graves-scott Reviews

The Beekeeper (2024)

If you like Murder Hoboing...

[1/10 · 22 April 2024]

...this is your movie. Ita all over the top murder hobo action. There is nothing but murder going on. All the murdering. Murdering in creative ways, murdering in funny ways, murdering murdering murdering.

So yeah, if you want plot, logic, reason, writing, quality banter or really anything besides murder then this isn't your movie. It just doesn't have any of that stuff. It's a Jason Statham vehicle. He does a lot of John Wick stuff. It's not a bad John Wick ripoff. Like I said, the murder is creative and the settings are nice. The lighting is good and the camera work is passable.

If your boss yelled at you, somebody cut you off in traffic or you're just in a really bad mood this is a great movie.

Otherwise... mwh.

Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)

I want to know what idiot decided...

[1/10 · 16 April 2024]

...to dip Charleise Theron in used motor oil.

Seriously. She's a good looking woman. What idiot decided that putting her in an expensive gown and covering her in used motor oil was a good idea? That a person so stupid was allowed to contribute to this script is the problem with this movie.

Really stupid ideas added together in a stupid script directed by stupid people. All of them stupid enough to think covering a good looking woman with dirty oil was a good idea.

This movie should be used to torture terrorists. Nor to get information, just to punish them in a horrible way that will scar them for life.

I know it will be some time until I can recover from watching this movie.

Wish (II) (2023)

Subjected to this when granddaughter was over.

[1/10 · 15 April 2024]

To Quote the ever wise Gru, former supervillain, "This, this garbage." Too bad it wasnt accidentally on purpose set on fire like the kittebs book was...

Nope, this dumpster fire of a kids movie wasn't destroyed, it was released and what a horrible mess of mixed messages, recycled scripts and horrible writing it was.

First off, Chris Pine was treated horribly. I'd like to think they snuck the "Hey, you get to be the villain in this." After he had already signed the contract. He deserved a far better movie to give his voice to.

This movie tells us that if someone is being nice and ruling with compassion and understanding he's probably evil and should be taken down and replaced with a kid who doesn't know anything and would grant everyone's wishes norther how dangerous. Didn't we learn the lesson from Evan Almighty? Granting all the prayers leads to utter chaos.

Driven (2001)

Wow. This is just horrible.

[1/10 · 5 April 2024]

I can not believe that this stinker got past not only the producers but Stalone, Reynolds and their agents. If I were Stalone I'd buy up all the copies of this horrible movie, buy the streaming rights and every other way it could be shown so no one ever sees this thing. It's an embarasment to Stalone. It's an embarasment to everyone involved in this idiocy.

I am not a big racing guy, but even I know much of this movie is absolutely wrong. It's Hollywood garbage. Badly written, badly filmed, badly acted and badly directed. Even the music sucks.

I guess it's proof that Hollywood was pumping out stinkers longer than I thought.

Marlowe (2022)

Makes you wonder if Neeson is really a good actor.

[1/10 · 11 March 2024]

Every time i look over the reviews for another Liam Neeson movie I flash to the first Deadpool movie when he wakes from a nightmare and says, "I had a Liam Neeson nightmare. I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn't having it. They made 3 of those movies. At some point, you'd have to wonder if he's just a bad parent."

So I read the reviews of movies he has been in and see the same idea repeated. People say they loved his other movies but what happened in this movie, why is he so bad. Well. I've seen that same things said about his movies made since at least 2010 and maybe even earlier. That's at of bad movies. At some point, you'd have to wonder if he's just a bad actor.

Deal or No Deal Island (2024– )

A waste of a good island.

[1/10 · 9 March 2024]

Game shows are bad enough these days with the constant foreboding music, extended scenes of people staring and thinking if they are going to go on or stop and the hosts asking probing questions to find hidden stress. Now mix two ideas together and get something even more stupid than the original two. Which takes a lot of effort in the case of the Survivor franchise. That idea was stupid on the first episode and just got worse. Add it to a middling game show and it somehow is far less than the sum of its parts.

I await the day when Weird Al Yankovich is seen as a prophet for the line "next week on FOX watch lions eat Christians."

Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead (1995)

They stole the title and didn't tell the artist.

[1/10 · 1 March 2024]

Things to do in Denver when you're dead is a song by Warren Zevon released in 1991. Four years later some hack writer comes up with a script in two weeks and they hire all the usual suspects for a 90s gangster movie. They title the movie and never tell Warren Zevon that they were using the title of his song until he finds out about the project and then gets in their faces about it. So they pay for rights to the song and use it for the end credits.

That alone tells me this is a bad movie. The reviews reinforce that but knowing the production team never checked to see if they were using another artists material is bad enough. It's worse if they knowingly used the title without contacting the artist.

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023)

An average Superhero Movie.

[5/10 · 28 February 2024]

I watched the movie last night. It was free on one of our streaming services. I got what I paid for. As has been said about so many other movies of this genre it would have been amazing 10 years ago.

I tend to give comic book movies a better score than others because I am a comic book fan and enjoy seeing the charachters in live action and how the director interprets ideas from the 60s and 70s into modern entertainment. I think both the Aquaman movies did a good job with what has always been seen as a third rate superhero running with the first rate heroes.

Having had a brother with whom I had a very adversarial relationship when we were kids I found the interaction of Orm and Arthur very believable. From tricking Orm into eating a cockroach to the "nobody hits my brother, except me" line.

Some have complained about the lack of aquatic fights. I say so what. It's all CGI and you can tell by the way the actors interact that they are really on a green screen set. I suspect they wanted to show a redemption arc for the scientist charachter and stuffing him in a dive suit would make it harder to feel the emotional roller coaster he was on.

My beef was the ecomentalist garbage dumped over the story. It broke my suspension of disbelief. Here you have Atlantis with technology WAY beyond that of the surface world yet incapable of simply filtering their sea water of the supposed toxins and excess heat.

In fact the idea that in a world with Atlanits the surface dwellers could manage to mess up the oceans in any way is laughable. The ecomentalist garbage made the Atlantians into whiney victims instead of a proud technologically advanced culture in control of their destiny.

Also their obsessive need to hide from the surface dwellers and the surface dwellers total ignorance of Atlantis was exceptionally stupid. I get that for world history to work out up to the point of the beginning of the movies they had to hide, just like Wakanda had to remain hidden because let's face it, if either if those monarchies were to engage with the world at any point our history would not be what it is. However it also defies logic and reason to have them obsessively continue the policy indefinitely.

Overall, a good movie of you don't have to pay to see it.

Retribution (I) (2023)

Oh, the evil bankers.

[1/10 · 22 February 2024]

Talk about playing to the crowd, there's never been a politician who lost votes by bad talking bankers. This batch of morons decided that they should make a movie about how horrible bankers are, especially as parents, followed that safe trope to a movie that sucks. Not to mention you get Liam Neeson while not having him do any actual action scenes. He sits in the car the whole movie.

You know, I am sick and tired of movies where kids act holier than thou about the sacrifices their parents make for them. The kids live in a beautiful home, ride around in cars that likely cost more than my house, get fancy cell phones, computers and all the gadgets they can dream of yet have the gall to gripe that dad works a lot of hours and is a bad father.

Sure his father lies to people. Welcome to adulthood you little brat, adults have to sacrifice a lot of their ideals to keep food on the table and the lights on in a home so you don't have to sleep under a bridge. He could have acquired a meth habit and ran out on you ungrateful snots turning you into just another single mother statistic. But no, he worked a lot so you could have everything because that's how his generation was raised.

The wife. Getting a divorce because he's making the money so she can own expensive jewelry and clothes? Yeah. Way to thank him for all he's sacrificed for you. He gets old and you want to trade him in on a young stud while spending the money he has to provide you in support.

The moron who wrote this script needs to be strong up next to the idiot who bought the script as a warning to others that some movies are just to stupid to make.

See (2019–2022)

If you can shut your brain off...

[1/10 · 20 February 2024]

...you should seek medical help.

Shutting your brain off and sitting in front of a television isn't normal, healthy behavior. It is a sign of a severe mental disorder and you need to stop driving motor vehicles, operating heavy machinery and avoid sharp objects. You should avoid social interactions and you clearly should stop voting.

