hdmail Reviews

5ive Days to Midnight (2004)

The most fundamental questions not answered (Spoiler!)

[5/10 · 13 June 2004]

Timothy Hutton gives another unexpected brilliant television performance on the par of his portrayal of Archie Goodwin in the A&E productions of the Nero Wolfe mysteries. Further he is reunited here with Kari Matchett (one of the ensemble players of that series), who deftly tunes her character between utter trustworthiness and blatant suspect without upsetting the delicate balance of suspense. The other key players also deliver masterful, convincing performances, particularly Gage Golightly, who steals every scene she's in and leaves us loving it.

The cinematography, especially the frequent use of slow-motion and delay-action, is meant to add to the suspense but winds up feeling a bit silly and overplayed.

Also, the frequent product-placements (the gift of Playstation 2, the insurance receptionist's salad and drink from McDonald's, the Mountain Dew can in Carl's apartment, the rental car agent's perky emoting of, "And you'll be putting that on your Visa?", the Eclipse gum display at the airport kiosk, et cetera ad infinitum) tend to tear the viewer out of the story in amusement - we're more interested in seeing which of the sponsors' products are going to show up next than we are in watching for clues.

Spoiler ahead:

Allowing for all of the occurrences that lead up to the climax/denouement of the story is all well and good, but the primary questions: "What is a college professor, not in the habit of frequenting such establishments, doing in a strip club at 3:55 am?" and "Who, at that time, wants him dead, and why?" are never resolved.

Obviously, by the fifth day, the reason he is there is to solve the mystery, but the mystery as it originally appeared for him to solve is never explained.

The first four hours of the miniseries were intriguing and curiosity-provoking, but the final hour was unsatisfying from a physics or even a science-fiction standpoint, and cheesily derivative of "Back to the Future" from an entertainment standpoint. From either standpoint, the final hour is condescending to the viewer, and in my opinion cheapened the overall impact of the story.

Big Trouble (2002)

suffers in translation

[9/10 · 18 April 2002]

Big Trouble, like so many films adapted from books, loses much of the momentum that made the original novel so much fun. First the bits not crucial to the story get chopped out to allow for time, then other bits need to be added, in order to keep the viewer from being confused.

Dave Barry's novel is like a hot pretzel: salty, twisted, and satisfying, whereas this adaptation is like stale popcorn: completely flavorless and without much crunch, but since you started, you might as well finish it off.

I frankly would have preferred a straight translation of book to film, but this is obviously too idealistic, since no one who had not previously read the book would be able to enjoy such a version. My recommendation at this point would normally be that your time will be better served by reading the book, but I have a caveat -- you should see this movie (even if you wait for it to go network) because the opportunity to see Martha Stewart bark like a dog should not be wasted.

It's a good thing.

Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story (2001 TV Movie)

... when it comes to playing life ...

[24 July 2001]

For factual timelines and a deeper sense of reality, die-hard Def Leppard fans should view VH1's "Behind the Music" documentary about the band rather than this dramatization, in which the real bandmembers had no real input other than contributing their songs. That being said, "Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story" has some interesting points.

This made-for-TV film does manage to convey the hardships and triumphs of Def Leppard in a thought-provoking manner, surmounting the somewhat-less-than-accurate script with fine performances by comparatively unknown (at least in the U.S.) actors. Unfortunately, due to the many artistic liberties that were taken (in order to condense the story to a manageable viewing time and to make the content acceptable for television audiences), quite a bit of crucial information was omitted, and many of the characters received short shrift as well.

The actors' abilities to make something substantial from the two-dimensional parts they were thrust into, let alone using their performances to push this film past mediocrity, is astounding. The most blatant example of this is in Adam MacDonald's portrayal of bass player Rick Savage. MacDonald breathes as much life as possible into the character, but it's plain to see the writers had no interest in its development, evidently because the fact that Savage was one of the founding members of the band -- even before lead singer Joe Elliott --was not as screenworthy as Steve Clark's fear of his father, or Rick Allen's reckless driving. This strikes me as an insult to the real Savage as well as to MacDonald, but more importantly, it suggests that there is probably a great deal more to this story than we are allowed to witness. Whether this is by choice of the bandmembers or the producers is unknown, but the overall feel is that of Cliff's Notes -- we have enough information to pass the quiz, but no more.

See this film as a supplement to, not as a substitute for, "Behind the Music".

