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Reviews
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
Better than Parasite
Is my bias showing? I spent the Summer of Love on the Sunset Strip. Luckily, I guess, I never met the Manson Family. But I know the story well. To see it retold by Tarantino was a joy, as were all the cars of the late 60's. I didn't see so much as a street sign that didn't belong. So this won an Oscar for the set. Great. Stil, Tarantino deserves to be recognized for his writing and directing talent.
I'm getting tired of Leonardo DiCaprio, but I guess he played the part as required. I'm writing this because I was about to leave a 1 star review for PARASITE but there were plenty of those already. I felt like saying something positive.
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017)
Quit Liking Bad Scripts
For some movies, we set aside out fact checking and allow ourselves to be entertained. We don't get upset when Superman flies around holding up skyscrapers without any propulsion system whatsoever.
Then there's the invulnerable good guy who lives in the real world and isn't a super-hero, but he dances and prances about, shooting all the bad guys and never getting a scratch. We overlook the absurdity of that and allow ourselves to be entertained.
Then there's movies like THREE BILLBOARDS. No superheros, no people that don't bleed. It's set in the real world and the story is supposed to make sense, right?
Then why do you let the sloppy writers allow Dixon to break into an office, throw Red Welby out of a 2nd story window, severly injuring him, all of which is witnessed by the new Sheriff, who then announces to the rest of the Cops he is the new Sheriff (and the Cops demand to see proof but the writers let that slide ) and soon, the new Sheriff is ordering everybody around and firing Dixon but not arresting him, while Dixon gets the hurt put on himself and winds up in the same hospital room as Red Welby who decides to make him a cup of tea and be nice to Dixon for trying to kill him.
That's enough; there was plenty of other nonsense throughout the film. Did you really enjoy that?
Mother! (2017)
I can't understand why Jenifer Lawrence accepted this role?
I'm so glad to read this movie bombed financially even though it had a 7 rating here. I'm also glad to see that Valerian's rating is over 6 now and is making a bit of a comeback. What these 2 have in common is that when I read the reviews of Valerian I was put off by all the criticism about characters that weren't developed, and we weren't made to care about them, blah, blah blah. That was a terrific piece of eye-candy with the best CGI ever and so many people couldn't care less.
Let me tell you something if you're a youngster: all the plots have been written and rewritten. If they show you something entertaining, just try to go for the ride and enjoy it.
Back to MOTHER: Jenifer Lawrence is a Goddess. Getting to see her in an undershirt and see-thru negligee was heaven. That was in the beginning. So how did I get agitated by this movie so quickly? I think that while I'm watching an entertaining fantasy like Valerian, I don't look for anything to make sense. But in an old house set in the modern day, with people acting like real people, I think I go into analytic mode. When Ed Harris rings the doorbell and announces himself as a Dr, then is welcomed into the house for the evening along with his cough and cigarettes, right away I was thinking bulls..t. And after that, of course it got worse. Maybe it's my bad. I didn't watch the whole thing, but I did read the reviews just now, so I sorta know what happened. Glad I tuned out, but I do recommend watching my Goddess walk around in her nightie.
Twin Peaks: The Return (2017)
Things not to like about Twin Peaks 2017
1) It's boring. 2) The hot chicks aged 26 years. 3) The CG is camera shakes and amateur animation. 4) The actors speak like they are in High School acting class. 5) It's too slow and repetitive.
I was a fan of the original. I've had 26 years to figure out that David Lynch isn't brilliant and much of what he does is filler to take up time along with things that mean nothing but make you try to figure out what they mean anyways. I read the actors were not given the full script this time, just their own parts. Good move, because many would have pitched it in the waste can.
Naome Watts must feel she owes Lynch for putting her on the map with the big role in MULHOLLAND DRIVE. She earned it. Now she'll get to watch the new show nose dive as the old fans start to yawn and the new curious scratch their heads in wonder how this ever got approved for broadcast.
Passengers (2016)
Why not make Babies?
I just read 3 pages of 1* ratings which pointed out all the plot holes and how illogical it is. Fine, they are correct, but can't we just go with the flow on that and enjoy the love story? And the CGI? And looking at Jenifer Lawrence, which is one of my favorite things, and is the only reason I gave this flick a 3* rating.
