- Randy: [from the trailer] The way I see it, someone's out to make a sequel. You know, cash in on all the movie murder hoopla. So, it's our job to observe the rules of the sequel. Number one: the body count is always bigger. Number two: the death scenes are always much more elaborate. Carnage candy. And number three: never, ever, under any circumstances, assume the killer is dead.
- Film Teacher: You could say that what happened in that theatre was a direct result of the movie itself.
- Cici: That is so Moral Majority. You can't blame real life violence on entertainment.
- Film Class Guy #1: Yes you can. Don't you ever watch the news?
- Film Class Guy #2: Hello? The murderer was wearing a ghost mask just like in the movie. It's directly responsible.
- Cici: No, it's not. Movies are not responsible for our actions.
- Mickey: Its a classic case of life, imitating art, imitating life.
- Film Class Mopey Girl: Its not hypothetical, it's not about art. I had biology with that girl. This is reality.
- Randy: Thank you. I agree with you. Let me tell you about reality, Mickey. I lived through this, okay? Life is life. It doesn't imitate anything.
- Mickey: Oh come on Randy, with all due respect, the killer obviously patterned himself after two serial killers who were immortalized on film.
- Film Class Guy #2: Thank you!
- Film Teacher: So, you're suggesting that someone is trying to make a real life sequel?
- Randy: Stab 2? Who would wanna do that? Sequels suck! Oh please, please! By definition alone, sequels are inferior films!
- Mickey: It's bullshit generalization. Many sequels have surpassed their originals.
- Randy: Oh yeah?
- Cici: Name one.
- Film Class Guy #1: Aliens. Far better than the first.
- Cici: Yeah, well, there's no accounting for taste.
- Randy: Thank you. Ridley Scott Rules. Name another.
- Film Class Guy #2: No way. Aliens is a classic. "Get away from her, you bitch!"
- Randy: I believe the line is "Stay away from her, you bitch." This is a film class right?
- Film Class Guy #2: Got you. Whatever. You know what I mean.
- Randy: Name another.
- Mickey: T-2.
- Cici: You got a hard-on for Cameron.
- Randy: A big one.
- Sidney Prescott: [Answering the phone] Hello?
- Phone Voice: Hello Sidney remember me?
- Sidney Prescott: What do you want?
- Phone Voice: I want you, it's showtime!
- Sidney Prescott: Then why don't you show your face, you fucking coward!
- [Hangs up phone]
- Phone Voice: My pleasure!
- [Suddenly enters the room and lunges out at her]
- Phone Voice: What's your favorite scary movie?
- Randy: Showgirls. Absolutely frightening. What's yours?
- Randy: Oh yeah? Well let's re-direct the moment Mr. I'm So Original. Where's your motivation? Huh? Why copy yourself off of two high school loser ass dickheads? Stu was a pussy ass wet rag. And Billy Loomis? Billy Loomis, what the fuck? Jesus! Talk about a rat looking homo repressed momma's boy! Why not set your goals higher huh? You wanna be one of the big boys! Huh? Manson, Bundy, O.J, Son of...
- [answering phone]
- Sidney Prescott: Hello? Hello?
- Phone Voice: Hello Sidney.
- Sidney Prescott: Yes?
- Phone Voice: What's your favorite scary movie?
- Sidney Prescott: Who is this?
- Phone Voice: You tell me.
- Sidney Prescott: [picks up caller ID] Cory Gillis, 555-0176.
- Phone Voice: Shit!
- Sidney Prescott: Hot flash Cory...
- Phone Voice: Shit!
- Sidney Prescott: ...prank calls are a criminal offense prosecuted under penal code 653M.
- [caller hangs up]
- Sidney Prescott: Hope you enjoyed the movie.
- Sidney Prescott: Yeah? Well, you're forgetting one thing about Billy Loomis.
- Mickey: What's that?
- Sidney Prescott: I fucking killed him!
- Film Class Mopey Girl: So Mr. Originality, how would you make it different?
- Randy: I'd let the geek get the girl.
- Cotton: I don't know about homicide, but you've definitely got me for raising my voice in a public library.
