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Banzaemon
Reviews
Keith Allen Will Burn in Hell (2007)
Less a documentary, more a...what?
Poor documentary. Allen starts off with ideas, and never deviates from them. Instead he engages with pointless arguments and is so obnoxious that he never creates any kind of bond with his subjects. He pulls faces behind their backs and during conversations with kids its hard to see a difference in maturity levels. I can only assume that he imagined this film would act as a springboard for other things after highlighting his comic talents, as jokes seem to be the order of the day here.. Watch Louis Theroux's version instead. He makes the subjects think, acts unobtrusively and isn't annoying. Its a real documentary, not just some guy mucking about for an hour.
Taiyô wo nusunda otoko (1979)
Good start, weak middle, poor end
The man who stole the sun starts well. Almost like a Japanese 'Taxi Driver' with a high school teacher making an atom bomb in his house. Why does he do it? No idea. Its never explained. The film suffers from personality crisis and shifts constantly. Is the hero a nice guy? Seems to be, everything we know about him says yes. oh wait...hes just killed a pool full of kids. He also seems to hero-worship a police detective (who is the best character in the film) but ends up killing him in a grotesque way, again for no discernible reason. But most seriously, this film is long. Way too long. It stand at 2 hours and 30 minutes...Id take 45 minutes out of it. lose some of the many shots of the hero wandering around doing nothing, or better still cut out the entire pointless love story with the irritating radio DJ. I guess the reason for being overly critical here is that it starts so well. I expected a lot more...
The Underground Comedy Movie (1999)
Pretty amazing
It really impresses me that it got made. The director/writer/actor must be really charismatic in reality. I can think of no other way itd pass script stage. What I want you to consider is this...while watching the films I was feeling sorry for the actors. It felt like being in a stand up comedy club where the guy is dying on his feet and your sitting there, not enjoying it, just feeling really bad for him coz hes of trying. Id really like to know what the budget is, guess it must have been low as the film quality is really poor. I want to write 'the jokes didn't appeal to me'. but the reality is for them to appeal to you, you'd have to be the man who wrote them. or a retard. So imagine that in script form...and this guy got THAT green lit. Thats impressive isn't it?
The Tesseract (2003)
Shaz fest 06!
If you've just rented the tesseract and are thinking "man oh man, I hope this is a irritatingly jumpy story, full of dislikable characters and shot in the style of a horrible music video" then guess what bub...this could be the best day of your life. Memento - an intelligent script that, despite being initially difficult is soon understood and fun to think about afterward. The Tesseract - someone throws the script into the ceiling fan and films it in the order the pages happen to land. Redeeming features? The annoying kid gets hurt, which I didn't think would happen. Oh, oh, and there's a thai midget, something you don't see every day. Unless you look in grandpa Charlie's 'special' magazine collection. see yas
Cheerleader Ninjas (2002)
grotesquely bad
I love watching bad movies and laughing thru them. i couldn't laugh at this. its just horrific. the jokes are painful, almost all of them involve farting which usually stops being funny after 6 years old. random nudity was the best bit, the worst was the spoofing of other films, the gay guys horrible acting, the bad sound, fuzzy picture, rat-ass acting, insanley cringeable sound effects, rubbish visual effects and shaz-house-rat plot. worst film I've ever seen, a title previousley held by the invisible maniac. its total crap. avoid. it took two hours of my life. i want them back.
Sometimes i wish IMDb would let us give zero stars.
Time of the Apes (1985)
Bloody fantastic
This film is unbelievably good. There's bad movies and then there's films that are just so SO mind blowingly awful in every single aspect that the go right round and become brilliant. This is their king. Everything about this movie is hilarious. Down to the random UFO that pops up and scares the monkeys away from time to time for no reason. My copy also has a moment where the film freezes for a second and then replays the past five minutes again for no reason. It's VHS not DVD, so this must be done in the edit. Also the suddenly appear in a cowboy land at one point. The makeup is out of this world. If, like me and my buddy's, you have a craving for trash of the very highest order, then stop at nothing to track this down. It's the worst film I've ever found in my life, and believe me, I've seen a lot of size.