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Kung Fu Panda (2008)
This Fat Panda Kicks Some Ass...
The latest release from DreamWorks Animation Studios, Kung Fu Panda, is a charming martial arts film that the whole family can enjoy. This film borrows its general premise from a late 70′s kung-fu flick, The Five Deadly Venoms, except here the animals (and their corresponding fighting styles) are not represented by men in masks, the various creatures (panda, monkey, tiger, crane, viper, mantis, etc.) are played by themselves anthropomorphized, of course.
The plot of Kung Fu Panda focuses on Po (Jack Black), an obese panda who dreams of being a kung-fu master and not of schlepping away in his father's lowly noodle shop. As fate would have it, the clumsy Po is surprisingly picked to be the next Dragon Warrior who is destined to save his peaceful village from the ferocious Tai Lung (Ian McShane).
The plot though is really inconsequential here and the film's central theme of "believe in yourself and you can accomplish anything" is standard, kiddie movie fare. What really and truly makes Kung Fu Panda stand out above the rest are its glorious, digital animation techniques and its dizzying fight sequences. The most notable being, in my mind, the battle between the Legendary Warriors: Monkey (Jackie Chan), Tigress (Angelina Jolie), Crane (David Cross), Mantis (Seth Rogen), and Viper (Lucy Liu), and the villain, Tai Lung, on a collapsing rope bridge. This sequence is truly breathtaking on the big screen and I don't think DVD will do it justice. Put simply, it is some of the best fight choreography I've seen in quite some time, digital or real world.
My only real gripe with Kung Fu Panda lies in the almost criminal under- usage of some of its stars. While Black, Dustin Hoffman (as Master Shifu), and (especially) McShane shine in their voice acting roles, Jolie, Rogen, Liu, Chan, and Cross are left to die on the vine. Why sign up this big name talent (and pay their big name salaries) if you aren't going to give them anything good to work with? It makes no sense to me but I guess that's why I'm not a big-time, Hollywood dick swinger, right?
Kung Fu Panda is fine, family fun that lacks the sly wit and humor of animated classics like, Shrek or Toy Story, but what it lacks in those departments it certainly makes up for in the visual pyrotechnics department. And I think everyone can appreciate some good fireworks on a hot, summer evening, so round up the kidlings and take 'em to see a fat panda and his furry pals kick some serious butt. You won't be disappointed
Gamers (2006)
A Saving Throw Against Bargain Bin Crap Required
First things first, I have to admit that the title of Gamers kind of fooled me because my initial thought was that this was going to be a movie about video game freaks, not pen and paper, RPG nerds. My guess is that the misleading title is intentional to "bait and switch" goofballs like me. Don't get me wrong, I've played a great many pen and paper RPG's in my time and have a great affinity for them. But nowadays, "Gamers" has a completely different connotation in my mind and in the minds of many others, I'm sure. Using that title here just smacks of shameless commercialism, which pisses me off.
This straight-to-DVD offering follows a group of friends (Kevin, the nerd who thinks he's not a nerd; Reese, the uber-nerd; Fernando, the foreign nerd; Paul, the squirrelly nerd; and Gordon, the nerd with a heart of gold) that has been playing the same game of Demons, Nymphs and Dragons ("D-N-D," get it? Aren't the creative forces behind this flick oh-so-goddamn clever??) since high school and they are finally about to break the world record for total hours played. A documentary crew (represented in the voice-over narration of Michael Bell) follows this group of misfits as they prepare to rewrite the annals of "D-N-D" history.
The movie itself is an exercise in frustration because it is just so incredibly schizophrenic and uneven. They mention in the extras (quite proudly for some reason
) that Gamers was shot in six days and, oh boy, does it show. There are some funny moments (Reese's lactating prom date stands out in my mind), but the ham-fisted direction and acting, especially by Joe Nieves as Fernando, who, quite noticeably, slips in an out of his supposed Argentinean accent throughout the film, completely sabotages the few, solid comedic moments.
It is a shame because in the hands of a capable director, Gamers could have been something. We're not talking Citizen Kane here, but with a legitimate cast, budget, and creative team this could have been just as good as, if not better than, one of my favorite "guilty pleasure" movies, Grandma's Boy.