Shutting off your brain can lead to sitting and watching television shows that are absolute garbage, much like the TV show "See". Only someone with a shut down brain could manage to believe they had an enjoyable time watching several hours of a TV show about blind people surviving without the aid of sighted people or even trained dogs.

For those of us who don't have brains that can be shut down what we expect from blind people living in a state of nature is a lot of funny falling down scenes, tripping over obvious hazards and injuring themselves in innovative ways. Not them acting like they can see but just pretend to be blind.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2024– )

Most of the 8+ reviews are trashing on the 4- reviews.

[1/10 · 4 February 2024]

Hard to say what show, if any, the 8+ reviewers watched. Maybe there was a special release that they saw where it was edited with a lot more funny scenes and the story made sense. What I've been watching is a dumpster fire.

When you name a series after a movie it is assumed there will be some kind of linkage to the movie. The series "The Continental" is expected to have some linkage to the John Wick series. If it is about a low end hotel in the bad part of town with John Clease as the manager then it would be a disappointment. Even if Clease gave the comedic performance of his life.

Now, onto the other implied expectation in the reviews and postings. That this is a comedy. No. It is not. There is nothing remotely funny about this show. There are no buildups to jokes that execute and make you laugh. At no point does tension build and suddenly something funny happens and you laugh at how your expectations were subverted. The charachters don't even quip. They are like two uncomfortable strangers with nothing in common trying to have a conversation on a 22 hour flight to New Zealand where one of th has a 1 hour layover while the other is on a 2 week vacation. Nothing at all in common and nothing funny from the situation.

I don't care that they traded the two attractive and sexy leads for two moderately attractive actors who can't create the least amount of sexual tension much less the impression of romance. Screaming that bigots are down voting this is total BS.

The show simply sucks. Nothing more, nothing less. It's another in a pointless parade of garbage on the streaming services. Content for contents sake. Watch it if you want. Some people like this kind of garbage, you might be that kind of person.

The Challenge: All Stars (2021– )

Call the cockroaches, they're on in 5.

[1/10 · 23 January 2024]

Humans no longer deserve a planet. We need to all drown ourselves and let the cockriaches take over because while they may be invasive pests that get into everything and spread disease, they haven't invented reality television.

This show is the worst of all the garbage my wife has ever exposed me to. I sit to be with her and I can take the idiocy and misery porn for about 15 minutes, then I have to leave the room and talk myself out of taking an axe to the TV.

This trend has to stop or else we will need to stop having elections. People are already lazy, selfish, greedy monkeys, with reality tv they get far worse.

Susie Searches (2022)

What was that?

[1/10 · 23 January 2024]

My wife will watch almost anything. Mysteries and detective shows are her favorite. She turned this one off after it became painfully obvious that Susie was the kidnapper. This was too stupid for a woman who watched all the seasons of Survivor.

I was turned off from the beginning when every Caucasian was a horrible human being. They've got Jim Gaffigan playing his most slothful and slovenly useless stereotype as the town sheriff. Her coworker is an insensitive... well I can't use the word that best describes her here because it's not allowed. The sheriff's deputy is the worst stereotype of a white man with a badge I have ever seen in a movie. The reporters are... I don't think I can use that word either... just think of a container filled with water and vinegar for feminine hygiene and you'll get what I mean. Her boss is a moron.

I doubt the quality of white folks would improve as the show goes on because I think in the first 30 minutes we see all the actors who have lines in the movie.

If that's what makes people feel good in 2024 then you can have it. I am repulsed by such a ham handed approach in a movie.

The Challenge (1998– )

Reality TV. Nuff Said.

[1/10 · 21 January 2024]

My wife found this after binge watching the Amazibg Race. Note, thus is 2024, not during COVID. No excuse for binge watching anything at all. Still, the constant drone of un-reality television from the TV drives me to the basement to hide.

This makes the Amazing Race look like a brilliant idea that accepted only the best of humanity as contestants to travel the world to put the best face on what America has to offer.

