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Alone: The Beast (2020)
Condensing 30 days into each episode ruins it totally
First episode started out good and I thought the concept could make for an interesting change to the usual Alone format. However any sense of the challenge and difficulty of the task is lost entirely by cramming 30 days into 40 minutes. There's no getting to know the participants, no sense of struggle or overcoming difficulty and it feels very unrewarding as a result.
On the last few days in the first episode they were desperately trying to catch a fish and talking about how they needed the fat to survive. That might be a valid concern long term but they were extracted just a couple days after finally getting one making the endeavour pointless. They could have just waited out the last few days and not worried about fishing or hunting.
I gave up on the second episode when I realised it was just going to be exactly the same thing with different contestants, who in this case were already annoyingly moaning at each other and being passive aggressive on day one.
All the show essentially boils down to is properly processing the meat on the first couple days and then riding out the month rationing it out and enduring it. There's none of the challenge and progress of the original show. Interesting to watch the first episode to see them processing the meat but beyond that it feels pointless to watch the rest of the series.
Uncut Gems (2019)
Worst audio mix I've ever heard in a film
The first 11 minutes are basically unwatchable. I could scarcely make out anything anyone was saying because the backing track was so loud and chaotic. The bits I could understand were just shouting and too annoying to listen to.
I think I only made it about 8 minutes in before skipping forward to see if this noise was just the intro and when it would end because it was already giving me a headache.
The bit right after the 11 minute mark when the music finally stopped was just shouting too so I did a cursory skip through the film to see if it was worth watching but I kept finding muffled dialogue, shouting and yet more intrusive music. So I basically just gave up.
Yes this may not be a fair review of the film but it was enough for me to know that I simply will not be able to watch it without getting a migraine. It is at least comforting to see that many other people had issues with the audio too because for a moment there I thought my hearing was messed up.
Bad Blood: Who are You? (2018)
Gave up within the first 2 minutes as it was clearly absurd
Season 1 was great and whilst it clearly played loose with the true story it was at least based within the realms of reason.
Season 2 appears to be set in another dimension entirely where Declan has become some sort of psychotic demigod...
At least that is the conclusion I could draw from the first 2 minutes where he single-handedly kills off all his foes in an 80s action flick montage that looks like it is out of a Terminator movie. No clever maneuvering or plotting... just an absurd one man killing machine.
So now he is just some untouchable crime overlord who also does all his own dirty work? Yeah, no thanks. Season 1 stretched credibility a little in that regard as it was but it could get away with it because the core story was at least good.
Why they would depart from a good story into pure fictionalised nonsense I cannot fathom... besides of course that they felt they could milk this and pander to utter morons who will literally watch anything. At this rate season 3 could just be 8 hours of someone jangling a shiny pair of keys back and forth and still get rave reviews. I despair for humanity.
Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (2018)
Not recommended for fellow migraine sufferers
Couldn't make it through the first episode as about half of the scenes had some pretty extreme blurring on them. Too uncomfortable to watch and when I felt my eyes were getting strained I just gave up. Flicked through the next few episodes and found they were the same. Way over the top on the blurring effects in about half of the scenes such that I cannot comfortably watch it.
Don't think I am missing out though anyway. Seems like they've just tried to turn Sabrina into yet another Twilight-esque, pseudo-dark show for teens.
I was bored from the outset and disliked all the characters immediately. Starting it off with her already knowing that she was a witch seems like a mistake to me and not a great sign that they have confidence in the show going forward. In the original series it was fun watching as she learnt about her new found powers, likewise with the character development in something like Buffy but that takes time and a confidence that the audience aren't going to give up before you get to that point. Skipping all that and just jumping right into it is kind of dull. Oh and they replaced the best character, Salem, with just some random guy. Sure Salem was very much a comic relief sidekick sort of character but he also had a dark backstory which they easily could have still used.
Dimension 404 (2017)
Almost as good as Black Mirror.
Feels very much in the vein of Black Mirror and Inside No.9 and like both shows it has some hit and miss episodes. None of them are outright bad but the last two episodes are definitely far better than the rest and a little more unique as stories go.
The first episode feels very much like one particular episode of Black Mirror meets The Island. The second is good mostly because of the great cast and social commentary but doesn't really go anywhere. The third and forth feel like any number of creepypastas and urban legends online but with some interesting twists, though these are very predictable in both cases.