- Phone Voice: Why are you even here Randy? You'll never be the leading man.
- Randy: Fuck you!
- Phone Voice: No matter how hard you try you'll never be the hero and you'll never ever get the girl.
- Film Class Guy #1: No way. The first Terminator is historical.
- Randy: Yeah... Sarah Connor. Yes.
- [shoots]
- Film Class Guy #2: Alright, alright. House II: The Second Story.
- [class hits him]
- Randy: The entire horror genre was destroyed by sequels.
- Mickey: I got it, by the way. I got it. Godfather Part II.
- Randy: [as Marlon Brando] That's very good. Very good. That's an Oscar winning exception.
- Joel: Look, granted, I should've read your book before I took this job, but I'm reading it now and, whoa! I just read what happened to your last camera man. The guy got gutted. Now I'm gonna do what any rational human being would do and that is to get the fuck outta here.
- Gale: First of all, he wasn't gutted; I made that part up... his throat was slashed.
- Joel: Gale, gutted, slashed, the guy ain't in the union no more.
- [to the killer]
- Cici: Who are you calling for?
- Phone Voice: What if I said you?
- Cici: What if I said goodbye?
- Phone Voice: Why would you want to do that?
- Cici: Why do you always answer a question with a question?
- Phone Voice: I'm inquisitive.
- Cici: Yeah, and I'm impatient. Look, do you wanna leave a message for somebody?
- Phone Voice: Do you want to die tonight, Cici?
- [Sidney, Gale and Cotton look at the body of Mrs. Loomis, after being shot down by Cotton]
- Gale: Is she dead?
- Sidney Prescott: I don't know. They always come back.
- [as if to confirm what Sidney just said, Mickey leaps to his feet screaming, despite his injuries. Gale and Sidney turn to him and spray him with bullets. Mickey is knocked backwards and collapses, dead]
- Cotton: Woah!
- [Sidney approaches the body of Mrs. Loomis and shoots at her forehead. The body twitches a bit, then is still again. Gale and Cotton stare at Sidney, shocked]
- Sidney Prescott: [shrugs] Just in case.
- [Sidney drop the gun and walks away]
- Sidney Prescott: I want to know who it is.
- Hallie: No, no, Sid!
- Sidney Prescott: I'm going back!
- Hallie: Stupid people go back! Smart people run! We're smart people, so we should just get the fuck outta here!
- Joel: I'm gonna get some donuts, some Prozac; see if I can find some crack, Special K, X... not Malcom, and I'll be back when y'all start talking about somethin a little more "Saved By The Bell"-ish!
- Phil Stevens: We got these tickets for free.
- Maureen Evans: It's some dumb-ass white movie about some dumb-ass white girls getting their white asses cut the fuck up, okay?
- Dewey: How do you know that my dimwitted inexperience isn't merely a subtle form of manipulation, used to lower people's expectations, thereby enhancing my ability to effectively manuever within any given situation?
- Mickey: You should really deal with your trust issues Sid: I mean, poor Derek. He's completely innocent and such a nice boy too. He's bright and funny and handsome. Decent singing voice. And he was going to be a doctor. This is just the kinda boy you'd like to take home to mom. If you had a mom.
- Sidney Prescott: Fuck you!
- Mickey: Oh, so vulgar! Did Billy let you talk to him this way?
- Sidney Prescott: Billy was a sick fuck just like you!
- Mickey: No. Billy was a sick fuck who tried to get away with it. Mickey is a sick fuck who wants to get caught, yeah! Yeah see I got my whole defense planned out. I'm gonna blame the movies. Pretty cool huh? It hasn't been done before. You see, this is just the beginning, a prelude to the trial. Cuz see that's where the real fun is 'cause these days it's all about the trial. Can you see it? The effects of cinema violence on society. I'll get Dershowitz or Cochran to represent me. Bob Dole on the witness stand in my defense. Hell the Christian Coalition'll pay my legal fees. It's air tight Sid. I'm an innocent victim.
- Sidney Prescott: You're a psychotic.
- Mickey: Yeah, well. Shh...
