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Reviews
Call of Duty: Black Ops - Declassified (2012)
A huge disappointment for vita owners
I bought black ops declassified expecting a good call of duty on the go. Instead I got an expensive mess. The first thing I was upset about was its asking price. 50$ is way to much for a hand-held game, especially considering the lack of content. For 10$ more you can get black ops 2, which is superior in every way. For 7$, you can get Modern Combat 3 on the iPhone.
Some of the few positive things about this game include the graphics, frame-rate, guns and hostiles mode. The graphics are terrific for a hand-held and look almost like ps3 graphics. The frame-rate is a steady 30fps with no lag whatsoever. There are lots of guns(I think 28). There's also the hostiles mode consists of 5 maps where you face off against waves of enemy soldiers. I found this mode fun and was one of the best parts of the game.
But that is where the positives end. The single player campaign consists of ten missions that last about 5-10 minutes each. There is no story or cut scenes and you play as Mason and woods. The story is told by a narrator with documents moving. To me this was the biggest letdown of the game. The missions were short and underwhelming. For example one of the last missions involves you sniping enemies from a balcony in a jungle building setting. Instead of letting you go down and explore the city and take down enemies, you stand on the balcony and snipe then the missions over. Overall a huge disappointment.
The multi-player consists of 6 maps with 4v4 multi-player and several modes like kill confirmed, team death-match, and free for all. To me the maps were too small and bland looking. Take Nuketown for instance, they literally blocked off half the map to where you can only battle in the front culdasac and the yellow house. Why is it all blocked off? Not only that, there's only 6 maps, and I think 2 or 3 of them are from black ops 1. This is just ridiculous how lazy this game is. This game has less content, less maps, only 4v4 online not only compared to black ops 2, but to the modern combat series on smart-phones. They charged me 50$ for a game with 1/4 the content of a 7$ smart-phone game? That really pisses me off. This is a freaking hand-held playstation with 4x the power of an average smart-phone, with dual analog sticks, yet it cant beat a 7$ iphone game. Thats really sad, no wonder Nihilistic dropped out of developing vita games. But the online mode is pretty fun but could have been a lot better.
Overall I feel this game is a slap to the face of vita owners. It costs way too much, the single player is practically nonexistent, and the maps and modes are small and bland. Now you may say to me "that's not fair, you can't compare a hand-held game to a console game!". Well considering this is a hand-held game that costs almost as much as the main release, I expected a lot more. And it should definitely be better than a cheap iphone fps, but its not. The Vita is more than capable of console quality games, just look at need for speed:most wanted, it has the same content, same story, almost the same graphics as the ps3 version, yet it only costs 40$. That game was ported to the vita from ps3 and it does a better job than declassified. Overall this game was just a letdown, its short, bland and feels like a watered down black ops 1, and the price should be cut in half. Had it been 25$ I would have gone easier on it and given it 6/10, but since the price is almost the same as Black Ops 2, it should be comparable in some way, but its not. Heck, this game should be less than 20$ if it cant beat a smart-phone game. (4/10 a big disappointment)
The Looney Tunes Show (2011)
An insult to the real Looney Tunes
OK so " The Looney Tunes Show" premiered in 2011, and I was angered from the start. This show literally is nothing like the original Looney Tunes. The characters have been completely changed. Our beloved childhood hero Bugs Bunny is now this lazy, bland character who is nothing like the original. Daffy Duck is now really stupid and doesn't try to wise crack his way out of situations. They have included Lola Bunny, who is now more annoying and is desperate for Bugs Bunny. Yosimite Sam doesn't use guns and isn't the angry Westerner he once was. Witch Hazel is now witch Lezah, and sounds like queen Latifa. Overall, literally all the characters are different.
Now another thing that bothers me is the animation. The animation looks really cheap, all the characters have giant feet, and everyone has outlines. It just looks bad, and lazy. Now you could say " I bet you can't draw that good" but I believe I could, and this is Warner Brothers Studios were talking about. Just a decade ago, they made shows like "Animaniacs" and "Tiny Toons Adventures" and they had TERRIFIC animation. They also decided to remake one of my favorite Looney Tunes segments in CGI. Yep they remade the coyote and roadrunner segment in ugly CGI. Why? Another segment they've added is "Merry Melodies" where a fake Looney Tunes character sings. Like this one where Elmer Dude sing about his grilled cheese sandwich and Marvin the Martian raps. Why? All this just makes the show stupid and less like the Looney Tunes.
