Witches, really? The first few episodes were great, the rest is a complete disaster with absolutely no redeeming features. Didn't even bother watching the last episode.
Reviews
25 Reviews
WandaVision
(2021)
It started well, but turned out a wizard did it.
20 February 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Stowaway
(I) (2021)
Don't listen to the naysayers - Great movie
25 April 2021
Warning: Spoilers
The story is not new, but it's a great story. I've seen many versions, they are all based on the FANTASTIC short story The Cold Equations. In the original story, the scarce resource is fuel. The ship is tiny, and only has enough delta-v to slow down and EDL just the ship with one person. Of course, that would be too limiting for a movie, you would basically be reduced to having just two characters, and there's little you can try to do about that (outside of trying to reduce the ship's mass, by either getting rid of the stowaway, or something else). Of course, when you have more people, the effect of a single extra person becomes smaller comparatively, but I think they handled that fairly decently.
As far as realism goes, the movie gets a 10 for trying, if not always delivering. There are a few artistic licenses taken here and there, and a few obvious mistakes (such as calling Max Q when they're clearly already in orbit and about to perform the MTO burn), but overall it's mostly plausible, and certainly MUCH better than what Hollywood generally produces.
I enjoyed the movie, it's well written and well acted, the story is compelling and the visual effects are great.
The only thing that bothered me a little were a few lines that were obviously directed at "educating" the audience. That is, things they did that were scientifically accurate, but people would not believe because Star Trek told them otherwise. By Star Trek logic, there is magic gravity inside the ship, but as soon as you step outside the gravity is gone. This movie doesn't make that mistake, but they feel the need to tell the audience "You'll experience gravity on the roof, it's normal", expecting people to go "pff, that is ridiculous". Understandable, but still a bit of a nuisance.
As far as realism goes, the movie gets a 10 for trying, if not always delivering. There are a few artistic licenses taken here and there, and a few obvious mistakes (such as calling Max Q when they're clearly already in orbit and about to perform the MTO burn), but overall it's mostly plausible, and certainly MUCH better than what Hollywood generally produces.
I enjoyed the movie, it's well written and well acted, the story is compelling and the visual effects are great.
The only thing that bothered me a little were a few lines that were obviously directed at "educating" the audience. That is, things they did that were scientifically accurate, but people would not believe because Star Trek told them otherwise. By Star Trek logic, there is magic gravity inside the ship, but as soon as you step outside the gravity is gone. This movie doesn't make that mistake, but they feel the need to tell the audience "You'll experience gravity on the roof, it's normal", expecting people to go "pff, that is ridiculous". Understandable, but still a bit of a nuisance.
Salyut-7
(2017)
Good fiction movie. No correlation to Salyut 7
24 February 2021
Warning: Spoilers
The movie is good. Propaganda, for sure, but not bad. It's absolutely unrealistic though, both because of things that couldn't happen, and because of things that did not happen.
Salyut 7 had a simple electrical glitch. They went up there and fixed a sensor, the station recovered power. That's all that happened, the rest is mere imagination.
The Space Shuttle was absolutely not capable of capturing Salyut 7 and landing with it, as the weight of the station was way beyond the Shuttle's max landing weight.
On top of that, wrangling such a beast onto the payload bay would've been nothing short of impossible.
Salyut 7 had a simple electrical glitch. They went up there and fixed a sensor, the station recovered power. That's all that happened, the rest is mere imagination.
The Space Shuttle was absolutely not capable of capturing Salyut 7 and landing with it, as the weight of the station was way beyond the Shuttle's max landing weight.
On top of that, wrangling such a beast onto the payload bay would've been nothing short of impossible.
Spacewalk
(2017)
Good movie, too much fiction.
23 February 2021
Warning: Spoilers
What, going to space isn't exciting enough anymore? The first EVA in history isn't a good enough story?
A lot of what the movie portrays was vastly exaggerated, or outright didn't happen at all.
Leonov never stopped responding, nor did he get disoriented, nor pass out, not bounce violently around the ship. He was only outside for around 10 minutes.
The whole "let's see if we let them land, just in case they land in China" thing never happened. They were confident they could land within the USSR.
The whole oxygen leak thing never happened. Reentry was a bit delayed, but not that violent.
They never almost froze to death. They were, in fact, fine, and well prepared to survive. They didn't stay there a single night, but several, even after being spotted, because it took time to get a rescue crew there.
There was never any radio operator, they were found by a civilian aircraft, who notified the military, merely 4 hours after landing.
Leonov was a great pilot, but he was not a daredevil as portrayed.
He was also not at all a mediocre artist as portrayed, quite the contrary, he was a brilliant painter.
Half of the movie is great, but the added fake drama was way over the top.
A lot of what the movie portrays was vastly exaggerated, or outright didn't happen at all.
Leonov never stopped responding, nor did he get disoriented, nor pass out, not bounce violently around the ship. He was only outside for around 10 minutes.
The whole "let's see if we let them land, just in case they land in China" thing never happened. They were confident they could land within the USSR.
The whole oxygen leak thing never happened. Reentry was a bit delayed, but not that violent.
