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steveraw
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Pixels (2015)
Good solid laughs-a-plenty entertainment
It's a Sandler movie, so as you'd expect he plays a lovable loser in life and makes it good in the end. Typical Sandler humour all the way through with a good splash of quality gags (although the cheesy Sandler slapstick does show it's face occasionally). The story: Aliens receive a message from earth including some retro- computer game footage. They take said footage as a declaration of war and.... yeah, you get the idea. Sandler and some of his childhood friends who were/are computer game pro's are drafted in by the government (who else) to fight the threat. Now... Just go watch the movie, it's worth the wear and tear on the eyes. Trust me.
p.s. It has Peter Dinklage in it. What more do you bloody want to get you to watch this little comedy gem?
Unbroken (2014)
S'okay.
I'm not 100% sure why, when people watch a movie about someone showing some grit and determination, they feel the need to clap loudly and say 'damned fine show'. As far as prisoner of war movies go this is not in the same league as Empire of the sun, or Hart's war. Don't get me wrong, it's alright, and the actors do a tidy job, but it's nothing wow factor. There are one or two 'I saw that coming a mile off' moments, and a couple of sections that make you think they should have moved on to the next part a bit quicker. Angelina Jolie has slipped on a banana skin by trying to direct here. I can't help thinking that this would have been great if it had been edited better and Jolie had handed the whip to someone more capable. That all said; I have seen a damned sight worse, and if POW movies are your thing then this one has to be watched to complete the set. Worth a viewing, but don't expect fireworks.
Robert (2015)
Huh?
Wooden acting, and I don't just mean the doll! This is 'Child's play' with less dark comedy moments.
*incoming spoilers*
This old bat gets sacked as a house keeper and as she leaves she gives the family boy the ugliest doll since Chucky's last dump. Odd things happen, paintings get ruined, foot prints (CLEARLY not belonging to the boy) appear about the place. Mummy blames the boy. A baby sitter gets killed. Mummy gets taken as a crack pot by daddy. Realise doll is possessed. Doll goes whacko-Jacko. No bugger thinks to burn the stupid thing from the start. Doll gets it's comeuppance. Evil spirit enters boy.
NOW!!! Why the mother spotted the paint foot-prints and doesn't know her son well enough to realise they are flippin' square prints, ergo NOT her son's, is a mystery. Why she insists on yelling at her son about it rather than looking at the sodding doll two feet away (with red paint all over it's feet) is another odd ball moment. Why, when she decides it must be the doll, she locks it in a shed full of garden tools rather than incinerating the bloody minded mannequin is stupid move round 3. How this jerky badly animated lump of kindling manages to overcome anyone enough to kill them is laughable. Why, when it advances on mum at the top of the stairs with a baseball bat (and takes a week to reach her) she simply slides down the wall to a convenient head height for the doll, rather than launching a good hard boot into the thing and making with the big legs out of there... who the heck knows. All of the above with a couple of dozen other 'what the fekk are you doing'? moments make this movie a face-palm mess from the start. 3 out of 10 because the doll didn't fluff it's lines and they managed to find the budget to make it in colour. Utter twaddle, but if you want to scare your 4 year old daughter then this might (and I stress the word might) just about do it.
Machete Kills (2013)
Ohhhh... Just NO!
I won't mess about here. Danny Trejo as a leading actor is like Buggs Bunny as a Presidential candidate. It's a laughable gimmick and nothing more. Gaga? Stick to nut-ball musical performances. Acting is your kryptonite you pointless creature. Machete Kills is a train wreck of an action movie. The plot is thin and basic. At the halfway point I found myself wondering if I was actually drunk and imagining the whole thing. It sort of blurred it's elements together to pass off as continuity but still felt like a bad trip.
2 stars because 1)They managed to come up with a budget to produce this filth, and 2)They made it in colour.
Confusing junk.
Cat Shit One (2010)
Peeing myself at the cheesy brilliance of this tongue in cheek toon.
SPOILERS INCOMING!!!
(the feature is only 22 minutes long, so to say anything about it will give something away).
Two mercenary rabbits are sent to pull out a couple of hostages. Yes, you read that correctly... Rabbits. The hostages are being held captive by the enemy (played in this case by camels, so appropriate for Taliban style desert scum-bags I guess). The whole thing is these two rabb's getting in, grabbing the captives back, and getting to the evac point. That's it. It's short, animated, and a great little chuckle for war fans who are sick of Matt Damon and Gyllenhaal splattering their mugs all over everything with automatic fire in it. FYI: "Why rabbits as the American sounding mercs"? I hear you ask. Simples!... The Japanese word for Rabbit is Usagi (U.S.A. G.I.).
Enjoy.
Skinwalkers (2006)
Pfft...
I'm not a big fan of long winded reviews as I generally want to know a movie's basic plot and if it's worth a 5h1t to watch, so here goes.
I'm a big werewolf movie fan. I saw this thing advertised on line so I gave it a whirl. From the moment it kicks off it feels cheap to the eye. The dialogue is as wooden as Pinocchio's middle leg. The acting is almost a literary game of chess in which a chiefly little known cast fight to convince the viewer against a ceaseless tide of diabolical scripture and a plot that seems to have been written by a 7 year old for his 'write a scary story' homework assignment. It is typically American action in the sense that throughout the movie the are thousands of rounds of ammunition fired off left, right and center with targets only suffering hits as and when the director thought it was about time to move on to another scene and needed an excuse to do so. If you want a werewolf film that the kids can watch without wetting the bed then this is it. The action is as convincing as the Power Rangers (as is the acting), and given that there are people attacked by werekittens (because they do look like cats rather than wolves) there isn't so much as a nose-bleed in sight. I've given it three stars though... Why's that? Because the actors turned up (one star) there is a smattering of nickelodeon grade action in it (two stars) and, although paper thin, there is a trace of a discernible plot somewhere.
Wrap up: Like a good scary werewolf movie? Go watch WER or Bad Moon. This is watered down junk.