Another thing to note is the lack of the other looney tunes characters. Where's Elmer Fudd(in the show, not singing), where's foghorn Leghorn? Where's Piere Le Pew? Most of the episodes focus too much on Bugs and Daffy. They also turned Taz into a kid eating demon dog, which he isn't evil in the original Looney Tunes.
Another thing that pisses me off is the fact that this show is rated TV-PG. This show is tame compared to the original G rated Looney Tunes, yet it has a PG rating. Why? There's hardly any slapstick violence, no alcohol references, no language there's literally nothing questionable about this series, except for one episode. This one involves Granny telling Daffy about her spy days in world war 2, which is pretty violent due to the troops shooting at her with MP40's. All the other episodes are tame though. That's the only time I've seen guns in this show, even though Elmer Fudd shot Daffy with a shotgun in the original Looney tunes. But come on, in one episode daffy has to coach a swim team and in another bugs starts to get fat from over eating. Again why the PG rating?
Another thing that ticks me off is that this show is getting so much praise. Really a 7.5? And it gets a lot of views when it airs on cartoon network. Why do people like this show? Overall its just a crap remake that fails in comparison to the original Looney Tunes. Even why I don't compare it to the original, it just seems like this badly animated, bland sitcom show. I give it a 1/10 its just not good at all, and the only thing that relates it to Looney Tunes is the title "Looney Tunes Show". Probably one of the worst cartoon remakes ever
Courage the Cowardly Dog (1999)
A Fantastic and Original Cartoon Thats One Of Cartoon Network's Best
Wow where to begin? This show definitely left a prominent mark on my childhood. The show focuses on a Dog named Courage, and his owners Muriel and Eustace, who live in the middle of nowhere. But creepy stuff happens in nowhere and its up to courage to save the day! Now this show was very different from other kids shows at the time, because it was designed to scare its viewers and have comedic relief. Now I use the term "kids show" lightly, this show scared the crap out of a lot of kids including me. Back in 2000, I was just a six year old boy when I started watching this. After rewatching it, I'm shocked this was considered OK for kids. This show had dark undertones, demonic spirits, heads coming of, body humor and freaken scary moments. Now most episodes involve Courage facing off against a certain villain/monster and saving Muriel. The King Ramses Episode seemed to scare most kids, but when I was six I was scared of the locusts, not Ramses himself like most kids at the time. But there was one episode that freaked me out. It was "Courage in the big stinking city" where a Roach named schwik takes Courage Eustace and Muriel to stay in his room. Courage then imagines Schwik biting off Muriel's head, and that wasn't the scariest part. The scene where Courage opens a door and a mild girl is seen playing a violin, then proceeds to turn around and reveal this freaky demonic face with a loud roar. I will tell you what, this episode scared the spit out of me. The girl looked very realistic to me, and I thought this stuff existed in real life. Seeing it again I realized it was just claymation, but it still scares me.
Another thing to note is it TV-Y7 rating. It seems really wild for a kids show. Heads come off, zombies rise from the grave, a lot of dark undertones and terrifying figures. This Show should definitely be rated TV-PG, it seems like the creators ignored the rating and made a show with absolute freedom. I'm really surprised I was allowed to watch this show, its probably the second scariest kids show next to Ren and Stimpy.