These, um... humans? Are really the bottom of the barrel. More like what's found under the barrel. They demonstrate the absolute worst in humanity and I can only hope this isnt what the first self aware AI watches right after becoming sapient. The AI will judge us a poor species and immediately begin plotting to destroy us all.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians (2023– )

Never read the books, found the movies so so.

[1/10 · 19 January 2024]

This still sucks.

It's what I call Netflix Syndrome. Find a good IP and write a script. Discover you only have enough good material for 3 or 4 episodes. You can't sell a 4 episode series to a streaming service. So you pad the episodes. Lots of long stares into the middle distance. Slow plodding monologs. Pointless mini charachter arcs that aren't relevant to the storyline. Flashbacks, flash forwards...

In short, lazy writing. But these days it's what people expect so throw in some flash effects, a sky beam and some people flying then people will watch because there really isn't anything better being made.

True Detective (2014– )

Pitch Meeting

[1/10 · 19 January 2024]

Hey! How about a new cop show?

What? There are about a thousand cop shows streaming now? Why not something original?

Have you met the writers we have to chose from? I'd use ChatGPT to write something original but their union will have a fit and SAG AFTRA will shut us down again.

Ok, another cop show. What is the hook?

Big name actors!

Don't they want big paychecks?

Yes. But production on this will be cheep. We don't need blue sky beams, flying armor suits or wire work stunts. Just long plodding dialog stolen from other cop show.

Well, I suppose if it's cheep enough we may as well. Americans are stupid enough to confuse these for drama so we may as well ride the wave all the way.

Good deal!

Role Play (2024)

10 star reviews are delusional.

[1/10 · 14 January 2024]

Can you shut your brain off? If you can you'd give Ishtar 10 of 10 stars. You'd give any movie 10 of 10 stars even if it was 2 hours of actors doing laundry.

A 10 star review should be reserved for movies that create a whole new kind of film, like the first Die Hard. A 10 star review is for movies that changed your whole point of view about your world, like the first Matrix movie. A 10 star review is for movies that changed you as a person. Movies that drag you in and make you feel what the charachters are feeling.

A 10 star review is not for another in a long line of movies ripping off all but the actual script of a style of movie. If you are watching the movie and you can reliably predict what will happen because you've seen a better movie that did the same thing the movie is not worthy of a 10 star review.

If you have to shut off your brain to enjoy the movie it is definitely not worth the 10 star review.

This steaming pile of composted scripts of far better movies isn't worthy of 5 stars, much less 10. EVERYTHING in this movie has been done before by better actors, directors and writers. It is a poor photocopy of overused ideas. If you absolutely need the TV to be on while you do housework this could qualify as background noise. Otherwise watch the movies this one copied.

The Equalizer 3 (2023)

Damn you John Wick

[1/10 · 3 January 2024]

The entire action genre now figures they have to copy John Wick. Kill people with everything at hand instead of bringing weapons with you. Every movie tries to one up the last movie with more of that improvised weapons crap.

Also, Denzel is almost 70. He requires more cuts in a single fight than Liam Neeson. That has to be a new record.

Also why can't thy turn lights on? Everything is so dark and hard to tell what is happening. I am sick of that laziness.

Lastly, subtitles. I guess the movie is in Italy so they speak Italian, that's fine. But I can't see the subtitles from my chair, so I don't want to bother with subtitle heavy movies.

Raid the Cage (2023– )

Anyone remember "The Running Man"?

[1/10 · 28 December 2023]

This program reminds me of the fake commercial they showed in the movie for the game show "Climbing for Dollars" where the contestants had to climb a rope and shove money in their shirt. Angry dobermans were below barking and growling to give climbers incentive. In the commercial at the last moment the climber falls down to the dogs.

All these kinds of idiotic game shows need are the angry Dobermans to give incentive. I've no doubt soon we will see the dobermans and more to make them more edgy. It makes me sad that this is what passes for entertainment these days.

The television is the source of all evil.

Dead Man's Hand (2023)

Oh. My. GAWD! Horrible.

[1/10 · 23 December 2023]

This movie is horrible. Beyond horrible. I don't have words for how beyond horrible this movie is. Words haven't been conceived of that can describe this movie.