If we concentrate on the love story, shouldn't we be more demanding about plot holes in that? I mean, we're all going to die of old age if nothing else gets us first so we are controlled genetically to propagate the species. That's what love is all about. Read, THE SELFISH GENE by Richard Dawkins.
With that in mind, I was looking closely at the final scene to see children and grandchildren, but it seems our stars never figured that out. They certainly never did during the meat of the film. (sorry about the choice of words... there wasn't any meat; just whipped cream). They must have pressed the 'gene override' button on the ship's computer.
The Neon Demon (2016)
Making something out of nothing
If you were given a script detailing the plot of this flick, you would yawn and flip it in the circular file. A story about the modeling industry and how tough it is to get on top and stay on top. Greedy models who would do anything to stay in the game. What do you do with that script?
Liven it up, that's what. Get some interesting looking young eye candy for a start. Hire a really good make-up artist to make them look very special. Have them act really weird..... and sometimes lezzy... how about a lezzy rape scene? Shoot some extraordinary videography... it doesn't even have to have anything to do with the film so long as it is great.
Have a terrific sound track: both the vocals and the electronic music kick butt. I think the director must have gone to the David Lynch School of Film for the way he handled the plot and also worth mentioning is the photographer. Anybody can take great pictures now-a-days but wait until you see his equipment and attitude.
The Revenant (2015)
As good as any Real Life Emergency Room Video
It should win an Academy Award for realistic looking cinematography. I kept thinking this was going to eventually be a great movie because it looked so good.
After awhile I realized it was a tired old script: Cowboys and Indians; kidnapped daughter; killed son; Revenge; Blood and guts and suffering; Leo is the only one who has a GPS in his head.
There was no need to waste so much talent and money making this film. You could watch a medical surgery flick or attend a hospital's Emergency Room on a Saturday night and achieved the same result.
This is line #10 which is required. I've run out material.
The End of the Tour (2015)
Not a fan of the book? Forgetaboutit
I didn't read the book so I can say this movie must be for the fans of David Foster Wallace. That's because this was the most boring movie imaginable. I suppose if you read the book and are a fan, then learning anything about the author must be nirvana. I looked up photos of the real David Foster Wallace and he looks much better than this slob in the movie, played by Jason Segel.
Jesse Eisenberg is the other lead and he once again proves that to be a famous actor, you don't need to learn how to act: Just act yourself each time, and if the public likes you, you're a great actor until they tire of you. I'm getting tired of you Jesse.
The Leftovers (2014)
Cigarette Smoking Conspiracy in Hollywood?
I give this a 2 rather than a 1 because of Wayne, played by Joseph Paterson. That character was worth an Emmy. If you have ever tried to figure out a David Lynch movie and finally realized there is nothing to figure out, so did the writers of this drivel, who must have attended the David Lynch School of Cinema.
Others have pointed out all the flaws. I want to concentrate on the cigarette smoking. In it's quest to look weird, there was no reason for this. Being weird has endless choices. This movie was a tipping point for me because I have seen so much smoke in the latest movies of today. Everybody knows what a dangerous and unfriendly habit it is, and that people mimic what they see on screen.
So much smoking I have seen that I am asking for somebody with proof to make it public, because I believe big money is changing hands to get this crap in the shows.
Inside Out (2015)
Pixar has struck out
I don't have a lot of reasons to give. All I can say is that every other Pixar movie I have rated a 10. I love animations, and the artwork for this one is top notch. Pixar has been terrific at delivering great stories until this one. I even love CARS, which many others found fault with. I wasn't in a bad mood when watching this one. I had great expectations. It's simply sucks. It's made a lot of money and has over an 8 rating, so I'm in the minority here. I want to caution someone like me to save their money so please read the other reviews with a 1 star rating. Maybe that will help guide you to a different movie to watch.
The Water Diviner (2014)
Why look for bones?
I know nothing about the history here. It could be any where at any time and I still can't imagine why, with your life clock ticking away, one would spend their valuable time looking for a loved one's remains, especially if you already know what their fate was.
They are gone. They don't need those bones any more and you don't either.
The movie starts out in an Australian desert with Russell Crowe digging a well and finding water. This is a clever foreshadowing to future events.
