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Reviews
Civil War (2024)
Garlands Road trips just get better.
Wether your heading to salvation from the zombie hordes,to a land where nature has gone crazy or to interview the President. You want Alex Garland to get it on the big screen.
Please do not let your first viewing of this be on a TV. Its visually stunning,breathtaking and constant thrills all the way.
It's not a movie however about civil war although that's obviously the backdrop,but a movie about those who are reporting it. This enables us not to get caught up in the politics of the war but to get a first hand view of the frontline and how its effected the whole country. I'm definitely going for a second view because there's just that much going on I think its needed.
Monster Mash (2024)
What does anyone expect?
Asylum,Madsen,Frankenstein,Dracula,the invisible man etc etc etc. You know this ain't gonna be nowhere near a classic. But hey,take it for what it is.
Get some pop corn,a few beers and a brain removal and you'll be fine for a Saturday nights viewing. It's fun,campy,silly,corny and basically a tribute not to the classics but all the sketchy remakes of the classics that were enjoyed by horror fans all over.
People are gonna hate that's for sure but if you take it for what it is you'll find some joy out of it.
It doesn't take itself seriously and has some of the worst cgi about but I honestly think this could become a cult classic. Who knows eh?
I just love the fact that someone is keeping the classics alive even if its done on the cheap.
Bring Her to Me (2023)
Bring Her To Me then fire her and everyone else responsible for this garbage.
I'm going to struggle here to use 600 letters to review this travesty to horror.
At first I thought maybe it's a tribute to bad 80s horror movies. Then I thought maybe it's a comedy or some sort of spoof. Then I moved onto thinking it's a TV movie or an episode of Goosebumps that ended up on the editors floor. Then I finally realised it's just one big bag of crapness.
The acting is as bad as anything I've wverseen along with the script.
The special fx and cgi are just laughable. You feel like they are seeing how much money they can save or they got a kid to do it as a school.project.
The characters are as forgettable as the actors themselves.
People on set really must have been laughing at some stage or just dreading their names will appear at the end.
Give this a huge miss if you value your time and senses.
Sket (2011)
Scrot.
Just a drawn of episode of Top Boy but the emphasis is on females.
A young girl who loses her sister decides to get revenge against the bloke that killed her by joining a girl gang who are a bit on the crazy side
That's about it really. The music is really annoying if your not into that types of stuff. The acting isnt always the best and the script is a bitame at times.
I suppose it will be a hit for the generation of road men and girls of the world whilst listening to their grime/drill whatever its called whilst smoking a spliff but I really was hoping for a bit more.
It's has no substance and we've seen it all before unfortunately.
Herd (2023)
TERD
Ahhhh again I got my hopes up,hoping this zombie film would add some much needed life into the genre. Sadly it fell flat.
It's a tale of a couples ups and downs that has the occasional really bad zombie thrown in. A lot like an episode of The Walking Dead but nowhere near as good.
It's just a really bad plot with really bad characters and some really bad acting.
They really could have done something with it all,but decided to play safe and carry on with the script which is just predictable and boring. .
I ended up hating it and waiting for it to finish so I could go onto my next film.
Sadly the genre is looking worse by the day if this is what people are going to push out.
All Fun and Games (2023)
It's a lot of nothing.
We visit Salom again in yet another low budget horror fling.
This time our young star of the film Jo, finds a knife made from a human bone after breaking into an old eerie shack. Oh he finds a book of chants and spell like things aswell.
Well you get the drift of it all then. Lights flicker and spooky voices are heard after he takes them home. It's all very predictable from there. Someone gets possessed and chases everyone whilst pulling funny faces and walking like he's shat himself. Ghosts of witches past make the odd appearance to add to the atmosphere and people die
All very predictable.
Hard-core horror fans may find something to like,but it was all a bit samey for me.
Elevator Game (2023)
The Embarrassing Game.
