Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)

Everybody Hates Big Bird (2008)

Chris Rock: Narrator

Quotes 

• Chris : [to Kelly]  I'm sorry about what happened. It's just...

  Kelly : It's just you were fine going out with me so long as nobody knew because you didn't want to be Big Bird's boyfriend?

  Narrator : Exactly!

  Chris : No. Let me make it up to you. Let me take you out again.

  Kelly : No. Never. Het. Noya...

  Narrator : Unfortunately for me, Kelly spoke 15 languages.

  Narrator : Jo. Cuwa. Momo. Tla.

  Narrator : Was that Cherokee?

  Kelly : Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

• Narrator : Tonight's episode was brought to you by the letters: D, A, M and N!

• Greg Wuliger : [to Chris]  Dude, did I see you talking to Big Bird yesterday?

  Chris : Shh! Yeah, she asked me out.

  Greg Wuliger : She's, like, the goofiest girl this side of Roseanne Roseannadanna. What'd you say?

  Chris : I told her yeah.

  Greg Wuliger : Why?

  Chris : 'Cause she asked. Girls don't ask me out all the time.

  Greg Wuliger : Yeah, that's the beauty of the situation. You had a chance to boost your low self-esteem by turning someone else down for a change.

  Chris : Yeah, but when the girl asks, you don't just say no. Plus, my dad said never to hurt a girl's feelings. Besides, they don't take rejection well.

  Narrator : How are they gonna learn if they don't get any practice?

  Greg Wuliger : Attractive girls don't take rejection well. Girls like Big Bird, they're used to it.

  Chris : You know what? Fine. It's done. I'm gonna go out with her once. Trust me. I'm gonna make sure we don't have fun, so she doesn't want to go out again.

  Narrator : I usually did that without trying.

• Vanessa : Every time the Jets win, I use my green toothbrush.

  Narrator : Four out of five dentists think she's crazy.

• Narrator : Kelly didn't realize that I was avoiding being seen with her. She just thought I was the greatest phone boyfriend ever.

• Football Player #1 : [When the football team catches Chris and Kelly together]  Hey, it's Big Bird!

  Football Player #2 : Hey, where's Bert and Ernie?

  Football Player #1 : [to Chris]  I guess that makes you... Snuffleupagus?

  Football Player #2 : No, it makes him Roosevelt Franklin!

  Football Player #1 : Cookie?

  Football Player #1 , Football Player #2 : Cookie!

  [laughs] 

  Narrator : Who are they making fun of? They obviously watch a lot of "Sesame Street."