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Reviews
The November Man (2014)
Taut, suspenseful movie. Just don't stop to think about it
I've got to say I did rather like this when I was watching it - taught, suspenseful, violent, edge of the seat stuff, overall a far more enjoyable watch than most Bond films since Sean Connery hung up his gun. And it sought to deconstruct Bond in much the same way Eastwood's Unforgiven deconstructs his Spaghetti Western character - no suave, likeable action hero here, Devereaux is efficient, but a complete psycho.
But then when the end credits rolled and I'd finally been to the loo, the questions started to pop into my head...
How on earth did Agent Cannon Fodder (don't think he had a name) pop up later on in the film completely unharmed after being blown across a parking lot by an exploding car?
Why on earth did Devereaux slice up. Mason's girlfriend, why did she disappear without trace after that (I was expecting a "she's a spy" reveal), and after her possible death, why on earth would Mason save Devereaux's daughter at the end?!
Why on earth did. Hanley send Devereaux, the most likely person to save her, in to extract. Ulnova when he'd have really wanted her dead to protect his shady dealings, and why did Weinstein, who would have wanted her alive, order her to be shot, seemingly for no real reason when she had obviously been saved from the FSB?
How on earth did Hanley jump from being cuffed and interrogated in a sound-proof box to being in charge of everyone?
How did Devereaux get into maximum security areas with nobody batting an eyelid, and after particularly fierce firefights with bullets, blood and bodies flying around, how could he waltz off again without anyone giving him a second glance?
Where did the Russian assassin. Alexa disappear to after getting a face-full of shovel, and was there any real point in her being in the movie whatsoever?
And the questions went on an on, until I realized the plot was complete gratuitous violence-filled nonsense. So, er, maybe not quite as good as Unforgiven then...
Event Horizon (1997)
Such a shame
I've been waiting to watch this for so long, I've even contemplated paying an extortionate price to rent it, but now I'm glad I waited for it to appear on TV.
In theory it's the perfect movie - stellar cast, plausible bit of science behind the sci-fi (we know a black hole bends space / time at the event horizon, so harnessing that for time / space travel seems fair enough), gorgeous looking ships, more potential jump scares than a really scary frog, and a plotline which reads like Hellraiser meets Alien, i.e. The perfect space horror. It even had the Prodigy as the closing music. Perfection.
So what could possibly go wrong? Everything it seems. Somehow despite all that potential it was as suspenseful as Peppa Pig crossed with a washing powder advert, somehow you didn't end up caring in the slightest about the wooden characters, and rather than being drawn in to the plot you felt like you were watching a 1940s B movie from some distance away, through a pair of binoculars made from toilet roll tubes.
I give it 3 stars for all that wasted potential, but that's it.
What went wrong? How did the perfect horror movie get ruined? Was it bad direction? Was too much left on the cutting room floor along with the bits which obviously should have been cut? Did the ship come back through time to turn the film crew into mindless animals hell-bent on destroying the movie?
I have no idea, but the end result was more dead than the Event Horizon's crew, which was a real shame.
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
Lives up to it's title, and the best Oscar winner I've seen!
Take some alternate universe sci fi, throw in a touch of romance, add 2 heaped tablespoons of bawdy humour, a sprinkle of touching moments, a light crumble of family drama, and stir together with 2.75 tonnes of surreal comedy, and you've just about got the recipe for this movie.
Moved along at a breakneck pace like a Jackie Chan movie, and after watching it I kept imagining people with hot dog fingers, which shows how much it got under my skin :-D
And all that complex madness for a very simple message at the end, which we can all relate to. Pure brilliance!
Certainly blows that dour, severed-finger remake of Father Ted out of the water for watchability. Do yourself a favour, bin that movie and watch this instead, you'll enjoy it far more.
The Rise of the Krays (2015)
Think there might have been a subtle morality missed by some in this...
Probably not the most historically accurate, the actors only looked vaguely like the Krays when they were really young (the CID guy looked more like an older Ronnie than the Ronnie actor), and it lurched from violent set piece to violent set piece in between various people doing their best Michael Cain impressions.
But, there's one important thing most people seem to forget - the Krays weren't movie stars, they weren't cult heroes or celebrities, they were violent thugs who terrorized the East End. And that's one thing I really liked about this film - right at the beginning of the movie it seemed to be yet another tale glorifying the Krays, but as the film went on the level of violence got more and more sickening, and their reasons for it got more and more shaky.
