- Ali: You know, I... I thought this school was so basic, but a weird kid wedding, rankings, and you get to swear on an in-school TV show? This place is fucking awesome, you cocksucking, pussy lickers!
- Ali: Pansexual means I'm into boys, girls, and everyone in between.
- Nick Birch: I thought that was bisexual?
- Ali: No, bisexuality is so binary.
- Jay Bilzerian: [laughs] It's pronounced "bonery".
- Nick Birch: Mmm, not so sure about that.
- Jay Bilzerian: You know, like when I see those ads for real estate couples on benches, it makes me real "bonery" in my pants.
- Ali: Ugh, no. Being pansexual means my sexual preferences isn't limited by gender identity.
- Andrew Glouberman: And gender is, like, male or female, right, and it's a choice, no? Uh, how do people talk these days?
- Ali: Oh, my God. Okay, it's like, some of you borings like tacos and some of you like burritos, and if you're bisexual, you like tacos and burritos.
- Lola Skumpy: Oh, my God, I'm fucking hungry now.
- Ali: But I'm saying I like tacos and burritos, and I could be into a taco that was born a burrito, sure, okay, or a burrito that's transitioning into a taco. Comprende?
- Andrew Glouberman: Okay.
- Ali: [Walks up close to Andrew's face] And honey, anything else on the fucking menu.
- Ms. Benitez: I was really just looking for a quick, curse-free intro here.
- Ali: Okay, I'm ready too. Mila Jansen, love the hair.
- Lotte Janssen: This is a comedy joke.
- Ali: Then, Matthew.
- Jessi Glaser: Uh, Matthew's gay.
- Ali: So what? He's obviously the hottest guy in the grade.
- Jessi Glaser: Uh, it's true, you're right.
- Ali: And finally... Lola.
- Lola Skumpy: Wait, what?
- Devin LeSeven: Lola? You're into *this* mess?
- Ali: I know, there's just something about her. She's like a sexy refrigerator, and I wanna know what's inside.
- Lola Skumpy: Cat medicine and a white onion, sweetheart.
- Devin LeSeven: You got a lot of nerve showing up here after you come to our school and ruin everything with your pansexuality, and your smooth skin, and your sexy glasses, and I wasn't even on your list!
- Ali: Whoa, okay! I mean, you're hot, but...
- [Devin forcefully kisses her]
- Ali: What the fuck?
- Devin LeSeven: What? I thought you were pansexual.
- Ali: That doesn't mean I wanna kiss *everybody*, you sociopath.
- Lump Humpman: Hey, Ali, I saved you a seat.
- [Points to his face]
- Lump Humpman: It's right here. Hey, guys, I said it.
- Ali: I wouldn't sit on your face if I had hemorrhoids, and your nose was a suppository.
- Ali: Hey, um, it's cool you came out.
- Jay Bilzerian: Hey, um, it's cool you came out.
- Ali: Oh, that's lame.
- Jay Bilzerian: It'd be so much easier if I was a girl.
- Ali: [Scoffs] Are you kidding? Do you have any idea why I left my old school?
- Jay Bilzerian: Ooh, I know this! I heard you finger blasted a nun in the b-hole.
- Ali: Um.
- Jay Bilzerian: Up top, girl.
- Ali: No.
- Jay Bilzerian: Yas, queen!
- Ali: That's not it.
- Jay Bilzerian: Am I allowed to say that now?
- Ali: I told my best friend I liked her.
- Jay Bilzerian: Oh.
- Ali: And she called me a lesbo and made everyone stop talking to me.
- Jay Bilzerian: Dude, that sucks.
- Ali: Yeah. I mean, no matter what, coming out is hard and you should be proud.