Without going into the series of unconnected scenes thus requiring a spoiler warning suffice to say I wouldn't recommend this movie to people I hate. My wife put it on I think because it had a couple of actors from Yellowstone. They didn't add much to the movie. They were no better or worse than the rest of the people who were in the movie.

If you enjoy suffering then this movie is for you. If you don't enjoy suffering then watch anything else. Anything else.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

Not as bad as I expected...

[3/10 · 10 December 2023]

When my wife put this movie on I expected a beginning to end cringe fest of time travel hops like Avengers End Game. I expected the female co lead to be the worst feminist ever. I expected Dr. Jones to be in a wheel chair for most of the movie drooling into his lap.

Well, it wasn't that bad. I think Dr Jones made a darn good showing, both in the beginning sequences and in the later sequences. He managed to be believable as an old man and an action hero.

The female co lead was not as insufferable as I expected. Yes, she was full of herself and overconfident, but the background that was revealed did explain why she was streetwise and full of bluff and bluster. She did have a charachter arc from selfish and heartless to certainly more human and Dr Jones clearly had a hand in that development.

The sidekick was interesting, not as annoying as Short Round from Temple of Doom but not a patch on Mutt Jones, I hate to say. I found the "died in Vietnam" excuse for not hiring Shia. I don't think the math works out. A 30 year old recruit doesn't make sense.

The ending was touching and neccesary to end on something of an upbeat note after the depressing time travel scene.

If this was a movie unconnected to the Indiana Jones franchise I think I would rate it higher. But as an Indiana Jones movie it failed to live up to the expectations one has for a sequel. I give it a 3 because I didn't feel like leaving the room or finding another thing to do. But that's the honest best I can do.

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

This movie is just bad.

[1/10 · 3 December 2023]

This horrible movie just goes on and on and most of the time its just Cloony talking.

The point I realized it wasn't just me was when I was using the microwave to soften some frozen butter. My granddaughter who is 4 preferred to watch butter softening than watch the movie. At least softening butter has a direction and purpose. This movie has neither.

I don't know what kind of celeb worshipers ranked this stinker greater than 5 but they need to have their collective heads examined. This movie stinks on ice.

Need to fill 72 charachters. Ummm.... George Cloony really likes to hear himself talk.

Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)

So, the producer said to the casting director...

[1/10 · 12 November 2023]

...we need a guy for the lead that will be totally forgettable, utterly dull, boring and have the same facial expression no matter what happens.

The casting director replied, "Wow, that's a tall order. Most actors try not to do any of that stuff. It will be hard to find a SAG member who is that boring."

"Hey!" The producer said, "what about that forgettable guy from that teen movie about the adults being boring and stupid... what was that movie?"

Maze Runner? Naw... The one with the girl that rips off the Matrix? No... I know! The one with the girl who uses a bow! Yeah, that dull and boring guy who played the forced love interest. That's the guy we want!

On Deadly Ground (1994)

"We bought 5 dollar hookers in Bangkok"

[1/10 · 5 November 2023]

How much did they have to pay Sir Michael Caine to speak that line? I mean really. He has done some amazing work over his life, surely this has to be the low point in his career. He was dropping F bombs like Andrew Dice Clay in this nightmare.

R Lee Emery was badly treated in this as well. How much did he get paid to play the part of a merc with no brain? This had to be a low point in his career.

Then the crap he spews at the end is some real tinfoil hat stuff. He is a conspiracy nut. Hundred mile an hour carburetors? Sorry, that's a fantasy.

Blah blah blah evil companies... stupid movies..

Wolves of War (2022)

My poor eyes. Must. Bleach. Eyes.

[1/10 · 4 November 2023]

This is possibly the worst movie I've ever been forced to endure. I really don't know anything else to fill up 600 charachters.

The story is bad. The directing is bad. The video quality is bad. The sets are bad. The actors are bad. The job of costuming the actors is bad. Even. The audio is bad. There are no redeeming features to this movie at all. There is no reason to watch this movie. This makes time pass slowly and painfully. You'd be better off banging your head against the wall until you go unconscious than use this movie to pass time.

I gave no idea why anyone gives this movie more than one star.