Archer (TV Series)
Tragical History (2011)
H. Jon Benjamin: Sterling Archer
Photos
Quotes
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Cyril Figgis : Well, for your information, Cyril Figgis knows how to beat the worm.
Sterling Archer : Yeah, I bet.
Cyril Figgis : Aaaah! The computer worm!
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Sterling Archer : Come on, get me drunk enough and I might have sex with you.
Pam : Really?
Sterling Archer : No. It's a catch-22. The amount of alcohol I would need would literally kill me.
Pam : Dick.
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Cyril Figgis : Archer, where are you going?
Sterling Archer : Well, judging from the decor, I'm guessing Spelvin's got one of those kick-ass Japanese soaking tubs.
Cyril Figgis : What? After all that, you want to take a bath?
Sterling Archer : Do you not?
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Sterling Archer : Come, render the salad unto Caesar.
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Ray Gillette : [to Cyril] Forget those first two darts and just find your center.
Sterling Archer : Maybe it's in your vagina.
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Malory Archer : Cyril, go do whatever it is you do...
Sterling Archer : Like suck at stuff.
Malory Archer : ...and leave this to people who are more qualified.
Sterling Archer : At not sucking at stuff.
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Sterling Archer : Look at that thing. It looks like it's made out of Wolverine's bones.
[pause]
Sterling Archer : You know. 'Cause they're... does nobody read X-Men?
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Sterling Archer : Fine! Take the suits to my tailor and the shoes to my shoemaker.
Cyril Figgis : I... you have a shoemaker?
Sterling Archer : Do you not?
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Cyril Figgis : [smashes phone] Hated that phone. Always dropping calls, you know?
Sterling Archer : Yeah, you're probably holding it wrong.
Cyril Figgis : Oh yeah, just like Cyril Figgis always does everything wrong, is that what you mean?
Sterling Archer : ...Basically.
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Dr. Krieger : I still have one bullet left. It's your choice Cyril.
Cyril Figgis : Archer, I thought he used all six how many are left?
Sterling Archer : I don't know who do I look like? Count... Bullets?
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Sterling Archer : Way to go, Chokely Carmichael!
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Sterling Archer : Well, then I should definitely get my turtleneck.