I've seen most of the episodes and some of my favorite include "Herman Habitrail" "Journey to the sun" "Zolast Tower"sorry Im not sure if that's what the episodes are called. Another thing I like is the art style, the animation is Fantastic! Although a lot of times the objects the characters use are really large sometimes. This show is also hilarious! In the Ramses episode, Eustace plans to sell the slab for a million dollars, but plans to use the money to buy "lawn chairs, spark plugs and a light bulb for the attic". He also directly made fun of Ramses by saying "he could see the zipper on that cheap costume". This is also the first cartoon to make me cry of sadness. "Remembrance of Courage Past" the last episode tells of how Courages parents were launched into space. The episode got to me when courage was thrown in a dumpster then waves to his parents and then proceeds to cry. This was the only cartoon to make me cry, that's how good it is. But the reason I rated Courage a 9 instead of 10 was a lot of the latter season episodes seemed stale or rushed. But overall one of my favorite Cartoon Network original shows. It really saddens me seeing what Cartoon Network has become. There new shows just don't have heart and seem more like toned down Adult Swim shows. And they have so many new shows that are spinoffs of movies and web shows. I miss the good shows like Courage the Cowardly Dog, Jhonny Bravo, Dexter's Lab and Powerpuff Girls. It really seems like no one can make a good cartoon anymore. They no longer can get away with what they used to, and the widespread use of CGI and the internet has serverlgy hurt cartoons. Now they are made just for a quick Buck, then get cancelled in one year. They seriously need some better cartoons. But Courage will always be one of my favorites and I know I'm not the only one who loves it to death. 9/ 10
Regular Show (2010)
An OK show, but its kind of overrated
OK so this is one of cartoon networks most popular current series along side "Adventure Time". It revolves around the surreal adventures of Mordecai and Rigby. Mordecai is a naked, anthropomorphic blue Jay, and Rigby is a short raccoon. Other characters include Pops, a gentleman figure with a giant head, Muscle Man, who is a green fat Guy who always makes fun of his mom, Benson, their boss who is a gum ball machine, and skips who is a skipping snow man Guy. Other characters include high five ghost and the newly added Thomas. Basically episodes revolve around Mordecai and Rigby slacking off and unleashing some super natural entity. That is basically how all the episodes play out.
Another thing to note is its PG rating. I find this show to be a little over the top for a kids network. I was watching this show at 12:00 on a Saturday and they said stuff like "breasts" and "suck it". They've also got away with saying "pissed off" several times. Now I don't have a problem with edgy kids shows, but saying stuff like that is going too far. There have been kids shows in the past that have crossed the line like: Courage The Cowardly Dog, Rocko's Modern Life, and Ren and Stimpy, but this show has some pretty vulgar language that I wouldn't want any kids hearing. This show is also pretty violent, there was a full out gun fight between the FBI and robots. Yes this show is bad, but the other cartoons I listed are just as guilty. Example: in Courage people died, and dark imagery was common(violin girl anyone?) Rocko got away with the word "Hell" and had more intense sexual innuendo than any cartoon I've seen, and Ren and Stimpy was pretty much a gross out fest. But anyway I wouldn't let little kids watch Regular Show
And now why I think its overrated: well people say this show is really funny and original, but to me I've seen this before. To me it looks like a toned down beavis and butthead mixed with Rocko's Modern Life, which might sound cool, but it doesn't really work. I find the characters bland and annoying. I hate it when Mordecai and Rugby yell "oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh" it really ticks me off. Also the animation seems cheap, and the characters look ugly to me. Also the plots seem weak and have tons of plot holes. Prime example sugar rush, in that episode pops eats like ten donuts then gets telported to another dimension, everyone else take one bite of donut and follows him. How come pops had to eat ten to teleport, but everyone else eats just one bite and can teleport? Also this show is treated like a saving grace, but I just don't see it. The show seems kind of bland and unoriginal. Although I will give it credit, its watchable. Everyother modern cartoon make me want to hit myself in head with a hammer. I absolutely HATE Adventure Time, I find Regular Show much more enjoyable. Overall, this is an OK show that highly overrated, I mean 8.6? Come on! Rocko, courage and Ren and stimpy all have lower than 8.6, and their 10000x better than regular show. I would give regular show a 6.0/10, its alright but nothing amazing or 8.6 worthy
The High Fructose Adventures of Annoying Orange (2012)
I didn't think Cartoon Network could sink any lower
OK so this show is based off the popular web series "The Annoying Orange" and I find it very unenjoyable. I've seen a few episodes, and they were all basically the same thing. All the fruits named after their respected fruit, just talk in a grocery store and then do something weird. Like in one episode I saw Orange travels to a tennis court and becomes the ruler of "yellow oranges". Yep, Orange is so stupid he doesn't know what a tennis ball is. Then he gets surrounded by them in a ball launcher and almost gets killed. If only they succeeded. Other episodes I've seen have basically the same stupid plot, like fighting broccoli or something. I'm prepared to say this is one of the worst shows I've ever seen. I hate the web series so I knew I wasn't going to like this.
