AndyVanScoyoc Reviews

Death Race 3: Inferno (2013 Video)

Got the brutality but missed the mark...

[3/10 · 21 May 2024]

Went from being gritty to game show.

Far too much like Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

While the second and first (which actually wasn't the first...one of the reasons I detest prequels!) were actually good, this one was seriously too silly.

Even the inmates were laughable.

I got past all the hot female inmates ages ago and was able to accept them for what they are; dude eye candy because , for real...like there's a women's prison anywhere on planet Earth where the women look like THAT.

However...the idea is still entertaining.

But the hotties in THIS film honestly look like they auditioned for a Mad Max reboot and then just went and worked on this film.

And while, as a female, I can appreciate a bad a$$ chick in charge, the gal in this one?

Please. She came across as a sleazy game show (yes, that word... AGAIN. Get it now?) co-host rather than a powerful FIC...female in charge.

Worth a watch...just don't expect much.

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002 Video)

Stupid movie EXCEPT for...

[5/10 · 8 May 2024]

Ryan Cutrona.

He must have lost a bet to have bothered with this piece of crap film.

He's beyond awesome as a military/cop type and he was great in Glimmer Man and OUTSTANDING in Babylon 5.

He's the only reason I continued watching when it was painfully obvious this film wasn't going to make it and his performance is the SOLE reason for the 5 rating.

Too many rip offs from Jaws, which was okay, considering there's never been another movie since, that could even come close, so they had to do something.

Points to the filmmakers for saving the dog after its owner got eaten, but stupid decisions (surprise, surprise) not stop sex crap (at least two of the idiot revelers got eaten before they could "engage"!) and this "I lost my grip" stupidity was beyond ridiculous.

Stupid, stupid, stupid...but Ryan Cutrona was great.

Left Behind: The Movie (2000)

SO sick of seeing that poor dog faithfully waiting for his owner to return...

[1/10 · 17 April 2024]

I am an evangelical Christian. Yes...I am one of those conservative "Bible bangers," and this film made me SOOOOO angry!

So ...the unsaved humans are left behind and they are SOOOOO awful, they won't take in a poor dog?

Nice. Not.

So, that poor dog is going to starve?

I have a lot of liberal friends... people who wouldn't get saved even when this is to happen...and I can promise you, they'd save the animals before they'd give the "left" humans a drop of water.

While I'm not sure if pets will be left behind when our Lord comes, the thought of (and especially seeing it over and over again) poor pets starving to death because NO ONE will take them in?

Sorry, even though I pray for my friends to be saved, if they're not by the time the Rapture happens, I know the last thing that will happen is animals starving when they will most likely be taken in by SOMEONE who is left behind.

Unsaved doesn't always mean NO moral compass. It simply means they will not spend eternity with the Father in His Grace and Paradise.

The fact that this movie doesn't take that into account makes me sick to my stomach.

Way to go. Like people can't find enough reasons to hate and blame God for any and everything. Now a supposed Christian movie makes our Lord out to be an uncaring animal abuser.

Shame on you!!!

Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America (2006 TV Movie)

Horrifying Portent Of Things To Come...

[5/10 · 10 April 2024]

Great movie until the end.

Then it suddenly just...ends.

Such a let down, really as, I know movies can't go on forever but find the attending doctor's notebook, laptop explaining how the virus is never going to end... something!

Don't just stop and that be all.

But...even with the horrible and lazy ending it is beyond freaky how prophetic this movie was.

I'm not sure sometimes if these filmmakers don't have inside info or something because except for the vomiting blood, this was COVID!

It's also horrifying to see just how fast society collapses when there's a tragedy.

The fact that people rely THIS heavily on the government to "take care" of them, is disturbing beyond comprehension!

The neighborhood should have banded together sooner to clean up and check on each other.

Oh and as a prepper of sorts myself...hope this wakes people up as to the necessity to stock up on things.

Yeah, this was just a movie, but...toilet paper anyone?

Just sayin'!

Flight 7500 (2014)

Could have been good. Just wasn't.

