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Silver Linings Playbook (2012)
Absurd, Troubling, Grossly Overrated Movie
How do I find a bookie like the idiot played by Robert De Niro, who co- stars in the surprise hit movie Silver Linings Playbook?
Seriously, he's got to be the dumbest bookmaker on the planet. Any real bookie who followed his habits would soon be at an intersection holding up a cardboard sign.
Silver Linings Playbook is unquestionably the most overrated film of the year. How this two-hour bore garnered a whopping eight Oscar nominations isn't so much a testament to this movie's excellence, but rather what a terrible past year this has been for cinema.
The Bradley Cooper character meets the Jennifer Lawrence character at a dinner party and the rest of the movie is pretty much the story of the interplay between the two leads. They spend most of the time fighting and insulting each other, sometimes viciously. But none of this seems to matter. We all know what's going to happen just before the final credits roll.
But predictability is the least of this mess of a movie's numerous problems. Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of the story is Cooper's obsession with reuniting with his estranged wife. Remember, this man spent eight months locked up behind bars in a mental ward for committing a violent crime. Now, he's free on probation and his sole mission in life to to get back with the ex.
Trouble is, his wife has issued a restraining order against Cooper. That means he's not allowed to visit or call or contact her in any way. Despite this, Cooper ignores the law and goes to great lengths to go after what he wants. Sure. Nothing proves a man's true love like acting the part of a stalker.
For some reason I found baffling, many people seemed to find this endless pursuit to be an endearing quality -- including women. There were plenty of laughs as Cooper tries to establish some sort of contact with his ex, including visiting her place of employment. How charming! I guess being a wacko stalker is okay if you look like Bradley Cooper and were voted 2011's Sexist Man Alive.
The movie takes place in South Philadelphia. Accordingly, we're subjected to all the typical stereotypes you'd expect. The only thing missing was Burt Young as the uncle walking in the door with a sack of sausages.
There are a few nice moments, which were usually tied to the catchy soundtrack. And it's okay to dream and believe in fairly tales. But that doesn't mask the reality that relationships take work. They require sacrifice and commitment from both sides. Yet, we're led to believe that once the boy gets the girl, they'll leave happily ever after. Never mind that they've been screaming at each other for 90 minutes during the entire movie, and haven't agreed on anything. They have virtually nothing in common. Neither has a job or it would seem, much of a future. So, what's going to happen the first time Mrs. Lawrence tells Mr. Cooper to take out the trash? Or, leave the toilet seat down? Is Cooper going to go ballistic again like he did with his first wife?
So, let's get back to that idiot bookie. Remember -- Robert De Niro plays the dad. He lost his job some time ago, so he turned to bookmaking to support his family. Fair enough.
Trouble is, there's not one thing in this movie the least bit convincing he actually works as a bookmaker. On Sundays, the phone never rings. He never has a notebook at his side. Where are all his customers? He never once discusses games or point spreads, other than those involving his beloved Philadelphia Eagles when he's in action. In fact, De Niro is so sickly obsessed with the Eagles, he watches them religiously -- completely oblivious to games one which his livelihood depends. One might think that a bookie based in Philadelphia might have a rooting interest in Eagles' games, and if so -- he's likely want the other side to win (and cover) since most amateur locals tend to bet on their favorite team. But there's De Niro, the ultimate sap.
That said, the most laughable part of the movie comes near the end. I won't give away the final outcome. But De Niro essentially gambles his entire life savings on a single football game. Who does he bet on? You guessed it -- the Philadelphia Eagles.
A few scenes later, De Niro is back at it again. This time, he wants to bet a parlay. He learns that the line on the upcoming Philadelphia- Dallas game is "Eagles -1." De Niro wants to bet on his beloved Eagles so badly, that he offers his business partner and fellow bookie a preposterous wager. He says "I'll give you Dallas plus ten points! The Eagles must win by ten!"
On a game lined at "-1?"
This clown is a bookie?
How can I get in touch with this joker?
To be fair, I saw this movie in Las Vegas -- where sports gambling in commonplace. But the De Niro segment of the movie was so absurd and annoying, that I heard a few catcalls and even some uncontrolled laughter. Not good.
It's a bad sign when the most memorable thing about a movie are its flaws. But alas, those are pretty much the only parts of the film that kept me interested in what was an instantly forgettable and utterly disappointing film.
Silver Linings Playbook has about as much entertainment value as a losing sports book ticket.
Skyfall (2012)
Make Barbara Broccoli the Next Villain
James Bond endears as the universal superhero. Everyone loves 007. Young and old, male and female, black and white, rich and poor -- everyone wants James Bond to kick the bad guy's behind, and do it with style.