What a shower of crap. Just sat through this childish supposed to be, wanna be, horror film and hate myself for doing so.
It's like an episode Goosebumps,only with worse acting and less scares.
With a very low budget and very dislikeable characters,you just end up disliking everything about it.
I sometimes wonder why these films are even made because who in their right minds would enjoy making or watching stuff like this?
So anyway they've taken a game I'm sure everyone's heard about and actually had a chance to make something that could have been at least watchable. However they failed badly, buy just making a teen type cringefest.
If I were you I'd avoid this like the plague.
Soft & Quiet (2022)
When the bomb drops,it hits hard
Very rare a movie hits me with such a kick in the nads but this bad girl succeeded. Made in real time which again is something of a rarity,and as gritty as they come.
It's hard to watch in parts but like a train crash you just can't stop staring in disbelief.
One poinient moment is the kick in the nads I referred to earlier and you'll be sat there in a crazy WTF moment. Your either in or out after that. I was just so intruiged and mildly speechless I had to stick with it.
Your then on one crazy assed ride of savage brutal mayhem that just doesn't let go.
Well acted and very well made,I really do suggest you give it a go. I'm glad I did.
Sympathy for the Devil (2023)
A tribute to Cage.
Another role that seams to be written for Mr Cage. Weather it was or not only Cage could pull it off with such ease.
From the red velvet jacket,to the violent gun totting psycho,to the quotes and unpredictability. This just oozes Cage.
I really didn't know where it was even going but could sit and watch this on form Cage all day.
Very low budget but excellently made even in the style of him.
There's a great anticipated twist that your obviously waiting for and stacks of crazy moments to satisfy the soul.
As you may have guessed it's a must for all Cage fans but won't be everyone's cup of tea.
The Flood (2023)
The Fraud.
One of those times,you watch a movie and just scramble to IMBD to vent your anger and to warn others.
The 600 word review is practically impossible for this pile of gator crap.
I love bad movies as much as I love good ones but this poor all round effort is just bad bad. I'm struggling to think of anything as bad to be honest. I lasted half an hour which I'm kinda disappointed with because how can you give a decent review when you not seen the whole movie. But I wouldn't make my enemies sit through this torture.
If your gonna give it a go,just wait til you see how bad the cgi is for a start then see if you watch the whole thing. Its brutally bad,like the acting,cast,script,settings and props.
Do not give this movie an ounce of your time,or sit and say "yeah that guy was right,this is crap". Hahahaha.
Kin (2021)
Best gangster serial since The Sopranos.
Just binged the whole first season in a day. This is a really good watch. The characters are likeable and dis-likeable,just how they should be. There's non of this over the top shoots outs where no one gets hurt but a thousand bullets get fired. No one dodging gunfire either. It's good believable drama that's made very well. With the backdrop of Dublin and its surrounding areas the scene is set for some Irish gangland turf wars,double crossing,hits,deals and everything else thrown in for good measure. The cast are as solid as any and the acting there to match.
I've just started season 2 and it's just getting better and better.
Give it a go. You won't be disappointed.
War of the Worlds: The Attack (2023)
Bore Of The Worlds.
Wow. I can understand the kids taking rolls in this film(you gotta start somewhere eh)but the adults must be cringing and hiding.
It's actually like a school project made in "Film Studies" if that lesson still exists. The script,acting,cgi are all amateur and laughable.
I imagine someone,somewhere will try and charge people to watch this on some streaming site but that would be downright immoral and wrong.
Anyway,it's about 3 straight laced kids who are into astronomy (even that is laughable these days). A supposed meteor lands a bike ride from them( what's the chances) and they and a handful of the public go to see. They dodge the one police officer and his bunting( because they go round the back) and take a better look. I won't spoil what happens next but there's no stars for guessing.
Give this film a wide birth,it's really not worth your time. It's strictly for the people in it and their families to watch if they don't like em.