[4/10 · 10 March 2024]

I generally like "air disaster" movies as long as they're horror themed, but this movie was just awful.

The only reason I'm ranking it as high as I am is because with a couple of veteran actors (Amy Smart and Leslie Bibb) the acting, even for the others I'd never heard of, was solid.

The story was a jumble as it got further into it with Japanese legend seemingly thrown in as an afterthought and "forced" to work.

But it didn't.

The beginning feel of a zombie movie would have been better than the mish-mash of what was.

Messy, too much left to speculation and non sensical.

The end was predictable once you understood that nothing you'd expect was going to happen and to just let the film play out.

Not worth watching unless you have nothing better to do.

Redcon-1 (2018)

Just Couldn't Get Into It...

[4/10 · 7 March 2024]

Could have lived without all the dead animal shots at the beginning. I know it happens, I don't need to see it in a zombie movie.

Boring from the get go from the lackluster performances of the military in charge to how inept and unprepared these special forces people were, and that wasn't the worst of it.

While a bold and innovative idea (and MIGHT work in a different movie...one much better executed) I really don't think the world is prepared for zombies that act like they're still alive.

Seriously...setting traps? Stalking and outwitting the living, watching TV, playing cards, having sex play?

No...sorry...at least not in this movie.

What I also couldn't believe was one of the soldiers throwing up after seeing a dead woman after childbirth on the street and the dead baby (which even at a second's glance, was obviously a doll) at her feet.

Yeah, that's horrible, it's awful, but a group like that should be unfazed by anything.

Surely the zombie apocalypse wasn't their first horrific mission.

Too slow, advanced zombies...no...sorry...all that made for.a terrible movie.

Gangnam Zombie (2023)

Missed SO Much...

[4/10 · 7 March 2024]

All these people on here saying this is the worst zombie film ever, apparently DON'T watch a lot of zombie movies because believe me..

There is SO much worse out there.

The only real problem with this film is that it was underdeveloped.

They focused too much on stuff that didn't matter (like the pervy boss and the old bat who wanted her rent money) when, had they devoted a little more thought about better developing the script, this actually wouldn't have been half bad.

A few other things could have been covered more like a better look into the main character and why he didn't make the Tae Kwon Do team except as an alternate, etc...just typical "fleshing out" (no pun intended) stuff that makes a story a little better (using his Tae Kwon Do) and less of the mundane YouTube angle of the "office" where he worked.

If you're bored, give it a watch. Just don't go out of your way to find it and certainly don't pay for it.

Before the Fire (2020)

Painfully slow drama...

[3/10 · 28 November 2023]

Desperate for something decent but apocalyptic to watch and having already seen two great films, I gave this one a try.

I lost count of how many times I yawned.

I don't mind slowly unfolding films. One of the best apocalyptic films I ever saw was very slow... The Girl With All The Gifts, but it also was NOT a damsel in distress drama for reasons that are never made clear...which is frustratingly maddening!

Was the werewolf show, porn? Why does the boyfriend's family hate her? Most people would LOVE to know a famous actress...unless they're in something the family finds shameful.

What happened between her own dad and her?

Oh and the anger she has toward her boyfriend for saving her life is not only stupid, it's ridiculously stupid.

He saved your life you twit!

Anyway...do yourself a favor and watch The Girl With All The Gifts or The Day.

THOSE won't disappoint.

The Day (I) (2011)

I want Mary on my team!

[10/10 · 27 November 2023]

It's not often I give a 10 for a film. Most movies (especially American ones) barely rate a 4 because they're unrealistic and often stupid...stupid dialogue, stupid decisions and filled with sex, nudity, t & a and just generally useless.

I am SO glad I found this film. It's unbelievable!

Realistic people, realistic situations, realistic actions. The cannibals I'm sure will be a part of a post Apocalyptic world and they NEED to be taken out ANY place they're found, as there's no need for such disgusting barbarism.

Ashley Bell deserved an Oscar for her portrayal of the seriously deranged-but-cool-as-a-morgue, Mary.