Which is a good thing and makes it more accurate than many Krays adaptations, though definitely not one for the squeamish. I had to go and make a coffee during the 'Glasgow Smile' scene - bearing in mind how the lesser acts were portrayed, I dread to think what they'd have done with that!
Aside from that I found it pretty watchable, and was pleasantly surprised the Krays weren't portrayed as East End's answer to Robin Hood, and so for that reason I've given it a higher rating than many think it deserves.
The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)
Depressing and lightweight
Anyone expecting a black comedy will be sorely disappointed by this movie, unless you find a cute donkey choking to death on severed fingers or the main character crying his eyes out because his best friend won't talk to him amusing.
All of the minor characters are deeply unlikeable (and many are verging on stereotypes), ranging from terminally dim-witted through violent / abusive to deliberately spiteful. And the main characters... Oh, my.
You may start out liking Farrell's character and having some sympathy for him being ghosted by his best mate, but by the time you're half way through the film you've realized he's just selfish and self-centered and has no feelings for anyone but himself, and perhaps his donkey. And Gleeson's character is so self-destructively depressed, the ending of the film actually ends up being an unexpected and rather stupid twist in the tale...
After hacking off all his fingers and rendering himself incapable of playing the violin he'd supposedly cut off ties to Farrel's character to explore, you'd have expected him to jump at the chance of his ex-mate burning him to death in his own house, but instead he somehow returns to normal and is all "sorry mate, let's be friends again" by the end?! But of course his self-centered mate is more concerned with killing him over the accidental death of the donkey than rekindling their friendship, which leaves the end of the film both grim and unbelievable.
There was some good acting in this movie (which is why I gave it 3 stars) and I get it was supposed to be a metaphor for the Irish civil war, but substituting a dour metaphor for a plot makes this a really lousy film. I'm quite surprised Gleeson's characted didn't cut off his nose despite his face to be honest...
I 'get' this film totally, I just don't like it at all, on any level.
Ad Astra (2019)
The soundtrack did it for me, but evil space baboons?!
A breathtaking visual and aural spectacle, with a soundtrack which really captures the coldness and bleakness of space.
The progress of Pitt's quest to reach his father, for good or bad, is well told with the psych tests gradually becoming worse the deeper he is in space and the more he finds out, and most of the action sequences are well done and weirdly not at all out of place in a character-based movie.
However the basic premise is iffy (why would pulses of matter-antimatter reactions reach earth without ripping the origin to pieces, and why would they keep happening?), and one particular (unnecessary) plot item (not a twist) with the baboons is particularly jarring. Yes, even baboons go mad in space. So what? They also fling poop at each other and have big red bottoms, unlike most humans.
Well worth watching for the spectacle and haunting soundtrack, ultimately quite satisfying, and there are many, many movies less worthy of your time, so why not give it a shot? Ignore the bad science and evil space monkeys and you'll like it.
Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
One of the most complex and iconic bad guys I've ever come across
Rather than just being a remake of the fantastic original, this is a subversive sequel who's plot points seem to have taken on a life of their own - "luv kills joi" being a particularly favourite one.
I love the way the characters develop through the film:
K is a bit like Pinocchio - he breaks his programming and begins to think he's a real boy before his dreams are dashed and he finds a true purpose
Joi is about as far from HAL as you can get for an AI, does she really care for K, or is she just saying platitudes according to her programming?
Luv is the best though - so much pent-up rage simmering below the initially cool exterior, she obviously has more feelings for K than you'd expect, and her lack of past memories has left her like a conflicted toddler with superpowers. But her inner conflicts make her fascinating, and you can't help but wonder where she would / could have gone if she could have broken her programming. Brilliant acting by Hoeks too, the complex sublteties of her character could so easily have been lost if Luv had been played like a pantomime villain.
All the other characters are well fleshed out too, and this is nowhere near the cgi explosion-fest most sci-fi sequels end up being. Only reason I mark it down one point is that they could have made more of Harrison Ford / Deckard's character :-)
Mortal Engines (2018)
My, hasn't R2D2 grown!
