softcore crime drama was the directorial debut of Joseph Reubens who would go on to make okay films for decades...DREAMSCAPE, THE GOOD SON, TRUE BELIEVER etc. It's also a showcase for a young John Savage who electrified movie screens in the 70s for THE DEER HUNTER and HAIR but got his start in sexploitation and horror movies like THE KILLING KIND. In THE SISTER-IN-LAW he plays a carefree singer bumming around the U.S.A. who visits his brother in New York only to find himself bedding his drug dealing sibling's wife and mistress. Savage also wrote and performed 3 songs for this not-bad caper. Did I mention everyone looks great naked? That's how you know it's a Crown International release.
- DirectorHoward AvedisStarsAdam WestJohn AndersonAhna CapriAdam West stars in The Specialist as Jerry Bounds, an upright crusader standing up against the water company's efforts to exploit a local lake. John Anderson plays his opponent, Pike Smith, who at the start of the film smashes the glass out of a door at Bounds' law firm, to prove that "Nobody crosses Pike Smith and profits by it!"
- DirectorGary NelsonStarsGlenn FordMichael BurnsDana WynterA bounty hunter takes in the son of a man he killed.Popular 1950s leading man Glenn SUPERMAN Ford plays a bounty hunter named SANTEE in this nicely crafted western drama distributed by Crown International. SANTEE is a rancher with a loving wife (Dana Wynter) still mourning the loss of their son to a bandit gang. They invite the orphaned son of a man SANTEE killed to live with them. Former child star Michael GIDGET GETS MARRIED Burns plays the 'boy' who was 27 to Ford's 59. They were 100% too old but they're both excellent. I never doubted their relationship for a moment. The 3 form a happy family along with ranch hand Long Crow (Jay THE LONE RANGER AND THE LOST CITY OF GOLD Silverheels). The 1st hour is the 4 of them getting acquainted. The final act features a Quentin Tarantino style shootout inside a bordello with horses and ho-bags both looking like they were rode hard and put away wet. It's a surprisingly bloody & beautifully staged shoot out brought about by the return of the bandits who murdered his son. But will SANTEE lose another son seeking vengeance? Tom DAVY CROCKET: KING OF THE WILD FRONTIER Blackburn scripted along with occasional actor Brand Bell. Director Gary THE BLACK HOLE Nelson gets the most of his cast and sets a proper mood with Dan BLOODY MAMA Randi's catchy musical score. A feather in the cap for everyone involved.
- DirectorRonald E. ShaninStarsMichael RyeAn engrossing, intriguing look at the exciting and sometimes hair-raising adventures of animal collector Ronald E. Shanin, as he travels through Central and East Africa.RIVERS OF FIRE AND ICE was a throwback to those AFRICAN SAFARI features (this films' alternate title) from the 1930s-1940s starring the real-life exploits of hunter/explorer Ronald Shanin. AFRICAN SAFARI isn't nearly as pandering or racist as the older movies but keep in mind it's not politically correct either. This reminded me of MUTUAL OF OMAHA'S WILD KINGDOM or the nature documentaries Disney used to produce. Some of the mondo footage of predators and prey is harrowing even for 1962 but not gruesome. The adventurers' encounters with larger game across an array of geological features including an active volcano and a frozen plain begged for a proper cinematographer to capture the magnificence of the continent but alas we're stuck with Shanins' matter-of-fact camerawork. This unfashionable documentary finally saw release in 1968 thanks to distributor Crown International. It even turned enough profit to get the Shanin's next movie financed; TOUCH THE SKY in '74.
- DirectorMark PirroStarsJohn McCaffertyRobyn BlytheBeanoChuck Toedan's the host of a game show featuring death row convicts competing in life-or-death contests in hopes of cheating the executioner or, at the very least, winning some nice prizes for their next of kin. Not surprisingly, Chuck has made more than a few enemies, from outraged viewers trying to ban his show, to families of losing contestants looking for revenge. A hit man hired by one such family has shown up at Chuck's office, and he'll need to enlist the help of his most outspoken critic to keep from ending up like most of his contestants.
- DirectorMark StevensStarsMark StevensJack DonnerDavid AldrichA Florida boat captain loses his license after an attempt to smuggle some Cuban refugees results in a woman dying in the process.The 'Hell Island' referred to in the title is Cuba. ESCAPE FROM HELL ISLAND was shot on a micro budget during the Cuban Missile Crisis to give this Crown International release a marketing push. A ship captain (Mark FURY OF THE WOLFMAN Stevens) smuggles refugees out of the country but comes under attack from a deranged, jealous passenger (Jack RETRO PUPPET MASTER Donner). This B&W thriller is quite the chore to sit through even though the folks who wrote this thing (Robert CAPTAIN VIDEO AND HIS VIDEO RANGERS Sheckley and T.L.P. THE UNDERTAKER AND HIS PALS Swicegood allegedly concocted this turgid sea drama while plagiarizing Ernest Hemmingway's TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT. Mark Steven who stars also directed with what limited resources he had at his disposal. Most of the 'suspense' is derived from a few stock footage sharks circling aimlessly in the ocean. Grade ZZZ
- DirectorArthur RobersonStarsDurey MasonSandra AlexandraJeff BurtonYoung woman quickly realizes that prostitution is a harsh reality.BLACK HOOKER (aka STREET SISTER) was deceptively marketed as a 'modern' blaxploitation pic but was actually an unpleasant domestic drama written as a stage play by someone you've never heard of before or since; Arthur Robertson. Robertson wasn't much of a play write and even less of a film-maker. He makes Ed Wood look like Otto Preminger by comparison! That didn't stop him from assuming the role of everything from set decorator to director. Robertson did do one thing right; he hired Joseph JFK Holsen to help unfortunately Holsen's field of expertise was in sound and that task was also assigned to a nobody in the industry. The atrocious dubbing resulted in the cast having to be filmed from behind so their lips don't have to sync. Jeff COFFY Burton plays a creepy minister left to raise his daughters' blond haired boy (Tedd NECROMANCER Quinn) during the dirty '30s. Bitter and abused, the grown love child seeks out his masochistic BLACK HOOKER mom hoping to form a bond only to find out in the end how little she cares. FIN. It's an loathsome melodrama with a few scenes of nudity & violence thrown into racist mix to pad the run time.