Her dialogue explaining what happened to her sister, sickened me and made me pull for her, I don't care WHAT she'd been.

Shannon got what she deserved, as Mary proved herself in saving her more than once.

I had ZERO problem with Shannon's death.

I'm sure there's some who had a problem with the end scene with Mary and the kid.

Not me. You think that kid wouldn't kill and eat her first chance she got? Think again.

Far too old to be rehabilitated.

This movie is just awesome and I highly recommend it.

The Girl with All the Gifts (2016)

Absolutely BRILLIANT film!

[10/10 · 21 November 2023]

I am so sick to death of stupid, senseless and utterly ridiculous zombie films, I could scream.

I've seen this movie (while scrolling ) a dozen or more times on Amazon Prime and based on the description, thought .. God...another stupid zombie movie.

One day, desperate for something to watch, I decided to give it a try.

Never have I been more wrong!

This film is PURE BRILLIANCE from beginning to end.

The ONLY thing I didn't like about this movie, but probably would happen, is how the children are treated.

It's not their fault they're the way they are (it's explained in the film) and the fact that everyone treats them so awfully is absolutely sickening.

Calling them, "abortions," is beyond reprehensible.

But...as I said, far too many humans suck so...while I hate it, I'm not surprised.

Melanie's character is brilliant and the young actress playing her is utterly amazing.

This is a MUST SEE film ...part zombie, part survival, part just plain apocalypse.

Awesome, awesome film!

The Haunting of the Murder House (2022)

Not a bad movie until...

[5/10 · 27 October 2023]

No...it wasn't the slow response of the cops that got to me.

If they were ever actually on their way, does it surprise anyone that they didn't get there in time?

No...what got me was this whole, "things are going to be fine, I promise," crap.

Whatever chic. After a few choice words to her, I'd have been gone.

So, they finally come to their senses.

Oh...wait...the key broke off in the lock. Sure it did. That's as old, lame and almost as impossible as, "the dog ate my homework."

But...what really... absolutely really got me was, after the "lock" thing, when the Kai character was found and sitting down, there was a perfectly good BACK DOOR they could have gone out of.

There it was...right there by the stackable washer and dryer.

But, nope...the girl, Harper is worried about some water? Are you kidding me?

Up until then, it wasn't bad. But after that...a perfectly good door left unused in favor of some water?

Nope. If anyone's that stupid, they deserve to die.

And the one guy sees his crazed friend coming after him and suddenly can't get back out the window?

Sure ...

Another what could have been decent film ruined by stupidity.

What a waste...

Megiddo: The Omega Code 2 (2001)

Absolutely TERRIFYING!

[10/10 · 7 October 2023]

Want a taste of what's to come? Watch this film.

Everyone thinks the AntiChrist is going to be some horned demon that they can spot and so they'll know to say "no," when they see him.

Not even close. The AntiChrist is going to be a charming and charismatic "Savior," of all mankind ...while he's plotting to destroy us.

Seemingly intelligent people will absolutely lose all common sense and lose their way and be sucked right in to the AntiChrist's poison.

STAND OUT performances by Michael York and Michael Biehn and Noah Huntley as the younger Stone Alexander.

This is one movie not to be missed. Wake up, wake up!

Armageddon is at hand and I figure it'll be almost EXACTLY (if not worse) than portrayed here.

Fantastic film.

I Can Only Imagine (2018)

Good movie. Shame it's exaggerated.

[7/10 · 4 September 2023]

Dennis Quaid is a stellar actor and I've been a Cloris Leachman fan from way back.

The lead actor playing Bart has an immensely incredible voice.

But as good as this movie is, I'm disappointed that the story is exaggerated.

What was shown in this film wasn't that bad abuse wise (he should have had MY upbringing!) not that I'm saying ANY abuse is acceptable, because it's not, but it just all seems disingenuous. Bart comes off more of a whiner than anything else. His mother didn't even leave him, for Pete's sake! That's a pretty big lie to push in this movie when it didn't even happen.

He's pushy, brash, conceited and self centered.