They never almost froze to death. They were, in fact, fine, and well prepared to survive. They didn't stay there a single night, but several, even after being spotted, because it took time to get a rescue crew there.
There was never any radio operator, they were found by a civilian aircraft, who notified the military, merely 4 hours after landing.
Leonov was a great pilot, but he was not a daredevil as portrayed.
He was also not at all a mediocre artist as portrayed, quite the contrary, he was a brilliant painter.
Half of the movie is great, but the added fake drama was way over the top.
The Invisible Guest
(2016)
Brilliant.
4 March 2019
Make no mistake, this movie is amazing. Absolutely enjoyable, well written, and worth your time.
That said, there was something that bothered me a bit, spoilers ahead:
SPOILERS
A big part of the story is lifted almost verbatim
That said, there was something that bothered me a bit, spoilers ahead:
SPOILERS
A big part of the story is lifted almost verbatim
Death Wish
(2018)
The 90s are back, and I'm loving it
27 October 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Not a single thing is out of place. As if no time had went by, we got a proper 90s action movie. Proper Willis, proper action, proper story.
Nothing too creative, which is a good thing, it's not a french festival movie, it's a damn good action movie.
Guy is living the american dream, bad guys kill family, guy goes medieval on all of them. Fat cop understands, everyone lives happily ever after.
It's an old recipe, one that works and works well, and it hadn't been cooked so well in decades.
Charles Bronson would be very, very proud.
You grab that popcorn, this movie delivers.
Nothing too creative, which is a good thing, it's not a french festival movie, it's a damn good action movie.
Guy is living the american dream, bad guys kill family, guy goes medieval on all of them. Fat cop understands, everyone lives happily ever after.
It's an old recipe, one that works and works well, and it hadn't been cooked so well in decades.
Charles Bronson would be very, very proud.
You grab that popcorn, this movie delivers.
Arrival
(II) (2016)
People who didn't understand 2001
9 March 2017
Picasso was a Genius, he had so much to say, he could do it in the most abstract and cryptic way, and still be beautiful, poetic, meaningful.
Jackson Pollock was a talentless drunk who threw paint on a canvas and called it art.
If 2001: A Space Odissey is the Guernica, this movie is Number 8.
That's what most of the new wave Sci Fi has become: Poorly trying to remake 2001. This movie is the definition of Kitsch. 2001 is cryptic because it had to be, this movie is cryptic because they intentionally made it cryptic. Thing is, just like the linguist who never thought of starting with drawings and mathematical representations and went straight for words in the English language, we'll be lost trying to decode it because there's nothing to decode.
Something is cryptic if it has any meaning to begin with. Not all streams of numbers are cryptic, most are merely random. It is pointless to look for the Rosetta Stone to the Voynich manuscript because the Voynich manuscript is a meaningless fake.
Arrival is the Voynich Manuscript of movies, enjoy the nonsense, and don't look for any further meaning, because there isn't any.
If at least it had any action, It could be enjoyed with some popcorn, but on top of being meaningless, it's also a snoozefest. Do yourself a favor, sit this one out.
Jackson Pollock was a talentless drunk who threw paint on a canvas and called it art.
If 2001: A Space Odissey is the Guernica, this movie is Number 8.
That's what most of the new wave Sci Fi has become: Poorly trying to remake 2001. This movie is the definition of Kitsch. 2001 is cryptic because it had to be, this movie is cryptic because they intentionally made it cryptic. Thing is, just like the linguist who never thought of starting with drawings and mathematical representations and went straight for words in the English language, we'll be lost trying to decode it because there's nothing to decode.
Something is cryptic if it has any meaning to begin with. Not all streams of numbers are cryptic, most are merely random. It is pointless to look for the Rosetta Stone to the Voynich manuscript because the Voynich manuscript is a meaningless fake.
Arrival is the Voynich Manuscript of movies, enjoy the nonsense, and don't look for any further meaning, because there isn't any.
If at least it had any action, It could be enjoyed with some popcorn, but on top of being meaningless, it's also a snoozefest. Do yourself a favor, sit this one out.
Dragon Blade
(2015)
So much potential, but the editor is a criminal.
3 January 2016
This movie could've been incredible. We might never know for sure, it hasn't been edited, it has been butchered. It was edited to 127 minutes, 103 in the US version. I saw the 127 version, and it felt incredibly rushed, I can't even imagine how bad the 103 version is.
This movie had so much going on, it deserved at the very least 180 minutes. Or it could've been split in two 90 or, ideally, two 120 min films.
I seriously can't believe how bad the editing is. There are entire connecting scenes that are obviously missing, and I can't even imagine the were not filmed to begin with. On top of the movie being edited with an axe, they added slow motion clips all over the place, but the footage they worked with was obviously already in 24fps, and the scenes are slowed down as much as 1/3rd real time, so they just happily duplicated frames and made those scenes look horrible too.
The movie obviously had a great budget, but it feels like b-movie madness due to the bad slow motion scenes and the poor editing.
A true shame, I wish there was a director's cut, I'm sure with some sane editing it could improve enormously .
This movie had so much going on, it deserved at the very least 180 minutes. Or it could've been split in two 90 or, ideally, two 120 min films.
