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In the Earth (2021)
Awful.
Pandemic, witchcraft, spirit of the woods? Right up my street!
Started the film, looked great, sounded great, then the characters started to speak...wait even their faces acted badly. The main guy kept doing this awkward, dishonest expression when his character was being deceitful but it was just bad. The girl that set off on the mission with him was good but almost everyone else? Rubbish. Reese Shearsmith, who is amazing, massively over played his part and in this film and seemed out of place but he is still the best thing in it. Two characters were meant to have been having a secret affair but when they were on screen together it was like they'd never met and had zero chemistry.
The plot was initially interesting until it was revealed that they hadn't really thought about where it would lead and it led nowhere. Ooh let's make up for it by bombarding everyone with crazy flashing images that mean nothing! Na didn't work for me.
I stuck with it because of the camerawork, direction and sound but it really felt like they made it up as they went along. I almost feel like the main character waking up and it all being a dream would've been a better ending.
P. S. At one point a character wants to go through some poisonous mist or something so puts on a hazmat suit, complete with cheap Amazon paint mask (I own the same one) only she puts it on upside down, then in the next shot it's the right way up. This was just a small irritating nitpick in an overall waste of time. I was really disappointed.
Death Walks (2016)
Major achievement. Massive disappointment
I love a low budget amateur horror, Amazon Prime is full of them, some great, some terrible. Death Walks looked really promising, unfortunately it was a massive disappointment. The film has to be commended for the zero budget achievement, looks miles better than a lot of other no/low budget productions. Some great acting, good direction, editing, brilliant camerawork, perfect music and an amazing location all add up to such a wasted opportunity. Meandering plot lines and character arcs that go absolutely nowhere and take forever to get there, it's half an hour before anything happens and even then what does happen is not worth the wait. They should've just made a straightforward zombie film, they had tons of great cast and resources they could've really pulled off something special, in stead we have a terrible, utterly ridiculous story with a twist (or two?) that just doesn't work. I really had to force myself to watch it till the end, such a let down. Real shame.
Gretel & Hansel (2020)
Promosing start but overall...Rubbish
I was really looking forward to this and I was massively disappointed. Nothing to do with the slow pace or lack of horror, it was like an amateur film school project but with a good camera, good lighting director and amazing locations. The script was pretentious and the acting abysmal other than Gretel and the witch but again felt like they were reading out a film student's first script. The score was great but way over used the direction was ok but amateur still, almost seems like the opening which, was brilliant, and the endIng were directed by someone else. If you want a great fairy tale witch story, watch The VVitch in stead. This was crap.
Inseminoid (1981)
Insufferoid
Absolutely devoid of any merit. Plot makes no sense. Felt like 4hrs when it's only 1hr 30mins. Bad acting, bad script, not even so bad it's good. Will never watch again. Wish I hadn't watched it. Utter toilet.
Prank Encounters (2019)
BRILLIANT. People who think it's fake are idiots.
I've worked on several hidden camera prank shows as a camera op and as an actor. This is some of the best work I've ever seen.
It's not "fake", it's very well made. You can see where the cameras are hidden behind sheets of mirrored plastic on cupboards and wardrobes allowing them to get the great shots. The marks are clearly not actors and are definitely being pranked. The production may have afterwards gone back and shot pick ups or reshot certain segments after the reveal just to polish off the episode or get a better angle but that is often the case.
The only annoying thing which is clearly staged is all the stuff with the host, I don't think he's involved with any of it at all, just the face of the show and shows up at the end. This is the same with David Spade's Fameless and I'm sure lots of others including one of the shows I worked on.
If you enjoy clever hidden camera pranks then this is one of the best, it's not fake, believe it, some people will fall for the most ridiculous things when everyone around them is an actor. Love it.
The Predator (2018)
Feel like my heart has been ripped out...by Shane Black
The Predator is UTTERLY abysmal...
Beginning was "good" I liked the characters and didn't want any of them to die...then it went downhill...fast.
I sat, jaw dropped, shaking my head in disbelief. Heart in my stomach. I've just left the cinema and I feel sick. Only reason I didn't walk out was because I hoped it might have a cool moment at the end. Nope.
Bad direction, bad acting, terrible script, some funny jokes...then WAY too many bad jokes. Rubbish story, awful, awful CGI. Dreadful creature designs. The giant Predator, hideous. Predator dogs that have dreads but beheave like earth dogs complete with wagging tails, playing fetch and yes...one makes friends with the good guys. I'm still in shock.
It does have the original Alan Silvestri theme tunes but even they sound bad and the new themes are the hammiest I've heard in a long time. Reboot this and make a sequel to Predators.
This is the Robocop 3 of the franchise (complete with a kid that hacks the tech) and that's an insult to Robocop 3.
Both AvP films have more respect for the franchise than this drivel.
Dreadful.
1/10
Blair Witch (2016)
An insult to the original.
I'm really disappointed. The original makes a brilliant film out of nothing. This throws everything at you (including a giant CGI witch/monster) yet overal it's rubbish.