Episode five is some delightful mix of twisted and cheerful with some real world ties that don't seem at all unbelievable (if they could, they would) and ends in a great place whilst written brilliantly throughout.
Episode six I won't say anything about at all because it would be impossible to do so without spoiling it (though the summary for the episode here has kind of already done that) but it is also good and feels quite unique.
Hopefully we see a second season.
The Hitman's Bodyguard (2017)
Great mix of action and comedy
An excellent mix of comedy and action which is over the top as all hell but without ever really feeling stupid as a result. Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L Jackson are a fantastic combination and both of their characters have realistic and sensible motivations to go through all this insanity, unlike so many comedy action films or totally over the top action films which have no plot at all.
Downsizing (2017)
A good film... but apparently only if you didn't see the trailer...
Most of the negative comments here seem to just be people complaining that the film wasn't what they expected it to be from the trailer and then not even bothering to give it a chance.
I never watch trailers because they almost invariably spoil films by giving away big plot points or they paint the film in a totally different light to how it actually pans out so I feel that these people should be more annoyed at the concept of film trailers than this film itself. I watched the trailer after reading these reviews and can see how it must have misled people and attracted totally the wrong audience for the film however if the film was solely like the trailer it would have just been a generic, predictable sitcom like comedy and not worth bothering with.
That said if you went into this expecting it to just be a lighthearted comedy I can see why you wouldn't like it. It is truly a bizarre film that feels like three films in one with quite jarring segues between the vastly different sections. Going into it not remotely knowing what to expect however I enjoyed it even if I did occasionally wonder what the hell was going on or what it had to do with anything... though it did ultimately pan out and make some kind of sense.
There's lots of interesting and accurate social commentary to ponder on and the ultimate concept of using this shrinking technology to make it easier to ride out an apocalypse is very unique and intriguing... even if the science behind the shrinking is ridiculous. I mean I feel they sort of missed the opportunity to show people carrying away huge sacks of all the discarded 99% cellular goo the body would leave behind after the process of shrinking. It would have been amusing, more believable (rather than magically shrinking the entire body down) and more in tune with the message of wastage the film was pushing. I also really wanted a scene of them shaving a bemused horse and removing it's shoes so it could be shrunk down... There were quite a lot of missed comedy opportunities but if the film was just two hours of jokes like that it would have become dull fast.
My only real criticism though is that for much of the film the notion of being small is irrelevant. The few normal size objects that appear in the small world are quite amusing but they are few and far between and the only real reminder that they are small for much of it until the Norway scenes near the end with the 'forest' of grass and flowers. These were pretty cool although trying to sail a tiny boat across a massive fjord was pretty ridiculous as you'd capsize at the first sign of a wave.
Another criticism I have seen people leveling is that the idea of poverty makes no sense if money goes 50-100 times further but this is sort of missing the point. Even in a society that is trying to be a utopia there will always be crap jobs to do and exploitation. It touches on the idea of people forcibly being shrunk against their will, which seems like something some nations would absolutely do to prisoners if they could but it misses the idea of a new kind of slavery. It is entirely plausible that in a job starved economy businesses would pay for the cost of shrinking people down and have them work off the debt in the small world, and that people would inevitably fall into that trap, much as they do in real world society.
You also have to assume that if the majority of people there are comparatively far richer than in the real world because money stretches so much further that any jobs that were available would pay a pittance in the small world and that this would go even less way in the real world. Situations like that which the main character finds himself in would happen frequently and many people would get stuck in this world without the funds to pay for the life they expected.
The Wall (2017)
Reasonably good but ruined by a ridiculous ending.
Reasonably good and suspense film and would have rated it better if not for the ridiculous ending that more or less ruined it. Before that it felt similar to Phone Booth in tone except with a military setting.
Prior to the stupid ending however there are some plot holes that are quite annoying. The moment he saw and then retrieved the second radio I assumed his intention was to either use the antenna from it as a replacement on his or use his battery to power it if necessary. Instead he gives up on this idea entirely the moment he gets it and only seems to even bother trying it hours later... which immediately works and is very easy to do leaving the only conclusion as to why he didn't do it sooner being that he is either stupid or it is just a plot device. Either way it doesn't remotely explain why somehow his radio is blocked from transmitting and no one can hear him.