Fast froward to Turkey where Thousands of soldiers have lost their lives in a wartime battle covering miles of ground. 3 of those dead were Crowe's sons. He has sneaked in the battlefield where other soldiers who also have nothing better to do, are collecting bones and supposedly identifying them, although nothing is explained how they are attempting to do that.
Next we see Crowe looking for his son's bones the way he did with a divining stick looking for water back in Australia and viola, he sticks the wood in the ground and proclaims that is where his son's bones are.
Sure enough, a soldier finds a watch of one of the boys on that spot.
Sure enough that is where I stopped watching. The only question I would like answered is: who would finance such a worthless movie?
A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)
The Caddyshack of Porn
Actually there is not even a nude scene or a sex scene, but most of the jokes are slapstick sex jokes, and on a more 'mature' level than the typical teen based potty humor.
Aimed squarely to expose the religious moral absurdities of our culture, it's guaranteed to p**s off the majority of the population.
For the rest of us, it's a hoot. I've already said about all I want to say, but I must make this review longer so: Seth MacFarlane is a terrific talent and good looking too. Charlize Theron is so good looking... I wonder why Seth chose her for his leading lady? Sarah Silverman is great. Don't forget to watch her HBO stand-up special. Liam Neeson makes a great bad guy cowboy. The rest were great too. Bye.
Interstellar (2014)
An 8.8 rating? For Garbage?
I would have given this the 1 it deserves but since it's not based on an actual event I cut them some slack.
I'm so glad that Einstein figured out the principals of relativity. Most of the people I meet still think the world revolves around them.
Then Einstein played the "what if" game with Physics. What if you could travel near the speed of light and take a trip, blah, blah, blah. You can't. They can't.
Here's where the 8.8 rating comes from. People want to believe almost anything that is impossible. This movie is garbage.
I'm not humorless. Time travel is garbage too but I enjoyed the BACK TO THE FUTURE trilogy. It was funny and kinda clever. Not this rag. Save your money and remember: your life clock is ticking and there's no way you're going to recover an of it that you spend, in this case 3 hours.
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)
Quit smoking up the movies
This was the only one of the contenders for Best Picture I hadn't seen. I avoided it because I didn't think I'd like it. But it won and now I have watched it.
If you think the above is boring, it's no more boring than the movie. I have a confession: I didn't get it. A day in the life of some Broadway actors who over-act all the time. Besides being boring, there was a drums only sound track that was was more than boring: It was annoying. Finally I want to know how much the tobacco industry paid to have so many cigarettes consumed? This movie was a cigarette commercial in disguise.
The Gambler (2014)
Not The gambler
I walked out at the 1/3 pole. Here is what I saw: Bad gambler who bets all his money on every hand. Then borrows more. Then repeats the bad gambling. Then teaches class where is flatters a student (I thought right away he was after some kitty cat) and even though I didn't stay to see if that happened, I read some other reviews and I was correct.
Then he borrows more money so he can bet it all every had until he loses again. Boring.
I've got to write a few more lines, so let me say that if you go to Las Vegas and don't particularly like to gamble but want to make one bet of say $100, don't choose Blackjack. Even if you know basic strategy, which makes the game almost even money, the reason you can even up the odds is by knowing when to split pairs and double down.
Wahlberg never had any money to do that so the odds against him were huge. The writers avoided this complication by never dealing him a hand where he could have split pairs or should have doubled down.
The Internet's Own Boy: The Story of Aaron Swartz (2014)
Time well spent
I've been giving "1" ratings to a lot of recent Hollywood films, but not this one. Here is a real documentary, and it presents and honest and thorough biography of an exceptional individual.
I like to bring attention to this approach , Documentary, as opposed to "Based on a true story." I am really sick and tired of the latter and the most recent abomination is American SNIPER, a warped work of fiction which some have compared to an un-animated version of TEAM America: WORLD POLICE.
Usually when I see a highly rated movie that I didn't like, I come here and read the reviews sorted by "Hated it' first, so even thought I liked this documentary a lot, I decided to do that for this one.
One reviewer said, "I saw nothing in Aaron but an average kid who was way over-hyped as a "prodigy" while doing nothing of real significance."
Personally, I have the ability to recognize when someone else is a whole lot smarter than me and Aaron Swartz was one of those people. Watch this biography, and you'll learn a lot.