I seriously can't believe how bad the editing is. There are entire connecting scenes that are obviously missing, and I can't even imagine the were not filmed to begin with. On top of the movie being edited with an axe, they added slow motion clips all over the place, but the footage they worked with was obviously already in 24fps, and the scenes are slowed down as much as 1/3rd real time, so they just happily duplicated frames and made those scenes look horrible too.
The movie obviously had a great budget, but it feels like b-movie madness due to the bad slow motion scenes and the poor editing.
A true shame, I wish there was a director's cut, I'm sure with some sane editing it could improve enormously .
Oblivion
(I) (2013)
The movie is really good sci-fi, but it's still religious propaganda.
21 July 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Don't get me wrong, the movie is good. Well shot, well written, good story, overall good sci-fi. We're used to seeing religious propaganda in films, and it usually bothers hardcore sci-fi fans who tend to be either Atheists or non-religious, but we deal with it, and we turn a blind eye if it means a good movie. It's usually some Christian propaganda, and we know it so damn well, we can recognize it in a nanosecond. When your holy book was written almost two thousand years ago, and is based mostly on bronce-age myths, it's hard to hide your message in a futuristic sci- fi film. Now, when your holy book is a craptastical sci-fi book written less than a century ago, it's easier to hide it in a futuristic sci-fi film about aliens. If you remove the thin veil that has been thrown over this story, you can see that sally probably got to earth not on an oddly shaped spaceship, but on a modified DC-8, if you know what I mean. You watch this movie, and you suddenly realize it was written by L Ron Hubbard.
So, yes, it is religious propaganda, but the premise of the religion is so preposterous (well, just as ridiculous as all the other religions, but people are usually better at smelling new myths rather than old myths), that you can just forget about it and enjoy a perfectly cromulent sci-fi film.
So, yes, it is religious propaganda, but the premise of the religion is so preposterous (well, just as ridiculous as all the other religions, but people are usually better at smelling new myths rather than old myths), that you can just forget about it and enjoy a perfectly cromulent sci-fi film.
Agora
(2009)
A story about crazy people with imaginary friends in the sky
16 June 2013
A story about how this crazy people with different imaginary friends in the sky fight each other because they can't agree on which imaginary dude in the sky is real. Just like now.
It also tells the story of those who wanted to know the truth, who loved knowledge, and how they are hated and persecuted by the crazy people with imaginary friends. Just like now.
It shows the barbarity of christians, jews, pagans, and other religious groups. It shows their hate of knowledge, because their fairy tales are incompatible with reality. Just like now. And it also shows how quickly they stop fighting each other and work together when someone questions the entire idea of having imaginary friends in the sky. Because someone that isn't completely delusional is worse than someone with a different imaginary friend in the sky.
Maybe movies like this will help future archaeologists figure out how we managed to annihilate our entire species, that is, if the christians and muslims spare it after they finish burning all the books.
It also tells the story of those who wanted to know the truth, who loved knowledge, and how they are hated and persecuted by the crazy people with imaginary friends. Just like now.
It shows the barbarity of christians, jews, pagans, and other religious groups. It shows their hate of knowledge, because their fairy tales are incompatible with reality. Just like now. And it also shows how quickly they stop fighting each other and work together when someone questions the entire idea of having imaginary friends in the sky. Because someone that isn't completely delusional is worse than someone with a different imaginary friend in the sky.
Maybe movies like this will help future archaeologists figure out how we managed to annihilate our entire species, that is, if the christians and muslims spare it after they finish burning all the books.
Smiley
(2012)
A perfect movie that redefines the genre.
14 October 2012
Way back in early 20th century, the Lumière brothers didn't have a clue of what they were playing with. I'm freaking sure that if somebody could have magically told them that thanks to their work, a movie like 'Smiley' would have been made in the future, they both would have died all of a sudden, shocked by the consequences of their labor, like an honest scientist would if he was shown an evil use of his research. In that sense, but in the best way imaginable, 'Smiley' is an atom bomb.
'Smiley' is the only perfect movie in the history of cinema. Of course, this could be debatable, but of all the films I've watched since I was born, this is the only one in which I haven't been able to find the slightest flaw. It gets a golden ten out of ten. Bright, solid, scary and massive.
Yes, I could go on with a panegyric, but I'll try to be short and accurate:
The direction is just perfect. Every shot is marvelous, every movement of the camera is breathtaking. There is absolutely nothing you could add or subtract. Touch it, and you spoil it. Seriously.
The acting is splendid. The performances build a credible world.
The script is a work of art, the story is mesmerizing, well-constructed, well-developed, and free of absurd twists. Its simplicity and effectiveness are yet to be matched.
The atmosphere is pure genius. The use of light and dark is beyond description, the use of sound is as creepy as it gets.
The FX are the best possible. Some scenes were stomach churning.
The tagline. "I did it for the lulz". THIS is a tagline. The lulz, do it for them.
And, of course... the killer. Its design is the most innovative I've seen. It will spawn dozens of disgraceful imitations. This is the real deal. Not only the look, but the complete design of killer. What more could you possibly want? This is how a movie is done.