His redemption is as important as his dad's and that's beautiful, but the film still had too much "Hollywood" in it.

I didn't find it religiously pushy. I see that some are complaining about that, but I honestly didn't see that or even get that feeling...at all.

Give it a watch. It's a good movie. Just remember...it's Hollywood.

After.Life (2009)

Just to weird to be good ...

[4/10 · 30 July 2023]

I'm a huge fan of Noir, Art House and the odd, indie movie, but this was just too odd to actually be enjoyable.

Liam Nelson must have been desperate for work to take this film, as it is far below par for him and a waste of his talents.

Maybe he wanted to branch out? I don't know, but I just didn't enjoy any part of this, except for the story...which was actually creative, rather than perverted like stories in this "vein" tend to be.

Christina Ricci's character was too whiney when she died and too overly sensitive and weird when she was alive and it grated.

Jack was the only redeeming character in the film.

Maybe it's just me...

I'd say don't bother.

Strain 100 (2020)

Awful, awful movie...LAZY ending...but I've seen MUCH worse!

[4/10 · 28 July 2023]

As someone else said, the gun enthusiasts were REALLY cool. If there ever is a zombie apocalypse, I'm going to hang out with them!

Otherwise, everyone else (except for the kid, Grace) got what they deserved.

Watching this film was like watching the cliff notes version of a film.

Stuff was touched on, but nothing was expanded. It was like ,"Oh, here, let me touch on this...but that's all you get. Okay... on to something else."

It happened all throughout the movie! It was like watching a movie that someone spliced together.

It was distracting and left a LOT to be desired. I just don't understand WHY people with a budget to make a film, can't make a decent one?

It doesn't have to be good...just decent and worth a watch, at this point in the trash genre zombies have become!

Lame dialogue, okay acting and as usual...some moron with delusions of Godhood...in this case, a loser diner owner named Roy.

I'd have knifed/shot him first thing, as the world is already lost. Who'd miss one of the living that acts like that?

No one in a situation like this film, or any other "disaster" film where there's no more law enforcement of any kind or military even, let alone any other kind of authority to punish lawlessness, is going to tolerate someone behaving like Roy.

Nope... totally NOT realistic, yet there's one in EVERY zombie movie and I swear... ENOUGH!

The best thing about this movie is the end credit song.

The end of this film is again, one of those "Here you go...okay moving on," instances and one of the laziest endings... absolutely EVER!

Give it a watch, but just remember...get some friends together, order pizza, get some dessert and have a party while this plays IN THE BACKGROUND.

You might actually enjoy it that way. Otherwise... don't say you weren't warned.

Rapture (II) (2019)

Either a really bold take or someone is MASSIVELY confused...

[6/10 · 27 July 2023]

I liked this movie and thought it was okay but do feel that "Rapture," is a vastly incorrect name with the way religion was interlaced with a seemingly, "alien takeover" theory.

Growing up in a hellfire, brimstone and damnation Southern Baptist Church, the Rapture was shoved down my throat from my first memories.

In NO teachings...EVER...were silver shiny people mentioned, clouds that looked like electrified locusts and lightning coming from the sky and striking people.

What I was always taught was no pomp, no Hollywood...the Saved simply disappear.

If you're riding in a car and the driver is saved, guess what? Suddenly the car has no driver.

I was taught that cars will crash, planes will fall from the sky if the pilots are unsaved, etc.

No silver people or alien like influences.

While I'm an open minded person and know for a fact the bible is open to serious interpretation this is a bit far fetched.

If alien like creatures are part of the apocalypse, this is the first I've ever heard of it...and still...while it's a neat concept, I just can't get there.

While this is a brave (but conflicting and convoluted take) it's just too much.

NO ONE knows what angels look like...but shiny silver people...I just can't.

Also...the timing could use some work. You can go without food. Water...nope.

Still...I enjoyed this film for what it was...kind of creepy entertainment.

Rampage (2018)

Loved it!

[8/10 · 14 July 2023]

Not really my thing, but I enjoyed it. George was adorable!

The acting was good, the action great and I enjoyed the "taking out of poachers," angle !