Yes, this is pretty much a Star Wars ripoff, it even has Luke, er, I mean Tom blowing up the Death Star's, er, I mean London's core during the climax of the movie. Though it does differ a little, in that London's super-weapon (your common or garden death ray, not a loudly-shrieking Victoria line like I hoped) is destroyed before the core goes kaboom. It has the sinister(?) bad guy, the Rebel alliance, the robot (albeit only one, who's like a wizened Terminator), the (albeit scarred) princess who holds the key to the Death Star's destruction, etc, etc...
Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the film - the spectacle was breathtaking, and I did end up feeling some attachment to one of the characters (albeit the one you shouldn't!), but I can see where most reviews are coming from with this - waaaay too many unexplored backstories, waaaay too many undeveloped characters (bad guy's daughter? She might as well have been a random traffic warden...), and a 'romance' so lacking in chemistry you might as well be watching a pair of London pigeons not getting it on.
About the only highlight in the movie character-wise for me was the wonderful R2D2, er, I mean Terminator, I mean Shrike. He had very few lines in the movie (and they were mostly "Grrrr!" or suchlike) but because they gave much more time to his backstory, you actually feel a bit of sympathy for him when he dies (insomuch as an undead cyborg can die; he'd have been back in the sequels if they'd happened).
However, if you pause to think for even a second, a hole in the plot bigger than the one blown thorugh the Rebel Alliance, er, Shan Guo's defences becomes obvious. Since the heroine obviously cares for Shrike (far moreso than her 'love interest') and since Shrike has deep paternal feelings for her, even to the extent of building her a robot body to numb her non-existent glumness (she's always smiling and laughing in his memories of her), why didn't she just ask him to help kill the bad guy rather than running away? Bearing in mind Shrike is a more efficient killing machine than even a Terminator T1000, with his help the movie could have been over in the first 5 minutes...
So, um, yeah, watch it for Shrike and the spectacular visuals, but don't overthink it (or think at all to be honest) otherwise you'll start to wonder why the storyline and all other characters are so one-dimensional.
Flatliners (2017)
Wow, that fell flat
Hrm, what can you say that isn't a remake of everyone else's comments?
In the 80s there were some wonderful moves based around the 'brat pack' actors like Kevin Bacon and Kiefer Sutherland, and some very interesting horror movies which turned the genre on it's head, like Flatliners or Candyman. Though the original Flatliners may have had faults, the combination of the cast and the unusual 'villain' carried it through to make it highly watchable. And not just once either.
It's very rare for a film remake to surpass the original, The Thing (John Carpenter version) and The Fly are the only ones I can think of, and that's mostly because the originals were ultra-low budget B movies. This remake certainly doesn't join those hallowed ranks, it's the sort of film that makes you you start wondering what's for tea during the 'suspenseful' bits, and roll your eyes at the plot butchery (the most horrific bit in it).
If you must watch this, make sure you don't see the original first, and you might not realize quite what a dog's dinner this is.
Pandorum (2009)
Did the professional reviewers see a different film?
Just watched Pandorum for the second time (after a couple of years) and found it every bit as good as the last time I watched it, despite half-remembering the plot.
And what a plot it is, suspenseful twisty and horrific (in a psychological way), with a suitably claustrophobic dimly lit set to match it. Admittedly there's not much cgi or grand vistas on display here, but then they're not needed - the dark, enclosed steam-punk setting perfectly matches the on-screen developments. And there's not much gore, but then the horror is all mind-based so once again isn't needed.
All in all a fine, low-budget film where IMO the low budget does more to enhance the film than detract from it, and everything about it leaves you glued to the screen, straining to hear the whispered comments, and almost constantly on the edge of your seat.
Maybe the film looks less impressive in the cinema than it does on the small screen and maybe then the suspension of disbelief collapses; I can think of no other reason why the pro critics would get their reviews of this film so drastically wrong, unless somebody accidentally played them Battleship rather than the proper movie...? :-)
Terminator Genisys (2015)
Far better than expected, but one huuuuuge plot hole
After the savage reviews of this and some of it's predecessors I didn't bother to see it at the cinema or even on DVD, I waited for it to appear on the TV.
I was expecting very little from this film indeed, so maybe that's why I liked it; after all, if you're expecting a poo sandwich, a processed cheese sandwich seems quite nice in comparison.
