Community (TV Series)
Competitive Ecology (2011)
Danny Pudi: Abed Nadir
Photos
Quotes
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Shirley Bennett : What about Britta? She's not going to dissect anything.
Britta Perry : Fine! You got me. I won't dissect anything with a face.
Abed Nadir : What about worms?
Britta Perry : They have tiny little faces.
Annie Edison : This is why you're the stupidest!
Britta Perry : If loving worms is stupid, I don't want to be smart!
Annie Edison : It *is*, and you *can't* be!
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Annie Edison : [Each member of the group is trying to break up with their lab partner] It's not you, it's me.
Britta Perry : I'm just trying to protect us both from more pain down the road.
Abed Nadir : I may have a developmental disorder.
Troy Barnes : I need to catch up on "Breaking Bad", so...
Shirley Bennett : I'm so sorry.
Jeff Winger : I have a developmental disorder.
[Pretends to be Abed]
Jeff Winger : Star Wars, Star Wars. Cool, cool, cool. Hmm. You understand.
Pierce Hawthorne : You're also, quite frankly, a very weird-looking man. I don't know you, but I just don't trust you. And I don't think I could grow to like you. The point of what I'm trying to tell you, Todd, is that I don't want to be your lab partner. No offense.
Todd : None taken. I understand, you wanna be with your friends.
Pierce Hawthorne : Don't tell me what I'm feeling or thinking. It's petty. Good-bye, Todd. Okay, how are we gonna divide the... Hey, wh...
[Pierce realizes he's odd man out and chases after Todd]
Pierce Hawthorne : Hey, Todd! Todd, buddy! You passed the test.
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Annie Edison : These questions are really personal. Are you sure this is anonymous?
Britta Perry : Yeah, they're just practice evaluations for my psych class.
[Everybody hands her their tests]
Britta Perry : All right. Who did a butt?
Troy Barnes : They're boobs. And I don't know.
Britta Perry : Take it again.
[Looks at the other tests]
Britta Perry : All right. Somebody drew a penis. Oh! And another penis. Penis, penis, penis. Very mature, guys.
Annie Edison : I didn't draw a penis.
Shirley Bennett : Me neither.
Abed Nadir : Yeah, these are all normally filled out tests.
Britta Perry : Ha ha! Gotcha! This was also a test, and you all penised. Passed. Maybe I need to take one. A test. Not a penis.
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Troy Barnes : We love each other.
Abed Nadir : Second paintball.
Professor Marshall Kane : What is happening at this school? I have so many conversations that make no sense.
Jeff Winger : Uh, we'd really prefer to partner up amongst ourselves.
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Troy Barnes : [chuckles] Roommates, study group, lab partners. We really are gonna spend all our time together. How awesome is that?
Abed Nadir : Very. You know what else is awesome? Last night I saw the Hong Kong movie. That Kickpuncher is based on.
Troy Barnes : Yeah, I know, I was there.
Abed Nadir : Did you see the scene where Kickpuncher kick-punches 200 guys with one kick-punch?
Troy Barnes : Yeah. Both of them.
Abed Nadir : [realization] Oh.
Troy Barnes , Abed Nadir : We spend too much time together. Jinx.
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Abed Nadir : All right, yep. According to my system, Annie's gonna be with Shirley. Pierce is with me. Troy is with Britta. And Jeff is with Todd.
Britta Perry : Okay, let's get to work.
Jeff Winger : Uh, wait. Um, how did I end up with Todd? I mean, no offense, but he wasn't exactly at the top of my list.
Todd : None taken.
Abed Nadir : It's what the algorithm dictated.
Jeff Winger : And we're just supposed to trust your algorithm?
Abed Nadir : You're questioning my algorithm?
Jeff Winger : Not necessarily. Is your algorithm above questioning?
Abed Nadir : Not necessarily.
Jeff Winger : Will you just tell us how you chose?
Abed Nadir : I used the ballots to rank everyone by popularity. And I put the most popular with the least popular. I figured it would maximize each partnership's audience appeal.
Jeff Winger : Oh, I-I see. So I was number one, and he was obviously number eight. No offense, Todd.
Abed Nadir : You and Todd were four and five.
Jeff Winger : [scoffs] I was four?
Abed Nadir : Todd was four.
Jeff Winger : I was five? Well, that's insane! We don't even know him. He's a stranger.
Pierce Hawthorne : Please, Jeff. It has feelings.
Troy Barnes : Wait, so we all know Annie was number one, because she'd do all the work.
Annie Edison : [demurely] Oh.
Troy Barnes : And Shirley was her partner, so...
Shirley Bennett : But that means-- so you all put...
Pierce Hawthorne : I just worked it out. I'm more popular than someone!
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Jeff Winger : Okay, we just have to come up with a fair way to decide who is gonna be stuck for an entire semester with this... random. This, uh... non-grouper. No offense, Todd.
Todd : None taken. I'm happy to work with whoever.
[Abed shakes his head and rolls his eyes]
Troy Barnes : There's only one way to decide this fairly. We go boy-girl, boy-girl. But everyone has to have a different hair color. And be from a different high school. And be a different race. I guess I'd be with... Britta.
[laughs]
Troy Barnes : I guess my... my hands are tied.
[Britta looks confused and wary]
Abed Nadir : The hair color concept intrigues me because it's how I distinguish you anyway.