Poachers are an abomination and I LOVE how this movie addresses that horrific problem.

There will always be people who want to experiment on animals (don't even get me started) and I wish this movie would happen to every single sicko out there who abuses animals.

One day humans will go too far and this movie could very well happen.

Just before anyone whines...in case no one recently has said anything...this movie is CGI HEAVY. But if anyone can think of another way to make animals appear big enough to take out helicopters, climb buildings and destroy an entire city, OTHER than CGI...let me know.

The only reason I didn't give this film a 10 is because it's out of my usual viewing spectrum and so believe me...this rating for me...IS high.

M3GAN (2022)

Predictable But Wicked Film!

[8/10 · 14 July 2023]

I don't go for "doll" movies. I loathe dolls, detest them, don't want to see them and hate them... seriously...in case I haven't made that clear.

That's because I'm scared witless of them! I always imagine dolls getting up in the middle of the night and walking around.

That's why there's no dolls in my house.

I've never seen Annabelle (and never will. She's just too fake looking and who would have a doll that looked like that? Same with, "The Boy," ) and put off watching M3GAN for the longest time.

I couldn't stand Chucky. I was afraid that M3GAN would be lame like Chucky.

I was happily wrong. M3GAN was likeable and actually kind of handy. I hated that she killed the dog, but the dog hurt her girl...

While the film was TOTALLY predictable and it was just a matter of sitting around and waiting for M3GAN to turn wicked, she was so good to Cady! The Aunt was clueless... infuriatingly so (which was to be expected from a super geek who interfaces with robots rather than people) and M3GAN filled that void, better than most humans could...

Which is what made it so bad when she had to be stopped.

I recommend this film.

It's a lot better than 99% of the junk out there now, passing as horror.

Judge Dredd (1995)

I don't get all the hate...

[10/10 · 10 July 2023]

I've heard people say they walked out of this movie in theaters, I've heard all kinds of flack over the years about it and I done understand it.

I'll start off by saying that I am NOT a comic book or graphic novel fan, so I have nothing to base my review on except the film.

I think this movie is absolutely great, from the dystopian and really cool future and how people look and dress, to the architecture, I absolutely love this film.

Armand Assante was perfect for Rico.

Throw in Robert Smith's ending theme song and this movie is great.

I guess I'm pretty much alone in my love of this film, but that's okay, I can deal.

Beowulf & Grendel (2005)

I'll say right up front...I was disappointed...

[5/10 · 10 July 2023]

Believe it or not, I've been searching for this film after seeing clips of it in the Garmarna video on YouTube, Herr Mannelig.

I've been curious ever since.

I finally found it today and with the exception of the absolutely BREATHTAKING scenery, this film left me wishing I hadn't bothered.

All the accents were just lovely (especially Gerard Butler's delightful brogue!)...except for Sarah Polley, whose accent was patently incorrect.

She sounded thoroughly North American.

I didn't buy her as a Witch and she dampened the movie for me.

I know that ONE person in the film shouldn't do that, but it was distracting.

The costuming and scenery are the only reasons I'm rating this film so highly.

I watched it all the way through, might even buy it, but I won't watch it again.

This film (scenery, correct accents, clothes...) depicts my heritage (not exactly this story of course...but I can trace my ancestry back this far) so...it'll go with the rest of my "Warrior" films.

Black as Night (2021)

LAZY & PREDICTABLE ending but a really cute movie...

[6/10 · 13 June 2023]

I don't know when these so-called "story writers," are going to learn that "twists" like the lazy ending in this film have been done to death (no pun intended) so many times and for SO long, there's absolutely NO way they can be any form of effective, thrilling, scary, etc... especially when they leave out the OBVIOUS to facilitate such a lame ending.

Very disappointed in the ending, but the rest of the film was really cute.

I love how it was set in New Orleans but wasn't an Ann Rice knock off or trying to be sexy and slick.

I LOVED the narrative throughout. I've always been a fan of narrative movies and didn't mind the "updating" throughout the movie.