This movie will go down in history as the amount of collectively well remembered scenes. Well, 'Smiley' has so many that I won't go into it. This movie contains so many iconic scenes that it will become an icon itself.
So, what else? I urge all directors to watch this movie a zillion times, as I've already done, and take notes all along. But not in order to rip off from it, as many others will do, but to learn, learn, learn, learn and learn how a movie should be done. 'Casablanca'? You must be joking.
Anonymous, you did it again.
'Smiley' is the only perfect movie in the history of cinema. Of course, this could be debatable, but of all the films I've watched since I was born, this is the only one in which I haven't been able to find the slightest flaw. It gets a golden ten out of ten. Bright, solid, scary and massive.
Yes, I could go on with a panegyric, but I'll try to be short and accurate:
The direction is just perfect. Every shot is marvelous, every movement of the camera is breathtaking. There is absolutely nothing you could add or subtract. Touch it, and you spoil it. Seriously.
The acting is splendid. The performances build a credible world.
The script is a work of art, the story is mesmerizing, well-constructed, well-developed, and free of absurd twists. Its simplicity and effectiveness are yet to be matched.
The atmosphere is pure genius. The use of light and dark is beyond description, the use of sound is as creepy as it gets.
The FX are the best possible. Some scenes were stomach churning.
The tagline. "I did it for the lulz". THIS is a tagline. The lulz, do it for them.
And, of course... the killer. Its design is the most innovative I've seen. It will spawn dozens of disgraceful imitations. This is the real deal. Not only the look, but the complete design of killer. What more could you possibly want? This is how a movie is done.
This movie will go down in history as the amount of collectively well remembered scenes. Well, 'Smiley' has so many that I won't go into it. This movie contains so many iconic scenes that it will become an icon itself.
So, what else? I urge all directors to watch this movie a zillion times, as I've already done, and take notes all along. But not in order to rip off from it, as many others will do, but to learn, learn, learn, learn and learn how a movie should be done. 'Casablanca'? You must be joking.
Anonymous, you did it again.
Resident Evil: Damnation
(2012)
More umbrella-like nonsense.
23 September 2012
As usual in anything Resident Evil, we've got villains that are so cartoonishly evil as their plans and motives are ridiculous. Every single faction in the movie is a carbon copy of Umbrella Corp. The movie is supposed to occur in the Eastern Slav Republic, so everyone speaks flawless English, even among them, but with a Slavic accent. The monsters suck. Bullets and other projectiles are small, fast-moving, autonomous plot devices that cause variable damage depending on the importance of the character their hit. In some cases, hundreds of bullets that go towards a specific target disappear midair and let him/her/it get away. In other cases, a monster that survived constant rifle fire at short range several times unharmed is killed by a single 9mm bullet.
The CGI is bad. The voice acting is bad. The lip-syncing is even worse.
The pro-American propaganda is pathetic, obvious, and omnipresent throughout the movie.
There is no script.
It's as if the director of this movie took Shoot 'em up, removed the sarcasm, replaced the hitmans with monsters and the actors with poor CGI models.
All that said, if you've seen every other umbrella-related thing, if you've played the games, and it's a gray Sunday afternoon and you really have nothing better to do, shut down your brain, and the action will be enjoyable.
The CGI is bad. The voice acting is bad. The lip-syncing is even worse.
The pro-American propaganda is pathetic, obvious, and omnipresent throughout the movie.
There is no script.
It's as if the director of this movie took Shoot 'em up, removed the sarcasm, replaced the hitmans with monsters and the actors with poor CGI models.
All that said, if you've seen every other umbrella-related thing, if you've played the games, and it's a gray Sunday afternoon and you really have nothing better to do, shut down your brain, and the action will be enjoyable.
Prometheus
(I) (2012)
5/5 and 0/5. Total score: 5/10.
9 September 2012
Considering this is supposed to be a sci-fi/action film, I'll analyze those two parts separately.
Regarding Action: The movie is awesome. It does the job, and it does it well. It freaking delivers. Not the best I've seen, but freaking good.
Regarding Science Fiction: There's neither. It doesn't have any science at all, and the scarce science it has, is just so wrong it's not even funny. It doesn't have fiction either. Fiction implies there is a story. There is none. I can't consciously categorize this as science fiction. I think the right definition is more like religious delirium.
The whole movie doesn't make sense. It's Alien all over again, but without the incredible atmosphere of the Alien franchise, and with a fake, inconsistent xenomporph. And for some reason the entire crew of the prometheus, including the scientists, are the most mentally unstable people you will ever meet. I think they only recruited scientologists.
When I say there's no story, I mean it. The characters nor their actions make any kind of sens.
And when I say the science is wrong, I'm talking about instantaneous out-of-the-box carbon-dating an unknown life-form in an unknown environment in an unknown natural satellite that happens to have an atmosphere very rich in C02, messing up speeds and distances, incredibly advanced automated medical procedures that close wounds with metallic staples, androids with no apparent power source (as its body and head continue to work independently after being separated), animals that grow 50 times their size literally creating matter out of thin air, etc.
The movie is enjoyable, to a point, but if you are a science fiction fan, it'll drive you crazy.
And the religious overtones will drive you mad.
