creid0000 Reviews

Santa's Magic Kingdom (1966)

Santa's Kingdom of Unspeakable Horrors

[10/10 · 28 December 2005]

This is one of the most terrifying films I've had the pleasure of seeing. From the Stinky Skunk clearly spawned in hell to the rest of the morally depraved cast, this is one film sure to damage children emotionally for generations to come.

It doesn't appear that the original script was even remotely close to what was eventually dubbed in. The original dialogue must not have really underscored the timeless conflict of Santa, Cinderella, Merlin, and Random Employees vs. the Giant Wooden Ogre the way the filmmakers originally intended.

The vulcanized rubber tires on Cinderella's carriage are a profound reminder that the themes in the story continue to challenge us in the modern world, and the rail that keeps the malnourished reindeer from pulling Santa off the cement path is a magical homage to those glorious Victorian Christmases of old.

I recommend this film to anyone that may have any dangerous delusions that the "friendly" characters of his youth are benign and jolly creatures that serve to enrich our lives. Don't throw that at me, Merlin.

CHiPs (1977–1983)

Glued to the backgrounds

[26 August 2003]

Sure the formula was the same for every episode. Yes there were always two hotties for Ponch and John; criminals who scoff at the law at first then learn how foolish it was to run a gambling operation in the back of a tractor trailer after all. When I was a kid, I loved CHiP's. They were cops on motorcycles, for crying out loud.

I still love to watch it, but like many of you I can't take my eyes off the background. The best part of the show is the location filming. Real streets. I'm watching the cars, storefronts, etc. like an eagle. In a small way it's like walking through the world of my childhood again, taking notice of how some things have changed so much and others not much at all. It's very fascinating to me.

I don't think there have been many television shows as entertaining as this.

America's Funniest People (1990–1994)

America be ashamed

[25 January 2003]

I used to think that Bob Saget's commentary on America's Funniest Home Videos should be America's biggest source of embarrassment as the pride of the world when it comes to motion picture entertainment. However, after seeing this, my choice is a no-brainer. This is the most disgusting piece of excrement ever put in front of the American public. I'm almost sick just thinking about it. I don't know if it's the decrepitness of the submitted material as much as it is the pathetic crowd reactions and ill-timed laugh track added to this stuff set to the remarkably low dollar soundtrack. I've seen funnier infommercials. May this never penetrate human eyes again.

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965)

This is one of the great films of all time...

[3 September 2001]

This is absolutely one of the great films of all time. Russ Meyer was obviously aware of the cultural significance of his pictures before anyone else was. Faster Pussycat is about beautiful women that kick ass and drive fast cars, and there is nothing more I really expect out of a movie. The level of acting is far better than it should have been based on the budget. This show clearly gives "2,000 Maniacs" and "Teenage Cruisers" a run for their money in this world of too many films and not enough movies.

Clete Reid Atlanta, Georgia