- DirectorMichael KeuschStarsNicholas HoppeElizabeth KaitanEd TrottaA young married couple try to convert an old warehouse into a nightclub, but face opposition from both the council and local mobsters.Nicholas Hoppe may be better known today as an artist who worked on blockbusters like SKY CAPTAIN & THE WORLD OF TOMORROW or Disney's FROZEN but he got his start in the business with this banal erotic thriller which he also wrote and produced with Mark MIRROR MIRROR 3: THE VOYEUR Headly. As an actor he's rather uncharismatic and probably not the one you'll be looking at when he and his on screen wife (Elizabeth SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART 2 Kaitan) get naked. That happens a lot, by the way! This is softcore material undermined by the star's lack of body chemistry with his leading lady. Somehow they're less appealing smooshed together as they frequently are. The actual writers of the screenplay were Deborah LENA'S HOLIDAY Tilton and Michael Keusch who cranks out German TV movie romances like SUMMER IN PORTUGAL for a living in the new millennium. Neither of them articulated what Hoppe was trying to say with his screenplay. He plays a disillusioned man dreaming of opening a NIGHT CLUB with his exquisite naked wife. Unsavory goons from the mob (Ed I'M DANGEROUS TONIGHT Trotti & Peter ANGEL 4: UNDECOVER Jurasik) conspire to drive them apart and out of business. The twist ending is a worthless contrivance in these lesser hands but it might have worked with Brian de Palma behind the lens. This lukewarm hot mess from distributer Crown International deservedly fell off the map but in 2013 Dreamworks honored Hoppe by dedicating TURBO in his name following his death from brain cancer.
- DirectorFrank HarrisStarsLeo FongCameron MitchellTroy DonahueLeo Fong plays a private investigator who is in search of a young girl kidnapped by a religious cult. Destined to save her, he teams up with a Vietnam vet, a pro-boxing champ and a former cop to save her...Martial artist Leo Fong (who is probably a MUCH bigger star in China than he ever was this side of the Atlantic) plays private eye slash vigilante for hire Joe Wong who's been paid to extract an heiress from a Californian cult led by a mad guru. Cameron NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR Mitchell is rather fun as the villainous white slaver channelling Anthony Zerba circa THE OMEGA MAN. Former 60s heart-throb Troy CLICK: THE CALENDAR GIRL MURDERS Donahue co-stars as a wealthy industrialist who hires Wong and his mercenary pals to win his daughters' freedom. The 50 year old Fong is one-note throughout and lacking in grace as a fighter. The choreography is badly staged, pyrotechnics are non existent and the stunt work is dumbed waaay down. On the plus side, the bloodless fistfights and gunfights are wall to wall ensuring at least you won't fall asleep. Akosua THE COLOR PURPLE Busia and Diane THE PATRIOT Stevenett led the female cast who remain dressed straight through the closing credits you'll be sad to hear. Stevenson was also married to the director Frank Harris whose 2nd film this was after KILLPOINT. This Crown International release took in enough VHS rentals to warrant sequels; 1988s BLOOD STREETS and HARD WAY HEROES in 2010.
- DirectorAlbert BandStarsJosé FerrerMichael PatakiJan ShutanCommunist soldiers accidentally unleash the part-vampire servant of Dracula, as well as Zoltan, his vampire dog, during excavations in Romania. Together, they set out for America to find the last living direct descendant of the great Count. Meanwhile, said descendant, unaware of his true heritage, goes on vacation with his family and their dogs, not knowing they are in great danger. Fortunately, a vampire hunter is also on the case and is tracking down the servant and his dog, as well as the descendant, in order to destroy the former and protect the latter.ZOLTAN: THE HOUND OF DRACULA (Not to be confused with Curtis Harrington's DEVIL DOG: THE HOUND OF HELL released as an ABC MOVIE OF THE WEEK a year later) was an Albert HERCULES AND THE PRINCESS OF TROY Band production written by Frank THE END OF THE WORLD Perilli. The plot finds a Renfield-eqsue servant of DRACULA awakened in Eastern Europe. The vampire and his masters great dane travel to America to find the last living heir to the bloodline of Vlad Tepes in order to reincarnate him into a monster. Reggie Nadler is OK as Dracula's servant but was 100 times better in SALEM'S LOT as Barlow and more convincing as a gay Van Helsing in the softcore comedy DRACULA SUCKS. The low budget make ups were provided by multiple Oscar recipients Stan PUMPINHEAD Winston & Zoltan DR. BLACK AND MR. HYDE Elek while Ken EVENING SHADE Speed applied the FX. Most of the technical elements consisted of making the dogs' eyes glow a spooky green. Michael GET CHRISTIE LOVE! Pataki (as DRACULA) Jan THIS HOUSE POSSESSED Shutan and Academy Award winner Jose THE BEING Ferrer co-starred in this goofy (see what I did there?), not-quite-cult-classic. Bruce Logan who was the director of photography on 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY and the editor of BACK TO THE FUTURE (Harry Keramidas) contributed to this largely forgotten Crown International release. It's nothing I'd recommend as a reviewer but genre addicts of a certain age flock to this sort of thing...and for good reason! Double featured with the British giallo TERROR.