And so, a stellar cast and an Oscar-winning director were tapped for what should have been a slam-dunk monster hit.
Unfortunately, Skyfall is a major disappointment. And given what film makers had to work with in terms of budget and talent, that's unforgivable. No doubt, all the pieces were set for what should have been a masterpiece -- "the best Bond film ever," as we were promised. But ultimately, this film is ruined by its star's lack of charisma, and arguably one of the least-interesting scripts of any in the lengthy James Bond franchise.
Of course, Skyfall will earn a profit, which is all that seems to matter to Barbara Broccoli, who inherited the James Bond empire from her late father, Albert Broccoli. Sure, making a profit is essential. But clever marketing and riding the coattails of international brand loyalty doesn't make for a good film.
Skyfall lacks the wit that made most of the great James Bond films of the 1960's and early 1970's instant classics. The problem starts with hopelessly miscast Daniel Craig, now into his third reincarnation as the spook superhero. To be fair, every actor who tries to fill cinema's most challenging shoes inevitably gets compared to the original gold standard, personified in Sean Connery. Aided by some excellent scripts (Live and Let Die, Moonraker) follow-up Roger Moore made a nice "honorable mention" in the coveted role. But no one will ever match Connery's natural charisma and charm as the only true 007.
While it's unfair to compare a living film legend like Connery to Daniel Craig, the bottom line is -- the modern-day reincarnation lacks cinematic appeal. On screen, he comes across terribly insensitive. Remaining stone-faced pretty much the entire doesn't allow audiences to make any emotional connection to the man we're supposed to be rooting for. Whether he's gunning down the bad guys, exchanging dialog with the villain, gambling in a casino, or pursuing his latest sexual tryst, Craig's expression always seems the same.
Part of Craig's problem in this role rests in the lame writing and one-dimensional dialog, which should have been easy fodder for memorable movie quotes. Recall that in earlier Connery and Moore films, the superhero always had something witty to say when things looked the bleakest. The punch line was usually delivered after overcoming impossible odds. There's none of that in this film. While the Bond story succeeded because it provided just the right mix of suspense, humor, and charm -- swooning movie audiences for nearly five decades -- the traditional recipe is now in ashes.
If there's any reason to see Skyfall, it's for an excellent performance by Javier Bardem. The Spaniard has made quite a career playing fascinating villains, and this character -- a former MI6 agent gone bad -- is no different. Bardem gnaws on every line like a tiger, playing a whacked-out malcontent with but two ambitions in life -- to ruin the United Kingdom and to extract revenge on "M" (Dench). To the film's credit, Bardem is a nice addition to a long litany of mesmerizing bad guys with funny personality quirks. Too bad they didn't just shoot a movie with Bardem as the star. It would have been much more interesting. As it turns out, we're supposed to cheer for the superhero with the personality of an insurance salesman over a far more charismatic villain.
SPOILER ALERT Finally, there is one scene in Skyfall that is positively grotesque. How the scene made it through the dailies and past the editing room is baffling. There's a minor spoiler here, so be advised. One of the so-called Bond girls is Asian. We meet her in a Macau casino. Bond interrogates her in a bar scene, during which time we learn she was once sold off in the notorious sex trade. Moments later, the Asian woman is shown in the nude, taking a shower. Utterly dismissive of the troubling conversation that took place about the woman being forced into prostitution, James Bond suddenly appears nude in the shower and the two happy lovebirds engage in the predictable. This scene wasn't just uncomfortable. It was slimy. Even if one accepts the premise that Bond is irresistible to women, there's still an underlying suspicion that this Asian woman sleeps with Bond because she's desperate for help. The final indignity of the relationship is shown when the Asian woman meets her fate, and Bond doesn't even wince. I suppose it would have been asking too much to see Daniel Craig show any emotional reaction after seeing the woman he just bedded getting blown away in front of his eyes.
So, who ultimately bears the responsibility for tarnishing Bond's legacy with yet another instantly forgettable film? There's plenty of blame to go around -- from director Sam Mendes to Daniel Craig to the screenwriters. But the real booby prize goes to Barbara Broccoli, who has yet to make a good film over the past twenty years, despite her access to the unlimited resources and best talent in the movie industry.
Poor Albert Broccoli. I feel sorry for him. How disappointed he would likely be to see what's become of the Bond empire. After making so many wonderful films like Thunderball, Diamonds are Forever, and You Only Live Twice -- one of the world's most recognizable characters in fiction has been reduced to appearing in television commercials to pimp beer. Daughter Broccoli doesn't seem to care about art, creativity, or a once-proud legacy established by her father. She's smiling all the way to the bank.
