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Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978)
The Most Boring Film I Have Ever Sat Through.
I have never even knew that there was a film based on the album "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band" until I saw a review of it on the internet. Then I watched some scenes of it and then the full movie. What I was expecting was a bizarre musical 70s Beatles film. What I got instead was the most boring film I have ever saw.
The story is really minimal. It's about a guy named Billy Shears who starts a band called "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band" to carry on the legacy of his dead grandfather, Sgt. Pepper, who also had a band called "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band". Then a villain band literally called "Future Villain Band" steals the instruments that once belonged to the old Sgt. Pepper Band, said instruments apparently maintain peace in our heroes' hometown: Heartland. So Billy Shears and friends need to go on an adventure to get them back. There's also some stuff about them being signed to a record label but it doesn't really matter other than being a distraction from the band so one of F.V.B's minions, Mean Mr. Mustard, can steal the instruments.
The writing is terrible. There is no dialogue, save for one character, Mr. Kite, who serves as the film's narrator. Instead, the story is told through Beatles songs that were haphazardly strung together in an attempt to make a cohesive story. It didn't work. More often than not, songs that have absolutely nothing to do with the story appear just to slow down or even halt the plot all together. There is a long and drawn out montage of the Sgt. Pepper Band preforming in a bunch of different venues which contributes absolutely nothing to the film. This was when I was tempted to turn the film off. Then towards the end of the second act, the plot comes to another screeching halt to have another concert sequence that contributes absolutely nothing to the plot. Then towards the end of he film, the female lead who is named, and I'm not joking, Strawberry Fields, dies while being rescued by Billy and friends when they have a long and drawn out funeral scene, which is rendered completely pointless when Billy Preston appears out of nowhere and brings her back to life, as well as undoing all of the damage F.V.B. caused to the town. As a result of the terrible "writing", the pacing is really wonky. Some scenes go by too fast and some drag on and on and on for what feels like forever, which is what makes the film so boring.
The film's soundtrack is a mixed bag. All of the songs in this film are covers of the original. Some are good, some are just awful. For example, this film's version of "She's Leaving Home" which ruins the song by having robots sing it. It makes the song sound incredibly stupid as a result.
All of the film's protagonists literally have no personality. The film's villains on the other hand, do have something that resembles a personality with the exception of F.V.B. but that could be contributed to the fact that the actors playing the villains were hamming it up.
Because of the fact that most of the characters have no personality, the acting is practically non-existent, except for, again, the villains who were hamming it up.
Overall, this film is boring. It has some interesting moments but they are placed between all of the long and drawn out scenes so this film isn't even worth watching for the interesting parts.
Magical Mystery Tour (1967)
Not as bad as some people make it out to be.
I heard that when this movie first came out, it was panned by critics. Being a fan of the Beatles, I decided to watch it anyway, expecting it to suck. It didn't.
The story is that Ringo takes his aunt on the Magical Mystery Tour with the other Beatles and a bunch of weird stuff happens. That's it, honestly. So don't expect a story that makes sense.
The writing is literally nonexistent; This was all done impromptu. The Beatles literally just took all of their friends and family on a trip outside the country and made everything up as they gone.
The comedy is admirably pretty decent. I liked the scene where a Drill Sargent taught everyone how to attack a cow and I found the racing scene mildly amusing, but I especially laughed at the stripper scene where her breasts come into view and they put a censor box over them. That was just really cheap that I couldn't help but laugh. Although I do think that some scenes drag on for too long.
The cinematography was great and even innovative for it's time where it made use of the kaleidoscope lens, impressive lighting effects, cycling through colors (which I'm sure was impressive at the time because this was long before Windows Movie Maker), etc. Speaking of color, it's probably a good idea to bring up that this movie was shot in color and it was supposed to be released in theaters. Somehow, it ended up as a Made-For-TV Movie and first aired on the BBC1 which was only broadcasting in black and white at the time, which probably led to it's poor reception. The movie was later released on BBC2 which was broadcasting in color but that barely helped because only around 200,000 households had color TVs in the UK at the time.