Next issue is how long it takes for him to think about retrieving the rifle despite having paracord and plenty of long enough bits of wood around to reach it with. Also that he appears to think using the one bullet he has for it is the only solution when he could just fire his pistol or assault rifle into the air to alert the incoming helicopters. Hell, considering that throughout the film he is wearing an assault vest with 6 magazines on it, which is way more than a spotter would carry as it would be prohibitive to lying down prone for hours he pretty much could have just stuck the rifle through a crack in the wall and peppered the entire hill. Maybe if he had used that to put down suppressing fire on the hill rather than firing it into the air the sniper could have made the shot or got to cover without getting killed. Even though it likely would have been well out of the effective range of the weapon it would still make you want to keep your head down.
None of the soldiers on the helicopters seem to exercise any basic logic or even bother listening to him anyway leading up to the ridiculous ending where the enemy sniper apparently downs two helicopters with his rifle... at which point you might as well just assume the guy is some kind of malevolent deity.
Black Mirror: USS Callister (2017)
Ultimately a fun and somewhat disturbing episode... if taken with a huge pinch of salt
Fun to watch but riddled with plot holes or dodgy science uncommon to the Black Mirror universe. Most notably of course the notion that a simulation based on DNA would contain the memories of the individuals. I've seen this mentioned in pretty much every other non-glowing review but no one has posited how the plot could alternatively have been written.
Yes by all means base the simulated appearance on DNA but the personality and memories should have been uploaded from some kind of brain scanning tech. If employees in the company were shown using some kind of neural interface to operate the computers... ie the VR gear he himself is using it could be at least somewhat reasonably explained that he hacked the gear to clone their minds or that this data was automatically being saved to the company network. The CEO's son could have been shown playing with the equipment in the office.
Likewise some more exposition on the DNA scanner itself would have been good. Is this common technology that players of the online game use to insert their avatar into such games or has he invented something groundbreaking and kept it solely to himself for this singular purpose? From the reactions of the characters in the simulation it could go either way and frequently neither explanation seems to suffice.
Then there's the issue of taking the physical hardcopies of the stolen DNA covered items to prevent him adding more clones in. For starters if something takes 16 hours to scan you're probably going to want a digital backup of it, secondly it doesn't stop him just stealing another coffee cup or soda can even if you also delete those backups. A more plausible solution would have been pulling the plug to his private servers or destroying them either physically or via a virus.
The next issue is character's dying. They establish at one point that if the ship gets destroyed and they are flung out into space they won't die and will just suffer there indefinitely. Yet the CEO who is so concerned for his son doesn't seem to think about if his son is still alive floating in the vacuum somewhere. He himself gets killed and doesn't return once they leave the modded server despite everyone else transitioning back to normal. Would have made a lot more sense and been far more satisfying if he had returned unburnt and unharmed by the engines. Although since it makes no sense why the switch to restart an engine would be placed directly in the blast zone of said engine without any means of safely operating it that point is somewhat moot anyway.
It's a fun episode to watch despite these issues but it also fails to move out of its bubble or see the bigger picture it is setting up. ie. If you are able to clone people in a simulation like this then besides merely using it for petty vengeance it could also be used for incredibly elaborate things capable of achieving world changing results. Like cloning your workforce into the machine, firing their real counterparts and having the simulations write all your games and software for you for free. Or using these simulations to write code and develop inventions in a vastly sped up simulated timeline and then claiming credit for all these things yourself and making fortunes in the real world.
White Christmas from season 2 touches on this subject slightly more so this episode can be excused as just a fun and mostly light hearted look at technology although neither episode really seems to grasp the true capabilities and ramifications such inventions would have. If you clone someone in a simulation and can speed up time dramatically for them then you've basically invented AI capable of making virtually every job obsolete and furthering technology thousands of years in minutes.
Black Mirror: Shut Up and Dance (2016)
An brilliantly dark and disturbing episode albeit with a few oversights...
