dkbengel Reviews

Archer (2009–2023)

Wow! Just ... Wow!

[10/10 · 17 September 2009]

Having just seen the special sneak preview of 'ARCHER' on the FX network, I have to say that this was possibly the most entertaining, most ribald, most disturbing and just plain hysterical thirty minutes of television I have ever seen. Think 'Venture Brothers' meets James Bond meets a truck load of self-obsessed heroine addicts and you'll begin to get an idea of what awaits us all in January when this series comes to the masses in prime time. Fans of H. Jon Benjamin will love him as he brings his own dead pan cadence to Sterling Archer, a character that is arguably the most narcissistic is television history. The writing is quick and sharp, the animation is stylized and hip and the laughs come faster than you can catch them.

In short, watch for this amazing show to come to your TV in January and prepare to be amazed. Seriously, watch this show!

North Shore (1987)

Um... wtf (shhhhhhh)?!

[1/10 · 4 May 2009]

I was lucky enough to grow up surfing in San Diego (not the biggest waves in the world but it was a hell of childhood, I'll tell you that) and I have seen A LOT of so-called surfer flicks in my life. After watching NORTH SHORE for the first time just now, all I can say is THANK GOD I never saw this as a kid. If I had seen this and mistakenly thought that this was a realistic portrayal of the surf scene, I would sold my board and totally gotten into, I don't know, accounting or something.

Seriously, this movie has a as much in common with real surfing as TOP GUN has was real military life. The acting is terrible, the music is worse, the cinematography is iffy at best and OH MY GOD what was Laird Hanilton thinking?! WOW!!! DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE!!! IT SUCKS!!! If you want a REAL surf flick, see RIDING GIANTS. Hell, watch SURF'S UP instead of this. Seriously. Sucks. Sucks bad. Sucks REAL bad. Brah. ;)

PS: Had to change my summery from "WTF?!" to wtf because, apparently, we are supposed to whisper on this site. NO YELLING!!! (shhhhhh!) ;D

Marie Antoinette (2006)

A treat for the senses...if you are blind and deaf.

[1/10 · 4 July 2008]

Having witnessed the greatness (the true and amazing GREATNESS) of Sophia Coppola's directorial debut (Lost in Translation), I felt near giddiness when finally sitting down to watch her sophomore project. And I state for the record that this film is truly beautiful to look at, with some of the finest costuming and set design I have ever seen. Indeed, Sophia seems to have more than made up for the understated tones and look of her first film and gone in completely the opposite direction in as far as Art Direction is concerned. But here the grandeur and wonder stops.

In EVERY OTHER way, this film not only fails but seems to revel in failure like a fat in-bred hillbilly on the Jerry Springer Show. Casting is atrocious, the acting worse and the direction is abysmal (rick music in the last days of the French Monarchy? Really?). Miss Dunst, who is usually a talented and charming actress is in so far above her head that she can no longer see daylight (in fact, it seems to this reviewer that her performance hit rock bottom and started digging for China). Indeed, her French accent was that of a girl raised in New Jersey (the rumor that she found the French accent too taxing seems to be correct) as she plows bravely through (if foolishly) through dialog clearly written for an actress of greater depth. It could be said that she does not so much recite her lines and stumbles blindly through them.

Jason Schwartzman is equally ill-cast of the future King Louis XVI. Again, no French accent (appearently it was either beyond the two leads or they simply felt that playing French aristocracy with east coast accent was more patriotic). And again, no acting to be found on the screen what so ever.

In fact, I am hard pressed to find even one high note in the entire cast. Molly Shannon? Are you kidding? At times, it was hard to differentiate her scenes in this travesty of art from any number of foolish (but wholly more entertaining) vignettes on Saturday Night Live. And yet, with only half the cast speaking with French accents (the film DOES take place in France, after all), the other half speaking in British accents for no apparent reason (I kid you not) and the two leads speaking accents that did not actually exist at this time and place, Miss Shannon is spared being the worst thing in this flaming bus wreck of a film.

Add in the modern day rock music (yes, rock music) and an ill-earned sense of epic story telling and one can easily imagine other films playing in the same multi-plex as Marie Antoinette bursting into flames just from being in the general area of this bomb.

In Hollywood, the saying goes, you are only as good as your last picture. For the sake of the many talented people who worked hard on this picture, I pray to God Above that they find meaningful work on a truly wonderful project and soon because, lest that occur, they may end up smelling like this rancid piece of french pastry for the rest of their lives.

In closing, I feel justified in saying that this film may be the feel-good movie of the year... if the year is 1945 and you are living through the fire-bombing of Dresden. Otherwise, steer clear at all costs. Who knows; the I.Q. points you save could be your own.

McLibel (2005)

Unfair and Unbalanced...

[1/10 · 10 February 2008]

As a West Coast "California" Liberal now living in Texas, I spend a lot of time faced with anti-Liberal rants. And after watching 'McLibel' I see why most conservatives dislike my kind so much. This film was most likely meant to be educational, entertaining and more than a little political with a Loberal slant. However it just comes off as hack-kneed and reactionary. My favorite moments were the following: 1) To show how McD's was bad for us, the film makers show us a fat man walking PAST a McDonald's in London, 2) The moment when our hero said that the English Legal System was unfair because he and his associate (as the Defendants) had to actually PROVE what they were saying was true while McDonald's (as the Plaintif) could just sit there ... Um, yeah, 3) The defendant's admitted ignorance of the legal system their refusal to refer to the judge in the case as My Lord, as is traditional in England, 4) When the defendant refers to the poster of Ronald McDonald in his son's play school as McDonald's "Taking over", 5) Referring to a visit to his son's play school as "pernishes".

Seriously, you would have to be brain dead to not actually laugh at the ridiculous nature of these comments. In no way is this film helping the Liberal movement in either the United States or in the U.K. In fact, is my belief that this film and the actions of it's "heros" undermine the very useful and very real work of those of us who are trying to make the world a little more fair.

Coupling these things with the VERY poor film making techniques made this film a real bust for me. If I could say one thing to the film maker it would be to stop wasting your time and mine and actually HELP those of us trying to make REAL change. Trying to bring McDonald's down is a fool's errand. Of course, maybe that's all I should expect from a pack of fool's with a camera.