Archer (TV Series)

Live and Let Dine (2013)

H. Jon Benjamin: Sterling Archer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sterling Archer : He's a Master Chef, Lana, which, turns out, is not nearly as gay a job as I thought it was. I mean, it's no secret agent, but it's way above Architect.

• Lance Casteau : Okay, yeah, nice technique, Randy.

  Sterling Archer : Thank you, chef. Want me to prep the 'shrooms?

  Lance Casteau : No I got these, you do the aubergines.

  Sterling Archer : Right away, chef. If Chet gets his incompetent thumb out of his equally incompetent ass!

  Lance Casteau : Nice, yes, that is excellent A.B.B.A.B.

  Sterling Archer : Always Be Berating And Belittling.

  Lance Casteau : [to Lana]  And you. Time to lean, time to get your distracting tits off my line.

• [first lines] 

  Lance Casteau : Why do I seem annoyed? Let's see... Instead of savoring this espresso, this cigarette, and the exactly four minutes of free time I have today, I'm talking to you cockwits. What else? Oh, tonight I'm doing a special seating for a bunch of diplomats from the State Department and Albania. So not only do I have to create a meal out of yogurt and a goddamn sheep's head, apparently there's been some vague security threat, so my highly-trained staff... Has been infiltrated!

  Lana Kane : Sorry...

  Lance Casteau : By Shithead Squadron!

  Lana Kane : Just need to grab some menus, for - the camera, why is there a camera?

  Lance Casteau : I assume because this restaurant can't hold three million viewers?

  Interviewer : [off-screen]  Two-point-eight.

  Lance Casteau : Because it's not promoted properly!

  Lana Kane : This is gonna be televised?

  Interviewer : [off-screen]  Yeah, the show's called Bastard Chef?

  Lana Kane : Mm. Scuse me.

  Lance Casteau : Thank you, giraffe-lady! Anyway, those ISIS idiots are doing security, and for some inexplicable reason they have to do that undercover, so -

  [sound of metal bowl hitting floor, making a WONGWONGWONGWONG noise for a long time] 

  Sterling Archer : [off-screen]  Whoops.

  Lance Casteau : That's probably why I seem annoyed.

• Sterling Archer : But Chef, Why?

  [Archer asks why he murdered the Albanian Ambassador] 

  Lance Casteau : Six-million bucks - which I'm gonna use to deficit finance a new show where I travel, so I can insult people's cooking all over the globe.

  [Anthony Bourdain is remembered for his shows where he explored world cultures and their cuisines. Through "Lance Casteau", Bourdain pokes fun at himself]