Change Your Image
seangomes
Reviews
Eli (2019)
The usual, mediocre Netflix fare.
Nothing new or original here - just takes bits and pieces from better movies and mashes it together for a B-Movie that keeps the churn going on a streaming service. Watch when you've got nothing better to do with your time and forget it as soon as the credits start rolling.
Better Watch Out (2016)
A turd in your Christmas stocking.
This is one of those movies where all the characters have single digit IQs in order for the plot to proceed. Starts off well enough but soon descends into some of the most stupid and contrived scenarios and decisions, where adults apparently lose all common sense and motor control so that a 12 yr old can kill them. Could have been a worthy premise, but it's so poorly written, you feel nothing for anybody and the end comes as a welcome relief. Watch a Home Alone rerun instead.
It Stains the Sands Red (2016)
Makes you wish zombies could sprint.
It starts off well, given that it's an indie flick with a decent premise, small budget and amateur actors. The first half is fairly straightforward, if slow. The second is where the filmmakers lose the plot and pretty much ruin everything with some ham-handed developments that are unnecessary, crude and make absolutely no sense. Perhaps it would have done well as an engaging short film. But in trying to make it a full length feature, it just drags on and on till you're wishing for the Usain Bolt zombies from 28 Days Later or World War Z to run in and speed things up. 4/10 cause it's an indie, but miss this and you miss nothing.
It Comes at Night (2017)
What comes at night??
High IMDb ratings officially mean less than sh*t. This is not a horror/mystery. In fact, it's a mystery why this is being marketed as a horror.
Nothing comes in this movie - day or night. You spend the whole movie waiting for the dread reveal that's teased throughout the trailer and wind up with...nothing. All the supernatural/evil stuff you see in the trailer is just cheap, jump scare "dreams" the kid is having and nothing related to the main plot at all. And they blow their whole load by revealing all the scares in the trailer itself, so they have no impact when you're watching the movie. I expected much better from Edgerton, but I don't think even he was making the same movie that was advertised. I think the title and trailer of the movie are a complete misrepresentation, and it would be better renamed and promoted as "Paranoid hillbillies living in a cabin".
T2 Trainspotting (2017)
You'd miss nothing if you gave this a miss.
Most of the reviewers here have pretty much said what's needed. As a huge fan of the original Trainspotting,I was excited yet skeptical to read about a sequel coming two decades down the road. Sadly, you'll miss out on nothing if you avoid this mediocre and unnecessary followup, and in fact preserve the seminal brilliance of Trainspotting in your memory. Choose to watch the original once again instead, and give this one a miss.
A Dark Song (2016)
Great build-up, weak payoff
The first 2/3 of the movie really built-up the premise, like a good, slow burning indie. Good performances by the two leads and great use of the small budget to create the right atmosphere. Unfortunately, like many films, the great beginning starts to meander and lose steam. The end, too, is exceptionally weak, considering how well the film starts off. Could have been great, but will have to settle for "almost there".
Personal Shopper (2016)
A big meh
Starts out well. The lead actress does a good job. Then...nothing happens, except for some boring and pretentious plot filler that drones on and on until the final twist...which is a resounding meh because it surprises no one and has been done before in much better movies. Don't bother watching unless you really like Kristen Stewart. If you're a fan, you get to see her topless, which I guess is enough for some people.
The Love Witch (2016)
A horror/comedy without the horror/comedy
Advertised as a horror/comedy but more like an amateur soft-porn without the horror/comedy or any semblance of an engaging story-line. I valiantly watched till the end for some kind of explanation for the decent IMDb rating, but eventually realised the ratings were probably just for the tits.