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Reviews
Clerks III (2022)
It's a mixed bag
It's a real mixed bag. But an improvement on the Jay and Bob Reboot film.
Let's start with the bad.
There's some unfunny moments, jokes that miss the mark, and there's some bad acting (which sometimes falls on the side of endearing). The whole casting scene is pretty cringe, and there's some great cameo, which I felt could've been used better. But mostly there's far too much winking at the camera, the film is meta enough without all the "see what I just did there?" moments and call bags. Randell's hair is truly awful.
The first 15 minutes or so are a little rough to watch, but once you're in the swing of it and climatized to the tone of the film it gets better.
The good stuff.
It's always nice to see these characters back together, the nostalgia always wins. The dramatic scenes work much better than the the big comedy moments. There's actually a really sweet film amongst the d!ck and fart jokes. It's a film for fans of Kevin Smith and it's actually nice to see him finish off this series. And there's a VO over the credits that makes you feel warm inside. I felt like this could be Kevin's last film, but I'm sure the gang will be back again in Mallrats 2 or another Jay and Bob movie.
I don't really know where Kevin is going with his career, will he try anything original again... or is he sticking to this group of characters... I guess we'll have to wait and see.
The Festival (2018)
Surprisingly funny, in parts.
We put this on with the plan of 'it's easy watching' but we were surprisingly laughing.
The comedy is a combination of gross out and some clever observational humour. The latter being far better.
The storyline is simple and hits all the commercial beats.
There's some good cameos.
It wouldn't be the first film I'd recommend, but it's alright.
La horde (2009)
No Blood spared
La Horde.
It's French, it's Zombies, it's Subtitled, so if you can't read or speak french, skit!
La Horde as some brilliant action sequences. There are four standout parts that will have you shouting "booyah" and dying to play Left for Dead. The plot is simple, but not simple enough. This should be a brain dead (eh, get it?) movie, however the first 20-30 minutes is the background story. This is clearly not needed, and it's boring as hell. I imagine many people turning it off. It should start with a bang (not a funeral), straight off with zombie skulls being smashed. And it could easily have been done with minor tweaks to the story-line.
Once the action starts there are no weapons or blood spared. The characters are varied, but not very well developed. I couldn't care less who died or survived. However, that didn't matter. I wasn't watching La Horde to care about people, I wanted to be shocked and scared, see something I haven't seen before. And in that La Horde paid off. It wasn't so much scary, it was more fun than anything. I haven't seen so many zombies on one screen since Braindead.
There was some pretty bad compositing. The sky shots were clearly green screened and the sky colour didn't match the colour casting on the actors faces. There were a few green screen shots that looked too sharp. The background composite needed to be soften to fit in with the depth of the composition. But I'm picking faults there.
All in all La Horde is a good zombie flick and well worth the watch.
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She's Out of My League (2010)
I'm a moodle...
She's Out of My League.
This isn't a film I usually admit to watching, but hey everybody likes a rom-com! ... ? Well, I actually watched it because I personally got called a Moodle, a reference from this film. What's a Moodle? A Moodle is a male Poodle, What's a male Poodle? A male Poodle is a guy that hangs out with a hot girl, she dresses him, shows him to her friends, take him shopping, cinema, and so on, However he never, i repeat NEVER gets to do the dirt with the hot girl, he, the Moodle, is just another accessory. Yeah I got called Moodle... Great :(
In fairness this is a thoroughly enjoyable film. T.J. Miller is ace as the arse-hole best friend, coming out with some great one liners. Alice Eve is definitely out of Jay Baruchel's league and plays the hottie in a way that makes her very likable not just on the eyes but as a character. The only downfall is maybe she's too perfect, beautiful, caring, money, and makes you a better person. I suppose her perfectness makes it all the more too-good-to-be-true for Jay Baruchel's character. Baruchel himself is alright, I personally think he plays the character too awkward, which makes it awkward to watch at times. His physical appearance is so pathetic that you feel he is going to blow it at any moment and Molly ( Alice Eve ) is going to realise he is a massive loser.