Yes, it's full of references to gags, special effects and whole scenes ripped from previous films, but if a movie franchise based on time paradoxes isn't self-referential there's something very wrong indeed...
Personally I liked the way it got back to the premise of the first two films and the Sarah Connor Chronicles - losing the time paradoxes from the last two films destroyed one of the primary interesting things about the Terminator franchise - the whole 'what if?' scenario.
And even without this, the effects and action are a match for Salvation without the cringeworthy "Look, I'm a real boy!" moments, so is several points up from T4 for a start.
However, despite my general liking for the movie (it felt much more a part of the Terminator series than the previous two), it did have one plot hole so big you could sail the Titanic through it - bearing in mind Skynet/T5000 won at the beginning of the film (and must have know it was going to win beforehand) why the hell did it send a Terminator back in time, thus jeopardizing it's own chances of success? It was on a win-win whatever happened - Connor dies in the past=no resistance, Connor lives=take him over, and have some fun with the remains of the resistance.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)
A typical sequel of a sequel of a sequel of a sequel
Riddled with plot holes and finished off with pointless clichés, the weakest of the series so far.
First the good - Javier Bardem made a great villain, the special effects were very special, and there were a few good jokes in the first 20 minutes (though the over-labouring of the Horologist joke got a bit irritating).
And now for the bad - in the first few minutes it tramples all over the end of Dead man's Chest - the Flying Dutchman needs a serious lick of paint and William Turner has turned into a new Davy Jones, seemingly for no reason whatsoever. And then there's the whole Salazar business - no big back story, a young Sparrow just out-maneuvered them. So why on earth would he and his crew hold an everlasting grudge against Jack Sparrow? Surely Salazar's crew would be far more annoyed their idiot captain had been outwitted by a teenager, and sailed them into a volcano?
And what happened to the Queen Anne's Revenge? No explanation was given for it's disappearance, so all I can assume is Barbosa must have left it in a car park one night when he was drunk, and staggered home forgetting where he's left it. And then there's Jack himself - Sparrow basically did nothing the whole movie except booze, so if I were Turner Jr I'd have headed off with Ms Smyth and avoided all the extra needless danger and irritation of sharing a ship with a hopeless drunk pursued by undead pirate hunters.
Finally, just to add insult to injury, Barbosa, who had never shown any signs of affection to anything except the Black Pearl and his monkey, was suddenly willing to sacrifice his life for a daughter he's never seen and fling himself into the wild blue yonder to fight the newly alive Salzar, who by that time wouldn't have given a monkey's about fighting Sparrow, much less some random fool with a wooden leg. Oh, and why did they have to rehash the ending of the first film and make Salazar and his crew alive again? Couldn't they have come up with something more original?
So, erm, it'd probably be bearable if it was the first one you'd watched or you'd conveniently forgotten all the previous movies, but if not it's just a tired old rehash with some stupid clichés and idiotic plot holes, glossed over with some nice special effects.
The Host (2013)
Strangely watchable for one reason only
The plot was dull, ancient recycled cheese, the sfx, camera-work and locations weren't noticeably good, there was no excitement, but somehow I found myself sitting through this movie, mesmerized, drawn into it despite myself.
And then I checked who played the part of Wanda, and realized why. Saoirse Ronan. I loved her performance in The Lovely Bones, and she's every bit as captivating in this. Must watch out for more movies starring her.
As for the rest of it - imagine a soppy remake of Invasion of the Bodysnatchers with fluffy caterpillars...
Carrie (2013)
As many others have said, pretty much pointless
It is just a plain remake of the original movie with nothing of substance added. The main difference is it doesn't have that wonderful, creepy performance by Sissy Spaceck as Carrie, which is a big negative.
The only thing this movie adds is a little extra dimension to Carrie's mom - she seems to display signs of schizophrenia or borderline personality disorder rather than just being an evil bible basher, but that alone doesn't make this movie worth watching.
I'd give it a better rating if it was the first time this movie was made, but the original is pretty much identical but better cast so I ended up watching only the first 45 minutes before getting bored and writing this review instead of watching the rest of it...
Daredevil (2003)
I should have guessed Daredevil would be diabolical
Hmm, I had reasonably high hopes for this movie (esp bearing in mind how much better the later series is), not enough to see it in the cinema or enough to rent it, but enough to waste a couple of hours watching it on TV when it finally came on, and I wish I hadn't bothered. Supposedly the director's cut is better, but tbh I can't really imagine it improving this pile of over-cgi'd tosh much, and certainly not enough to warrant me wasting another couple of hours.