Another thing to note is its TV-PG rating. While I don't think there's anything "bad" in this show to warrant a PG rating, I can think of one. THE ANIMATION LOOKS FREAKEN SCARY. I think this would honestly scare little kids, so I recommend not letting kids under 10 watch it. The animation is so awful, its just pictures of fruit with scary faces on them over a real photo background. So really its Photoshop, not true "Animation".
The characters are unlikable, the plots suck, the animation sucks and the show is just pitiful. This has got to be the biggest mistake made by Cartoon Network since they green-lighted "The Looney Tunes Show". And in general I think Cartoon Network has really gone downhill. Most of their cartoons are PG and not really for kids. I honestly don't like any of their new shows, but Regular Show is OK. Anyway, don't watch this show its AWFUL. I would give it -10, its that bad
Rocko's Modern Life (1993)
The most underrated of the nicktoons
When most kids at my school think of 90s Nick, they think of rugrats, hey Arnold and All That. Me: Rocko's Modern Life! Rocko' s Modern Life is one of the best cartoons of the 90's, and it deserves a lot more credit than people give it. The show focuses on the life of a talking wallaby who immigrated to America from Australia. His friends Heffer(a steer, not a cow!) and Filbert, a turtle, help him survive on his crazy adventures. The series is known for its adult humor. Every episode had "Chokey Chicken" restaurants in it. Really really big man and his magic "nipples of the future. In "the emperor's new Joe" the chameleon bros tell rocko of the city of "ballzack". The episodes "schnit-heads" and "who gives a Buck?" are pretty self explanatory. Literally every episode has sexual humor in it. There is a banned episode called "leap frogs" where rocko's neighbor Mrs bighead tries to have sex with him. One episode I think is worse than leap frogs is the episode "Flu-In-U-Enza", a rarely talked about episode. The episode has blood splatter, a guy dies from smoking a cigarette, doctor bend-ova literally grabs rocko's balls three times, a hot dog rips off rockos scalp and the moment that made my jaw drop was one that challenged even Ren and Stimpy. Rocko got high off a butt pill then barfs in a toilet. My god, who gave this show a TV-Y rating. Does that description even sound like its from a kids show? This show really should be rated TV-PG, it rivals PG shows like Ren and Stumpy and Regular Show despite being rated TV-Y. I will never understand why it has its current rating.
But that's one of the reasons I enjoy Rocko so much, now as a teenager I get all the jokes that flew over my head. This show is even an ancestor for several shows today. Spongebob and camp lazlo are made by the same crew and more than 10 shows have some link to this show. The guys who play heffer and Filbert on rocko play sponge bob and plankton. But this show trumps them all and in my opinion one of the best cartoons of the 90s. And I don't know why so many people think this is a "Ren and stimpy ripoff". This show has anthropomorphic animals as the people of earth, while Ren and stimpy are anthropomorphic pets in a world with people in it. Well Ren and Stimpy is a Tom and Jerry ripoff because it also has two anthropomorphic pets in a human world also. Also so the idea for Rocko started in the late 80s before Ren and stimpy came out. They are both great shows but come on, rocko deserves better than that.
I also cannot believe how underrated this gem is. And I have never heard anyone talk about this show, its all sponge bob this and rugrats that. I wish more people knew about this show, it better than ANY cartoon that came after it. It is funnier than that overrated family Guy, that's for sure.
It must have been 10 years last time I saw this on Nick, which really breaks my heart. Im also sad at what Nick has become, basically a second Disney channel. I wish they would show classic series like this instead of icarly, all these kids have is sponge bob and a bunch of tween girly crap. Rocko's Modern Life should be revived, it would probably be a major success!
10/10 ROCKOS MODERN LIFE!
Invader ZIM (2001)
why does everyone love this show?