It's a classic tale, Kirk ( Jay Baruchel ) as been told so many times that he's worthless that he's started to believe it and given up on his life. It takes a beautiful ray of light in Molly to show him he still has something to give. I don't have to tell you the ending because you already know it. Everybody does the best they can with a predictable plot to keep you second guessing.
The film, unlike most Rom-Coms these days, does have some outrageous scenes and I give it a thumbs up for daring to try them. Again T.J. Miller was the standout performance, who if I remember right is super frickin' annoying in Cloverfield so good recovery from him. I can see him getting some good comedy roles in the future. Alice Eve is an actress I've admired in Starter for 10 and Big Nothing and she's certainly more than just a pretty face, hopefully others will see that too.
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The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
Bizarre!
The Human Centipede.
This usually isn't my first, nor my last type of film choice. When a film as a ridiculous title and the case looks pap I won't go near it, I know you're not suppose to a judge a film by the cover and all that jazz, but if you do sometimes you save yourself from being 2 hours nearer to death.
However, The Human Centipede gain massive buzz around the net for it's bizarre plot, which intrigued me to watch.
First the DVD case. It as a quote from the Sun newspaper, the first bad sign, if the best quote you have is from the Sun you need to rethink your marketing plan. Also The front cover as the front of the Human Centipede pushed up against a frosted window screaming, but I'm pretty sure that shot is never in the film. Usually the front cover as some connection to something that happens in the film...? Maybe it was in the film, but can't have been that memorable to place it on the cover. We have a sub title; First Sequence, which made me believe that there is going to be a sequel, and I was correct, called Full Sequence. Now to me Full Sequence sounds a bit like the end, it's not Second Sequence or New Sequence, but Full Sequence. The only reason I can think of making a sequel to a film like The Human Centipede is to make a franchise, like Saw, Freddy, Jason etc. But Full Sequence? Where do you go from there? More Full Sequence, Double Full... Just doesn't work. Unless they go for the Friday 13th route, The Human Centipede goes to Hell, The Human Centipede goes to Hollywood, The Human Centipede Vs Freddy. Hopefully not. Anyway after you've watched the film you'll probably be thinking how can there be a sequel?
Enough of babble on with the film. I honestly thought this was going to be schlock horror, blood and guts, but surprisingly it wasn't that graphic (compared to what I was expecting). The first 10-20 minutes were poor, typical cheap horror, flimsy predictable plot. Basically two American girls are visiting Germany, on their way to a night on the town their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, they find a house to get help. The house is surrounded by woods with nobody else around. The setup as been made.
The house is owned by Dr. Heiter, who looks like Charlie Brooker's long lost evil twin. Evil Charlie is a surgeon, who specialises in the separation of Siamese-twins. We first see Evil Charlie at the beginning of the film sat in his car looking at a picture of his beloved dogs, which he has stitched together ass-to-mouth to create a doggipede. Yes it really is a bizarre film.
If you think I've given too much away, then you're wrong, because you can read all this on the back of the DVD case, (bar the doggipede, but that happens within the first few minutes). Nothing is ruined.
There is a great scene where Evil Charlie as his prisoners strapped up in beds, where he gives them a presentation of what he's going to do. His illustrations are hilarious, but you have to admit doing a presentation is polite, giving them a heads-up.
The Human Centipede reminded me of the first Saw film, in the way that it used suspense rather than loads of gross-out scenes, which both films still have, but in moderation. It is probably more of a thriller than a horror. I'm guessing like Saw there will be a ton of crappy sequels that get more and more ridiculous. It wasn't a great film, wasn't even a good film, but it is definitely a film...
It's average, a fresh, but odd plot in an over-saturated genre. Horror could have a new cult film in The Human Centipede.