Terrible acting from most of the cast except "Lisa", terrible characters and terrible story.
Even the huge growling, rumbling, shrieking sound effects didn't have a patch on the giggling distant children of the first film.
Only positives I can give we're a few little tidbits of story about the witch and the "curse" why the original killer did what he did. Not quite answered but some more to chew on. Sadly that's not enough to salvage this crud.
I preferred the Bigfoot film made by the Blair Witch Project Director 'Exists'. Miles better than this though still a B-movie.
Ah well.
The Walking Dead: The Key (2018)
Amazing episode, edge of my seat and I've read the comics
Was a brilliant episode, exciting and edge of seat stuff. Having read the comics the recent major character's death has really thrown things up in the air, you don't know who's going to die or who's going to switch sides or as we found out in this episode what new characters will show up.
Today was also fantastically refreshing as it wasn't in the woods for once, both the show and comics have grown stale with the current locations so it was nice to see some buildings again. I really hope both of them end up back in Atlanta city or a new city as those scenes in the first season were brilliant. Rick and Neegan's fight was awesome and I'm really enjoying the show, yes it dipped a bit here and there and I'm glad the writers have written out/changed the silly trash people. A lot of internet haters that love to pick on something massively popular and try to pull it down from its throne have set their sights on TWD but I think the fans outnumber them and I really hope it continues for a long time. Love it.
Fear the Walking Dead (2015)
Really good, excited for more FEAR!
Fear The Talking Haters because It's really good. I've seen a couple of people on here out of the 3 user reviews so far on here really bashing it, totally don't understand that. All I can imagine is that with a spin off to something so popular as The Walking Dead some people will unfairly judge or wish it to fail.
I've just seen the pilot. Shot beautifully and with a great soundtrack both reminiscent of True Detective, 'Fear' is creepy, scary, tense and unpredictable. The acting is great as is the plot, some really good character building with all the while there's the constant underlying creeping death of the apocalypse that we all know is coming...
It's not filled with constant gore, action and zombies but it shouldn't be at this stage so if that's what you are looking for you either need to look elsewhere or have some patience, I have a feeling the pay off of the chaos that is on it's way as life as we know it is turned upside down will be well worth the wait.
Obviously I have yet to see the rest of the series but as a first episode, it's different enough from TWD and I loved it, can't wait to see where this show takes these characters as their world crumbles.
Zombieland (2013)
Potentialand...
I'm not sure, I just watched the pilot and although I had done a load of digging on the internet a while ago about Zombieland 2 probably not happening and a series probably happening with the same actors...rumour after rumour...I was surprised to see that there it is finished and ready to watch online right now!
First of all I was met with the initial sinking disappointment that this means there definitely is no Zombieland 2 but the double blow that it doesn't feature AT LEAST Woody Harelson...booo.
Still, I love Zombies and I loved the movie although it was just a little too heavy on the silly for me, like the Bill Murray bit which was still awesome just took away the realism a bit, so I was still excited for the TV show and had to watch it immediately (despite already watching Land Of The Dead and finishing off Volume 18 of The Walking Dead already tonight!)
First of all, the opening was funny and impressive in terms of gore and action, although from the get go I could tell this was going to be a lot more of a comedy than the movie. But still I can deal with that, then I saw the new Tallahassee...I was thinking to myself, "That can't be him?!"
This new guy definitely grew on me but he just wasn't BAD ASS! And that was how he was in the film! This guy was funny and great and everything but Woody oozes a cool that this guy so far just hasn't got the ability to pull off, or maybe that's just how they've written him.
So other than pulling the show apart with the differences to the movie, (Witchita's casting is a miss fire) it was good. Funny, very gory and some cool action. i hope it at least gets a first season so I can see where they take things.
From this first episode for me it felt a bit like Scrubs with zombies, it lacked the emotion of the film such as finding out about Tallahassee's tragic past which it needed something like that to pull me in, saying that it certainly didn't look cheap which was a worry for me, the effects and zombie kills were great, Columbus was great as was Littlerock.
It's got potential, lets see what happens...
One other thing, do you have to destroy the brain of these Zombies? I'm sure they killed one with just a shot to the chest...
Conan the Barbarian (2011)
Conan The Barbarian? Conan The Bore.
Not worthy of the Cimmerian blade. Started well, gruesome, loads of blood splatting everywhere (which I wasn't expecting) and cool fighting, some awesome action...then too much...then more...then way more.
Story was rubbish and boring, didn't feel a thing for any of the characters and couldn't care less what happened. The villains quest was clear at first then confusing and then pointless. I feel sorry for the actors as I think they thought they were making some brilliant epic, especially the lead, his acting certainly wasn't the problem.
Seemed rushed as well, possibly this film had been butchered in the edit suit? They definitely got a few things right but it lacked the mystical and magical feel that it needed. And the music was just 'meh'. The final product is forgettable.
If you wanna see 'Conan The Barbarian' go get the John Millus/Arnold Schwarzenegger version.