Sabrina (1995)

Reasons for seeing this remake

[18 July 2001]

There are two fundamental reasons for seeing this version of the film -- reasons that were either omitted or overlooked when the original was created forty years earlier:

1. In this remake, one is able to watch Sabrina as she emerges from her shell and finds herself. Julia Ormond pulls this off beautifully, whereas one cannot really imagine Audrey Hepburn in a shell of any sort.

2. Upon watching the original Sabrina, I was furious at the way Sabrina forgave Linus on the spot for toying with her emotions. I got much more satisfaction from watching the ending of the remake, wherein Sabrina, standing up for herself as she did not in the original, tells Linus, "I don't know how I can believe you," and Linus is obligated to explain himself -- nay, prostrate himself -- to gain her forgiveness.

Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)

Meet me in a Technicolor greeting card

[18 July 2001]

If you don't want to watch a film unless it is contemporary and realistic, you should give this a miss. If that's not the case, however, Meet Me in St. Louis is eminently worth watching. Yes, the setting and characterizations are completely idealized and even hokey, but the gorgeous Technicolor gives it a holiday card flavor and the acting is above reproach.

The Christmas montage, beginning from Judy Garland's definitive rendition of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" and culminating in Margaret O'Brien's destruction of her beloved snowmen while sobbing hysterically, is an absolute classic. If you can watch this scene (especially knowing how Vincente Minelli evoked such an emotional response from O'Brien) and NOT be moved, this is probably not the right movie for you.

Treat this film as if it were a greeting card: savor the bright colors and the sappiness, and don't look for deep meaning or symbolism.

The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe (1979 TV Movie)

Does not capture the feel of Narnia

[14 September 2000]

This animated version of the first of C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia is unsuccessful in that its script does not follow the original book, its animation is crude and more reminiscent of Saturday morning cartoons than of the artistic masterpiece it could (and should) have been, and its voice characterizations, which were done by American actors, sound very odd whenever they declaim British-flavored lines scripted directly from the book. These faults removed much of the magic that was the original selling point of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Also, the book's underlying religious theme was completely ignored, although I imagine this was more to protect the broadcaster from criticism than due to any actual neglect on the part of the producers.

On the positive side, this show was useful in introducing the land of Narnia to viewers unfamiliar to the story. It is to be hoped that those viewers, enjoying the premise, sought out the written chronicles, and later watched the 1988 live-action version, which is far superior to this.

Heavenly Creatures (1994)

Teen angst gone awry

[10/10 · 7 September 2000]

"Heavenly Creatures" has succeeded in portraying the extremes of young adulthood as I myself saw them at that age. Everything was either perfectly lovely or perfectly horrendous, and there was not a grown-up in the world who could understand this. I didn't go to the lengths that Pauline and Juliet did, but I remember the emotions well, and this film brought them back with amazing vividness and empathy. The brilliance of the script, direction, performances, and special effects combine to create an aura of realism, even in the fantasy scenes, that often is lacking in stories based on truth.

The tragedies in "Heavenly Creatures" are abundant, but the most dismaying, to me, was the fact that two young women felt themselves to be so misunderstood, so different, and so unfairly maligned, that they took drastic measures to prevent their separation. Their master plan was thwarted by real complications that neither of them had considered. Pauline and Juliet were otherwise incredibly intelligent, perhaps geniuses, and they let emotion cloud their beings to the point where they committed an unforgivable act rather than even try to find a logical solution or compromise.

Juliet Hulme is now known as mystery author Anne Perry, whose books are well-written and imaginative, but not as extraordinary and magical as her adolescent masterpieces. Very little is known about where Pauline Parker is today, and what she is doing. If Pauline's and Juliet's families had not attempted to forcibly part them, chances are they would eventually have produced legendary literature together. What a waste of talent.

Outbreak (1995)

Disturbing

[6/10 · 28 August 2000]

I saw this film in the theater in 1995 when it came out. It took all of my will not to start coughing.

The script, acting, directing, and production were quite good, but I can't say I truly LIKED this movie -- it was graphic and upsetting. I did not leave the theater feeling good about life, the universe and everything; rather, I felt incredibly paranoid. Of course, if this is the reaction the producers were after, then they succeeded, at least with me.