The real shame in this flick truly lies in the crappy, "cash-in" cameos by John Heard, William Katt, Beverly D'Angelo, and Kelly LeBrock. (Man, has she hit the wall going a thousand miles an hour. I guess being married to Steven Seagal for nine years takes a toll on a girl
) I hope whatever they were paid for this gig was worth it because all of their sad performances in Gamers define the phrase "mailing it in." If it were up to me, I would've hired a gaggle of unknowns for these parts, since the so-called "stars" here don't really provide any star power anyway, used whatever money I saved to put back into my film, thus (hopefully) improving the overall quality of it
but that's just me, I guess. I'm kooky like that.
In terms of technical specs and extras, the film itself is presented in full screen, 1:33:1 format and Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo sound, so this disc isn't going to blow any of you technophiles away. The extras are pretty thin as well, offering two lame commentary tracks, a handful of useless, deleted scenes, and a short interview session with the main cast members, which again, adds nothing to the overall experience. It's as if they just slapped on some extras just so they can say, "Hey, at least we have some extras on our DVD!"
At the end of the day, Gamers as a concept is a great idea; a movie that I would want to see and would pay to see. Unfortunately, the cheap and shoddy execution of the film entirely kills the overall experience for me. Every time a humorous bit sucked me into the film's story, I was almost immediately ripped out by some horrible acting or amateurish direction
and that just annoys me to no end.
Rent (Buy? What are you nuts?!) Gamers at your own peril. A saving throw against Bargain Bin Bullshit may be required first. Consider yourself warned, pilgrim.
TILT: The Battle to Save Pinball (2006)
TILT is as Good as Documentary Filmmaking Gets...
Tilt: The Battle to Save Pinball is a fantastic new documentary by filmmaker Greg Maletic, which chronicles the rise and fall of the pinball industry as seen through the eyes of Williams Electronics (who held a staggering 70% of the pinball market in its prime) and their enormously talented staff of engineers and designers.
As one would expect, the film starts off with a brief history of pinball, its up's and down's throughout the years, etc., but the real focus of this documentary is on the creation and implementation of the supposed savior of the industry, Pinball 2000.
After historical successes in the early to mid '90s with machines like Terminator 2, The Addams' Family, and Twilight Zone, Williams' pinball sales hit a major slump in the latter part of the decade and they were seriously looking to move into the more lucrative slot machine business. The guys on the Williams Pinball team (headed up by Larry DeMar, George Gomez and Pat Lawlor, each video game/pinball creative legends in their own right) are challenged to come up with something, anything that will "save" pinball. Their response was to create the awesome, Pinball 2000 machine, Revenge from Mars. The genius of the Pinball 2000 machines was that they ingeniously melded (through the use of "trick" 3-D/hologram technology reflected onto the playfield from the monitor above) the best of what video games and pinball machines had to offer in terms of entertainment value.
To make a long story a bit shorter, the machines are a success technologically, creatively and commercially, but Williams still decided to shut down all pinball operations shortly after this "victory," thus pretty much sounding the death knell for pinball as we know it.
To quote the late, great Kurt Vonnegut, "So it goes."
The two-disc set that I reviewed came with the film itself on the first disc along with two, informative commentary tracks. The second disc contains a literal TON (6 hours and 45 minutes) of extra material. While the majority of this bonus material is good stuff that is worth watching, there is a portion of it that is repeated or just extended versions of edited scenes seen in the film itself.
In terms of video and audio, the film is presented solely in 4:3 aspect ratio, which is kind of disappointing in today's day and age, and the sound options are 5.1 Surround or Dolby Digital 2.0. Nothing that's going to seriously test your tricked-out home theater set-up, but it gets the job done and that's all a documentary needs to do, really.
In my mind, Tilt: The Battle to Save Pinball is about as good as documentary filmmaking gets. And I'm not usually big on documentaries as a whole, especially when the topic is as near and dear to my heart as Tilt's is. I grew up in the late '70s, early '80s as arcade rat that could never get enough electronic stimulation, whether it was through pinball machines or video games. I fondly remember my friends and I walking or riding our bikes for miles just to play the latest and greatest new games, like Black Knight, Gorgar, Dragon's Lair or Defender. Tilt gleefully brings me back to that era, to those warm and fuzzy memories
and you cannot put a price on that, I think...