The Replacements (2000)
Waited for the laugh that never came
What was Reeves thinking? A movie he will definitely want to forget. Hackman must have just been bored to take his roll too. The only saving grace and the reason I gave it 4 stars was because of Ifans. He is actually quite funny but the rest should stick to their action films. I would normally turn poor efforts like this off but I was intruiged that there has to be something funny in there somewhere. Just a single ha would have done but it was to no avail. The script is so clichéd it's frightening. Just read the synopsis and that's your film. The characters expecially the football team are cringy and also lack any funny bones in their bodies. I won't pick on the cheerleaders because it's obviously just a paycheck for them. On the whole,one film if you've missed it you've missed nothing.
Running with the Devil (2019)
Running with the mess.
How the mighty have fallen. Love Fishburn and Cage but they're obviously at thst stage of their career's where a paycheck means more. I actually get that but are these guys that broke thet they have to take lead part in things like this? It's just a total mess from start to finish. You think you've got the gist of the film then it goes another direction then another then another. I sat there thinking wtf? More stars join the mess as it spirals out of control and becomes almost laughable. From what I can work out they are trying to show the route of cocaine from the source along its costly travels to the streets of America. Its fails badly and just leaves you none the wiser.
American Manhunt: The Boston Marathon Bombing (2023)
As good as a documentary gets.
Just watch the 3 episodes back to back and I honestly sat in awe. Very rare a documentary gives all sides of the spectrum and in such an honest hard hitting way. Being from another part of the world I remember the event but never realised how long it went on for or the events that took place during it. The makers give you an hour by hour story from the people who were involved. From the top to bottom of the authorities and police. The victims,the public and the culprits are all given to you too. I was gripped after the first 30 minutes and just couldn't switch it off. Your pulled in and want to be there until the end. Which has in my eyes ,the right one too. Give it a go. I can't recommend it enough.
Legion (2010)
Like Rourkes Drift but with monsters.
I'm a huge Bettany fan so this was right down my street. The whole cast infact are excellent. The characters are relatable and very well played. The story is great in the way its about saving an unborn baby and his mom who are set to save the world. Its a great action flick with added horror. Our cast are held up in a rundown motorway diner. Tooled up with plenty of weapons and ammo ready to fight for their lives and expecially the unborn babies against the hordes of demon like monsters who come in all shapes and sizes. Denis Quaid plays the broken diner owner superbly and adds his downbeat way to the proceedings. I just loved it and couldn't recommend it enough if you like you last stand survival against the hordes movies.
The Babadook (2014)
Crappadook
A fine example of a great trailer,poor film. I had huge expectations after seeing the trailer. The film was a real kick in the nads. Nothing like they lead you to believe. This scarey looking thing called The Babadook coming for this kid. Its actually about something entirely different. No doubt people will praise it for the real meaning but i just felt robbed. Won't spoil it for ya but doubt you'll care after 30 minutes. One thing I will say you'll be rooting for old Babadook to get and finish,easily the most annoying child character in movie history. Wow I still get annoyed thinking about him. So if ya want to be let down and end up hating on some kid give it a go.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
The Dead will die if they watch this.
Wow. A stellar cast and a big budget. Sadly all waisted on this fiasco of a film. I'm a huge zombie fan and was full of excitement with its release. Then wow. What a let down. They'll say you need to get Jarmusch's dead pan humour. This is just dead garbage. It isn't funny and it isn't enjoyable. Even the actors seem to have given up as they plod along through the motions just waiting for their pay checks and getting the hell out of there. What were they thinking? The film will soon be forgotten a laid to rest. Let's just hope it doesn't crawl from its muddy grave like the real undead because that would be something to worry about.
Nope (2022)
Definitely NOPE.