I don't get why this show is so overrated. Seriously, everybody likes it. I think its just retarded, creepy and emo. The characters are obnoxious, its disgusting and it makes no sense. It is 2012 and I still see people wearing gir shirts. Its like everyone just likes that stupid robot, which is very annoying. The fans are annoying, I swear no one thinks its an OK show, Every Zim fan thinks its the best show ever made. Nobody remembers the good stuff like Ren and stimpy, or Rocko's Modern Life. I don't know how a series that lasted a year back in 2001 could still have a large fanbase. Its just so stupid that people rate this 8.7 and as one of the best nicktoons ever, Ren and stimpy DESERVE 8.7.
Overall this show is just overrated, there are much better nicktoons out there. Ren and Stimpy should be as praised as this garbage, but its not which is really sad.
2/10(don't be a sheep, watch what YOU think is cool, not what everyone else watches.)
Dark City (1998)
The Greatest Sci Fi Movie Of The Last 2 Decades
This movie is like a dark super hero film. John Murdoch( played by Rufus Sewell) wakes up in a bath tub, in a city with no sun,and he has ammniesa. He discovers he is wanted for murders he did not commit. Frank Bumsteade( a detective played by William Hurt) persues John and ends up helping him. He also has a wife named Emma(Jennifer Connelly). She is desperately trying to find him, because their in some sort of affair. These mysterious cloaked beings called "The Srangers" are the main villains and are lead by Mister Book. They have telepathic abilities(called TUNING) and are beings from another planet. John Murdoch has also developed the ability to tune. Every 12 hours the strangers shut down the city and the buildings shift and grow. During this time, every one in Dark City falls asleep, except the strangers and John Murdoch. No one is ever aware of the changes made. Murdoch is freaked out by this. He meets his supposed family members, but no one seems to know anything. The romance between Sewell and Connelly is so realistic, you would swear they were lovers in real life. I wont spoil the ending, but for such a DARK movie it has a happy and BRIGHT ending.This film suppasses The Matrix, Inception, Avatar and Minority Report. The only sci fi movie better is Star Wars. This is the most under rated, un appreciated sci fi of all time, it has done a lot believe it or not. Some believe this movie inspired The Matrix, which was released one year later. The two movies have very similar characteristics, the characters, story, and cinematography. But Dark City surpasses all modern Sci Fi films. Not even Inception can stand up to it. The ending is incredible and the acting is superb. The sad part is no one knows about this unique film. If The Matrix gets 8.7, Than Dark City gets 10/10. Don't get me wrong I liked The Matrix, but Dark City is just better. This is a must see for Sci Fi fans and movie lovers alike. I think it would be cool if Alex Proyas rerealesed this movie in 3D. Buildings popping off the screen would be awesome. Shouldn't be missed, see it man, its awesome! Dark City 10/10 Best Sci Fi of the last 2 decades.
Avatar (2009)
The most praised pile of crap ever made
"WARNING CONTAINS SPOILERS" This movie has got to be one of the worst sci fi films I have ever seen. The reasons why I hate it so much is because, It had NO STORY AT ALL, its mostly cg, and it was WWWAAAYYY over praised. One of the greatest movies of all time, I don't think so. So basically these humans travel to a moon called Pandora to get a mineral called UNOBTAINIUM, wow,When they said James Cameron wrote the script in 1 week, they weren't kidding. So the humans send one of their own to befriend the NaVi, and get them to move from their tree house. The humans destroy the tree and then the humans and aliens fight and aliens win. HOW PREDICTABLE. The reasons this crap became the highest grossing movie of all time was, IT WAS IN 3D, Every dam critic on the planet called it a masterpiece, and it was directed by James Cameron. Ohhhh yes, the most dumb part of the movie was that it was longest movie ever made. If uve seen the 2 min trailer, uve seen the movie. Guess they HAD to have maximum "oh amazing" time. Why does everyone love this poor excuse for a movie? If you ask me, people are too entertained by "pretty colors". No Story=garbage,I wish I could have given this a 0 it really sucked! If you want a REAL sci fi movie watch DARK CITY AVATARD(0/10)