Regarding Action: The movie is awesome. It does the job, and it does it well. It freaking delivers. Not the best I've seen, but freaking good.
Regarding Science Fiction: There's neither. It doesn't have any science at all, and the scarce science it has, is just so wrong it's not even funny. It doesn't have fiction either. Fiction implies there is a story. There is none. I can't consciously categorize this as science fiction. I think the right definition is more like religious delirium.
The whole movie doesn't make sense. It's Alien all over again, but without the incredible atmosphere of the Alien franchise, and with a fake, inconsistent xenomporph. And for some reason the entire crew of the prometheus, including the scientists, are the most mentally unstable people you will ever meet. I think they only recruited scientologists.
When I say there's no story, I mean it. The characters nor their actions make any kind of sens.
And when I say the science is wrong, I'm talking about instantaneous out-of-the-box carbon-dating an unknown life-form in an unknown environment in an unknown natural satellite that happens to have an atmosphere very rich in C02, messing up speeds and distances, incredibly advanced automated medical procedures that close wounds with metallic staples, androids with no apparent power source (as its body and head continue to work independently after being separated), animals that grow 50 times their size literally creating matter out of thin air, etc.
The movie is enjoyable, to a point, but if you are a science fiction fan, it'll drive you crazy.
And the religious overtones will drive you mad.
[REC] 3: Genesis
(2012)
Christian brainwashing
20 July 2012
The first movie was incredible. Sure, there was a glimpse at a possible religious tie with the medeiros girl at the end, but it was just rumor, and they didn't actually show or confirm that anything supernatural was going on. Regardless, it was beautifully filmed, almost in a single shot, and scary as hell. The second movie was just plain bad, boring, pointless. REC[3] started boring, predictable, and full of awful clichés, it didn't even try to hide what it was: they show the guy with the bitten hand, he explains a dog at the clinic did it, and they keep pointing the camera at him. But it appeared to be enjoyable, if you took it lightly. I just said "well, it's just yet another cheap zombie movie, let's watch". But 40 minutes into the movie, I was forced to stop the movie and throw the DVD out the window. Literally. Two woman are reflected in the mirror, and the reflection shows the medeiros girl. Then a catholic priest prays and the zombies are pushed away by the prayer!. Just what kind of stupid brainwashing is that? You promised your audience a zombie movie. Well, technically the bible is a zombie book, with the carpenter coming back to life and all that, but that's certainly not what we have in mind when we think of zombies in general.
Stay away from this movie.
Stay away from this movie.
Sex and the City 2
(2010)
Really bad movie
21 February 2012
I came to see this movie for Sarah Jessica Parker. I remember her from better roles, such as Mr. Ed or Quick Draw McGraw, and she was just incredible. I came expecting a similar movie. I must say, I'm disappointed. This movie has nothing to do with such masterpieces. The characters are all empty, the acting is terrible, and there is no story. Even worse, in other movies by this actress, they recognize that she's a horse, but she does human things, such as with her character in my little pony. But in this movie everybody acts as if she were not a horse! That's not good comedy.
Advice for the die hard fines such as myself: Skip this movie and instead go watch some of her classical roles, such as Antares in Ben Hur.
Advice for the die hard fines such as myself: Skip this movie and instead go watch some of her classical roles, such as Antares in Ben Hur.
They haven't made this kind of Propaganda since the cold war
5 November 2011
That's all this movie is: Propaganda.
If you drink your milk, pay your taxes, believe in imaginary creepy father figures in the sky, trust the government that steals from you every day, and still think you live in a democracy, then go watch this movie, you'll love it.
Otherwise, stay at home and watch a B movie, it might be bad, but at least it won't try to brainwash you.
This actually reminds me of those anti-Nazis Disney cartoons. It's just as creepy, and as ideological.
Sure, Captain America was just cheap propaganda in the first place, using tactics picked right out of a Nazi handbook, but I thought McCarthyism had gotten subtler in the past 50 years.
If you drink your milk, pay your taxes, believe in imaginary creepy father figures in the sky, trust the government that steals from you every day, and still think you live in a democracy, then go watch this movie, you'll love it.
Otherwise, stay at home and watch a B movie, it might be bad, but at least it won't try to brainwash you.
This actually reminds me of those anti-Nazis Disney cartoons. It's just as creepy, and as ideological.
Sure, Captain America was just cheap propaganda in the first place, using tactics picked right out of a Nazi handbook, but I thought McCarthyism had gotten subtler in the past 50 years.
Buried
(2010)
This should've been a 15 minute short film.
1 January 2011
Warning: Spoilers
They tried to be edgy. Let's film the entire movie inside a coffin! How edgy. The movie tries to send a political message, and it fails at doing so. It also fails badly as a movie.
First, the whole plot could've been solved in 30 seconds. They "can't track the signal" ... well, that is untrue. But, even leaving that aside, let's accept for a moment that they can't track his signal ... he can still get that information himself. Every cellphone (particularly BlackBerry, which is what we see in the movie) provides you with your current signal gain, and what tower id you are connected to. All he had to do (and the guy from the military he was talking to should've been able to tell him this) was find that info, and nearby tower ids, and give it to him. They should've been able to triangulate his position in no time (accuracy wouldn't be great, since he had low signal, but still). Hell, Google maps does this for you, and he had internet access, so he could just fire up the maps app on the phone and get his approximate location. That phone has wifi and Bluetooth, after finding his approximate location, he just needed to turn on Bluetooth and tell them his device ID. All they had to do was drive around with a laptop a little bit 'till they got the pairing request.