The Running Man (1987)

Another story

[7/10 · 24 August 2000]

This is not a BAD movie. It's just that, with Arnold Schwarzenegger in the title role, it becomes a completely different story from what was intended. In the original novella, the whole point was that there was this average, everyday Joe, forced by circumstance to compete in the ultimate of game shows, and BECAUSE he was average and everyday, he relied on brains more than brawn to solve his situations. While Schwarzenegger's performance was intelligent and cerebral in that same vein, his appearance and reputation make the viewer think, "He's smart, but if he has to, he can and will kick butt." Had they cast an average, everyday-looking actor, the butt-kicking scenes would have been, as they were in the novella, more satisfying.

The Mummy (1999)

Good if you don't expect to be scared.

[10/10 · 31 July 2000]

The original "Mummy" was definitely more scary than this 1999 update, but this version still makes a pretty good showing. Aside from the humor and rich special effects, the background story is well-explained and overall it's worth viewing. It's sort of a cross between Indiana Jones and the Elizabeth Peter Egyptology novels starring Emerson and Peabody.

Xanadu (1980)

Well, the music was pretty good ...

[26 July 2000]

"Xanadu" is an example of "it seemed like a good idea at the time"; in other words, mix new styles with old movie musicals, put everyone on roller skates, and see how the whole business catches on.

It didn't. Eleven year-old girls (like I was when I first saw it) loved the fashions and the music, and everyone else (including older people who were hoping Gene Kelly would make a comeback with the younger set) thought it was lame .

I consider myself fortunate for having seen this movie. It introduced me to ELO's music and caused me to seek out Gene Kelly movies where he wasn't so embarrassing. Overall, though, "Xanadu" would probably have been better as a concept album. Putting this story on film left nothing to the imagination, which is a waste considering it was meant to be a fantasy.

The Birdcage (1996)

Over the top, but not necessarily in a good way.

[21 July 2000]

"The Birdcage" is not a horrible movie. It is a fairly decent movie with a horrible plot. I can't think of any better way to close already-narrow minds than to depict a loving gay couple who has raised a son so insensitive that he would insist on his parents pretending to be something they're not, to deny not only their lifestyle but their religion and their name. The viewer is expected to sympathize with son Val and his potential embarrassment in front of his fiancee's WASP-ish, political-set family. I could not do so. What bugs me most about this movie is that many people push for tolerance, and with it the desire for realistic portrayals of the varying lifestyles in our society, yet movies like "The Birdcage" set the clock back, sending a message that love, in any form other than the conventional, is wrong.

So what keeps this movie from being as atrocious as its premise? Nathan Lane is outrageous as sweet mom-type Albert by day, vixen drag-queen Starina by night. Hank Azaria as houseboy Agador gave a particularly shining performance, displaying a talent we never knew he had. And, surprisingly, these two frenzied roles were beautifully balanced by an uncharacteristically restrained Robin Williams as father/choreographer Armand. The movie is packed with ribald humor that had the audience roaring at the theater where I first saw it; these facts are what prevents "The Birdcage" from being completely dreadful.

Look Who's Talking (1989)

Oh, Baby

[19 July 2000]

The concept of woman-with-child-meets-man-and-falls-in-love has been done to death in the movie industry. The only thing that can save a movie from being lost in the existing hash is a gimmick that makes it unique. Fortunately, "Look Who's Talking" gives a fresh perspective on an otherwise trite situation by demonstrating it from the baby's point of view. Even this could become annoying were it not for the fact that, rather than having a child actor flesh out the character, the clever, snappy dialogue is delivered by Bruce Willis in his most likeable role since "Moonlighting". Had they used a child's voice, lines such as "Let's get some apple juice down here!" would be merely cute; with Willis' smoky growl, they are hysterically funny.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Docu-Comedy

[1/10 · 17 July 2000]

Some horror movies are meant to be funny, but I'm pretty sure "Blair Witch" was meant to be taken seriously. Too bad. Any haunting qualities this picture could have had, based on the innovative filming techniques and exquisitely ominous setting, were overshadowed by the constant bickering, whining, and tears of the three "stars". By far my favorite part of this movie is the closeup of Heather Donahue's runny nose. (I would like to see this movie become a cult classic like "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", where you can go to the theater and throw rolls of toilet paper -- or, in the case of Heather Donahue, boxes of Kleenex.) I know that this movie can't have been that good because by the end, I was rooting for the Witch.