Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)
Everybody Hates Spring Break (2009)
Chris Rock: Narrator
Quotes
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Greg Wuliger : [to Chris] Dude, you hit me with a car.
Narrator : Sounds like the title of an Ashton Kutcher movie.
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Greg Wuliger : [to Chris] So, where were we? Oh, that's right. You were trying to explain how you didn't run me over.
Chris : No, I didn't.
Greg Wuliger : So that wasn't you behind the steering wheel when my face smashed up against the windshield?
Chris : No, because if I had hit you, that meant I was driving someone's car and that someone would go to jail for a really, really, really long time if we snitched. So not only would you be hurt, but he would be hurt also and don't you think enough people have been hurt already?
Greg Wuliger : Okay, I get it. You didn't hit me.
Narrator : Spoken just like Tina Turner.
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Narrator : [about the nurse's mole] That mole is so big, SAG made us give it a screen credit.
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Greg Wuliger : Kristoff St. John didn't hit me.
Chris : Yeah, he's right. That's not him.
Rochelle : Boy, I thought you said you didn't see anything.
Narrator : Yeah, dummy!
Chris : Oh. Now that I think about it, it's kinda all coming back. As I came around the corner, I think I might have caught a glimpse of the driver.
Detective Marino : Well, let's get you with the sketch artist.
Narrator : Jesse from "All My Children", you're next.
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Greg Wuliger : Man, I hope this is over.
Chris : Trust me. Unlike you, I described a guy they'll never be able to find.
[scoffs]
Chris : Kristoff St. John.
Greg Wuliger : Thanks for making me breakfast, Chris, but can you go down to Doc's and get some orange juice? I hate to ask, but, you know, I can't walk.
Narrator : And you won't be able to eat when I hit you upside the head with the frying pan.
Chris : It's raining.
Greg Wuliger : Dude, you hit me with a car, broke my leg and then made me lie to the cops. I think the least you can do is get me some OJ.
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Chris : This is bad. I can't let some guy go to jail for what I did. I got to turn myself in.
Greg Wuliger : Hang on, Chris. Let's think about this. If you turn yourself in, you'll go to jail for hitting me, the janitor will go back to prison for leaving the scene of a crime and I'll go to jail for lying to the police.
Chris : What about the guy they arrested, huh? Do we just let his life get ruined and we go about with our happy lives?
Narrator : I wouldn't call it happy, but I know what you mean.
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Narrator : After all was said and done, Greg had something to say about what we did.
Chris : Hey, man, what's the matter?
Greg Wuliger : We put the wrong man in jail.
Chris : Wrong man? He was a serial choker.
Greg Wuliger : Yeah, but he didn't hit me with the car. You did.
Chris : Okay, so I hit you with the car, but if I hadn't, they would have never caught the Uncle of Sam, so we did a good thing.
Greg Wuliger : Yeah, I guess.
[notices Rochelle in the room]
Chris : The more important thing is we got away with it.
Greg Wuliger : No, we didn't.
Chris : Yeah, we did. Nobody knows but me and you.
Greg Wuliger : And your mother.
Chris : She doesn't know anything.
Greg Wuliger : Yeah, she does.
Chris : She's standing behind me, isn't she?
Greg Wuliger : Yep.
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Rochelle : [to Chris] You're the one who hit Greg?
Chris : It was an accident.
Rochelle : Why didn't you just tell the truth?
Chris : 'Cause it was someone else's car. I thought they'd go to jail.
Rochelle : Hitting someone with a car is not illegal. Lying to the police is.
Chris : Ma, I know you're mad, but it's over. It all worked out. It's not a big deal.
Rochelle : You broke your friend's leg, you both lied to the police, we were in the middle of a police shootout with a serial choker and you don't think it's a big deal?
Narrator : Not in Bed-Stuy.