The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008)
The Spiderwick Chronicles is Cool, but No Potter-esque Franchise
The Spiderwick Chronicles is a fine, family film in the tradition of Harry Potter and The Golden Compass, and like those other franchises, it is based on a beloved series of children's books. Although I would strongly argue that Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy (from which The Golden Compass comes) goes far beyond simple "good vs. evil" children's fare; that is an argument best suited for another time and place
The basic plot line of The Spiderwick Chronicles goes like this: upon moving into the dilapidated Spiderwick Estate with their mother, Helen (the MILF-tastic Mary-Louise Parker), the Grace children — twin brothers Jared and Simon (both played with aplomb by Freddie Highmore) and their sister Mallory (Sarah Bolger) — find themselves pulled into an alternate world full of fantastical creatures.
Unable to explain the mysterious occurrences that seem to be happening on a daily basis, the family finds a scapegoat in the unruly Jared. When he, Simon, and Mallory stumble upon Arthur Spiderwick's Field Guide and begin to look into what's really going on, they uncover the incredible truth of the Spiderwick Estate and of the creatures that populate it.
In and of itself, the movie is well done, but nothing spectacular, and is carried by the charisma of its two young stars (Highmore and Bolger). There is a "broken family" sub-plot that just weighs the film down and feels tacked on. In my opinion, those scenes could've easily been edited out and this would've streamlined the fantasy elements of the film, which are, undoubtedly, its best parts.
The DVD I reviewed was of the Blu-ray variety and does offer a superior quality of picture and sound. The digital creature effects seem to jump off the HDTV screen, and the colors, especially in the faerie realm, are truly vibrant and crisp on my monitor set at 1080p. The 5.1 Dolby True HD sound mix is alternately thunderous and airy in the appropriate places, but does seem a bit too center-channel concentrated for my liking. If I'm in an expansive fantasy realm, I want to feel it. Unfortunately, this disc didn't quite get me to that level of aural immersion.
The special features found on this disc consist mostly of making of and back-slapping featurettes, which are nicely presented in HD. The best special feature found here is the interactive, enhanced Blu-ray version of the Spiderwick Field Guide that you can access at various points throughout the film when certain creatures pop up or events unfold. This is cool and all but can be distracting on your initial viewing of the film, so you may want to turn this feature on only during subsequent viewings of the movie.
At the end of the day, The Spiderwick Chronicles is a solid, if unspectacular, entry into your DVD/Blu-ray collection, especially if you have younger children at home. If you don't have kids, I would suggest a rental over an outright purchase, as it isn't one of those "showcase" DVDs that will dazzle your friends and neighbors.
The Scorpion King (2002)
TSK: A Mildly Amusing Romp...But No People's Eyebrow
The way I see it, there are two ways to look at The Scorpion King: as a guy's guy, in which case TSK is the best movie ever made in the history of cinema, or as a critically thinking, intellectual male, in which case TSK is a somewhat amusing, 90-minute exercise in historical inaccuracy. Either way, I think the world would be an infinitely better place with Kelly Hu running about in skimpy outfits whilst pretending to be important. But
that could just be the (highly uninformed) opinion of my penis. Mr. Penis tends to cloud my judgment sometimes and here, he almost succeeded in convincing me that The Scorpion King is a good movie. But, all he really convinced me of was that I like Kelly Hu. A lot.
There really isn't much story in The Scorpion King — a spin-off of The Mummy movies — but what little story there is focuses on Mathayus (The Rock, in his first starring role), the last of the Akkadians, and his quest to capture the precognitive sorceress (the aforementioned Hu) of the despotic king, Memnon (Steven Brand). There is also some nonsense about a band of "free" rebels, led by Balthazar (Michael Clarke Duncan) but, at the end of the day, all this flick needs is The Rock kicking much ass. And he does that. Quite well, actually.
The Scorpion King was originally in theaters in 2002, but was just released on Blu-ray this recently. Both visually and aurally, this disc shines. It both looks and sounds great in the high-def format. It's in the extras department where this disc is lacking. There are interactive, documentary featurettes that you can access at various points in the film, but I always find these distracting and they don't really offer any great insights into the filmmaking process. I mean, who really wants to hear The Rock waxing rhapsodically about the desert locations where the film was shot? I know I don't. All I want to see is the goddamn People's Eyebrow, which is noticeably absent from this entire production.
There is also a commentary track from director Chuck Russell, which is informative on a certain level but you won't be missing much if you decide to it skip entirely. And that's it for special features on this disc.
All in all, if you're a fan of The Rock, the WWE, and big, dumb action movies then, by all means, this is the disc for you. Crank it up and let the Godsmack tunage blow you through the back wall of your goddamn living room. Otherwise, save your money and wait for the Blu-ray release of the infinitely more satisfying (on many, many levels
) Dark City.