Give it a watch, remember...it is NOT slick and awesome like Blade, or sensual and sexy like Queen of The Damned...and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at just how cute this movie is.

The Oak Room (2020)

Watchable but not my thing as a movie...

[5/10 · 7 June 2023]

I only watched this because of Martin Roach. I'll say that right up front.

He's a woefully underappreciated actor and though his part was small in it, his part in Diary of The Dead was brilliantly played.

His snickering, dismissive, "Kid...I'm in the National Guard," has always stuck with me. The delivery was both hopeless and panic inducing thinking that, yep...not even the National Guard is coming to help.

In this movie he's vulnerable, chilling and just a bit sketchy...which makes his, 'Oh, by the way,' death all the more disappointing.

He deserved a better end.

While I enjoyed the "campfire" stories, and I don't mind flashbacks, maybe I missed something (forgot to turn on CC and bing hearing impaired makes trying to "keep up," a pain, without it) but WHY exactly was the bartender in a panic?

Was Jimmy his proper name and no one knew it except the killer? If not, WHO was Jimmy and unless the bartender screwed someone over, WHY would he assume the killer was coming for him? Did Steve hire the guy, which seems to be the online consensus, but if so, why did Steve act like he didn't know who Jimmy was? Steve doesn't even seem able to plan a trip to the grocery store, let alone hire someone for murder.

I don't mind making a leap for answers, but I had to work WAY too hard for this one...and even now...I still don't get it and have far too many questions remaining.

Give it a watch...but stop before you get to the end. I wish I had. I'm sure I'd have enjoyed it more.

The Wasp Woman (1959)

Better than 99.99% of what Hollywood cranks out today...

[6/10 · 7 June 2023]

Admittedly, I'm an old style horror movie fan.

Horror today has gone completely down the toilet. No plot, gratuitous nudity, stupidity galore, laughable dialogue written by 12 year olds (seemingly) and so, in my opinion, old school is the only way to go.

Not scary, not in the slightest, but still pretty good. Watchable.

No T & A just for the sake of ..."Oh, yeah, we have guys watching, let's throw some in", no stupid decisions..."Hey, there's a door out of here, so let's go down the stairs into the basement instead where we saw something drag our friend to, earlier," and no..."I have no idea why I asked about a beer when zombies are trying to eat us."

Just a decent, old school flick that I enjoyed.

Give it a watch.

Elevator (V) (2012)

Someone needed to rethink this...

[5/10 · 14 April 2023]

Eh...

The idea was a good one, and as much as I'm not a fan of how most cities deal with emergencies, even in the largest of cities I can't believe 911 would be SO incompetent.

And really...the guy that Barton was talking to, HE can behave like that?

The owner of the building and there's no big "to do" to get him out of the elevator...AND the flunky on the other end of the "help" line is going to talk like that?

Not even close.

The media (with their lust for tragedy) would have been all over the story making certain everyone within 100 miles was getting up-to-the-second info...even if one of their own WAS trapped.

Like I said...good idea... woefully poorly executed.

The build up was the best part.

What a let down...

Berserkers (2014)

SOOO HORRIBLE you HAVE to see it!

[1/10 · 13 April 2023]

I really have no idea how these filmmakers (that goes for any of them who crank out this junk...who aren't serious about putting out an even halfway decent film) get the fundage to make such seriously STUPID crap, but this movie is SO over-the-top AWFUL that you HAVE to see it...if nothing else, just so you can laugh yourself silly.

Best with a pizza and loads of people to suffer with; from the acting (are there REALLY guys as pathetic as Hunter, who enjoy being abused by women who obviously don't care about them?) to the editing, to the general content, this movie is a lose-lose from the opening scene.

The best part of the movie was Zeke, the bartender.

He was hilarious, believable (the older generation are probably the only ones who would actually keep their heads on straight if there was a zombie apocalypse) and made the film worth suffering through.

This movie was obviously made to waste money, time and to make you wish you could self lobotomize after watching it.

Stupid, stupid and agonizingly stupid.

Remember that and you might actually have a laugh or two.