One of those films where you just can't wait to watch it but when you do you feel so let down. I'm a huge Peele fan. His stuff is like a breath of fresh air but this is definitely his worst effort. I just sat through it waiting for something to happen and it did. It ended. Which was actually the best part of the film. People will say again you need to understand where Peele is going. I get that in most of his films but this was going nowhere fast. It's boring,uneventful and tries too hard to be something else. Nothing actually happens,it just plods along taking up the viewers time and life. Other ufo/alien phenomenon films blow this off the earth easily. Which is the best place for it.
Sick (2022)
Life in the old slashers yet.
If you like home invasion,slasher,lockdown films. Then this bad boy is just for you. I really liked it. There's plenty of suspense and stabbing to keep all fans of the slasher genre happy. The characters are likable and the plot once you realise what it's all about is great. I'll just say it's not your pointless no motive kill everyone,slasher movie. It does have a point so to speak so it made me like it a little bit more. Can't really think of many horrors that have taken part in the lockdowns we were all part of. So this was something a bit different and what we were all part of so can relate to in some sort of way. Give it a go.
Bound by Honor (1993)
Unsung classic.
This is one low ride that can't be overlooked. An epic in every sense of the world. The acting and casting are perfect. The script as good as any other. The whole film just oozes class. Follow the lives of 3 homies. Each takes a different path but are always joined by blood. A prison gang lord,a cop and an artist. This film will have you gripped as their lives twist and turn from inside the prison system to out on the rugged streets. The Latina lifestyle in America is so well portrayed for that time. Gritty,brutal but loyal and honest. This film is simply one of the best gang portrayals you'll ever see. . Give it a go.
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
All Hail Shaun
Easily the best Zom-Com to shamble across the living world. Pegg,Frost and Wright yet again deliver whats all good about British comedies with another leg of The Cornetto trilogy. This time our hero Shaun(Pegg)battles the undead with his trusty side kick(Frost) giving some of the most memorable moments ever in zombie film. With a soundtrack to die and comeback for. Quotes that will be used for ever. A cast full of Britain's finest. A pub which we've all drunk in and a script that will keep you wanting more. This is easily destined for cult status and immortalisation in any comedy horror fans list. You'll not watch this once. You'll be coming back like the undead again and again.
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Snyder hits it out of the park.
I'm in awe of this film. The first 15 mins have to be up there with the greatest opening scenes in movie history. From Ana entering the full blown apocalypse in her street to the news clips to Johnny Cash singing The Man Comes Around. Absolute gold and I've lost count of the times I've watched it. The rest of the film takes us to the scenario of our survivors stranded in a mall trying to make sense of it all. The casting is excellent with the zombie hunting legend that is Ving Raymes doing what he does best. There are some other really great likeable characters that we meet along the way that all help to make this great film. I can't recommend it enough. As close as I've ever come to a 10/10.
Crawl (2019)
Crawl - away.
I don't know where to start. I hated everything about this film. The script has to have been written by a child. Predictable and clichéd. The girl who failed to win the swimming competition gets the chance to save the day because she's a good swimmer. Lmfao who writes this stuff. One of the films biggest disappointments is the introduction of the creature. There's not a single ounce of tension. No build up,nothing. It's just like " oh here's the giant alligator". It's laughable and just left me thinking "why bother?". Loop after loop you finally get to the alligators hunting in a pack scenario. That was it for me. I love a good creature feature. But this one's getting thrown to the gators. I doubt they'll eat it either.
Savageland (2015)
A hidden gem.
Call me what you want but I love the found footage horror genre. I can't get enough of it. So imagine my delight when I stumbled across this little beauty on a Facebook horror group. Made in a documentary type of way. Yesss you'll get so many horror and movie fans saying the genre has been done to death but then so has every genre of the horror world. What we need now are just better films of the genres to watch. Anyway back to the film. Its hard to give a review for this without spoilers. A man is arrested for the mass grizzly murders of a town and we see the case of what he's supposed to have done and what evidence they have etc etc. It had the wow factor for me and I can't recommend it enough. Go see it.