simonb-667-548936 Reviews

Triangle of Sadness (2022)

Excruciating.

[6/10 · 15 December 2022]

I'm about 4/5s of the way through (1:52 in actually) and I'm just finding this to be an absolute slog of a movie. I'm going to keep watching because I want to see what happens (dear god hopefully something!), but also dear god this is just so darn exhausting to watch. It's not that it's slow per se (though it certainly is), it's that every aspect of it - the plot, the characters, the settings, the impossibilities - are just so enormously overwrought, so tedious, and so melodramatic. God it's just so exhausting.

I suppose cheers are due to the actors for their efforts. Charlbi is fantastic and has sadly been taken from us far too early. The Russian oligarch is a joy. Woody Harrelson on the other hand - does he know how to play anything other than drunk? Listening to him go on and on and on about Marxism for that entire scene is a perfect example of how awful this film is. "JUST MAKE IT STOP," I screamed along with the other poor trapped passengers. I was only too lucky to not also be seasick. Though I am now feeling a bit queasy.

Windfall (2022)

Why?

[5/10 · 21 March 2022]

A hostage movie that makes you feel like a hostage yourself. Great acting and a pretty set help to build tension, but nothing ever happens and there's no pay-off to that tension. It's not bad, but it's not good.

Pig (I) (2021)

Poignant Storytelling

[9/10 · 16 November 2021]

A moving and beautiful story of love, loss, and discovery. It brought tears to my eyes by the end. Cage may get a bad rep but it is undeserved as here he proves he is a true acting force. It's just a beautiful beautiful sad story.

Night of the Kings (2020)

Something Missing

[7/10 · 19 March 2021]

Not bad, not great, good. Beautifully shot with the potential for intricate storytelling, but lacking depth beyond the cinematography. It is a rollercoaster I'm glad to have ridden once, but won't be returning to.

Dating Amber (2020)

Perfect.

[10/10 · 18 March 2021]

Currently on a plane, crying and laughing after watching this wonderful beautiful story. It so perfectly captures what it is to be a confused and frightened teenager just on the precipice of coming out, of being okay. I know this because I went through almost the exact same thing, albeit in the late-90s and 2000s in Boston rather than during the Troubles in Ireland. It brought me right back.

Beautifully told. Beautifully acted. Not at all cloying or preachy. A new favorite for sure.

Ps. If you liked Derry Girls you will like this! (And vice versa!)

Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar (2021)

Yawn

[4/10 · 19 February 2021]

I watched this stoned and drunk and it still wasn't funny! Possibly good for young children who have not yet developed a sense of humor but are easily entranced by shiny things. Kristen Wiig's signature brand of quirky humor is fine for an SNL sketch (or the first 20 or so minutes here) but quickly begins to grate and drone and feel entirely one-note. Don't waste your time or money.

Greenland (2020)

Plot Holes Wider Than A Comet Crater

[5/10 · 22 December 2020]

Clearly this film's budget was not spent on CGI. This is NOT a disaster movie in the likes of Armageddon, Deep Impact, The Day After Tomorrow, or even 2012. Those movies put the disaster first. This is a family drama masquerading as a disaster movie. While it is fast paced enough, it simply isn't insane enough and relies on cheap tricks for thrills rather than big disaster effects. Maybe that's more realistic? I don't know, but for me it's a meh.

Monsters of Man (2020)

Promises, doesn't deliver.

[3/10 · 15 December 2020]

Watch the first thirty minutes, leave for an hour or so, watch the end. Beyond repetitive. One good scene repeated ad nauseam for over two hours.

Artemis Fowl (2020)

HUGE miss

[1/10 · 7 September 2020]

How the F did they not show the giant wave crashing into the house?!

Mary Poppins Returns (2018)

Dull as dust!

[5/10 · 23 December 2018]

A children's movie whose main antagonist is a bank?

THRILLING!