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Catwoman (2004)
Crap in its purest form.
Directing 0/10, Writing 0/10, Cinematography 0.5/10, Editing 1/10, Acting 0.5/10, Overall Satisfaction 0/10
Final- 0.5/10
One word is brought to mind when thinking back to my viewing of, Catwoman- Crap. It might be inspired by my estimation of the film's display of only 12 minutes of living, breathing actors (which I will get into more below). Or it could possibly be inspired by the many errors that there wasn't even an attempt to cover, i.e.- Patience becomes Catwoman after wandering into a restricted area. How did she get into this restricted area, you ask? By walking through the door marked 'RESTRICTED AREA,' in bold, red text, which was simply unlocked and didn't even have a significant locking device on it. You know, I might've also hated the movie (not worthy of the word 'film') because of the pointless-undeveloped story line. And, really, it's not possible to look beyond the disgustingly audacious 'style' of one-named director, Pitof, which can only be described as the style of a headless chicken running through a maze of landmines. Oh, yes, said headless chicken is also being chased by angry natives wielding machetes.
I mentioned above that I estimated that only 12 minutes of living, breathing actors were shown during the entire 140 minutes of film. Almost every sequence of the movie featuring an actor seemed to be butchered by the insertion of CGI's. I'm dead serious. I'm not just talking high-flying, sucky action sequences- I'm talking scenes of Catwoman walking to a motorcycle and calmly getting on it, and the other one that immediately comes to mind is a sequence where a man (a baddie) is simply walking. Yeah, walking. It seems agents and managers are really watching over their clients these days.
Now, two questions I'm asking-
1) What is the point of Catwoman? What the [expletive] does she do?
It's explained in the film that Midnight, the 'magical' cat, chose Patience to become Catwoman, but something is wrong here- CATWOMAN HAS NO PURPOSE!! Every other superhero out there has a purpose- They save people! It seems Catwoman's only purpose is to kill the people who attempted to kill her and chase a cricket or two. There's nothing else to her!
2) Where is the REAL back story?
It sure as [expletive] wasn't in the film! Why wasn't she shocked and attempting to reason and deal with the emotional ass-kicking that would come with the revelation? She's told she's Catwoman by the cliché cat lady, she buys a mask and nails and the result is the 'superhero.' It's adds up, but not into anything of any value whatsoever. Shame on you terrible writers!
Halle Berry is a good actress. I'm not doubting or denying that. She fully deserved her Academy Award nomination and win for 2001's Monster's Ball, but something bad happened here. Her acting started awful and ended awful. I'm hoping the talents and reputation of Berry won't be harmed by her inadequate performance.
Now, My request to Halle Berry- Ms. Berry, I want my money back. I never thought I could see such a terrible performance from an Oscar winning actress. Maybe you were just doing your best with the material? But, you know, that really is not a valid excuse. After reading the screenplay, you should've thrown it in the face of the agent who dared display it to you. How could you not notice how awful it was? Make some better choices and hopefully your career won't plummet as so many others have.
I recall an interview with Ashley Judd, the original casting choice for Catwoman, who said something along the lines of, 'Turning down the role of Catwoman is one the things I regret the most.' Ashley, never say that again. You have only been saved by not appearing in this hilariously terrible film.
Listen people, don't waste your money on this glorified..er
um..crap. It's not worth the $6-$15 bucks!
So now you ask, why not just give it a zero? Why the zero-point five? Well, The editing was sufficiently bad; the acting of Alex Borstein could've possibly taken some effort, appropriately placed CGI's were okay, and I like cats.
Directing 0/10, Writing 0/10, Cinematography 0.5/10, Editing 1/10, Acting 0.5/10, Overall Satisfaction 0/10
Final- 0.5/10
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Brilliant Film From The Minds of Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Directed by Michel Gondry, Screenplay by Charlie Kaufman Starring- Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Kirsten Dunst, Tom Wilkinson, Mark Ruffalo
~~~~~~~POSSIBLE SPOILERS HEREIN!~~~~~~~
I had seen a trailer for Eternal Sunshine about 3 months before it's theatrical release, I knew I had to see it. It might have just been the light-hearted `Mr. Blue Sky' playing or I might have thought the actual trailer looked good. I still don't know. What ever it was, was a thought that spawned from the side of my brain that I'd like to thank.
Eternal Sunshine was downright incredible. Every aspect was just incredible. The flawless editing, the unique directing, the acting; all great!
I'm almost ashamed to admit that this was the first work of director Michel Gondry that I had seen. His style was mind-blowing and very appropriate for the film. After my viewing of Eternal Sunshine, I immediately ran to purchase The Work of Michel Gondry on DVD, which, by the way, I highly recommend. Though Gondry's directing didn't fit with Charlie Kaufman's writing as well as Spike Jonze's directing, Gondry's still worked incredibly well.