Aaron Swartz was smart enough to see that one powerful Federal prosecutor was about to ruin the rest of his life, and was both gutsy and smart enough to prevent that from happening. Such is life. It's not much different than if he went swimming in the ocean and got eaten by a shark. We live in that kind of a world and always have.
Aaron Swartz got more things done for the betterment of our world in his 26 years than a billion of us will do if we live to be centurions.
RIP Aaron Swartz, well done.
Dumb and Dumber To (2014)
Slapstick is an art
It's as good as the original. Also it's on par with CADDYSHACK (no pun intended). Is there an art to slapstick comedy or is it just me? I hated THE INTERVIEW and I loved DUMB AND DUMBER TO. Why is that?
I suppose I could try to explain it but I would no doubt fail. Some people have it and some don't. I give most of the credit to the writers. Of course Jim Carey and Jeff Daniels and all the others were excellent, but the whole story and all the little side effects were clever and often original.
Enuff said. I'm not going to try to explain why a Picasso is great and a Rothko sucks. I will predict if you liked DUMB AND DUMBER, you'll like DUMB AND DUMBER TO.
Gone Girl (2014)
Someone is losing it
And I don't think it's me. If you want to know specifically what's wrong with this flick look at some of the other 1* reviews. It's been spelled out in detail. What I want to talk about is how this dumb movie has an 8* rating with over 200k people rating it.
The first thing that comes to mind is what I read about another new release, "The Interview" which had a high rating and lots of positive reviews within 24 hours of it's release. Someone pointed out the statistical aberrations of those numbers suggesting IMDb was getting bombarded by false accounts with an addenda to deceive.
For this movie I don't think that's the case so I'm wondering how so many people can be so uncritical in their thinking. Well, about half the voters in the USA voted to re-elect George W Bush, so that explains a lot.
For those of you who gave this movie high marks and didn't vote for Bush's second term, please consider this for the future:
There are movies where we are presented with a made-up reality from the start. Like time travel for example. Or unreal mental states like in Tron or The Matrix. With those you say, OK, it's bs, now entertain me.
But when a movie takes place in the world we know and live in, there is a higher standard. As the story progresses, it must be logical. It can't defy gravity. It can't do things that are not gunna happen in real life. Those are the 'holes' in the story. In GONE GIRL there are so many holes and those holes are so ridiculous, you gotta ask yourself, "Do they think I'm stupid?" I guess the answer is yes. I guess they are correct. I guess I'm now a minority. The dumbing of America is happening.
The Interview (2014)
Potty Humor
If you like scat, this is the movie for you. If that doesn't appeal to you, then we can pull off the 'comedy' mask and what's left is a story about a dictator who lies to his own people and the rest of the world, who gets exposed, then killed by the American assassin, followed by a brief clip showing North Korea then living happy ever after.
Reminds me of a replay of real life Saddam Hussein and Iraq, except for the happy ever after part. If North Korea has learned cyber warfare, then they have trumped Sony's lame attempt at video warfare.
That's all I have to say, these last two lines of text are filler to meet the minimum of 10 for writing a review.
Predestination (2014)
Pretend its all possible
Sure, time travel is fantasy. That didn't stop me from liking the BACK TO THE FUTURE movies.
Plenty (most?) of movies require that you quit being so analytical about reality to enjoy them. So go with the flow and try to figure out this one.
There's plenty of hints along the way so forget what makes sense in reality and think of it as a puzzle.
You may have it solved by the 1/2 mark, even though it makes no sense whatsoever.
Read no farther, I've said enuff. This part is all about writing the required number of words.
Starry Eyes (2014)
It's a Snuff Film
That's all it is. Sure there's a weak story built around the snuff parts, sort of like the way some pornos show a couple talking in a restaurant and driving around town before they get down to the real nitty gritty.
They even borrowed a scene from MULHOLLAND DRIVE where the snuffer auditions for a role in a movie. None of that is very interesting and it's all padding so they can call it a horror film rather than what it really is: a snuff film. Disclaimer: Some dictionaries define a snuff film as the filming of an actual murder. That's not what this is. This is a Hollywood fiction film which goes to great pains to depict several knife murders in great detail.