This feels like something of a departure from Black Mirror's usual fare as it is not about future tech/society gone wrong or some dystopian future but merely something which could happen right now and similar (if less extreme) forms of blackmail almost certainly do occur. Only the very first episode and this one are like that and this one is by far darker, mostly due to the ending which makes you re-evaluate everything and shudder at some of the previous encounters early in the episode that seemed innocuous at first.
What annoyed me however was the main character being given a gun and never checking if it was loaded or even real before trying to use it which seems like a cardinal mistake frequently committed in less well written films and shows when Black Mirror is usually so much better with details like this (for instance at the end you can see the battery life on the phone is at only 4% after running around with it all day which is a good touch). It would have built more suspense and made a lot more sense if we had seen him check that the gun had bullets in it at some point and fumble with the safety after failing to use it the first time and trying again. The failure to function then could have been explained as having the firing pin removed (something someone unfamiliar with a gun wouldn't reasonably think or be able to check). As it stood it was obvious it wouldn't fire and what should have been a twist was easily foreseeable which is a rarity for this show.
The lack of any explanation as to how he killed someone twice his size in a fight to the death without a weapon was also slightly annoying. Also why he even bothered when he had been prepared to kill himself moments earlier with the only reasonable explanations being instinct took over at the idea of being beaten to death or he accidentally killed the guy in self defence. A little after the credits summation, perhaps showing someone watching this snuff film online on some secretive subscription site would have rounded the episode off well both serving to explain the story whilst adding a nice bit of irony if the person watching the film did not have their webcam covered either.
The premise also fell down slightly in the means of his blackmail as the video of him at the computer ultimately wouldn't have proven anything damming to his contacts as the contents of the screen wouldn't have been shown and even if this was also captured there would be no proof the two were related or was what he was really looking at. It is reasonable that someone caught doing something like that would panic and carry out basic instructions but at a certain point when they are being asked to do more illegal things they should logically think about that. In that regard if the shot had simply had a mirror behind him so the screen was visible (even if never shown to the audience clearly, obviously) it would have been more believable.
It's ultimately a good episode but these kind of plot holes or lack of believable character actions do bring it down slightly as Black Mirror is usually devoid of such things.
Inside No. 9 (2014)
Genius... hilarious and horrifying genius...
Plot twists seem to be a difficult thing to pull off well as they have a tendency to either be very predictable when done poorly - making continuing to watch feel pointless and the ending totally disappointing if you do continue after calling it so early - or they can just end up being so contrived and convoluted as to be completely ridiculous which feels equally as disappointing.
Inside No. 9 however is like some kind of plot twist master class where the twists are usually impossible to predict, or twist again if you did work it out or sometimes there is no twist at all... which is itself a twist when you're expecting something to happen. On top of this with the format regularly shifting from comedy, to horror to drama and episodes often being dark or whimsical it becomes quite impossible to have any idea what path it is going to take from the outset with the ending either playing out as one big punch line or one horrifying realisation regardless of how funny or dark the rest of the episode was.
Also impressive is the ability to generally set each story in such a confined space without it becoming claustrophobic or boring as is often the case with bottle episodes. Often achieving this through the use of interesting styles and settings like a lack of dialogue or playing around with the flow of time in the story which in itself would make for excellent episodes even if there were no cleverness to the story. So much intrigue and character is packed into every scene that you feel as if you could probably watch for hours without tiring of the repetitive setting.
Some episodes really are genius whilst a few are a little weaker but make it no less watchable but as a series because they keep you guessing and only make you appreciate the next episode all the more. I admit I almost gave up on the series during the first episode when it was described as comedy but was a little tedious and not overly funny but I am glad I didn't because episode by episode it has only become more engrossing, funnier, darker and ever perplexing.
The one drawback it has being quite so clever is it will never be as re-watchable as the League of Gentlemen or Psychoville unless you use electroshock therapy (or just bang your head against a wall) to erase the outcomes from your mind... so I can only hope they're able to keep it going for a few more series before the universe's supply of creativity is depleted.
Hacksaw Ridge (2016)
Surprisingly Amazing
Feels very much like two films in one with the first half being a heartfelt and interesting look at a subject not often covered - that of conscientious objectors before it suddenly takes a drastic turn into some of the most brutal, horrific (and high budget) WW2 battle scenes of any film which I feel does justice to the sheer terror and chaos of the stories about Okinawa.