What I'm trying to say is that nothing happens on this movie: You see some guy on a wooden box, dying in the desert, and then basically nothing happens for 90 minutes, then he dies. There's no struggle. Nobody does anything right, There's no real attempt to get out of there. Every voice in the movie belongs to either an idiot or a cynic that doesn't give a damn about him. Then he dies. I understand the purpose of the film, but that doesn't make it good. 90 minutes of anguish, plot holes, and not much else, then the only character we see dies a meaningless dead. That's all there's to this movie.
First, the whole plot could've been solved in 30 seconds. They "can't track the signal" ... well, that is untrue. But, even leaving that aside, let's accept for a moment that they can't track his signal ... he can still get that information himself. Every cellphone (particularly BlackBerry, which is what we see in the movie) provides you with your current signal gain, and what tower id you are connected to. All he had to do (and the guy from the military he was talking to should've been able to tell him this) was find that info, and nearby tower ids, and give it to him. They should've been able to triangulate his position in no time (accuracy wouldn't be great, since he had low signal, but still). Hell, Google maps does this for you, and he had internet access, so he could just fire up the maps app on the phone and get his approximate location. That phone has wifi and Bluetooth, after finding his approximate location, he just needed to turn on Bluetooth and tell them his device ID. All they had to do was drive around with a laptop a little bit 'till they got the pairing request.
What I'm trying to say is that nothing happens on this movie: You see some guy on a wooden box, dying in the desert, and then basically nothing happens for 90 minutes, then he dies. There's no struggle. Nobody does anything right, There's no real attempt to get out of there. Every voice in the movie belongs to either an idiot or a cynic that doesn't give a damn about him. Then he dies. I understand the purpose of the film, but that doesn't make it good. 90 minutes of anguish, plot holes, and not much else, then the only character we see dies a meaningless dead. That's all there's to this movie.
Fargo
(1996)
I just can't say anything good about this movie.
12 September 2010
I have written a few reviews on IMDb, and this is the first time I feel compelled to write a negative one.
8.4 IMDb score. Really?
Just don't watch this movie. You are not getting those 90 minutes back, and you will really retreat it.
Steve Buscemi is awesome as usual, but otherwise the movie just falls apart.
The movie is slow, boring, and it makes no sense whatsoever. I understand it's based on a real story, but it's been adapted poorly (or not adapted at all). The side stories add nothing to the main plot (if there is such a thing in this film), and they are added in such a way that make them look like editing mistakes. It actually looks like they mixed their reels and just pasted things from other films.
Besides that, there is no conflict. Just a lot of characters that are truly stupid, make all kind of mistakes, and most end up dead or imprisoned.
(warning, spoilers ahead)
There are several clearly connected crimes. So the investigator, who is a colorless boring character, just plays it exactly by the book and finds the killers immediately. There is just no story. She goes to the crime scene, everything is bloody obvious, so she just makes a few calls, interviews two people, and finds out she has to go to a nearby city. She goes there, and finds the killers who happen to have the car just parked outside waiting to be found. But before doing that, she stops to meet a creepy Asian guy that she hasn't seen for a long time that wants to bang her, but she says no and goes away.
Yes, that is the actual plot.
On the side, you see a lot of terminally stupid criminals doing everything wrong, a desperate guy that needs money, but WHY is never explained, so he makes a lot of blatantly obvious mistakes and ends up in jail.
I can't even begin to explain why the movie is so bad, because it doesn't even deserve much explanation. There is no conflict, no story, no characters. Just a lot of stupid people that kill each other in the most meaningless ways.
8.4 IMDb score. Really?
Just don't watch this movie. You are not getting those 90 minutes back, and you will really retreat it.
Steve Buscemi is awesome as usual, but otherwise the movie just falls apart.
The movie is slow, boring, and it makes no sense whatsoever. I understand it's based on a real story, but it's been adapted poorly (or not adapted at all). The side stories add nothing to the main plot (if there is such a thing in this film), and they are added in such a way that make them look like editing mistakes. It actually looks like they mixed their reels and just pasted things from other films.
Besides that, there is no conflict. Just a lot of characters that are truly stupid, make all kind of mistakes, and most end up dead or imprisoned.
(warning, spoilers ahead)
There are several clearly connected crimes. So the investigator, who is a colorless boring character, just plays it exactly by the book and finds the killers immediately. There is just no story. She goes to the crime scene, everything is bloody obvious, so she just makes a few calls, interviews two people, and finds out she has to go to a nearby city. She goes there, and finds the killers who happen to have the car just parked outside waiting to be found. But before doing that, she stops to meet a creepy Asian guy that she hasn't seen for a long time that wants to bang her, but she says no and goes away.
Yes, that is the actual plot.