- [whispers]
- Mickey: That'll be our little secret. Cause people love a good trial. It's like theater. They're dyin' for it. And I've worked hard to give the audience what they want. See that's what Billy was good at. He knew... It's all about... execution.
- Sidney Prescott: [referring to who the killer is] Mrs. Loomis?
- Gale: [shocked] What?
- Mickey: BILLY'S MOTHER!
- [Gale turns around and sees Mickey]
- Mickey: Nice twist huh? Didn't see it coming, did you?
- [laughs]
- Gale: [still shocked] Jesus. It can't be, I've seen pictures of you.
- Sidney Prescott: Yeah this is 60 pounds and a lot of work later.
- Debbie: [takes off her trench coat] It's called a makeover. You should try it. Look a little tired yourself there, Gale!
- Cotton: Don't you fuckin' move!
- [Debbie jumps, grabbing Sidney in the process, holding Sidney in front of her, while holding the knife to Sidney's throat]
- Cotton: GODDAMN IT!
- [Cotton jumps onto the stage]
- Sidney Prescott: [Scared and sarcastically] Hey, Cotton.
- Cotton: Okay, okay, everybody just calm down. I've had a very, very bad day and I would like to know exactly what the fuck is going on here! Sidney?
- Sidney Prescott: Cotton, meet Billy Loomis' mother. She's the killer.
- Cotton: What?
- [He backs into Mickey's foot]
- Cotton: Then who's that?
- Sidney Prescott: The other killer: Mickey.
- [Cotton chuckles]
- Sidney Prescott: Look, Cotton-...
- Cotton: Shut up.
- [Looks over at Mrs. Loomis]
- Cotton: Hi. You're not Debbie Salt, are you? You're not with the Post Telegraph?
- [He backs into one of the fallen stage prop pillars]
- Debbie: No, but I can still help you, Cotton.
- Cotton: Ah, ah, ah!
- Debbie: You don't need her! Let me kill her. As long as she's alive, you're never gonna be the lead story if that's what you want. If you really want this moment in the spotlight, just let me kill her! And then, you're the only survivor, you're the star!
- [Cotton looks unsure]
- Debbie: She sent you to prison for a year! Personally, I think it's rather poetic!
- [Cotton considers it]
- Sidney Prescott: No. No, Cotton, don't you listen to her!
- Cotton: Whoa.
- [Chuckles]
- Cotton: Whoa. What a predicament you're in, Sid.
- Sidney Prescott: Cotton!
- Cotton: I mean she makes a good point. Let me think about this. Maybe you should, too. I'll bet you that Diane Sawyer interview's looking real good right bout now.
- [Sidney starts thinking it over]
- Cotton: Hmm?
- Sidney Prescott: [after thinking it over a little longer] Consider it done.
- [Cotton fires the gun, sending both Sidney and Mrs. Loomis backward; But it is Mrs. Loomis whom was shot by Cotton]
- Cotton: [after Sidney coughs and sits up] Whoa, that... was intense.
- [Sidney looks over at Mrs. Loomis' dead body, then gets up]
- Cotton: Hey, Sidney, look I want you to know that I would never, ever do anything to hurt you.
- Sidney Prescott: Cotton, give me the gun.
- Cotton: [after a brief pause] Yeah, sure, take it.
- Cici: Okay Ted, you sound loaded, what's up?
- Phone Voice: Who's Ted?
- Cici: Oh... I'm sorry, my bad, I thought you were someone else.
- Phone Voice: That's okay, I am.
- Debbie: Two birds, one stone. Mickey was a good boy, but, MY GOD, that old "Blame The Movies" motive. Did you buy that for one second? Poor boy was completely out of his mind.
- Sidney Prescott: And you're not?
- Debbie: No. I'm very sane. My motive isn't as "90s" as Mickey's. Mine is just good old fashioned revenge. You killed my son! And, now, I kill you and I can't think of anything more rational.
- Sidney Prescott: You're never gonna get away with this.