The highlights of the movie are definitely the music videos. Obviously the music is amazing, being a Beatles film and all, and the accompanying music videos are just as good. All of the videos fit the song really good. The music video for "The Fool on the Hill" captures the whimsical tone of the song, the one for "Blue Jay Way" fits perfectly with the eerie and mysterious atmosphere the song gives out, and the music video for "I Am the Walrus" makes about as much sense as the actual song. Special mention goes to the video for "Flying", which is just a bunch of landscapes with the cycling color effect. The video is actually kind of pretty. Except that, again, this film was originally broadcasted in black and white, and even when it was broadcasted in color a few days later, few people had a color TV. So back in the day, this video was boring and ugly.
My final thoughts are that I think this movie is pretty decent and is not as bad as people make it out to be. Although while this movie did fail in it's home country, it did gain a cult following here in the US, mainly broadcasting on indie or public access TV. I recommend this film to Beatles fans or anyone who wants to know what the 60s were like.
A Fairly Odd Summer (2014)
Easily the worst in the trilogy.
I used to love Fairly Odd Parents. It was one of my favorite cartoons growing up. Unfortunately after "Fairly Odd Baby", the show started to decline in quality. And then came the live-action Fairly Odd Parents movies. The first one sucked. The second one was admittedly better, which isn't saying much, but the third one is absolutely terrible. They're not even trying with this one.
The jokes feel like they were thought up by 8-year old boys who think fart jokes are hilarious. I mean, there are immature fart jokes everywhere. For example: One character's name is Professor Butterfartz. Dur hur hur his last name is Butterfartz dur hur so funny lolz. While the film is not making stupid fart jokes every few minutes, it's making pop culture references, most of which the target audience won't get. Like they make a reference to the infamous Pink Elephants scene from Dumbo, which is a movie I'd rather watch then this garbage.
The CGI is terrible as always, except that I think it looks even worse since the last film. Also the design on the background fairies are generic and look nothing like in the show. I think they even share a single design. What.
The story is stupid. The plot of this film is that everyone's going to Hawaii and Timmy feels left out because he has to guard some source of power that powers Fairy World until he discovers that Tootie and Mr. Turner left something behind and uses that as an excuse to go to Hawaii with them as he takes the magical McGuffin with him. As a matter of fact, this feels like an excuse for the cast to go on vacation to Hawaii. Crocker and Foop team up to steal the thing and destroy it to destroy Fairy World and hilarity ensues.
The writing is terrible. I mean, I can understand that two of the characters are going to Hawaii, but a whopping 8 characters (exluding Timmy and his fairies) are going to Hawaii. I mean it's contrived coincidence on top of contrived coincidence. It's not like Hawaii is the only vacation spot on the freaking planet. It doesn't make any sense at all. And there are the two new characters Marty and Mitzie who are two rich kids who barely spend time with their busy parents blah blah blah I heard it all before. Oh and Vicky babysits them now. These kids have no personality; they are about as flat as paper. Also, I said that Crocker and Foop are trying to steal that magic thingy to destroy Fairy World. Except that I thought that Crocker just wanted to expose the fairies, not outright destroy them.
And then there's the ending. Dear gosh the ending. Basically, Crocker turns good after touching the magic glowing thing, Foop tries to throw it into a volcano, Timmy tries to take it back, but they both end up falling in the lava, seemingly killing Timmy. Except that he wasn't killed and that he's a fairy now. Just. No. Also when Timmy turns into a fairy, he reverts back to his kid form, voiced by Tara Strong and everything minus the buck teeth. Guess Drake Bell realized that this movie was bad for his career and quit. Timmy is still dating a still human Tootie, which is creepy considering that Tootie's an grown adult and Timmy looks like a kid again. In fact, HOW IS HE GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO HIS PARENTS!? Oh and Mitzie and Marty get Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof. And that stupid magic thing was supposed to burn in that lava, except it didn't. It just turned Timmy into a fairy and floated out unharmed. Also it restored the fairies' magic for some reason.
I can only recommend this movie to young children. Long time fans of the show should stay far away from this terrible film. It just further proves my point that Fairly Odd Parents is just gonna continue to get worse. And I thought they hit rock bottom with Sparky... Speaking of Sparky, the only good thing I have to say about this film (besides David Lewis's performance as Mr. Crocker) is that Sparky's not in this.