Being a fan of Being John Malkovich, and Adaptation, I was even happier after watching the trailer to see that Kaufman was the writer. Kaufman's work in Eternal Sunshine could be described as his best, which is what I choose to do. The dialogue is brilliant, the locals are brilliant and the overall feel of the screenplay is brilliant. A fan of Kaufman's style will undoubtedly love this film.
What really surprised me was the quality of Jim Carrey's performance and his chemistry with Kate Winslet. Not since the under appreciated Truman Show, has Carrey given such a realistically grand performance. His chemistry with the chameleon-haired Winslet alone is worth seeing the film. Her acting was astounding, as was Dunst's, Ruffalo's and Wilkinson's. Though, If I had to name one thing about the film, it would be Elijah Wood's careless acting. I felt it could have been much better, but it still doesn't take away from the overall acting score. _______________________________________________________________________
So, what's the story?
Joel (Carrey) and Clementine (Winslet) have their memories erased when their relationship becomes less than perfect. As the procedure takes place, Joel realizes how much he really treasures his relationship with Clementine.
_______________________________________________________________________
So, Who should see it?
Well, Eternal Sunshine would be the perfect date movie, but don't take a film enthusiast to it on a date. They will be far too involved in the story ?
I do not recommend this movie for young children. They will probably become overly bored and gain nothing from the experience.
If you fit into the quiet late teen-aged, middle aged adult or film enthusiast crowd, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a must see. ______________________________________________________________________
My Rating. Directing 10/10, Writing 10/10, Editing 10/10, Cinematography 10/10, Acting 10/10, Ending Satisfaction 10/10
MY FINAL SCORE- 10/10
The Punisher (2004)
Punishment. Honestly, it's punishment.
Taken's Review: The Punisher
***~~~____~~~*** Spoilers Herein ***~~~____~~~***
I must say, I was greatly disappointed with this film. I left the theater saying, "Why?". It tried to be something that it just couldn't.
Instead of writing a traditional review, here is a list of cons and pros.
Why The Punsiher is a genuinely bad film:
1. Terrible writing/dialogue The film contains some of the most poorly written dialogue I have ever heard. Example: The scene where Saint's wife says something like "I asked you to avenge our sons death, and you did." The line is horribly written and unnecessary. Many more of the lines of dialogue just as bad are contained within.
2. Terrible Editing Simply put, it was all over the place. "Cuts" in the worst places, scenes put in ridiculous places, "Fades" where only a dissolve would make sense. The list goes on. I wouldn't allow the editors to touch a children's film.
3. Poor Directing The list is too long. Look what he allowed.
4. Unnecessary Character The fat guy (Bumpo) was only put into the film so the writer could attempt to show his own comedic talents. The character had no purpose and often became a point of hatred.
5. Writer inserting annoying clever quips This just got disgusting after the first. I was seriously saying "Oh, Come On!" outloud in the theater. Many around me agreed. Example:
Joan: Where will you be? The Punisher: You'll know, read your paper every morning.
Joan: Which section? The Punisher: The obituaries.
Yes, these are clever, but over-used and lame.
6. Big Contradiction Castle complains about how the one villain is a sadist. What the [expletive] is the punisher? A SADIST!! Example: Knife through bottom of chin, tying Saint to the car causing him to be dragged through a maze of exploding vehicles.
7. Unnesessary use of "Punisher Icon" The punisher icon that appeared near the end (the fire from the burning cars) was entirely pointless. More significance should have been placed on how the icon is part of "The Punisher" (He should have left the symbol at every killing). Just because the shirt came from Castle's son is simply not enough.
8. Minor Errors Castle's son breaks his arm in car crash (he complains about arm pain), yet 10 seconds later, he's pounding on the door of a beach-shack, with both arms, showing no pain.
Within about 2 seconds the "bad guys" were about to steal a truck that presumably was the property of a member of the Castle family. Hmmmm....2 seconds.
How the [expletive] many times was Castle shot? 20? 30? Yet no pain, no major injuries. It gives "abs of steel" a new meaning.
The "bad guys", or Saint's Posse (as I like to call them), would have been smart enough to round up all of the people, take them into the shack and shoot them on-by-one. Actual "dirty dealers" would be smart enough to do that as to not get the attention of a passerby. Also, shooting them one-by-one would cause more emotional pain to Castle and the family members awaiting death, which would be a plus for Saint.
Here are the positive aspects:
1. The character "Dave" was highly believeable. The actor did an outstanding job of gaining sympathy.
2. Mildly comical scenes. Example: Money being thrown out the window, people going crazy over it. Quite funny. _______________________________________________________________________
My Rating.... Directing 3/10, Writing 1/10, Editing 0.5/10, Cinematography 6/10, Acting 5.5/10, My overall "ending satisfaction" 1/10
MY OVERALL RATING 3/10