St. Vincent (2014)
Not a comedy
Lee Trevino, the comedian golfer from the past, once announced in a courtesy car I was sharing that he could say ANYTHING and the gallery would laugh. So it is with Bill Murray. The only thing funny about this movie was the joke he told in the 1st 30 seconds about the Porch and the BMW.
I know now that I could never write a movie screenplay. Who would have thought you could take a loser slob criminal, use him to teach a kid his tricks and vices, then have the kid nominate him for sainthood at his religious school's ceremony while detailing it all in a Power Point presentation? All you have to do is cast Bill Murray as the loser and presto, it's a comedy. Just in case someone like me see's through the charade, add Vietnam War hero in the presentation which I guess justifies the rest of his sorry life.
Hey, I wasn't in a sour mood. I kept waiting for there to be a twist to make me like it. It didn't happen. I suggest after you get a chuckle in the 1st 30 seconds, fast forward to the credits which are superimposed over Murray singing Bob Dylan's SHELTER FROM THE STORM. If you enjoy that garbage, I suppose you may like the movie.
Ender's Game (2013)
I'm glad I never read the books
Because after reading the bad reviews here, there seems to be a common complaint that it didn't follow the book closely enough. I've been disappointed by several movies lately so I'll review one I liked.
Great CGI for starters. Next, it's great to see some clean shaved youths with hair on their heads and not on their faces. I loved Hugo last year and didn't make the connection that they both starred Asa Butterfield. I did make the connection between Asa and Pee Wee Herman. I'll admit I like Pee Wee, and even though Ender is nothing like him, they sure look alike.
I despise Military movies where someone is always shouting stupid orders and abusing those under them. In Ender's game, you get that early on but even after being abused, when Ender get's to be in charge of others, he treats them with respect and caring. Refreshing. The twist near the end where the last war game was for real was clever. Harrison Ford was a perpetual frowner and as the movie progressed I accepted how that made him interesting. He was a troubled leader, short on time, and wanting to save mankind. Also interesting was labeling Ender as special from the beginning. It made it difficult for him to function with others until he wins their respect and friendship.
Compare Ender's Game to "12 Years a Slave" which the Academy will probably give some awards to because it's an "important" movie. I don't need to see black people being whipped and mistreated 150 years ago. We all learned about that long ago and wish it never happened. I much prefer to be entertained with a a nice piece of Sci-Fi eye candy.
The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)
Girls and Boys Gone Wild
I watched all 3 hours. I coulda and shoulda walked out but I wanted to write this review and figured it's only fair a reviewer watch the whole flick. Basically this is more like a Quentin Tarantino flick than a Martin Scorsese film. Some of the dialog goes on and on and on. Tarantino has a way of keeping you interested that way. Scorsese does not. I think the most boring parts were many times when DiCaprio was pep-talking his employees.
2nd most boring was watching these grown men 'partying' which was about 1.5 hours worth. Jumping around like freshman college students who just discovered alcohol and drugs. Just who is the target audience for this flick? There was some nice work with the camera ($100 million worth it says), and I like the way the narrative was done by DiCaprio in the 3rd person from time to time. But that's like saying you started with a great erector set. What was built with it was perfect for those who buy videos from Joe Francis.
Lone Survivor (2013)
The wounds looked realistic; not much else did.
Why would someone want to watch a bunch of men get shot up and all their wounds prominently displayed for much of the film?
To see what a modern day war in Afghanistan is like perhaps?
In that case, how could a group of Navy seals roll down the side of a jagged rock cliff for several hundred feet and survive, not once but twice (3 times for Mark Wahlberg)? Impossible, I don't care if you're a Navy Seal or an Imperial Stromtrooper. Why would a village of locals try to protect an American Soldier on the lam from the Taliban? Why would the soldiers let the goat herders go when it was obvious what the result would be? Why did these genius Navy Seals not simply take their prisoners to a different location when it was clear radio communications were not working where they were? How come the Navy seals all survived multiple gunshot wounds (at least for awhile) and all the Taliban went down for the count as soon as they were hit?
Movies like this need to make sense. If you want to make a complete fiction based on the impossible or improbable, like a Superman or an Avatar, you need to introduce early on a world of fantasy.
This movie instead tried to portray a modern day event in Afghanistan. I doubt the real Navy Seals are impressed.