Archer (TV Series)
Pipeline Fever (2011)
H. Jon Benjamin: Sterling Archer
Photos
Quotes
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Sterling Archer : No, no, by all means, let me do this Lana. You just sit there like the African Queen.
Lana Kane : The African Queen was the boat.
Sterling Archer : No it wasn't. It was Audrey...
Lana Kane : Katherine.
Sterling Archer : Whichever Hepburn, she was the queen.
Lana Kane : ...of Africa?
Sterling Archer : Yeah.
Lana Kane : The white Queen of Africa?
Sterling Archer : Yeah. Back then Hollywood was pretty weird about the whole race thing. Like Amos and Andy were white. A white guy played Charlie Chan.
Lana Kane : Archer...
Sterling Archer : I'm pretty sure Tonto was a Jew.
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Sterling Archer : That's good, because I have waited my entire life to say this exact phrase.
[Archer draws his sawed-off double-barreled shotgun]
Sterling Archer : I am commandeering this airboat!
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Lana Kane : Sorry!
Sterling Archer : Whooooo!
Lana Kane : It really is an emergency!
Sterling Archer : Of an awesome and ass-kicking nature!
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Sterling Archer : Woo hoooo! Air boat!
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Sterling Archer : Seriously, Lana. This must be what it's like to have sex with me.
Lana Kane : How could an air boat be selfish?
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Lana Kane : Morphine! Dahh, I don't need... ahhh...
Sterling Archer : Yeah?
Lana Kane : Yeah. That actually feels waaaaay better.
Sterling Archer : Good. Then get up. You're sitting on the beer.
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Sterling Archer : Burt Reynolds is my spirit guide.
Lana Kane : Did you say man-crush?
Sterling Archer : No. I'm pretty sure it was "shut up".
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Lana Kane : Shoot it, Archer! Shoot it!
Sterling Archer : Oh, so now it's OK? What happened to your fragile ecosystem?
Lana Kane : Screw the damn ecosystem! Shoot!
Sterling Archer : You are such a hypocrite! I'll bet you probably eat veal.
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Sterling Archer : [to the federal air marshal who has demanded Archer drop his gun] Okay, relax; it's okay, we're...
Lana Kane : Dut dut dut dut dut!
Sterling Archer : Sterling Archer and Lana Kane of ISIS...
Lana Kane : Dut dut dut dut dut!
Sterling Archer : And we're on a mission to stop an ecoterrorist...
Lana Kane : Dut dut dut dut dut!
Sterling Archer : From blowing up a gas pipeline!
[Addressing flight attendant]
Sterling Archer : So for the love of God, woman, go make me a fresh batch of hurricanes!
Lana Kane : Great. Way to keep a low profile.
Sterling Archer : Thanks.
[chuckles]
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Lana Kane : Okay. Let's set up a defensive perimeter.
Sterling Archer : Yeah, right after I set up the grill.