nanozombie Reviews

Sopravvissuti (2022– )

the usual cringe

[5/10 · 9 October 2022]

It promised to be the italian (well, the french-italian) lost or the 100, but as always is just the usual boomer-friendly fiction from RAI.

Although the actor try very hard to be believable, as always most of them are insufferable snobs or drama queens, to the point of being funny or just hysterical,unemotionless whining. This is a typical clichè in italian screenwriting, especially with women.

The amount of filler time is amazing, mostly "emotional scenes" with the usual sad violin or piano while doing random stuff. In episode 1 one fo the survivors enters the room and starts throwing away her stuff. No explanation, no hint from acting, just sad music. On episode 2, a father watches the videos from her daughter during his time away, and OF COURSE we must see all the videos, repeating the same stuff.

Other filler times is the confrontation between survivors and their families or friends. They never really say anything, they only speak In metaphors or great cliches about life. Any conflict is either solved with slaps, insistence or denial of anyone's feeling. Everybody is too emotionally unavailable, damaged or impaired to understand anybody. As always with italian "drama". But hey, there is fun for the youngsters too, the teens make their own teen love drama/school subplot.

"I don't know what you have suffered during your journey, and honestly I don't care." This phrase from ep. 2 is a perfect summary of the feeling this show.

Were it 4 or 6 episodes, I could have thought of watching it for the sake of the mystery, but I already watched Lost, I've not 12 hours to sacrifice on this.

La mia banda suona il pop (2020)

Italians, we need to stop with the downvoting

[6/10 · 26 July 2022]

"Hai una voce che Romina in confronto sembra Al Bano".

This is an old school italian comedic movie, with a lot of 80s references, bad, politically uncorrect jokes. However unlike the past comedies, this is more story driven and less gag driven. Even the weird Russian fixation with italian 80s pop culture is referenced.

It has its cringe moments, like the tiger scenes, but it's am overall nice movie that manages to steal a few laughs.

The cast gives a good performance. De sica playing Tony Brando is a great reference to compagni di scuola, Angela finocchiaro is actually funny, great to see Paolo rossi and natasha Stefanenko back.

Andiamo ragazzi, With a 3 mil budget, what could we ask? It's not I pompieri, fantozzi o scuolandi di ladri, and it is not sidney Sibilla or Er Monnezza however it is not Ator or burraco fatale either, or some other dumb cringe movie meant to steal funds from cinecittà.

It's a nice movie to watch after dinner, nothing less, nothing more. Give it a try before downvosting it for the sake of being italian.

Passo a due (2005)

You'll be supporting the bad guys

[2/10 · 24 September 2010]

This movie is the twin brother of another Costanzo's mind abortion: Troppo Belli (too beautiful), a movie which now proudly stands in the bottom #50. This is not as bad as the former, but shares its own share of badness. While Troppo belli was about two characters of a weird Italian reality show called "uomini & donne", Beni (Kledi) is about Kledi, a star from another reality show, "Amici", a "Fame"-like reality. Sooo, the movie starts. Since Kledi was from Albania, there always was this joke about He coming as a stowaway on a raft. Looks like it's true. The first minutes of the movie are almost senseless. People speak, a sudden burst of slo-mo rage, then it's all downhill. Good old Beni starts as a slave dancer (?!) then escapes surprisingly easy from her 40 years old - MILF fail jailer, then starts to live with other stowaways in the happy happy community center at Ostia beach, then became a gigolò to get famous, etc etc. But enough spoil (of the fun). Let's talk about one unforgettable character, the female lead, Francesca (Laura Chiatti). Chiatti gives us another memorable character after Via del corso (2000), this time is a rich spoiled girl who's got a lot of money but, instead of taking some responsibility, whines EVERY SINGLE SECOND she's in the scene, about how she loves to dance, about how her boyfriend sucks because He doesn't want to lose his good job just to do a last minute weekend with her, and of course, while she's in love with Beni, whines about how she's not loved enough by her boyfriend. Obviously he starts betraying her with a real, normal and mature woman, and she goes crying to Beni. This is weird, because every time I saw how the boyfriend betrays her, I felt kind of happy, like she really, really deserved it. The acting is bad, but we're not at "via del corso"'s levels. But the story, the story alone, is so bad and full of bad teachings that deserves to be in the #bottom 100, alongside "troppo belli".

Too Beautiful (2005)

Unwilling Entertainment

[1/10 · 22 September 2010]

You know, sometimes people can be proud of things they should be ashamed of. Like knowing a movie from your country (Italy in my case) is in the IMDb's bottom #50, getting a lower score every month or so. This movie is an epic soft teen-girls-only-porno fail. The unwritten tagline is "It's Costantino. And Daniele. In a movie. Nothing else matters!" and for some 12 years old girls maybe it worked. Still such a wonderful abortion deserves some deep examination... So, the story. There's no story, just two guys trying to become famous instead of getting out their parents' house. some short-comedy with Naples people, (really) soft-core scenes for girls, a scene where they get drunk with half a beer and then get famous for real. Yes, it's as great as it sounds. The characters, the pillars of the movie, are almost identical. I'm not joking: there is this point in the movie where I really had an hard time telling apart Costantino from Daniele. They don't evolve, they don't have points, views, interests, they just exists for us to worship them I suppose. They're a huge monument to today's nihilsm. The original voice dub is so bad that resembles voice dub parodies from youtube. It's like they didn't memorize any of the lines, so they had a lot of trouble when re-dubbing. Sometimes they speak, but the mouth stays closed. And it's not a synch problem. This movie is so...empty. Half the time Costa' and Dani' are trying to escape from a bunch of women desperately seeking to rape them, the other half is spent in useless dialogs with their girlfriends. or the Cinderella subplot. It's like they wanted to make More than an hour of static video of the two famous TV show hosts for teenager but feared our Tvs could burn by showing a static image. Don't waste any more time: BUY this movie, watch it until the end, then if you still got your eyes BURN it while laughing. And crying for humanity's future.

Via del corso (2000)

What a sick joke

[1/10 · 17 September 2010]

So I finally managed to get a hold of this movie. It's almost unobtainable - and for good reasons. This movie literally screams to be forgotten - unless of course you're like me, a huge fan of thrash movies. To understand this movie, just think of Hardwicke's "13", but with cheap jokes, an almost non-existent story, and acting so bad that you will be holding your mouth open in disbelief. So, this "movie" is about the story of a 18 years old girl in Rome's suburbs, Centocelle, on her birthday. So what will 2k teenagers will do on a such a day (and a Saturday it is!)? But of course, dressing like whores, trying to have sexual intercourses with as many strangers as they can, smoking as much dope as they can before drive, getting hepatitis only to feel better just a while later, rapes, stupid friends who get hurt in a fight with Norwegian people, a Carabiniere trying to get laid with both mom and daughter, drug dealing, some radical chic love and a weird, awkward way of losing virginity. And it's all regular routine for them. They don't even try to picture the real transgression of our time's teens: they just tried to convince the audience with teen sex. And what teens may I say, they all are manifestly 30 years old, with a special remark on the star Laura Chiatti, who never seem to blend with the other cast. The acting is horrible, the music is just randomly played '90 dance, the dialogs are awkward at the best, some scenes are edited like they had to add extra camera shots just to make the movie seem longer. In conclusion, let's all be honest and say the real question: Is this movie so bad that it's entertaining? definitely yes. But If you're not a thrash movie fan, pretend you never saw this page and move along. Trust Me.