On the side, you see a lot of terminally stupid criminals doing everything wrong, a desperate guy that needs money, but WHY is never explained, so he makes a lot of blatantly obvious mistakes and ends up in jail.
I can't even begin to explain why the movie is so bad, because it doesn't even deserve much explanation. There is no conflict, no story, no characters. Just a lot of stupid people that kill each other in the most meaningless ways.
The Man from Earth
(2007)
Simply one of the best stories ever told.
26 June 2010
This movie is brilliant. I haven't heard anything about it before seeing it. I just downloaded it randomly. I was fascinated by it since the first minute. It is a movie, but it feels like Theater (Actually, I'm looking forward to seeing an adaptation of this screenplay). It's masterfully written, directed and acted. It qualifies as Science fiction (and it's great at it), but I think of it as a psychoanalytic session brought to the theater.
The characters are so real, believable, and masterfully written. Each represents a different slice of the human condition.
It's the seventh art at its very basics, and yet taken to its maximum expression. It keeps you at the edge of your seat throughout the whole film using just the power of words.
Download this movie. Make 100 copies and give them away to your friends, then make a nice paypal donation on their website, I certainly did. (The official site encourages you to do this, as the main publicity this movie's got was through p2p networks).
The characters are so real, believable, and masterfully written. Each represents a different slice of the human condition.
It's the seventh art at its very basics, and yet taken to its maximum expression. It keeps you at the edge of your seat throughout the whole film using just the power of words.
Download this movie. Make 100 copies and give them away to your friends, then make a nice paypal donation on their website, I certainly did. (The official site encourages you to do this, as the main publicity this movie's got was through p2p networks).
Survival of the Dead
(2009)
Not bad, but not a Zombie movie either.
11 April 2010
I've always complained about so called "Zombie movies" that are actually just movies from any other genre with zombies. That's what this movie is: A shooter with zombies. Romero defined the Zombie genre, and he's now out of it. This was officially not a zombie movie.
There's been many attempts before. When-bugs-attack + zombies, teen flick + zombies, prom-night + zombies, etc,etc. Out of all those weird cross-gender movies, this is one of the best I've ever seen. It'll still get many negative reviews for a simple reason: People is judging it as a Romero movie, and at that, it sucks. And it's fair that people do that. They go to the movies expecting a Romero movie, and they get this. I would've been disappointed too if I'd expected that. I watched this sort of expecting a crappy movie, and I got a better-than-expected non-zombie flick. Not a bad deal.
The plot is certainly shallow, but the characters are still interesting, even if a little bit more empty than the usual lead roles from good old George A.
The deal is, there's nothing more to look for in Romero's movies. The social commentary is still there, except this time it doesn't really make sense. At a point, it looked like it was heading towards an anti- religious view of things (euthanasia), which looked interesting, but it dissipated into an old cheap western ending.
My theory:
George died at the end of the shooting of Land of the Dead, and both Diary and Survival where delivered but the Zombie of George Romero. Not bad (for a zombie).
There's been many attempts before. When-bugs-attack + zombies, teen flick + zombies, prom-night + zombies, etc,etc. Out of all those weird cross-gender movies, this is one of the best I've ever seen. It'll still get many negative reviews for a simple reason: People is judging it as a Romero movie, and at that, it sucks. And it's fair that people do that. They go to the movies expecting a Romero movie, and they get this. I would've been disappointed too if I'd expected that. I watched this sort of expecting a crappy movie, and I got a better-than-expected non-zombie flick. Not a bad deal.
The plot is certainly shallow, but the characters are still interesting, even if a little bit more empty than the usual lead roles from good old George A.
The deal is, there's nothing more to look for in Romero's movies. The social commentary is still there, except this time it doesn't really make sense. At a point, it looked like it was heading towards an anti- religious view of things (euthanasia), which looked interesting, but it dissipated into an old cheap western ending.
My theory:
George died at the end of the shooting of Land of the Dead, and both Diary and Survival where delivered but the Zombie of George Romero. Not bad (for a zombie).
The Book of Eli
(2010)
Cheap Christian propaganda. Awful.
30 January 2010
Warning: Spoilers
This film is nothing but cheap religious propaganda. It starts sort of interesting, and you are wondering about that damn book. That is, until you find out.
You feel betrayed. You want to rip the writer's eyes off. Why would you do that? It's an interesting movie that turns into cheap religious propaganda.
The religious tone will make you sick throughout the whole film.
To make it worse, the dialogs are awful and unrealistic, the action is bad, the whole film is slow and boring. The story is anything but original, just another post-apocalyptic story in the tone of many well known films, but with the good parts taken out, unidimensional characters, and the unobtanium replaced with a religious scripture. Totally awful.
You feel betrayed. You want to rip the writer's eyes off. Why would you do that? It's an interesting movie that turns into cheap religious propaganda.
The religious tone will make you sick throughout the whole film.
To make it worse, the dialogs are awful and unrealistic, the action is bad, the whole film is slow and boring. The story is anything but original, just another post-apocalyptic story in the tone of many well known films, but with the good parts taken out, unidimensional characters, and the unobtanium replaced with a religious scripture. Totally awful.
Cell 211
(2009)
Brilliant story about friendship, corruption, and codes that are more valuable and important than labels and uniforms.