- Debbie: Oh, of course, I will. Everything's traceable back to Mickey, including the cop gun he used to kill everybody. But let's just say that you have gotten hold of the other cop's gun. And you chased Mickey and there was a big shoot out and a big scuffle, and you shot Mickey, killed Mickey dead. But not before he got off one shot at you. Okay. So, have I covered everything? Are there any questions? Any comments? You know what, though? Who gives a flying FUCK, ANYWAY? Let 'em try and track down the second possible killer. Debbie Salt doesn't exist.
- Sidney Prescott: You're as crazy as your son was.
- Debbie: What did you just say? Was that a negative, disparaging remark about my son? About my Billy?
- Sidney Prescott: No. Billy was a good boy. Billy was perfect. You did a bang up job, Mrs. Loomis.
- Debbie: Not wise to patronize a mother with a gun, Sidney. Randy spoke poorly of Billy and I got little knife happy. Ha! I was a good mother. You know what makes me sick? I am sick to death of people saying that it's all the parents' fault that all starts with the family. Wanna blame someone? Why don't you blame YOUR MOTHER? She was the one who stole my husband and broke up my family. And then you took my son! You don't know what it is to be a mother, to raise a child and teach him and guide him-...
- Sidney Prescott: - -AND ABANDON HIM? Isn't Mickey supposed to be dead?
- Gale: Look, local woman! I know you hold me up as your career template and that it gives you some sort of charge to challenge me, but give it a rest.
- Randy: I cannot believe it. They get Tori Spelling to play Sid, and they cast Joe Blow Nobody to play me. At least you get David Schwimmer. I get the guy who drove the stagecoach for one episode of Dr. Quinn!
- Sidney Prescott: You're as crazy as your son was!
- Debbie: [shocked] What did you just say?
- [Sidney trembles]
- Debbie: Was that a negative, disparaging remark about my son? About my Billy?
- Sidney Prescott: No, Billy was a good boy. Billy was perfect, you did a bang-up job Mrs. Loomis.
- Debbie: It's not wise to patronize me with a gun Sidney! Randy spoke poorly of Billy and I got a little knife happy.
- Sidney Prescott: 300 people watched. Nobody did anything. They thought it was a publicity stunt for Christ sakes.
- Randy: [Speaking in a British accent humorously] And it would have been a good one too.
- Sidney Prescott: It's starting again, Randy.
- Randy: It's not. A lot of shit happens at the movies. People get robbed, shot, maimed, murdered. Movie theaters are very dangerous places to be these days.
- Sidney Prescott: [persistent] Yeah, and you are in extreme denial.
- Randy: You should be too. This has nothing to do with us.
- Sidney Prescott: [frantic] Randy! A guy in a ghost mask hacked up two people in a movie theater filming our life story.
- Randy: Coincidence?
- Sidney Prescott: You know what happened at Woodsboro, Randy. You can't ignore it.
- Randy: [speaking normally now] I know, Sid, and I don't want to go back there again. Can't we just go back to our pseudo-quasi happy existence?
- [Derek, Sidney's boyfriend catches up with them]
- Randy: HELLO DEREK, how you doing?
- Derek: [kisses Sidney] Hi Sid, I heard you weren't in class.
- Sidney Prescott: Yeah I know. I skipped it because I couldn't take the "Death to her" looks.
- Derek: Is there anything I could do?
- Sidney Prescott: Yeah, do you have any tricks for getting back to a pseudo-quasi happy existence?
- Derek: [thinking decisively] You know? I might just have one for that.
- Randy: Oh yeah, what is that?
- [Derek turns to Sidney, brings her in for a couple romantic kisses while Randy looks away, jealous & embarrassed]
- Sidney Prescott: [smiles] That was pretty good.
- [Derek & Sidney walk away]
- Randy: Get a room.
- Randy: The way I see it someone's out to make a sequel. You know cash in on all the movie murder hoopla. So it's our job to observe the rules of the sequel. Number One: The Body count is always bigger. Number Two: The Death scenes are always much more elaborate. More blood, more Gore. Carnage Candy! Your core audience just expects it. And Number Three: If you want your sequel to become a franchise never ever...
- Maureen Evans: Why is she naked? What has that got to do with the plot; her being butt ass naked?
- Phil Stevens: I don't know about the plot but I'm gettin a stiffy.