Way too long was spent pointlessly building up Daredevil, and then his relationship with Elektra - you still didn't feel any kind of bond or empathy for them so the first hour or so was a complete waste of time. They went to all the bother of building up Daredevil's relationship with Elektra (or at least trying to, the acting was soo wooden he might as well have been having a relationship with his cane), only to summarily kill her after a particularly lame scene where she tries to kill Daredevil after wrongfully thinking he assassinated her father, only to remove his mask, realize it's her boyfriend and then suddenly go all 'Woops! Ooh, I'm so sorry!'. A far more likely reaction would be 'You bar steward! You only slept with me to get close to my father! Here, take this sai through the throat!'. But even given that, it was still disappointing they didn't have a few minutes as a 'crimefighting duo' where they kicked some bad guy butt before she was killed.
And it then went on to a similarly disappointing fight with Kingpin. Oh, I blinked. Is it over? Oh well, there goes two hours of my life down the toilet.
But even given all that, I would probably still have given it three stars (there are much worse movies out there, like Battleship), but it loses an extra star for spawning the worst spin off ever made - Elektra. A film so bad I can't review it because I can't think of ten lines worth of similes for the word 'excrement'.
Devil's Playground (2010)
Perfectly adequate if a little unexciting. A bit like stew.
I've put down 'may contain spoilers' but you'd be hard pushed to find a spoiler for this film since almost everything in it was borrowed from one zombie apocalypse film or another.
Take a pinch Resident Evil's Umbrella Corps, add a small portion of Resident Evil's Alice and garnish with a pinch of Omega Man for Cole, add a heaped teaspoonful of generic British actors / film locations and a healthy dollop of 28 days later for the infected/zombies. Place in a medium cooking plot, and allow to simmer for 92 minutes. Finally garnish with a sprig of Jaime Murray typecast as yet another manipulative woman, and you have the perfect zombie stew.
Having said all that, it did have some interesting bits in it, e.g. Fairbrass' Cole totally stole the show, leaving Danny Dyer's character as little more than a minor zombie-fodder character with an above average number of lines, and in so doing made the film oddly watchable. Also the idea of adding in a couple of conniving 'outsiders' added to the film's complexity (it needed it).
Both of these bits could have taken the film to a whole new level if it weren't for face-palm-inducing plot holes, e.g. Cole just happening to stumble across the one person he was looking for in the middle of the zombie-infested green belt, and the way the two 'evil' characters somehow persuaded the heroine they were more trustworthy than her best friend?!
So overall, some interesting ingredients lost in a bland mix of stock zombie-movie moments. It'll fill up a hole if you're hungry for a zombie movie and don't want to challenge your tastebuds too much...
The Grey (2011)
Allegory Schmallegory
Well I guess this was an allegory of a sort after all, the heroes relentlessly battling through against overwhelming odds only to come to a bad end. That's exactly how I felt after being forced to sit through this sorry mess of a film.
Right from the word go the portrayal of wolves was so wrong I was wondering if they were going to turn out to be werewolves or something. And as the film went on I found myself laughing more and more at the absurdity of the wolves' behavior - 'sending in the omega to test out how strong we are' indeed, ha ha ha.
And it then went on from the ridiculous to the even more ridiculous - having survived an impossible jump over a chasm, the men are then met with the very same bunch of wolves they are escaping from on the other side of the chasm. How did the wolves get there? Did they have a cable car? Did they use a zip line? Or did they sprout wings and fly?
Agh, words fail me, and I haven't even mentioned the dumb humans! The most annoying thing is I might have actually enjoyed the message (if there was one) in this pile of poo if it hadn't kept on relentlessly slapping me in the face with it's ridiculousness.
This has got to be serious competition to Battleship as Neeson's worst film...
Gattaca (1997)
Great movie, so-so trailer, awful name
I didn't see this at the cinema when it came out because initially I thought it was a remake of Battlestar Galactica, and then when I saw the trailer I thought it was a remake of Saturn 3.
But having just watched it on the TV (there was nothing else on) I now know I was completely wrong.