Here's an interesting idea -- let's make Barbara Broccoli the next Bond villain. She's far more dangerous to MI6 and 007 than Javier Bardem.
Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away (2012)
A Colossal Disappointment
About a half hour into Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away 3D my wife leaned over to me and blurted out, "Are you as bored with this as I am?" Frankly, I wasn't. By that point, my boredom had turned into annoyance.
Another scene or two passed and our mutual annoyance metastasized even further -- into unconditional surrender. We had enough. But the cinematic Rubicon was passed.
In the final scenes towards the end of an overly-long 85-minute test of patience, I found myself ready to leave. Needless to say, we departed the theater in disappointment.
This movie should never have been made. It's a testament to the old edict that if you're going to do something, then do it right -- or don't attempt it at all.
How in the name of James Cameron do you mess up something as spectacular as Cirque du Soleil? Who would have thought trivializing death-defying stunts was possible? It's baffling to imagine a production blessed with many of the world's most gifted performers, with such an impressive array of set designs and costumes, and some of the most innovative music ever recorded could induce a mass slumber.
How bad was it? For those who have visited the Las Vegas airport, recall the jumbo screen inside the baggage claim area. Think of the 45-second video clips from one show after another. Imagine that highlight reel repeated over and over and over again and then compiled into an full-length motion picture. Indeed, the comparison of waiting for bags at an airport might be appropriate here, except there's actual suspense in waiting for one's luggage. There's no such drama in this montage of monotony.
I've seen five Cirque du Soleil live performances, to date. Two were extraordinary ("O" and "Cavalia"), one was excellent ("Mystere"), one was average ("Love") and one was awful ("Ka"). My appreciation for each show was largely a matter of taste. Each and every Cirque du Soleil product that I've sampled -- be it live shows or music CDs -- has been a first-rate production.
Then, we get this clunker.
No doubt, this was a film with enormous potential. Bringing the very best of the Cirque du Soleil global franchise to the big screen for the first time -- the audience's visual experience enhanced by 3D -- was a thrilling prospect. Add the opportunity to witness some rare behind the scenes footage and truly astonishing acrobatics from a variety of different angles, and this wasn't simply like getting the best seats in the house. It was like being a part of the show.
Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away 3D is a reel of disappointment from start to finish. Take the story, for instance. Oh wait, there isn't one. The possibilities of an Alice in Wonderland-Through the Looking-Glass themed narrative were obvious here. Too bad the film's creators opted instead to sew the performances together with the amateur skills you might expect from a YouTube video. There's also virtually no dialog -- which doesn't help much to retain our attention. Then again, what would the performer say? "Oh look! There's another skinny girl up in the sky spinning on a rope!" The film essentially takes the high points of what you'd see in the exact same shows on the Las Vegas Strip and transposes them on screen, with no attempt at contextualizing or connecting these performances to anything that might resemble a plot. A few scenes are interesting and even mesmerizing (when performed live -- forget this treatment), but blended together in cinema, it's like visiting the Bellagio buffet, tossing a little bit of everything into a giant mixing bowl, and then trying to digest the contents. We may savor green bean casserole, pad thai, creamy horseradish, and cherry cheesecake on their own. But mixed together into one giant serving wouldn't be very appetizing, would it? This is what happens when you mix the fire-fight scene from "Ka," with a magical interlude from "Believe," with one of the worst Beatles songs ever recorded, "Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite." What you get is cinematic slop.
If you try to please everyone, you please no one. That's what the film makers attempted to do here, conjoining irreverent themes with no connection. Moreover, some of the dullest interludes from the Cirque du Soleil catalog somehow made the final cut, while much of the best show material was inexplicably left out (the very best performances are often the simplest, featuring the astonishing power of the human body somehow doing what seems to be impossible). The film makers seem to have forgotten the fundamental premise that sometimes less is more.
I had a hard time staying interested in performances that often looked the same, but weren't. One minute we were in medieval Japan ("Ka"). The next scene took us beneath the world's oceans ("O"). Then, we went back to the 1960's ("Love"). And, with that the film ended.
Which brings to mind one final outrage. How was "Cavalia" omitted from the final cut? Arguably the most impressive Cirque du Soleil show of all, this dazzling spectacle includes dozens of live trained horses in the performance. How or why the film makers managed to leave out some of the best scenes of the entire theatrical catalog is mind-boggling and utterly unforgivable. If you can't include just a few scenes from the astonishing parade of horses in "Cavalia," then why even bother? Hard to believe, but I'm not sure those who created Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Apart 3D could have made a worse film had they tried. Absolutely nothing in this film works. Worse, the standard admission price ($15) is significantly higher than the normal movie ticket ($11).
One of the most disappointing films of the year.