17 January 2010
Guerricaechevarria does it again, writing a brutal story of loyalty, friendship and guts.
The acting is great, well directed and well filmed. The characters are extremely real and believable.
In the end, everyone shows it's real face. Ethics and Character are put in a first plane, leaving uniforms, social class, education and every possible label behind. For some, it's every man for itself, and for others, it's justice or death.
This movie is extremely violent but not at a physical level, and delivers pure emotions throughout it's whole plot. It'll keep you at the edge of your seat for two hours, and leave you thinking about it for days.
The acting is great, well directed and well filmed. The characters are extremely real and believable.
In the end, everyone shows it's real face. Ethics and Character are put in a first plane, leaving uniforms, social class, education and every possible label behind. For some, it's every man for itself, and for others, it's justice or death.
This movie is extremely violent but not at a physical level, and delivers pure emotions throughout it's whole plot. It'll keep you at the edge of your seat for two hours, and leave you thinking about it for days.
Infestation
(2009)
Good movie. More horror than fun, And certainly nothing like Shaun of the Dead
13 December 2009
Infestation was certainly good. Action, interesting characters, decent acting, well directed. Predictable, yes, but you sort of expect that from the genre. Predictable isn't always bad.
Some think it's comparable to Shaun of the Dead, but it certainly lacks the witty British humor, the running gags etc. It has some good pieces of humor, like the Silence of the Lambs reference, but they are few and not so well delivered.
The CGI is decent, except for the explosion of the nest and the spider- web used in the cocoons. Overall, is well shot, with good locations and conventional but well done monsters.
The movie takes some from the Aliens, When-Bugs-Attack, and Zombie genres, and the mix is certainly enjoyable. Not a pearl, but a good and entertaining flick.
Some think it's comparable to Shaun of the Dead, but it certainly lacks the witty British humor, the running gags etc. It has some good pieces of humor, like the Silence of the Lambs reference, but they are few and not so well delivered.
The CGI is decent, except for the explosion of the nest and the spider- web used in the cocoons. Overall, is well shot, with good locations and conventional but well done monsters.
The movie takes some from the Aliens, When-Bugs-Attack, and Zombie genres, and the mix is certainly enjoyable. Not a pearl, but a good and entertaining flick.
Pandorum
(2009)
I haven't felt like this since Alien
4 December 2009
This was an amazing movie. I hadn't heard any comments about it, and watched it without any kind of comment or spoiler. That was the best way.
It's hard to comment on it without spoiling a little bit, but I'll do my best.
This movie has the best things of the first Alien: Isolation, uncertainty, darkness. You feel hunted by things you don't understand. The 'monsters' had a particular twist, the one that makes Zombies so interesting: They crossed the almost-human barrier. This creatures are everything that is primitive and scary in human beings. Pure instincts. A bipedal humanoid with a recognizable face and a personality we can relate too will always be more scary than any 8 headed abomination.
The story is brilliant, the action is amazing. The characters are amazing and so well developed, without any forced character-development scenes. They truly grow and define themselves throughout the action.
Go see it. It's truly worth every second.
It's hard to comment on it without spoiling a little bit, but I'll do my best.
This movie has the best things of the first Alien: Isolation, uncertainty, darkness. You feel hunted by things you don't understand. The 'monsters' had a particular twist, the one that makes Zombies so interesting: They crossed the almost-human barrier. This creatures are everything that is primitive and scary in human beings. Pure instincts. A bipedal humanoid with a recognizable face and a personality we can relate too will always be more scary than any 8 headed abomination.
The story is brilliant, the action is amazing. The characters are amazing and so well developed, without any forced character-development scenes. They truly grow and define themselves throughout the action.
Go see it. It's truly worth every second.
No sos vos, soy yo
(2004)
So simple, yet so effective.
29 November 2009
A delightfully simple story, with simple and stereotypical characters:
The Hysteric wife, the insecure guy, the girl next door, the faithful friend with a simple life and a tighter grasp on reality. This movie delivers.
The comedy just works, and so does the drama. This movie clearly resembles Argetina's best intimate cinema, but is also modern and dynamic.
The cast is just great. Marcos Mundstock (The Analist) is a master of comedy (The presenter from Les Luthiers). Far away from playing a stock plot-filling Psychiatrist, he plays a very realistic (and Porteño) Analist, Cecilia Dopazo in this film proves that she's not only a great actress, but also a great writer. Peretti and Villamil, as usual, provide a solid acting and interact perfectly with each other.
A must see.
The Hysteric wife, the insecure guy, the girl next door, the faithful friend with a simple life and a tighter grasp on reality. This movie delivers.
The comedy just works, and so does the drama. This movie clearly resembles Argetina's best intimate cinema, but is also modern and dynamic.
The cast is just great. Marcos Mundstock (The Analist) is a master of comedy (The presenter from Les Luthiers). Far away from playing a stock plot-filling Psychiatrist, he plays a very realistic (and Porteño) Analist, Cecilia Dopazo in this film proves that she's not only a great actress, but also a great writer. Peretti and Villamil, as usual, provide a solid acting and interact perfectly with each other.
A must see.
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