Some interesting concepts in there about your genes deciding your future (but then they always have, e.g. there's not many fighter pilots with glasses or ugly models), and some nicely done plot points and small twists. And there are some truly great moments when Jude Law and Ethan Hawke are together. Not quite so sure about some of Uma Thurman's moments though, or the motivation for her character (why wouldn't she dump a liar and cheat in it, especially if he manhandled her on their 2nd date as much as Ms Thurman's acting would suggest).
But one of the best things about the film imo was it's ending. Both uplifting (Vincent attains his goal despite his genetic disadvantages) and sad (Jerome's death) at the same time, with one final undercurrent... During one of Vincent's speeches to Irene he says his heart is already 10,000 beats overdue (for failure) and his final monologue about leaving the earth suggests he thinks he's not going to make it back.
But despite all the good things in this film, nobody's going to see it if they get the wrong first impression, which is presumably why it bombed.
Savaged (2013)
Surprisingly good
You wouldn't expect much from a movie which mixes a standard vengeance horror with a zombie movie, and when you throw in a low budget too, your expectations go even lower. But prepare to be pleasantly surprised.
I missed the first few minutes of the film, but what I caught was very tautly written with just the right amount of pathos to leave you rooting for the vengeful zombie girl, and enjoying every kill. At the same time it gave you just the right amount of back story to draw you in without spoiling the pace.
About the only weak bit was the final 5-10 minutes; I won't reveal any details but it was dragged out past it's natural finishing point, and at the end you can't help but feel the innocent survivors are going to have one helluva job explaining things to the authorities...
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)
Far more clever than you'd expect
If you don't look carefully this is just a run-of-the-mill slasher pic with a surprise ending.
But if you look at all the scenes, this is a much cleverer slasher spoof than Scream could ever hope to be. (next bit contains some spoilers, but I hope I have't given away too much)
For instance the slutty girl, who you assume is the first to die (as usual) actually outlasts her, er, doting boyfriend. And the cast spends more time either seeming bored or developing crushes on the unobtainable heroine than running away screaming or investigating dark places, even though their friends are disappearing one-by-one. And the silent, sinister masked killer suddenly turns out to be a geeky, lovestruck idiot! And finally, in my second favorite bit (excluding the ending twist), the killer chases a girl through the field, not to heavy metal or psycho-style chords, but perky, upbeat pop.
About the only thing I didn't fully get was the scene in the pit full of dead cows; was it a clever bit of imagery to show the killer thought no more of the victim than a butcher does of the cattle he/she slaughters, or was it just a bit of gratuitous gore?
Well worth a look for the clever camera work and surprise ending, and then worth a second look to see how many knowing nods to the standard slasher pic you can spot. Oh, and I challenge you not to shudder slightly when you hear 'sealed with a kiss' playing over the final shot, when you realize you might have just had a glimpse into how a real psychopath's mind might work...
Battleship (2012)
Teeters between thought provoking and really dumb
When you watch the movie you can't help but feel it's really dumb - the aliens don't seem to do anything pro-active whatsoever and you wouldn't leave Lieutenant Hopper in charge of an empty shopping trolley, let alone a US Navy vessel.
But then you read some of the more thought-provoking reviews about this film - are the aliens really trying to be friendly, and only react in self-defence against the aggressive humans? The green light / red light thing to select targets and the initial attempt at contact just using a loud horn (which the US Navy misinterprets as aggression) seems to point to this, as does the aliens' destruction of just military targets, or routes to their area which could be used by aggressors...
But then you realize the aliens' main form of offence (the little barrels they fire from their ships) aren't mining charges as suggested by some more thoughtful reviewers, they're just like the little pegs you use to sink battleships in the kid's Battlehips game. And then you remember this film was 'inspired' by the very same kid's game, and all the fine motives disappear - the two sides must just be 'taking turns'...
Which ultimately takes the film back into the 'really dumb' territory!
With a little more care, better acting and less cgi this could have been a decent, thought-provoking film about the wisdom of contacting aliens, and how to interpret their responses. Or with a less ambiguous (and better written) plot this could have been a decent- enough bog-standard blockbuster, which didn't leave you feeling like you've just wasted 2 hours of your time. But as it is, it falls between the two stools and lands on it's backside, truly deserving of it's 'turkey' rating.