Ultimately a very good film however it does at times stretch credulity and undoubtedly stray from the truth especially regarding the bulletproof potential of a human body, the ammo capacity of some weapons and the effectiveness of green troops. Yes maybe you could use a body to take a couple shots and save your life but when it gets peppered with rifle fire it only takes one shot to penetrate and you're dead. A BAR holds 20 rounds, an M3 holds 30, they are not inexhaustible Gatling guns capable of clearing everything in your path.
Accounts from WW2 veterans talk of fresh troops freezing when they first see people next to them killed and not showing complete dispassion and the ability to then instantly take down 6 enemy soldiers with an 8 round rifle. Or rather, the film seems to portray them as being green but a quick look online reveals that they saw action in Guam and the Philippines before Okinawa so it would be fair to say it takes some liberties with the truth.
Things like this ultimately don't detract from the film all that much as it still has an amazing story to tell with more truth than fiction although it does make you question if certain things actually happened or if they are artistic license. Until the end with the veteran interviews I did find it confusing that a medic not carrying a weapon was such a big deal when they were not required to do so and at most might have carried a pistol for self defence (at least in the Pacific theatre where the Geneva convention went out the window). Nonetheless it is such an incredible story and so well told that I'll let some of the more unbelievable combat scenes slide.
Dunkirk (2017)
Like watching a group of unenthusiastic amateur war re-enactors...
...you know when you watch some small scale re-enactment of some famous battle portrayed in a small bleak field that the cows have been hastily cleared out of after being given a flyer in a pub and thinking 'Why not, might be a laugh'. Except going into something like that you don't expect anything amazing, you know they aren't spending a lot on it and you're happy with just a few puffs of smoke and someone chucking fireworks around. They're just doing the best they can and it's at least interesting to watch for half an hour.
That's this film in a nutshell except with $100M chucked at it and it is honestly puzzling where that money possibly went. There's no dramatic shots of hundreds of thousands of soldiers cowering on the beach amongst all the abandoned vehicles and equipment whilst coming under hellish fire and no epic shots of hundreds of ships lining up to desperately get them off the beach. No, what we get is 2% of that scene without any CGI to fill in the gaps. A small group of soldiers on a pristine beach with a few boats and planes chucked in and about as much action, drama and suspense as a kid's school play.
Not only does this totally fail to capture the horror of Dunkirk or properly portray the story but it is just a complete mystery how something that looks this amateur possibly cost $100M to make. For reference here: Saving Private Ryan cost $70M and was made almost 20 years ago when special effects were far more basic, Black Hawk Down cost $92M in 2001, Hacksaw Ridge only $40M in 2016 and the Siege of Jadotville I can't even find information for (probably because it was so low budget). All of these films not only made for dramatic visual spectacles and incredible stories (even if some took many liberties on the truth) but they also truly showed how horrific war is. Dunkirk just makes it look like a day at the beach with a little minor peril thrown in. Even the short Dunkirk scene in Atonement ($30M) created far more gripping and spectacular visuals of the evacuations and that's not even really a war film. I've seen BBC war documentaries with far better re-enactments than Dunkirk. Even if you adjust for inflation since 1998 for Saving Private Ryan the budget only comes out barely higher than for Dunkirk and they achieved so, so much more for it... not to mention paying fortunes to the big names in it.
Honestly what Dunkirk reminded me of most was one of the propaganda films they're trying to make in Their Finest on a shoestring budget by filming boats in paddling pools from clever angles. Except without the cleverness. Apparently lots of the shots were based on photos of the actual event showing troops lining up on the beaches... but it's like they didn't realise those photos showed only a small section of the beach and there was a lot more stuff going on out of frame. They also apparently never saw any of the photos showing the masses of abandoned tanks, vehicles and weapons because the beach is beautifully empty. I don't know... perhaps the local council only gave them permission to shoot for a couple hours and didn't want to be clearing away props for days. Certainly not what you'd expect for something with a budget that eclipses pretty much every war film before it. Really the only explanation is that 90% of the budget went on overhyping the hell out of this film and suckering people into sitting through it...
Pile on top of this the poor direction choices, lack of characterisation, dialogue and pretty much anything else of any substance and the mystery becomes less about the finances and more about why anyone would think this is a good film.